Can't admit to anyone else...

[Dannypop]

Oh Memma the insomnia is terrible! Especially when you are already feeling anxious. You lie awake and the analysis OCD hits overdrive. Don't worry about your dates. They fluctuate every few days as baby measures slightly ahead and behind at this stage. You will have your answers soon.

As for me ... After all my anxiety dreams about yesterday's scan, it turns out they were true! In my dreams I was either late for my appointment or the doc was unable to determine the gender and I got no answers.

So at yesterday's appointment, my OBGYN asked me if we had wanted to find out the gender at the 13 week scan and what the doctor had said, so I said Yes! Girl. But I told him I was waiting for his absolute confirmation before I believed it.

So as soon as he had checked the measurements and heartbeat he went to the potty shot. And once again I could see so clearly that the nub was flat. It looked like all the girl potty shots I have been studying. Ha ha as if my research makes me a medical expert ...

He kept on making out like he couldn't tell and then went on to show me in detail all the parts of the vagina, "This is the labia, here is the vulva, the small lips, large lips" so I said Ok so it's a girl and he just wouldn't answer me! And then from another angle he said at 17 weeks the baby is definitely advanced enough for us to see a protrusion if it's a boy and there isn't one here. Again, he wouldn't say that I could go buy my pink clothes! I didn't get any pics so I can't even upload them. Just a shot of the skull.

Thing is, with the boys at 17 weeks he was all jovial and joking about how obviously boy they were and even wrote "I'm a boy" next to their bits. This time he was so reluctant to commit and was all serious. I mean, he did say that all these parts are common for a girl but I feel so confused and now I am anticipating my little girl to actually turn in to a boy at my next scan at 21 weeks (6 Jan).

Sorry, I've totally made this post all about me but I know you ladies are the best ones to understand. And I needed to vent!

I am feeling happy and sort of calm about it as I could see for myself but I just wanted that certainty from my doctor. I know everywhere else they won't commit this early but in SA they usually do! He just refused to say it's a girl!

 

[MemmaJ]

I'm so glad I'm not the only over-analyser! My scan is a week today and I'll just be gutted if my dates get put back, even if it's just a few days. Just because this pregnancy has been so yucky so far, I can't bear to have to repeat any of it! Also I'll obviously have to move my gender scan back/won't be able to have it on my birthday. I'd have to wait almost another week because they won't do it any earlier (gestation wise), and in view of the New Year Bank Holidays they won't be open again until least 3rd/4th Jan

Oh Danny.... I know it's so easy for me to say, but I would say that if he was going into details about the anatomy of the vagina and pointing it all out - then it's got to be a vagina..? Also my last baby was VERY obviously a boy at 15 weeks much like yours, so there would be no missing boy-parts if there was any there! I totally get that it must be hard for you to believe without those actual words though

 

[Boo44]

My third boy was the only one I saw at 16 weeks but the male genitalia was very obvious to the sonographer at that stage, she had no doubt. So id say you can relax! Where we are they're no really allowed to say 100% so maybe he's just covering all bases

My friend at her 20 week scan had the sonographer say 'well it looks like a boy' and she said are you sure and he said something like 'all I can say is if you buy blue keep a receipt, but it looks like a boy'. It was a bit sad as all the rest of the pregnancy she analysed that and hoped the baby would actually be a girl because of what he said. Then obviously he popped out a boy. They just don't want to tell everyone it's DEFINITELY this as people (like us!!) go crazy over it lol

 

[Dannypop]

Aw thanks for the support and kind words Memma and Boo. I know I must sound crazy cause after what he said it does seem like he obviously is sure it's a girl. And now I am behaving like a drama queen ha ha!

And you are so right that they just want to cover their bases. It is totally fair. But without those 3 definitive words I guess I just feel stuck! Thanks for understanding.

Memma I hope your dates are on track. It's too much to think of having to be put back by even a day as its like a whole day of fighting the battle of nausea and exhaustion lost. And each HOUR that passes is important to get to the next stage. I hope the wait goes by as fast as possible and you manage a few decent nights of sleep.

 

[MemmaJ]

How are you feeling now Danny, have you bought anything pink yet?!

I'm waiting for a phonecall from the doctor today, hopefully to extend my sickness period from work for another week. Still feeling so rubbish (nausea wise) and so low...
OH never even talks about this pregnancy/baby or anything to do with it, hasn't mentioned the scan next week or anything (meanwhile I'm tormenting myself counting down the hours to it).
I asked him about it a few weeks ago and he just said he can't enjoy it or get excited because I'm not - I'm always ill and down/not enjoying it, so he can't enjoy it either. I do get what he means but at the same time it's not really helping matters...
He doesn't even know to what extent I want this to be a girl because we just don't talk about any part of it, feel like I'm fighting this little battle on my own (other than you guys, of course!)

 

[Jessicahide]

How are you feeling now Danny, have you bought anything pink yet?!

I'm waiting for a phonecall from the doctor today, hopefully to extend my sickness period from work for another week. Still feeling so rubbish (nausea wise) and so low...
OH never even talks about this pregnancy/baby or anything to do with it, hasn't mentioned the scan next week or anything (meanwhile I'm tormenting myself counting down the hours to it).
I asked him about it a few weeks ago and he just said he can't enjoy it or get excited because I'm not - I'm always ill and down/not enjoying it, so he can't enjoy it either. I do get what he means but at the same time it's not really helping matters...
He doesn't even know to what extent I want this to be a girl because we just don't talk about any part of it, feel like I'm fighting this little battle on my own (other than you guys, of course!)

I see where he is coming from, he see's you torment yourself probably more than you even realise, and probably feels incredibly guilty and hurt for you xxx and for him, he probably knows exactly how much you want a girl, a lot of communication is non-verbal. I hope they extend it too, why not tell your gp how you are feeling regarding gender too, you are under a lot of psychological stress xxxx

 

[sil]

How are you today memma? I ordered and took sneak peek blood gender test and results should be in either tomorrow or Monday but I'm incredibly anxious it'll either say boy or it'll give me a false result. I don't trust the result but I want something to hold on to

 

[MemmaJ]

I don't think he really knows Jessica. I don't feel I can talk to him properly because I feel like he's disinterested in this pregnancy - which he says is because I'm having such a bad time physically this time so he can't enjoy it like last time (when I was fine), because I'm not enjoying it. So we don't talk about any of it enough for him to know the true extent of the gender thing. He just thinks I'd 'prefer' a girl really, but I also know he thinks it wouldn't be very 'nice' if I'm disappointed with a boy (he's told me that...)

Gosh you're so brave sil, I bottled out of doing any of those online tests after I read their reviews! I know I couldn't have handled a false result

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Big hugs xxxx

 

[Jessicahide]

I don't think he really knows Jessica. I don't feel I can talk to him properly because I feel like he's disinterested in this pregnancy - which he says is because I'm having such a bad time physically this time so he can't enjoy it like last time (when I was fine), because I'm not enjoying it. So we don't talk about any of it enough for him to know the true extent of the gender thing. He just thinks I'd 'prefer' a girl really, but I also know he thinks it wouldn't be very 'nice' if I'm disappointed with a boy (he's told me that...)

Gosh you're so brave sil, I bottled out of doing any of those online tests after I read their reviews! I know I couldn't have handled a false result

I know you haven't spoken but he knows you very well and probably has an inkling about how you are coping xxxxxx I'm sorry he said that to you, its insensitive, xxxx

 

[Boo44]

Ooh what test is that sil?

 

[Boo44]

My third little boy is dressed as a cute little snowman today I know that officially it's not about the baby being a boy but about the girl you'll never have. But still, when I was pregnant there was a lady on here who had a third little boy and her pictures of him being so cute really helped me. There is light at the end of the tunnel either way!

 

[Dannypop]

Oh Memma I am so sorry. You really do need to get more time off work. I agree it's a very very good idea to mention your gender anxiety to your doc. It will help give them a wholistic view of how you are feeling, both physically and psychologically. The nausea really chips away at ones resolve. It can be depressing all in its own.

If you knew this baby was a girl you would get such a physical boost you probably wouldn't need the time off work because you would be on cloud 9 and feel able to conquer anything. So this potential GD is definitely affecting you physically too.

As for your OH I know how mine was regarding my potential disappointment. He was so so so angry with me last time with DS2 and so we just didn't talk about it. I was grumpy and so sick from 6 weeks to 14 weeks and tortured him with my moods. And I didn't care cause I was the one feeling so terrible when he was totally normal. But the point is because they don't feel any of the emotional or physical agony they can't connect to us on the way that we need. Not our fault. Not theirs.

I am sending so many hugs to you. This is such a difficult time. We are here xxx

 

[MemmaJ]

Any results for you yet SIL?

I have been signed off work for another week. I didn't actually see anyone, I just submitted a request online to extend my sickness period - so I didn't divulge anything other than that the nausea is still really bad (no more room in the little box I had to write in!)
However the doctor who reviewed my request and approved it, has also booked me in to see her personally in a week to review the situation, so I will get to discuss more with her then. She's really nice so I'm sure she'll be understanding.
I don't think my work/manager are too impressed though...!
I have a history of depression too so I am 'at risk' of going there again (probably already there actually..)

You're right - once I know the gender then hopefully I can just move on and get on with life one way or the other. If it's a girl then great - I probably won't even care about how crap I feel physically any more! If it's another boy then I think I'll need a bit more time, and then eventually I'll have to just get on with it.
It's the being 'stuck' in the torment of the unknown at the moment that's definitely the worst.

My Nuchal scan is the day after tomorrow so the nerves are definitely setting in.

 

[sil]

Still no word back from the gender prediction kit. I guess that it was delivered on a Saturday to them but they didn't pick it up until today so I don't think I'll end up getting my results until tomorrow. I'm a mess about it. I'm nervous about the results and I already know if it says girl I immediately won't trust it and if it says boy I'll be really upset.

Boo, it's an at home blood test. You poke your finger with a lancet they provide and fill up a small tube with blood which they analyze to find the fetal pole DNA and check if a y chromosome is present in it or not. They claim over 99% accuracy when the test is done correctly, but reviews show it is much less accurate. I guess it is easy to mess up - many people end up contaminating the sample with male DNA from their husband/sons/etc (the tiniest piece of male DNA in the blood sample will show male results) so they get a false male result, or if you test too early there may not be enough Y present so you get a false female result. You can do the test from 9 weeks but I waited until 10 weeks to be safe and ensure there is enough DNA in the blood.

Memma, I'm glad you were able to get another week off. Try your best to relax and take it easy. It's exciting your nuchal scan is coming up tomorrow. Be sure to post the photos once you get back! Mine is in one week from today.

 

[MemmaJ]

Oh that's frustrating for you sil
I hope you get the answer you want and that it's correct...!
My scan isn't tomorrow unfortunately, it's the next day. It was originally tomorrow funnily enough, but I had to move it because I was supposed to be working tomorrow ironically!

 

[Wish85]

Memma let us know how you get on with the scan! I hope when the time comes for your gender scan you hear 'girl' if that's what you want and if you hear 'boy' then we are all here for you to listen to however you feel, no judgement. All the best x

 

[Jessicahide]

Hello, i bet the suspense is killing you xxx Good luck at your scan, i hope you get a good shot for us all to gawp at xxx

 

[MemmaJ]

OMG today's the day..! 2 and a half hours to go until my scan, so so nervous. I knew I'd be nervous but I didn't know I'd be this bad...!

I'm under a new hospital as we've moved since I had my last baby.
Last time I was under the hospital where I work, so the sonographer knew me, it was all very friendly and chatty and she'd probably have done anything I asked, haha!
This time obviously they won't know me, and someone told me that you say how many pictures you want to buy but you don't get to choose them - if you say 4, they just print off 4 from whatever they've taken once you go out the room..
So I'm going to have to get in there straight away before they start taking pictures and say I really want a Nub shot!

SIL any news from your end yet?

 

[Bevziibubble]

Good luck hun!