Could use a buddy

[Pino6161]

My OH is officially a permanent resident

I also got the kitten. She is a little girl name Leila!! She is a bit shy still, but doing well.

 

[lauren26]

Yay for your OH and you Pino!! I am so glad you get to be done dealing with all that Will you post a pic of your kitten?! I love kitties!!

 

[lxb]

yay pino!!! congratulations!!!

treasured - are you Oing today? i see the same low temp!

 

[Pino6161]

Leila is almost 4 months. She was born July 4, 2012

 

[lauren26]

Eeeeee!!!!!! She is so cute and fluffy!!

 

[lxb]

Oo.. a 4th of July baby~~~~~~~~~~ CUTE!

 

[treasured]

Pino your kitty is SO cute!! Bring her when you visit me I am SO glad OH got the residency and that the interview went well So happy for you both! This is the fresh start you guys need

lxb- I have been a bit rubbish with my temping this month but I seemed to have 2 low temps :S No signs of O at all and I forgot to temp this morning so I will have to wait to se a rise tomorrow. This is VERY late for me though and I am getting worried my cycles have messed up! I have just got another job so me and OH have been very busy this month as you can see from my chart we have BD like 3 times.. so I literally have NO hope for this month. Have you been getting a lot of BDing in?

lauren- thanks I think I am kind of just at the stage of defeat. I keep trying but even OH has taken a major back seat (not that he did much anyway) but we havent even talked about TTC in about 2 months and I fear that we are becoming to distant We are both working everyday now and barely have time to BD, although I do try!! I feel like screaming at him 3 times a month is not enough to make a baby!!!! Anyway, enough of my ranting... how is everyhing with you? so glad you are in second tri the time seems to FLY! No time at all before there are baby pics in all your journals xx

 

[SashimiMimi]

Pino I love that cat and I'm so thrilled for your OH!

I'm sad our crazy lady thread has become such a quiet place. I think part of that is because we all have individual journals and tend not to post our updates in here as we once did... I really miss our group conversations and wish we could find a way to start them up again. I find I don't trust people IRL like I do you ladies, and I certainly don't want to confide in anyone else like I do with this group.

I'm 11 weeks today and just updated my journal. I've been quiet because I was getting really nervous about my pregnancy, but a scan yesterday showed all is well. I've also been quiet because work has been intolerable and overly stressful. I'm finally going to tell my boss tomorrow (early) for several reasons which I listed in my journal.

We have slowly started to tell people our news. OH is currently on the phone with a very close friend of his out on the West Coast. I guess he must have told him our whole IVF story, because when I walked into the room where he is chatting I heard OH say "No... we are not about to be the next Octomom...." "No... Octomom didn't do IVF and assisted conception procedures are actually very controlled and no one ever has 8 babies because it could be life threatening to both the mom and babies!"

Why does everyone keep referencing Octomom when we tell them our news!? I totally understand inquiring about twins, but 8 babies? Sigh!!! LOL

Anyway, I hope everyone is well. Miss all of you ladies xoxoxox

 

[SashimiMimi]

P.S. A while ago I mentioned a party that I refused to attend with OH because we had just started IVF and a year ago we went to this same party when we had started TTC. In my mind, this party felt like a milestone and I just couldn't have handled going there and seeing other people with BFPs while I was under so much pressure and not feeling well from the IVF injections. Well I can't remember if I mentioned that a few days later, I bumped into a couple at my fertility clinic who I had met at that same party the year prior. They asked why we weren't there this year and I explained that we were doing IVF and I just wasn't in the right frame of mind.

I exchanged phone numbers and emails with the wife and we kept in touch for a bit, then she kind of went AWOL. Well I saw her at the clinic again two weeks ago and we met for dinner this past Thursday night. We had an amazing time and it was so great to connect about going through infertility. She told me she has PCOS, several autoimmune disorders and has gone through 6 mcs. My heart broke for her. The first time I saw her at the clinic, she was there for her first scan and by the next week the baby hadn't survived. I can't even imagine that type of loss, but she seemed so positive and optimistic when I saw her. She went AWOL because she was obviously devastated, and then took a long TTC break and went away on a trip. She told me she and her husband had prayed for me at their church when they heard I was going through IVF and that completely touched me. I don't go to church and am not overly religious, but I am going to pray for her too and put lots of positive thoughts out there for her to get a bfp that sticks.

 

[Pino6161]

I wait and wait
I can’t stop the pain
It hurts so bad
Who can I blame?

I know it is not him
He is flawless
But my light’s dim
Here in the darkness

Can you see me?
I can’t find the light?
You said it would get better on the other side

Where is that?
I feel so still
I can only take so many pills

Tomorrow you say?
When is that?
I feel alone in all this pain

You just can’t see
How hard it is
You say you stand by me
Even in this darkness

Next time, next time
We’ll keep trying
We will go as high as we need to climb

It never comes, can we reach the top?
Will we ever get there, or should we stop?

I don’t dream anymore
What’s the point?
What’s in store?

Will my arms be forever empty?
My heart forever broke?
With the jealousy killing me
Making my ears smoke?

I am so scared
I’m so alone
Everyone cares
But everyone scorns

Your to young
You have your life
Go to school
Be a wife

Forget these wild dreams
Stop with the schemes
Let go
Be free

Stop talking
I can’t
This is my life

Don’t you see?
I am nothing?
I can’t stop now
I need to feel the warmth in my arms somehow

Not tomorrow,
It never comes

Not even today
I needed this yesterday.

 

[lxb]

treasured - I'm also confused by your chart. r u temping through hoo ha?

pino - hope you're doing well~ you've been quiet too~

sashimi - yeah~ this crazy lady thread has certainly been quiet.. TOO quiet! I hope all is well with all of you ladies~

haribo - how are you?

country & preg - happy double digits!!

sleepy - hope you were able to get to your appt today~ sending positive thoughts you way~ can't wait to see scan pic!

lauren - happy 2nd tri!!

feel like time is flying by! It's almost end of the year already~

 

[lauren26]

It has been very quiet and it makes sense, though I want our thread to get more active again, too! I have taken a bit of a BnB break due to the totally draining and stressful work situation, too. But like Sashimi I feel closer to you ladies than I do most people IRL--I love you crazy ladies!!

This year is totally flying by and I cannot wait for Christmas!! I wrote this in my journal but DH and I are looking for a house and that's both exciting and very scary. Mostly I'm afraid to leave my home of 10 years in Boulder and enter into a 'new' world with neighborhoods I'm unfamiliar with and people I don't know! The places I've lived have been very sheltered, lol.

I hope all you ladies are doing well I think of you every day!

 

[countrygirl86]

Pino - cute kitty and , hope you are snuggling with your new addition lots.

treasured - it's funny that you say to lauren '3 times a month is not enough to make a baby' when she got pg with one time! Anything is possible Sweetie.

Sashimi - i'm glad you are connecting with women IRL (though we need you too!). That's so sweet that they prayed for you. I'm not a church goer or overly religious either but sometimes people touch your soul. I am surprised at how many people are referencing Octomom to you! I don't actually know the story but I can guess, and I would have thought twins would have been the more common comment!

lxb - double digits, it's getting serious/scary now! The year is flying by but we have all made wonderful progress together. Some great conversations and lots of support!

lauren - it's super exciting you are looking for a house! How far away from where you are now would it be?

Did anyone go to any Halloween parties or dress up at all? We won't be giving out candy because we live down a long dark driveway! I didn't buy any candy anyway but I did make cookies lol

 

[SashimiMimi]

Umm... So before I could tell my boss about my pregnancy I got served with a 1 month probation and 30 days to improve my "performance" or be terminated. I admit I was completely blindsided and this scenario is exactly what OH feared when I was questioned about my pregnancy and answered truthfully to a co-worker I'm not close with.

Perhaps my performance had not been up to par given the stress of IVF and then now dealing with pregnancy worry and the symptoms that make me feel lousy. But I find the timing so fishy and feel like there is a bit of discrimination going on.

So after a long think about it, I feel it's best to put my baby's health first and not try to bend over backwards to improve a job I already give 100% at. So I think I will tell my boss that I can't do better than I've been doing and to just terminate me now.

I do feel a lot of this is discrimination. But it's been handled in a way that I can't prove it, and I have someone else's health to worry about now so I'm cutting my loses. I'll let you know how it goes.

 

[lxb]

Sashimi - I'm so sorry to hear I has to come down to this. Sucks to be workin at a discriminated workplace. And you are right, you not only have to take good care of yourself but also for the little bean growing inside you. You've been through a lot and those stress are not good for your health and your well being. we are all here for you. Wish we cold be there to give you hugs irl. Sending positive thoughts your way dear friend.

 

[lauren26]

Sashimi you know how I feel but I can't believe your workplace has the nerve to fire or threaten to fire a pregnant woman who has been putting in late hours and working extremely hard! I am so sorry and like lxb I wish I could give you a giant hug IRL, but I know that whatever you decide will be best for you and baby. You don't need to be around inconsiderate, stressed people or max yourself out when it's time to be focusing on growing your LO. We are here for you! Let us know how it goes and what you decide.

 

[countrygirl86]

Wow Sashimi that's awful it has come to this! We all support you whatever you decide. You and your LO are THE most important things in your life right now so you definitely need to do whatever you can to protect your health. I'm anxiously waiting to hear what you decided and what the outcome is!

 

[SleepyOwl]

Oh Sashimi - I am SO sorry to hear that. One tough day after another. I hope you find peace in whatever decision you make and like Country said - we are here to support you no matter what! You know what's best for you and your bean. Keep us updated!

My appointment went well today - I posted a pic in my journal. Baby Owl was moving it's little arms and it's heart was beating away. I am feeling especially grateful today and just so relieved that this appointment is finally over with. Measuring ahead of where I thought was so that was a nice little surprise as well.

We've had tons of trick or treaters tonight. We live in a neighborhood with a ton of kids and everyone is fairly close. All the kids are so sweet and super cute all dressed up. We went through 4 huge bags of Walmart candy (of course I saved myself a few little treats here and there hehe).

Treasured - Also I saw that you were concerned about how much you were BD'ing. OH and I BD'd only TWICE the entire month I got pregnant (no time because I had started my new job) so don't lose hope - it can totally happen girl!!!

Haribo, Pino - How are you ladies??

Lxb - Your MIL-less days are SO close. How are you going to celebrate?? Lol!

 

[SashimiMimi]

Hi Crazy Ladies! I posted a very long detailed account of the whole work situation, but also wanted to post the conclusion to it all here in our crazy thread:

Tuesday night, I did not sleep AT ALL! And I mean I literally never fell asleep and lay awake until OH's alarm went off. That's how stressed I was about the whole work situation. I broke down crying that I hadn't slept and I had terrible stomach cramping (which was probably just stress stomach and not the baby) and OH actually stuck around and drove me to work through traffic so I didn't have to commute on the subway.

I went to the office and immediately spoke to my HR friend who is also pregnant and also had fertility issues. She was really upset about the whole thing, and I told her I couldn't help but feel the timing of a sudden work probation BEFORE I could tell my boss about my pregnancy was incredibly suspicious. Also there is the fact that HR knew about it and my sneaky co-worker knew about it AND knew the day I planned on telling our boss.

So I said while I was hurt and angry, I have no plans of suing the company but that I had not slept the night before and was experiencing cramps and this is just too much stress on the baby. I told her I didn't want to bend over backwards to exceed myself when I was already doing my best and putting 100% into my role. It wouldn't be worth it if it somehow negatively impacted my pregnancy, especially if it was clear they are going to terminate me in 30 days as it seems their minds are made up.

So I asked to be terminated on the spot. I did not want to wait until late morning to speak to my boss after she got out of a meeting. I also didn't want to just quit, because then I wouldn't be eligible for unemployment insurance. My HR friend was very accommodating, got approval and she actually broke down crying over how shitty the whole thing is.

But, while I think the personal attack on my performance and my writing style was very cruel, I do think this is a blessing in disguise. For a few weeks now, I've worried about the long commute to work during our tough winter months. I worried about the general stress of the job, which always creates a lot of pressure and often late nights at the office. Also my pregnancy made me stop caring about working for a hokey magazine. It's not like I'm saving lives! After such a long battle with infertility, I feel really inspired to make a career out of helping other women going through fertility struggles. I don't know how I would do that, but going through so many failed months of TTC, several failed IUIs and IVF really changed me as a person.

Now at least I can have a stress-free pregnancy without the pressure of work, and maybe this is what the Universe wants for me. I'm also excited to get a head start on getting the house ready, which is going to be a HUGE job and I'm thankful to have the time to do it.

I'm going to my office today after 5 p.m. They have asked me to sign some papers to confirm that I will not sue the company. (So obviously they KNOW they were in the wrong!) I'm also going to clean off my desk.

Now here is where I need some advice, ladies. I got a message from HR saying that my boss wants my notes from an interview I did for a story that I am now obviously NOT going to write. The thing is, the interview is in my personal recorder and I have not transcribed it. It would take me at least a couple hours to go through the whole thing and type the interview out word for word for someone else to write the story.

I actually don't want to do this, but at the same time I don't want to be a pill and be like No! I don't have any way of transferring the recording to a computer, so the only solution would be to offer to type it out for them. But now that I have had a good sleep and can reflect on the situation with a clear mind, some really awful things were said to me. I was also blamed for things that weren't my fault. Like the whole magazine going to print late... they said it was my fault because I'm so crappy, when really it went late because my boss was in Chicago for a week while we were on deadline. She didn't come back until the 11th hour and had to approve everything. So I don't feel I should do them any favors, yet my dad has urged me not to burn any bridges. What would you ladies do in my situation?

 

[SashimiMimi]

P.S. Sleepy I am so happy your scan went well. That must have been an incredible experience! (I know from being super paranoid and having had 4 scans so far ) I can't wait to follow your new journal.

And ladies, another good thing... I'm going to have TONS of time now for BnB!