Could use a buddy

[lauren26]

Hey everyone, glad everyone's doing well. Not much to report here, new job going well but pretty hard work. I''ve been really good recently but feeling a bit down today.

I'm getting a bit fed up with shelling out lots of cash for Chinese herbs and acupuncture, that coupled with my strict diet and not really seeing any improvements makes me wonder why I'm bothering. And how did I get to be in this ridiculous situation anyway?

It's my sis' 20 week scan tomorrow. Can't believe it's already at this stage. I'm going to be spending Christmas and new year with a bunch of pregnant people and not sure I can cope. I'm thinking of bailing on a Saturday night party for that reason-it's the group that all got married this year and are all pregnant. Sorry to put a downervous on things but I'm going to be 32 at the youngest before I have a baby now and it really gets me down. We've come back from a weekend away with 3 babies too.I feel totally helpless and not sure any more that my time will ever come. I don't resent anyone their babies but just can't work out why my stupid body can't do it.

Haribo I really, really feel for you. It's incredibly frustrating that they've kind of told you what's going on but haven't offered many solutions. Have you been back to the doc since you got checked out? I just can't believe that they wouldn't offer some kind of option to help you get pregnant. Maybe there is a different doc you can go to? It can be so stressful going to doctors and having tests run etc but I know I absolutely wouldn't have been able to get pregnant without medical help. I totally don't blame you for wanting to avoid pregnant people around the holidays. This time of year is stressful enough as it is without having the constant reminder. We are here for you. I am praying that some answers or help come to you soon.

 

[Pino6161]

Preg--- Ok I am not trying to be rude at all I promise.... But your comment

"If there really is no problem, it will happen eventually.
Relax, try to enjoy the life you have at the moment, because once you do get pregnant, everything changes.
p.s. I hope I don´t sound condescending."

was def. condescending. Did you forget what it was like to try before you got pregnant. You were just a desperate as the rest of us even though you didn't try as long. As for being pregnant changes everything, that is kind of the point. All I am trying to say is that don't forget you were one of "us" just a couple months ago.

Haribo--- The holidays are hard, I know that for a fact. Hang in there and try to be strong. We are here for you

 

[lxb]

ttc can be a frustrating process. the longer it goes.. the harder it gets. especially the type of vision we have when we're ttcing. we tend to notice babies and pregnant women.

i know preg_pilot is trying to help trying to comfort haribo by saying it will happen eventually. she's right. we do need to try to relax and enjoy each and everyday. we too often get blinded of our 'wants' and things we don't really have control over and it's all that we can think about. and it certainly can suck all the energy out of what we have left.

preg is certainly one of the lucky ones that got it on the first try and it's hard to understand the disappointment after disappointment... cycle after cycle.

at the end of the day... I'm grateful that I'm healthy and be battling ttc and not a serious health related issue. and that we have this crazy lady thread we can use for mental support.

haribo, i probably would bail on the party too. please take care.

 

[treasured]

haribo- I am sorry you are feeling this way... I have felt the same for the last few cycles it just feels like everything I try seems to be useless and therefore I feel like I have wasted/am wasting so much of my time. I agree that relaxing SHOULD be a priority but in reality I know how you feel and it is not as easily done as it is said. It almost feels to me like a race that cant be won no matter how fast you are going. Like a marathon you can train, adjust yourself and try to do everything in your power to succeed but in the end if the finishing line keeps moving further back we wont reach the end.... feels that way to me anyway. And I know how awful the word 'eventually' seems when it already feels like an eternity.

I feel awful being down in the dumps in this thread, It was easier when we were all grumbling together haha!

I think you should avoid the baby related events too, its time to be selfish and eat 20 mince pies/ chocolate puddings.

lxb- how are you? what CD are you you must be quite close to me! any signs or symptoms?

pino-

 

[SashimiMimi]

One of the most upsetting things that anyone said to me during LTTTC was to just relax. It would be great if it were possible, but when you are trapped in a body that betrays you month after month, relaxing is near impossible. All of us who have been through it wonder what is wrong with our bodies while everyone around us gets to snap their fingers and start their families.

I had dinner with that woman who I bumped into at my clinic not too long ago and she put it best: a watched pot never boils, but when the stove isn't working that pot will never boil. So Preg while I know your heart is in the right place, please be mindful of those who struggle. I know that I'll never be able to get a BFP naturally, but I'm thankful that my doctor found a solution that actually worked.

Haribo I don't blame you for wanting to avoid pregnant people. I felt the exact same way! I agree with Lauren and wonder if there are other doctors you can approach. I've met women IRL who went to 3 or 4 fertility specialists until they found the right one. It's exhausting, but I just can't believe they would send you away with no solutions. I know there is a fix out there for you.

Pino I'm excited about your move. I also hope you find a great doctor in your new city who can help. The long cycle you described sounds frustrating. Xoxoxo

 

[preg_pilot]

Pino and Haribo - sorry for my insensitive comment...

 

[lxb]

treasured - i don't have any unusual symptoms~ just the same old same old~ ah~~ i feel unease when i can't stalk your temp or pino's temp! how about you? i'm sure you've been busy with everything else and not spend so much time symptom spotting right? hope things are going well for you

pino - counting down to moving time~~ exciting!! I still have to get my christmas presents ready! Planning to bake some presents~

can't believe it's end of 2012 already!! felt like the year has flown by fast.

hope you ladies have a happy holiday~ maybe this new year bring only positives to your lives~

 

[haribo813]

Hi ladies, thank you so much for your kind words, you are so sweet and i can't tell you how much it means.

I am so up and down. My period's due on monday and a lot of my frustration at the moment is borne out of the clinic treating me making me feel less positive about my cycle when i come out than when i go in. I don't doubt the herbs are good and i know they take a while to work but i am spending a lot of money and making big sacrifices not just with usual caffeine and alcohol but also on doctor's advice cutting out dairy, bread and eating low gi carbs and a lot of veg, fish and fruit in a bid to reduce my polycystic ovaries. Plus i'm so busy at work that i don't feel i have the time or the energy to look into finding someone new-maybe in the new year.

It is very upsetting. I think it's true that it's very hard to relax completely. Most of the time i feel like i am but i usually get upset at least a few times a month and i know i am sensitive to baby issues, it's hard not to be when you decided 17 cycles ago that you were ready for a child, time is ticking on and you have nothing when everyone else seems toget it so easily and not even really care that much! It also makes you feel like an utter failure and knocks your confidence. You put it so right sashimi about your body betraying you.

lauren i've been to the doctors since being diagnosed and there's nothing they can give me to treat the P.O (i don't have the syndrome). It's hard to shift as it takes time and quite a lot of effort so i'm not holding my breath for results any time soon (i still cry when the temp drops every month of course). So think i can only wait until next aug for ivf...throw myself into my job and keep going. i got upset yesterday as saw a load of school friends on FB all with 3 kids-what have i been doing with myself? Fyi the duchess of cambridge being pregnant is not helping-the british press are all over it non stop. Poor thing being only 8 weeks allegedly and having to announce that to the world though.

Preg, apology absolutely accepted. I think it's important to remember that everyone is looking at the same issue but from slightly different perspectives and experiences and as the others say, telling someone to relax can sound a bit like telling someone to chill out when they've lost the plot. I'm sure you didn't mean to sound in any way condescending-you are just looking at pregnancy from a very different perspective to me. I think the only advantage of struggling when ttc is that you are well prepared for all the changes that pregnancy brings as you are so grateful to be given the opportunity-you won't hear any complaining from me if it ever happens! Lxb you're right that we are so lucky to have each other and to be healthy and with brilliant partners, i am a shadow of my self without my DH at my side.

Hugs to everyone and thanks for picking me back up, you're great friends.
Xxxxxxxx

 

[haribo813]

Ps i have also given up sugar and any kind of snacks! You can imagine how unmanageabke this diet is in the run up to christmas, and to maintain any kind of social life without looking like a freak, i have ended up telling more people about my issues than i have wanted to...

Treasured you might find the baby making bible book useful? It suggests eating different foods/doing different exercise at various stages of cycles depending on what kind of type of persn ou are. I am also reading the art of happiness, a buddhist book with insights from the dalai lama about lots of things but particularly how to try and stay positive when life gets you down. They both sound a but silly probably but both helped me to look at my situation a bit differently. I think losing perspective is a real problem with ttc. Everyone's different so suggest you keep trying something new if you're feeling down and try to be the best person you can be-easier to say than do of course but hope this in some small way helps. Have you been able to have the day 3 and day 19 blood tests yet? I found those really useful. Xx

 

[lauren26]

haribo I'm so glad you've found support in that book!! I think spiritual reading is really all that's gotten me through the worst times, and amazing friends like the ladies here! Once I found out I had severe endo and even after surgery I went on an INSANE diet for endo and I also had to explain a lot more than cared to to people assuming I was pregnant because I wasn't drinking instead of guessing that I had an awful chronic disease! It was awkward but after telling several people I actually felt less stigmatized about my situation and heard more and more from others that they knew someone with a similar issue or someone with an equally difficult issue. I hope that you're able to be met with support IRL when you tell people. You can always come to us, too

PS FB always makes me feel like a failure because I'm not a big-shot marketing exec living in Belgium like my high school classmates, lol. Then I realize that I've made it in other ways that they may not have. I feel exactly as you do about my DH.

 

[treasured]

haribo- thank you for the advice I will deffinately have a look into those books! I think with trying to buy our first place/working 7 days a week I have lost sight of TTC a little, although when we are settled and ready I will begin processes with the doctors to see if there is anything they can do I am also not dealing with the constant press about Kate and Wills! I was literally reading in the news that she may be suffering from infertility, and the next thing you know shes pregnant. Although its been 15 months since the royal wedding so depending on when they started trying she may have been going through the same hell we are!

not long till christmas!! hope all is well! x

 

[treasured]

Hi ladies! So I am 3 days late if I am counting the days from a 28 day cycle? No idea when I o'd but if it was CD16 then im over my luteal phase bu atleast 2 daus. Litearly no symptoms or signs so if im not pregnant which I doubt I am I have no idea what is going on with these bloody cycles!! Might buy a cheap test tomorow if I have time but I just cant even be botherd with a negative

Just a question for the pregnant ladies, did you ever have vaginal swelling in the early stages during sex? It's probably just randomly happened to me but ive never has it before haha sonthing new to stress over!! Xxxxxx

 

[lxb]

 

[lauren26]

treasured - Fx for you!!!! Did you test? I did not, but I wasn't having too much sex since I was still really fresh from surgery and had gotten scared by the IB. Can't wait to hear!!!

 

[Pino6161]

Hey everyone!! I am CD 58 with lots of BFN's my Dr appt is not until Tuesday, so I have to wait impatiently.... My breasts are a bit sore for about 2 days now, it's been a while since they got sore maybe 4 or 5 cycles. Hopefully this means AF, but my nipples are kind of sore and sensitive, which is new to me. On top of everything I am having trouble sleeping, not for the normal reason of thinking to much, but because I can't comfortable.

On another note I was at my aunt's for a couple of days to dog sit and keep and eye on the kids.... Well she has a puppy that is almost a year old. While I was there she ate and drank but not much and I figured it was cause they were gone.... Well it turns out that she has parvo, and I feel like shit cause I didn't see it

SIL comes on Friday, so it will be a LONG day as we are going to Nogales....

Hope everyone is having fun getting ready for the holidays!!!

Treasured--- TEST!!!!!!

 

[lxb]

treasure - did you test??????????????

pino - is it monday yet????

 

[Pino6161]

Treasured's AF came

I WISH it was Monday LMAO but on the other hand we get paid Friday, so I don't want to skip it LOL

 

[lxb]

damn AF https://www.emoticonswallpapers.com/emotion/super-cute-onion/super-onion-smiley-097.gif

treasure~~

Is it Friday yet then?

Eek... I have to make some fondant this weekend! And prep some buttercream too~~~ Making my niece's bday cake! (her party is on the 22nd ... her actual birthday is dec 30th though).

 

[countrygirl86]

Sorry I've been MIA ladies.

Haribo - only go where you feel comfortable. You have been through and are going through a lot and my heart goes out to you. You have great strength and restraint with your diet! Have you 'cheated' at all?

treasured - I'm so sorry AF got you. I had one cycle that was my longest to date and I was totally symptom spotting so when AF came I was crushed. It may be irrelevant now (but may be relevant later) but I don't recall swelling during sex but it did go kinda purpley/bluey down there about 10 days after conception (before I found out).

Pino - 58 days is ridiculous. Do you think you've O'd? I'm hoping it's positive news at your doctor's appointment. What is Nogales?

lxb - Ooh how do you make fondant? With marshmallows? How are you designing her cake?

I hope the Christmas/holiday season is finding everyone in bright spirits. We all have to be thankful we found each other this year and we all have a great round of partners. I have faith we will all end up with our goal though the journey to get there will be different for all of us and more difficult for some. I'm getting ready to pack it up at work, my maternity leave starts January 4! We had our baby shower a few weeks ago and are busy preparing for the baby. Oh and Christmas! I have been totally preoccupied this year and need to do some serious shopping! Hope you are all more prepared than I am!

 

[Pino6161]

Nogales is Arizona's border town to Mexico. There is a Nogales, Arizona, and Mexico, I am going to both LOL. It is now 60 days. a whole month late...

I have been reading a lot on google about woman who don't get positive HPT's until 9 weeks, and some never get them.

The longer my cycle goes on the more my hopes go up. I mean I am a month late, it's supposed to be a good thing right??