{CLOSED GROUP} Journey to BFP and Beyond!

[kdmalk]

Leigh, sorry you are feeling down. I hope you are able to find something to focus on to cheer you up. I mailed the vitex yesterday, so it should be arriving soon!!!

Natalie, moving day is just right around the corner. Sounds Like you have so much to do! Glad dh will be home at moving time to help out. I'm very jealous of your (future) chickens. We have a family in our neighborhood that has a small coop and I am always going on about it to dh. But we have dogs that would thoroughly enjoy terrorizing and consuming any chickens we would be brave enough to bring home, so I sadly will get no chickens. Can't wait to see pics of the house when you get settled!!!

Kate, I'm sorry your laparoscopy is so far away. September really does seem like ages from now. I hope you get knocked up while you wait!!! I do think it would be worth it to speak with your doctor about the bloodwork results. She may have some input on what to try next as far as testing/diagnosing. If you are liking your second doctor, I think it would be great to have the detailed information from the conversation you will have with doctor one about your blood work. This will help the other doctor in understanding your history and the thought process of your other doctor so doctor two can better piggyback on what has already been done and discussed. But I would say you are good to cut ties with doc one after following up with the blood work and having that "what do YOU think is next?" conversation. It will be something you can bring to doctor two. Lol.

So on the daycare situation, we did actually end up finding one we are happy with! I am so excited because I felt so defeated. Of course it was the VERY LAST tour we did, so I was still thinking I was going to have to settle until we walked in the door there. We toured a number of facilities, including a church facility, and just were not happy with anywhere until this place came along. It is going to be really annoying to get to in the mornings because I will have to drive through the middle of town where all the work traffic is headed into Little Rock, and then I will have to SOMEHOW make a left turn out of the daycare into that traffic to get back to the highway, but it will be worth it to have peanut someplace we are comfortable. And they have a separate room for the 12-24 month kids--YAY!!!! I am so relieved. In other news, I finally ate some real food tonight and seem to be holding it down alright for the time being. I weighed myself this morning and I have managed to lose 9 pounds since my last appointment. Yikes! Doctor is not going to be happy!!!! She told me to call and she would give me zofran if I was still sick after like a week, but that is not something I am comfortable taking, so I have just been eating as much as I can stomach for the past month. Unfortunately that seems to be crackers for breakfast, likely nothing for lunch, and easy mac or crackers for dinner. I finally noticed that I had really lost weight yesterday and weighed myself fully dressed before I walked out the door for work this morning. It's not like I couldn't stand to lose a few pounds, but at this point I am just hoping I haven't been starving baby recently! We will see what doc has to say on Friday! I feel like I am going to get a talking to!

How is everyone else? Zay? How is everything going?

 

[zaycain]

Thanks for checking on me! Everything seems fine over here. I haven't tested again, but I have had no bleeding and I am definitely crampy and have had a lot of nausea. It's funny how this isn't even new and exciting anymore. Being around my family I probably would have been more secretive.. but right now I'm just going through the motions.

Mom insisted we have sushi (I'm half Japanese) so my poor husband had to shove everything she gave me down his throat. He was so full it was kinda funny.

Katie - I never heard about CA125 before! I have endometriosis and it hurts like hell. I was diagnosed with it after taking BC pills and then I had cysts on my ovaries that required surgery so it was all confirmed. They 'zapped' them away..

Natalie - Chickens.. FUN! My cousin has a bunch and they are so fun to have and it's a nice perk with the eggs.

Kylee - Goodness.. I can't even imagine thinking about daycare right now!

T - How are you feeling?

 

[tcinks]

Oh my gosh, SUSHI! I want some soooo bad! Haha. I was just telling do about how after baby is born I want a platter of sushi, a jimmy johns sandwich and a glass of champagne

Anyway, glad things are going well! When will you see the doctor?

I'm okay, bed rest isn't fun but hopefully it's helping baby stay in place.

 

[kdmalk]

I am so glad I hate sushi. One less thing I have to avoid.

I would like a nice glass of wine or a few beers though. Lol. Gonna be a looooong time before that happens though!

I made our little announcement photo for Facebook yesterday after work. It is super cute. We are announcing on Wednesday--our 5 year wedding anniversary! Holy cow! How have we been married for 5 years already?! I can't believe it. I have also been scoping out some invitations for a gender reveal party. It will just be family, but I think the idea of a "baby-q gender reveal" invitation is just too cute to pass up. Here is the one I am thinking about.

 

[jlw617]

Zay-congrats! I had lots and lots of cramping so I wouldn't even be concerned with it! Oh man, I love sushi too and I have a really good friend that is Korean that I told is going to have to go with me to tell me what every thing is haha! But now I'll have to wait

Natalie-that house sounds delightful! I know I'd be pretty stoked about it! When is the big move in date?

Katie-that is a bummer about having to wait until September but it sounds like you'll be pretty busy in the meantime right? So you'll either get your bfp (I'm praying for) or you'll atleast be pretty occupied hopefully.

Kylee-yay how exciting! We did a similar thing with my family, it was "is it a little mr or a little miss? So I did a little chalk board art and drew a tie for the boys side and a bow for the girls side, one of these days I might post pics lol!

Hello to anyone I missed! I'm still going to be visiting less frequently, I have my niece up right now and I was actually thinking about it and I don't think I'm really going to have anymore down time at all!!!!!! Kind of scary!!!! With my niece up now and preparing Charlie's nursery, getting my daughter ready for school again and homeschooling my youngest plus my mom will be up in sept for a quick visit... And on and on!

I'm excited to have my anatomy scan on wed, I've been a little worried just because I guess it's normal after a loss to worry more than usual but my husband is very reassuring and quick to remind me that we saw a very healthy looking baby boy on the scan for the gender scan and I've been feeling this little guy kick like crazy all the time!

 

[zaycain]

I'm losing track.. how many weeks is everyone?

I made an appointment for next Wednesday, 7 weeks. Also I've had some brown discharge.. but I know it's normal. Strange cause I'm not attached to this thing yet.

Katie - My DH just got a regular physical and some bloodwork, we checked his testosterone and estrogen in addition. It's not bad to do either way. We found out he had high cholesterol and high estrogen. It was nice to know.

What made you go to this second doctor again? I feel like you should just move on if you're more comfortable.

 

[coucou11]

Yay Kylee! So glad you found a place that you liked That is such a relief. The invitation looks adorable Great excuse for a BBQ.

Terrissa, I didn't realize you were on bed rest, yikes! I checked your journal and it sounds scary, I hope they are able to resolve things. When do you go back in? Is this what happened with Ronen as well? Luckily you are much farther along, and they caught it, which is a relief.

Jamie how fun feelings the kicks! Sounds like you are busy, good luck with it all! Hope you are getting some rest in there too!

Zay - sounds like all is well!! That's wonderful! Excited to hear about the first appointment, I'm sure everything will be great.

Nothing new here, dragging on to the appointment still. Work is crazy. I should be ovulating soon but I'm not very motivated to try this cycle, not sure why. Will keep everyone updated if/when I get some news.

 

[tcinks]

At 21+5, our rainbow princess is gone.

 

[NDH]

What???? Nooooo! What happened?
I'm sitting here crying for you and sending you love across the ocean. I an so devastated for you

 

[KTJ006]

Ohmygosh T what happened??? I am heartbroken for you. No, no, no. I am praying this isn't true

 

[jlw617]

Oh my Terissa, I am so so sorry I don't know what happened but I'm praying for comfort for you and your DH. We are here for you Terissa. I am so sorry.

 

[coucou11]

Oh Terrissa, there are no words. My heart absolutely breaks for you, I'm so so sorry. Sending you and your DH love and comfort.

 

[zaycain]

No no no!! Terrissa I am so sorry!! I'm on the verge of tears at the DMV.. Prayers to you both.!!!

 

[tcinks]

The story of our loss, for those who want to read it. Thanks for your prayers and well wishes. I knew we'll get through this and time will heal our pain.

Spoiler

So last Tuesday at my 20 weeks scan, we noticed my cervix was funneling and immediately put in an emergency pessary. It is a round donut thing that is supposed to hold the cervix in place and take pressure off it. My doctor said that , along with progesterone, should give me good chances , at least to make it to viability. Well the next week I took it easy, mostly lying bed, sometimes sitting on the couch. I felt a lot of pressure, which everyone said was normal anytime I'd called about it. Well Monday morning I called again with concerns and got seen later that evening. My doctor said my cervix closed tight. I was relieved. The next day I felt more pressure, but thought nothing of it. That night before bed I went to the bathroom and felt like something was going to fall out of me! I touched down there and was fairly certain it was my membranes....and it was.

We called the ambulance and they got us to the hospital. I was a wreck. I prayed and prayed and just knew God would save my baby. We got there and I was examined, and the doctor said my membranes filled almost my whole vagina. So they put me upside down in bed, hoping they would slide back in and I could get an emergency stitch. So I lied there all night, unable to sleep just waiting for the morning. I was supposed to be transferred right away to a hospital with a better nicu, but there were no rooms available. So the next hospital on the list accepted us, and that's where I am now. I got here about 2 in the afternoon and the high risk doctor here said there was nothing to do but wait. The membranes were bulging through the pessary and they couldn't do the stitch with that in the way. So wait we did. A few hours later I thought my water broke. Turns out blood was leaking out. They couldn't tell from where, but it just kept coming. They were afraid I'd bleed out so immediately removed the pessary, which burst the membranes. I still held onto hope that baby could make it. But throughout the night they continued to monitor her heartbeat. Until 6am Thursday morning when it wasn't there anymore. My little girl was gone.

They gave me pitocin around 9:30 and contractions got stronger almost immediately. They got so intense. The doctor had initially told me that baby was still so small I might not have contractions and she.could just slide out. Ummmm what? I knew that wasn't true, as my 13 week loss wasn't that simple. Anyway contractions kept coming until finally I thought I felt like baby was on her way out. I told the doctor and she said.to push. I was scared, and also in pain. I could not push any more! The doctor reached in and helped out, and there was baby.

Our beautiful Selah Ellease. I couldn't believe how big she was, already one pound! I will post pictures later for those who want to see, I know everyone doesn't.

I am so heartbroken. I can't imagine why God would allow us to go through such pain, twice! But I still trust Him and know this process would be even harder without Him. I should be going home tomorrow morning if my healing continues to go well. I think here at the hospital I've been in a bubble, and I will be so much worse back in the "real world". Baby stuff is all over the house, nursery all set to be painted. I don't know how I'll face it.

 

[zaycain]

I can't imagine what you went through Terrissa. I am so so so sorry. It sound so painful in all ways. Thank you for sharing your story.

My heart aches for you. God is mysterious... and I can't understand it. Many many prayers go to you tonight. I am so sorry.

 

[KTJ006]

Thank you for sharing, Terrissa. One day it will all make sense and we will come to understand God's ways. Am continually lifting you guys up in prayer. Take things a day at a time and do what feels best for YOU. I have no words but know we're all here for you. Sending you a big, big hug from NC

 

[jlw617]

Oh Terissa, I am so sorry and you're right we don't know Gods ways but I know He wants you to lean on Him and cry your heart out to Him in your time of mourning. I have been praying for you and will continue to do so, I know it was probably beyond difficult but I'm so glad you got to see your sweet angel and get some pictures, I know it will be hard no matter what but I do believe it helps with the closure process even though there still may be some shock. We are all thinking of you and praying for you!

 

[tcinks]

Thanks so much ladies! It's a hard time...But I'm doing better than I thought I'd be. Maybe it's just shock.

I added pictures to my blog, if any of you want to see. The link is in my signature.

 

[jlw617]

What beautiful pictures Terissa, I hope I'm not being insensitive but she really did look like you, her eyes very much resembled yours. I hope you can continue to move forward, you will never forget, as you shouldn't but through Gods grace, you can move forward. A family friend had a still born baby girl, in all of their family pics, they always have a teddy bear in the picture that represents their sweet baby girl, just a thought, I always thought it was a sentimental way of recognizing their sweet angel.

 

[tcinks]

Oh that's such a sweet idea! About having the teddy bear. We should do something like that.

And that's not insensitive at all! My husband thought so too. When my mom came up to see us, she said she thought he looked just like him

I think the fact that I was to hold her and get pictures and share about her with others is really helping the healing. When I lost Ronen, I just felt alone and like I had no one to talk.