Clomid/FE Conceived Buddies :)

[sarah2211]

We are trying to keep him off the nipple and just feeding him my frozen colostrum. We are nearly half way through my massive supply. They've put me on a double electric pump and I did a bit of hand expressing and I got about 3mls in total. Usually the same amount of effort I'd get at least 10mls just hand pumping. He also has a small lip tie.

In the middle of the night I was in so much pain and I was falling asleep with him. My DH had gone to sleep. So I rung the buzzer to ask for some help to put him back in his bed. She tried to get me to allow her to take him to the reception area so she could try to settle him. I was in so much pain I just said yes because it was all too much. As she wheeled him out in his cot she rammed into the end of my bad causing him to hit his head and me being in even more pain. I yelled at her to stop and my DH woke up and there were just lots of tears.

We've had shitty nurses all day (except 1) and we are getting pretty much no sleep. I'm still in significant pakn and can barely make it to the toilet by myself. We are cluster feeding now so he won't sleep and just wants food all the time. My DH is exhausted. He's doing everything for him and looking after me.

My midwife will be here to visit in the morning and we are seeing a lactation consultant. I just don't know it all turned into this. I see women walking up and down the hallways, all vaginal births and carrying their babies for walks. I just don't know why this happened to me. I thought I dealt with the shit while TTC and pregnancy. i just wish I could rewind time and redo it. I would never have listened to the doctors about the induction. I think that's where the problems started.

 

[Nita2806]

I hope you are doing better today Sarah! Dont be afraid to vent on here as much and as long as you want!!

Do anyone have advice for water retention? I realized with a shock after the long winter, that my one ankle is a bit swollen. I know it gets better after birth but I hate having cankles so if anyone has advice.. trying to keep my one foot elevated as my mom said this works?

I have my OB today, nervous as usual(Helloooo high BP) - hope everything goes well. I will be really happy if baby weighs 1.5KGs today - I know its still a bit small for 32 weeks but it will mean she picked up almost 300grams in the last 2 weeks. If she doesnt pick up enough weight my OB will put me on bed rest worst is DH wont be going with today as he dont have much leave left. makes me extra nervous.

 

[rickyandlucy]

Sarah, he is so perfect

 

[Nita2806]

Visit at the OB went well, she is happy with everything. My BP came down nicely which she is very happy about. Baby girl weighs 1.5kg and she said we can estimate her birth weight to be around 2.6 kgs. She assured me today that she wont induce me unless its absolutely necesary, or unless thats what I want. Fluid and all measurements are good. She is overall happy. The lady before me had intense heartbeats and very high BP and her fluid measured very low so she was on a machine right next to the sonar room, hearing my OB say everything was good with me was a real sigh of relief. I hope thay ladies baby was OK

Lucy, dont you have your first appointment this week?

Sarah, I hope we hear from you soon again. I really hope you are doing OK.

 

[rickyandlucy]

Hey Nita, first appt is Friday, can't come soon enough! 4 days 2 hours 49 minutes, lol.

We told my folks on Friday night. There was an extra family member there that I would have preferred to wait longer to tell, but we decided that there would never be a perfect time. This way we got to tell my parents and my brother and sister in law at the same time. We have so much family around it was pretty much unavoidable. My dad was racing in a sailboat race this weekend, so after dinner we told him we got him something for the boat. It was a onesie that said "Grandpa's First Mate". When he pulled it out of the bag he figured it out immediately, clutched it to his chest and immediately he and my mom started to cry. My brother gave me a high five, lol. On Saturday we told my other two siblings via FaceTime, and DH told his mom and siblings. Not planning to tell anyone else at least until after the first ultrasound. Still feeling pretty normal. Fx everything looks good on Friday!

 

[Nita2806]

I hope Friday comes soon enough for you!

Awesome that you told your closest family, I loved getting support from everyone I told that early on. If I fall pregnant with nr2 I will tell early again especially our parents. How many weeks will you be on Friday? I am hoping that you get to see your peanuts heartbeat (I say peanut, because really thats what they look like early on) remember if you go for your 12 week appointment to get lots of pictures of the nub exciting to guess the gender.

 

[rickyandlucy]

Friday I will be 7 weeks 1 day, so I am pretty sure we should be able to see the heartbeat. Fx!!!!

 

[Nita2806]

Yup, I am sure you will. Please keep us updated. So excited for you.

 

[sarah2211]

Sorry everyone I haven't had the chance to properly read all the posts.

I'm glad everything's going well Nita. Sorry I don't know about water rention but my feet are so swollen after labour. I hope you feel better soon. Also, if I had my time again, I wouldn't be induced.

Lucy, good luck for your appointment and how exciting telling your family.


Thanks so much to all of you for your kind words and support over the past few days. It's been hell. I've cried so much and been so upset and disappointed with how things went. You all know I didn't want a c section, mainly because I could only begin to imagine the grueling recovery. Well it's been 10 times worse than I expected.

We've had 5 obstetricians visit us today to explain what happened. Two of them left in tears (which I don't imagine is particularly common!). They've let us ask any questions we want and try to make sense of it all. I'm just so confused how things started so perfectly, they were all pretty much ideal for the perfect vaginal birth but then something happened and we ended up here. They couldn't really give us any solid answers. It's just one of those things that happen. But basically we've been advised not to try for another baby for 1.5 years, especially because of the state of my uterus. They have said we can talk about attempting a VBAC so we will see. To be honest I'm quite traumatized and don't even want to think about that yet. They all said how amazing I did to last so long in such intense labour and that there was absolutely nothing that I could have done to change what happened or anything anyone else could have changed. I can't help but think the induction was to blame. If he wasn't ready then perhaps that's why. But also, if I hadn't been induced, what would have been the alternative? No one knows. But I think I will talk to my midwife about the fact that my BP could have been managed with medications throughout pregnancy and then perhaps I wouldn't have needed to be induced and this wouldn't have happened. I know it's a whole bunch of ifs and maybes. But my DH and I are the type of people who need clarity.

William is doing well. He's a fantastic breastfeeder but the latching is so hard. We've stopped taking help from random nurses/midwives because they aren't helpful. We are under the lactation consultants but tonight, DH and I just shut the door and curtain and decided to sort it out for ourselves. I've feed him 4 times over night and it's now just after 6/am. He sleeps so well after a feed and we've had 5 hours sleep tonight. I can't strongly recommend antenatal expressing of colostrum if you can. We would have had to use formula otherwise. I think we will get there with the feeding.

If I can start looking on the bright side this has done the most wonderful thing for my DH and I. I am so in love with him. He's seen me at my worst. Like from mopping up amniotic fluid that's leaking everywhere, to helping me wipe my backside, to changing my pad for me. I've just been completely broken and he's seen me at my absoultworst and he still loves me. He said he loves me more than before. He said how inspired he is by me and how jealous he is of my stubbornness. I've never seen him cry before but we have had so many times when we were just in tears sobbing together. Haha we've made quite a few people cry when they've seen how well we work together and how in love we are haha. He's been amazing though. There's nothing worse than hearing your baby cry and literally not being able to do anything about it. He's been so fantastic with William, bringing him to me, letting me do what I can but also making sure everything I can't do is sorted. Work are giving him as much time off as he needs so we are just going to take some time to be a family and work out how we move forward.. I'm just SO lucky to have my little family.

I really worried about whether I would bond with William. I didn't feel a whole lot during my pregnancy but now that he's here I just would do anything for him. I was also scared because I didn't get skin to skin immediately. He needed to be taken away to help with his breathing and then when I did get skin to skin I couldn't feel him from the block. But man oxytocin is a strong hormone and I just feel so warm and mushy and in love with him. Also, I didn't realise newborns had such amazing facial expressions haha. He is hilarious.

We've had some really shitty midwives and nurses here. One walked in on day 2, DH was sleeping, and she said to me "that baby needs a hat on" and walks out. I literally cannot move, how the hell am I meant to find a hat. And the hospital is so warm anyway. Another told me that I was becoming addicted to the pain killers and I should take tramadol (which I'm allergic to) and that I probably wouldn't have the same reaction again now if I tried it. In fact I've been having far less of the pain relief that I'm allowed and yeah sure, I think right now, day 3 post c section with a newborn and troubles BFing would be a fucking perfect time to see if I'm allergic to a drug my doctor has told me not to take. Another midwife told me I needed to put the birth behind me and move on now. We'd seen the OBs only a few hours earlier, we haven't even had a chance to talk to our midwife about it all yet. So I'm going to be making a written complaint when we are home. But on the flip side there have been some beyond amazing staff here and I'll never ever forget them.

I feel like we are slowly coming out of the thick of the fog. It's still disappointing. I still get filled with rage when I see another mother walking down the hall carrying her baby she delivered vaginally. I still feel useless and like I can't do everything that I want to. But I know each day is better than the last.

Williams just waking so I'll finish my rant there haha. Hope everyone is doing well.

 

[sarah2211]

Day three!

 

[Sheece]

Ahhh he's just the cutest little guy xxx

It does sound like you're coming through the fog, I'm so glad for you. The nurses sound horrible but I'm glad you have had some great ones in there too.

Despite all the bad, its so nice to hear about you and your DH being even closer because of it all. Sounds like he has been amazing and just what you need

 

[Nita2806]

Sarah, you are allowed that brag with that little man, babies usually all look the same to me, but you have a beautiful baby boy there.

Keep on venting. But you do sound like you are coping a bit better, and your DH just sounds amazing. I read so many articles that says the man goes through the emotions with the women, and I think its so true, like they can somehow feel what you feel. Glad he is there with you. Is he allowed to stay overnight with you? We have very strict visiting hours here (which I am glad about) but the dad is allowed to stay from 7am to 10pm - which is great.

I think in your mind you will always wonder, why the things happened in the way they did - but think about it this way - both you and baby are OK, and even though you are in pain now, it will all be over before you know it. You might have had other complications should they not have done the c-section. You still have a lot to work through, and you should cry and shout and be angry about it, until you feel you have the feelings under control. One thing that I do however agree on, is that your MW should have done more effort on monitoring your BP.

Very surprised to hear about the bad nurses there - that would really have pissed me off! You should definitely complain. You would think they would be more sensitive, especially after everything you went through! Surely they know giving birth isnt easy, but painful. Post natal depression is such a common condition (here it is) and giving birth can be quite traumatic - surely they should keep this in mind when talking to patients.


Saw this morning I have around 58 days to go - its getting real for me too! Ive been thinking a lot about the actual birth the last few days..I am so scared and so excited!

 

[Fluffycookie]

Thinking of you sarah I hope everything gets easier from here on out!

Had my first appointment with my normal gynecologist yesterday, little pea measured 6w6d (at 6w5d, so one day ahead) Everything is looking good! Now starting a whole lot of organising: I have to set up an appointment for prenatal screening and find a midwife! She recommended someone who works in the hospital I would give birth at (which is also where my gynecologist works), so I've e-mailed her.

Any tipps on what I should ask her or expect from the first meeting? This is all so new to me, I don't really know much about what midwives do before the actual birth ^^"

 

[Nita2806]

On how many weeks will your first appointment be Fluffy? And great news that everything is going well.

My appointments went as follow (I was at an OB though and not a midwife):
8 Weeks - Check that everything is fine and determine an EDD
12 Weeks - Blood tests to check haemoglobin levels, Blood type, HIV and do the downs screening. I had some of these tested when TTC so I didnt have to do it again.
16 Weeks - Find out the gender (although in many countries they dont do a 16 week scan at all, and then you only find out on 20 weeks)

Sarah should be able to tell you more about a midwife appointment..

 

[Bonnie11]

Fluffy are you in uk?
I had an appt at at 8 and 10 weeks. There's isn't a lot to ask really unless you have any burning questions. They basically do bloods. Go through family histories and inherited diseases etc. It's not something I would bother getting your partner to come with if I'm honest. Basically just form filling and height weight etc. Nothing too exciting if I'm honest! Midwives basically just keep an eye on you till it's time to give birth and answer any questions you might have x

 

[Bonnie11]

Sarah I know your pain. Day 3 onwards is emotionally hard anyway despite what you have been through but the fog does lift eventually. It's a horrible experience not getting the birth you want but everyone should be prepared for the fact that babies do what they want! And you're right, if you weren't induced what would the alternative be? At our hospital we get the opportunity to meet with a midwife and consultant a bit further down the line (a few months after birth) to talk about what happened when you're not so tired and emotional and make a bit more sense of things.

Lactation consultants are worth their weight in gold. Are you having the tongue tie clipped? It's very short and sweet procedure if so, really nothing to worry about and that could be affecting the latch. Def keep on with pumping and give your boobs a break for a few days.

Hang in there, you will feel so much better when you're back home x

 

[Nita2806]

Any news Sarah? Are you home yet?

Ticker day today for me

Having a horrible week. My IBS have gotten worse since the beginning of the week - having a lot of pain in my tummy, and baby is just having fun kicking me exactly where it hurts

 

[rickyandlucy]

Question ladies: 7 weeks today. Is light brown discharge ok? Was only there when I wiped and I haven't noticed any cramping, but my boobs are less sore so I am worried. First ultrasound is tomorrow. So anxious about it.

 

[Nita2806]

Question ladies: 7 weeks today. Is light brown discharge ok? Was only there when I wiped and I haven't noticed any cramping, but my boobs are less sore so I am worried. First ultrasound is tomorrow. So anxious about it.

I think it is OK Lucy - As long as its not heavy or bright red - (It can be your body getting rid of old blood - or implantation). Please mention this at your appointment tomorrow, they might want you to take progesterone if you are spotting. Keeping my FX that it goes well, and dont worry about 'not' feeling pregnant - some women get symptoms and others dont.

 

[Fluffycookie]

@Nita
Already had my first appointment at 6w5d, my next one will be at 11 weeks

@Bonnie
We moved (from the UK) to Germany last year, so different health system now. Thank you for that information anyways!

@Lucy
I was told only to worry about bright red discharge or a lot of it. However, my gynecologist now told me to stay on progesterone until 12 weeks simply because it adds a little extra safety and makes it a lot less likely to have little bleeds like that. She said women (understandably) get really scared when there is any bleeding, so she would recommend to stay on the progesterone if only for peace of mind, since they can't test if I still need it now without me coming off it first.