Could use a buddy

[Pino6161]

One of those days. Word LOl.

So period is officially over, and my monitor isn't here so I am kinda irritated. I think I will take this month off. I havebeen getting really overwhelmed, but I am afraid that if I take the moonth off, I will lose my chances. I mean hell this could be the month, and if I don't try I will miss it. I know sounds stupid. Anyways, onto my 25th cycle.

 

[countrygirl86]

Here's my supermoon pics, it was very bright but I didn't think it was overly big!

Lauren, that would be a change to go from an army base to the general population! I think its common for doctors to have a little trouble with 'bedside manner'. That's great you already got blood taken! It's one thing to get to the testing stage but another to be waiting to hear the results. I definitely rather prepare for the worst too, it's easier to not be disappointed that way. I have a strange feeling you do have SOME eggs though lol I'm not overly stressed no, just the normal daily stresses. Definitely not too thin lol I'm in a safe BMI range. I'll definitely take my charts with me to the doc, I have a feeling he'll just be referring me elsewhere anyway.

lxb - I'm hoping it's a pre-O dip too! How are things with you?

preg_pilot - how did you hear of those videos?

Pino - yay for AF being gone! She came in like a tornado but glad she's gone just as quickly. If you want to take this month off, take it off. A lot of ladies throw in a NTNP cycle here and there and I'm sure it leads to a lot of babies too!

 

[treasured]

Is supermoon an American thing? youve all been talking about it but I dont know what it is hehe! Ive once seen an orange moon. weird! Im gonna make a monthly period chart tonight and maybe start my journal... you all have to stalk! haha so im not a loner!

country- I went to the docs for my smear test a month ago and asked my nurse about LP but she didnt even know what it was and said it wouldnt matter? do you think i should see a more suited doctor like a GYN or somthing? xx

 

[preg_pilot]

preg_pilot - how did you hear of those videos?

You know... I honestly can´t remember.
Probably from one of those sites I browse every day with funny pictures, or possibly a thread on BnB.

 

[treasured]

you guyyysss fancy subbing to my journal... I need some supporters so I dont just look like a crazy person obsessing alone hehe!

https://www.babyandbump.com/ttc-jou...reasureds-ttc-journey-begining-cycle-8-a.html

bought some OPKS today so gonna start using them on CD 12 i think, however me and OH are going to get BDing every two days from wed. Trying the SMEP this cycle !
Love everyone tonight !! hope everyone has a wee smile tonight atleast! xxxx

 

[SleepyOwl]

Pregpilot - Can't wait for you to test - hoping its wonderful news so we can all celebrate

Pino - Glad AF came and went quickly. Now you can get to the business or to the NTNP...whichever you decide!

Lauren - It's so hard not to worry, especially as we get older. The older I get, the more worried I become!! I really wouldn't worry about not having any eggs though - pretty sure you got some in there girl! When do you get the results from your test back?

Half marathon went well as in I finished without passing out along the side of the course. I count that as a huge success. Waiting for AF to start AS USUAL. So sick of this happening last month and now this month. I have the spotting. My temps are dropping, but no cramps, no AF yet. Really irritating because I can't get on my BFP plan of attack unless AF hurries up and gets here.

 

[Pino6161]

Sleepy---Congrats on the marathon!! I'm not sure whether to hope for your AF, of the BFP LOL. I just hope you get what you want!!!

 

[SleepyOwl]

At this point I would take either...although I'm sure the BFP would be just a BIT more exciting

 

[SashimiMimi]

Pino you brought up an interesting point about pregnancy vs baby. I never thought of it that way, but I know I want the whole package--the nine months, everything that goes along with it and then feel that baby in my arms. Maybe some women don't think that far ahead, because it is a huge change. I just can't imagine a life without children. I've always felt my purpose is to be a mom and I refuse to give up the fight.

Lauren, I know your test results are going to be fine. For me, finding the thyroid issue is the best thing that ever happened. I haven't felt this good ever, I'm not tired all the time, I sleep like a normal person, I'm not anxious anymore. For years I was taking prescription sleeping meds and anti anxiety meds, this whole time it was my thyroid. So you never know what they will reveal, just trust in the process and know your questions will be answered soon.

country, great moon pics! The ones I took were blurry, but it was definitely bright in our part of the world. Let us know what happens with your testing with the doctor!! If your OH has had lots of medical luck then the lucky streak is bound to continue!!

Sleepy, congrats on doing the marathon. My SIL got really into marathons while she was TTC for 3 years. It was a great distraction for her and maybe it helped with the process!

As for me, AF came today. This is the first time since being on the pill that I've had a 28 day cycle. I O'd early because of the fertility meds and so i guess I shouldn't be surprised that AF came early too. Still no sore boobs though... What's going on with me?

So today is CD1 which means I'll go back to the clinic on Wednesday and start the whole cycle monitoring process over again. My dad thinks BFP hasn't happened because I am not thinking positively enough. He is really into the book and movie the Secret and The Power of Now, but it's so hard for me not to feel discouraged.

I'm already looking at the calendar and seeing now that my cycle has shifted that my window will totally fall in line with our Hawaii trip. So am I automatically assuming that the third IUI will fail as well?? My mom even said she had a "feeling" about Hawaii and even suggested I skip treatments this month. But I said if I don't go for it I'll never know. On the other hand, I think they only do so many IUIs befor suggesting IVF and I am no where near being ready for that.

What a process... Sometimes I wake up and can't believe we are going through all of this stuff with the fertility doctor and that it's now almost been 1 year of TTC. When my SIL was going through all her IUIs and struggles, I never dreamed it would be me as well.

So my question of the day is how do you stay positive. How do you really believe the BFP is going to happen? The nurses at my clinic keep telling me I have to really believe it. And I'm always like Well... I guess we will see. It's tough and I feel like I'm obsessed with TTC and I can't stop reading infertility blogs!!!

 

[lauren26]

Sleepy - Eeee! I'm sure I have eggs, too. I called the lab to see if they had the results. I am a little irritated with my OB right now. She agreed to order the tests on Friday (for me to go on Sunday for blood draw), and forgot. I waited for an hour and a half at the lab, finally got blood drawn but the tech there said, 'Oh, she forgot to order the tests, we will call her on Monday and ask for them.' Then I called around noon today to see if they had gotten the tests ordered and they had not, so I called my doc's nurse. She took care of it, but now says that they were testing for something slightly different than my OB said. For some reason this all really annoyed me! In her defense, I know my doc was super busy on Friday. Still. Irritating. So the lab gave me the results but I don't know how to interpret them. I know that the FSH and LH are in the normal range, but don't know how the numbers work together. Thyroid is OK, which is good. I wondered about that. Anyway, the results are in but my doc hasn't called me yet to talk about them. I know I sound very impatient, but I kind of thought my OB knew that I was feeling really ready for the info, and she didn't call. Hmmm. I am sure she will call tomorrow. At least I hope so!

preg- You testing tomorrow??

country - Those are rad super moon pics!! It was sooo bright.

treasured - The moon was the closest it will be to earth all year, so when it rose it looked really huge, and then later on became very bright!

 

[lauren26]

Sashimi - Posting at the same time! My FIL is the head of a gigantic, non-denominational, New Thought church here in Colorado. They are all about affirmative prayer and positive thinking. I am SO on board with that--I feel like it's true that what we hold in mind can manifest. That said, it has been difficult for me not to put a ton of pressure on myself to think my way into my perfect life when things aren't working out the way I'd hoped. This has been a real source of conflict for me over the past year! Recently, I saw a clip from a lecture my spiritual teacher gave (not my FIL, someone else ). This guy talks about affirming, intention, etc. too, but this particular lecture was on surrender. He said that people are always trying to pray against the divine plan, the synchronicity of everything. And that there are infinite factors affecting every situation--we can't always know why something does or doesn't happen. The lecture was about surrendering to the divine plan, trusting that we are in the best possible hands and that every circumstance is set up to bring us the best opportunities for becoming greater in awareness and consciousness. That may sound woo woo, and may not be helpful, but I wanted to share because hearing that perspective was such a relief to me, and I am so so familiar with both sides of the positive thinking.

 

[SashimiMimi]

Lauren, I knew someone else was posting at the same time as me. It said 2 members were on nd I had a hunch it was you!!

I love everything you said about positive thinking. I'm all for it and totally believe in it. I cried when I watched the Secret, I'm just having trouble believing it deep down inside. Like I say I know it's going to happen, but then after we do the IUI for example I get this fearful doubt nagging at the back of my head.

I used to read a lot of spiritual books. When I was a kid I was obsessed with the idea of reincarnation, and karma and I think I was born a little woo-woo myself. I'm really open to lots of ideas and perspectives. One of the best things I read in one of my books many years ago was an acronym for the word F.E.A.R: False Evidence Appearing Real. So I'm applying it to TTC there is absolutely no evidence that we will continue to fail. I'm just a worry wart.

I downloaded that Spirit Babies book I mentioned many a post ago and it's actually quite good. I've done so much research into the science and physical part of TTC, I've neglected the spiritual side and I feel I need that right now.

On a side note, I have one more "story from my mom" to share. It's on the topic of everything happening for a reason. Last week one of the dogs hurt her back. My mom drove them to the park for a walk and decided to take a turn super slow to protect the dog from tilting in car and hurting her back even more. She had visibly been in discomfort during the walk, so my mom was being extra cautious.

Well at this turn, someone ran the light and came zooming through the intersection. Because my mom was going slow she was able to stop and avoid the car. Had she been going normal speed she would have been hit. When she got home the dog suddenly seemed to be fine and out of pain. So, if the dog hadnt hurt her back, my mom wouldn't have crawled through the turn and would have gone a normal speed with some idiot running a red light. It was a reminder for me that everything does happen for a reason, we just always don't know why.

So as frustrating as it is, there is a reason we haven't gotten our bfps... Yet!! But I am really going to start believing that they are all just around the corner!!

 

[lxb]

Sashimi - I, too, am a strong believer with "everything happened for a reason" Sometimes it's just hard to look for that reason. It's hard to be positive sometimes when you want something so badly and hard to think of a 'positive reason'. So glad everything is okay with your mom

we all have the same goal here. and we should appreciate this journey as hopefully it will not only make us closer to our significant other but also grow stronger as a person... also be a better parent.

 

[lauren26]

Sashimi, I love the FEAR acronym--there really isn't a reason to believe that we won't get our bfps just because we haven't yet! Most women who have gotten theirs have gone through cycles where they didn't. So really, the evidence is to the contrary of what we believe in a way, lol. My OH just finished a fear of flying class and one of the things the class worked on a lot was cognitive distortions--ways of thinking that are not true or unhelpful. The one I notice I do the most is projecting the past or present onto the future--so a bfn this cycle means a bfn forever. It's pretty unconscious, but now that I'm trying to notice it I see that I do it quite a bit. I am totally a worry wart, too!

I have done a lot, lot, lot of visioning and imagining around being pregnant, getting the bfp, and being a mother in the last month or two. Whether it will help me get my bfp has yet to be revealed, but it's definitely helped my mental state. As I said previously, I am sort of a closet pessimist (it may be more obvious to others, though, lol), and it's completely unhelpful. It's one of the hardest habits I've ever tried to change! Luckily for me, my OH is super positive and happy--and he's been through a lot in his life. He helps to balance me and help me practice positivity. It's actually only been very recently that I realized how pessimistic I can get. Maybe I should start envisioning myself as a super optimist, lol!

I have read a lot of spiritual books, too, and have historically been an Oprah addict. I just need to be careful not to be hard on myself when what I want doesn't come into being--sometimes it takes a while, and sometimes it's not meant to happen! I do think that we are all meant to get our BFPs. But in hindsight, I'm glad that a few choice things that I wanted never happened! I love the story about your mom and the dogs!! I love when that sort of thing happens and gets noticed.

I also get the nagging doubt. I had it come up really strongly during my last acupuncture session. It was a really yucky feeling and I just tried to avoid it. The feeling stuck around so I really tried to pay attention to it, and found that I was imagining this empty, dark womb that would never be filled (woo woo alert!). This was the moment I realized that I tend to project negativity or a bad outcome onto the unknown, and started really paying attention to the places I do that consistently.

Anyway, I'm glad you brought up the positive thinking! Our mental/spiritual state is the thing that affects us most while TTC!

 

[countrygirl86]

Sashimi - that's amazing about your mom! She must have felt like superwoman after lol it really does point to everything happening for a reason though. I believe there are things we can't change (like how long we TTC for before that BFP) so just try to make the best of it and it will come when it should. Thank you for sharing your stories, they're great motivators! I think the best way to stay positive is to keep in mind you've had all the testing done and physically it makes sense in time sperm and egg will meet and you will have your BFP. If you picture yourself in 5 years, you can probably see a little one (or two) right? I try to take myself out of the right now and think that in a few years it will be a reality. This is just the journey to get there!

Lauren - Your OB sounds a little frustrating... hope she gets her shiz together so you can get the results and answers and figure out if there's something wrong! You aren't being impatient, if she's already messed up you want to make sure she is giving you the best care and not missing anything!

Sleepy - I've still got my fingers crossed for you, either way let's get this show on the road! Do you think you'll try SMEP again next month?

treasured - I'll be stalking ya

 

[lxb]

Oo.. F.E.A.R. ... I like!!

lauren - it's great that your OH is so positive. I too can be a pessimist! DH & I were talking yesterday and he told me that I always tend to think of the worst possible scenarios. Sometimes I feel like if I'm prepared for the worst possible scenarios, then I can handle anything that actually comes my way! But too often, I let the thought of the 'worst' affects me emotionally and overwhelm by such emotion. The most important thing is to have self awareness. When you're aware of your emotions (positive/negative) then you can think logically and not emotionally. I still have much to work on in that department~~

 

[preg_pilot]

Sleepy - Eeee! I'm sure I have eggs, too. I called the lab to see if they had the results. I am a little irritated with my OB right now. She agreed to order the tests on Friday (for me to go on Sunday for blood draw), and forgot. I waited for an hour and a half at the lab, finally got blood drawn but the tech there said, 'Oh, she forgot to order the tests, we will call her on Monday and ask for them.' Then I called around noon today to see if they had gotten the tests ordered and they had not, so I called my doc's nurse. She took care of it, but now says that they were testing for something slightly different than my OB said. For some reason this all really annoyed me! In her defense, I know my doc was super busy on Friday. Still. Irritating. So the lab gave me the results but I don't know how to interpret them. I know that the FSH and LH are in the normal range, but don't know how the numbers work together. Thyroid is OK, which is good. I wondered about that. Anyway, the results are in but my doc hasn't called me yet to talk about them. I know I sound very impatient, but I kind of thought my OB knew that I was feeling really ready for the info, and she didn't call. Hmmm. I am sure she will call tomorrow. At least I hope so!

preg- You testing tomorrow??

country - Those are rad super moon pics!! It was sooo bright.

treasured - The moon was the closest it will be to earth all year, so when it rose it looked really huge, and then later on became very bright!

Nope, testing thursday, almost there

 

[Pino6161]

What does F.E.A.R stand for?

 

[lauren26]

country - YES she is so frustrating!! I really can't go anywhere else in town that will be better, though. It's shocking because there are sooooooo many pregnant women where I live, you'd think there would be more OB practices.

I did finally hear from the OB after calling again this morning to check in. She was like, it's normal, I don't know where you want to go from here. I think she had forgotten that we would do progesterone levels later this month, so I mentioned it. She said we could do it but that it 'didn't matter that much'. ???? And then I asked, just to really get more info and put my mind at ease, if she, as a doc, had seen women with spotting issues who got pregnant just fine. She totally answered around the question. Oh, and before this she jumped to how couples go to infertility specialists to speed up the process, or to get more testing. This was after she'd offered earlier last week to do whatever testing I wanted. I don't know what to do, ladies! We don't have a fertility clinic anywhere near here, and if we did it would be out of pocket pay. Should I just settle and be patient? I am very frustrated with my doc's lack of interest. I mean, maybe she just feels like, oh the bloods were normal so I'm in no hurry to do anything further?

lxb - You are right (as I'm spouting worrisome and negative thoughts!), when we are aware of our thought process it's so much easier to choose better thoughts. I struggle with this, but we do have choices, and it's my responsibility alone to maintain awareness of my thoughts.

 

[SashimiMimi]

Oh boy Lauren, what a tough predicament. There is nothing worse than a doctor who has a meh attitude. If it were me, I don't settle for anything, nor am I patient, so I wouldn't shrug my shoulders and back off. I'm lucky because my family doctor will sit with you for an hour even if you have something as simple as a hangnail. She is a great listener, which is rare and I refuse to settle for less. She was on mat leave all last year and I had some issues that her replacement refused to deal with. It was like unless I wanted a prescription for something, I had no business being there.

Is there anyone else you can see? I would start researching and see what your options are. There has to be others in your area who consulted a fertility specialist. Get a quote on how much it would cost and then weigh your options. For me personally, even though we haven't had results YET it's been worth every penny so far. Worth it not only for my thyroid health, but for the fact that we aren't left wondering if something is wrong. Until then Lauren, don't take no for an answer with your doctor. It's great that SHE is not concerned about your fertility health, but if YOU are she needs to listen.

I'm not doing so well on the positive thinking front. Every time I think about our most recent failed IUI I get completely choked up. I even caught myself crying at my desk, then again on the streetcar. I don't know why this second failed attempt is getting to me so much, I actually feel like I'm grieving something I never even had in the first place.

Maybe because I'm having a rough week at work and it's only Tuesday. Tomorrow will likely be the same with an added fertility clinic visit at the crack of dawn. Sigh!!!