Could use a buddy

[treasured]

p.s I dyed my hair yesterday, quite a drastic change from blonde to brown and feel like its a fresh start! got myself a spray tan too so I dont feel so pale due to our AWFUL 'summer' weather! woo for new starts and feeling good about yourself!

 

[Pino6161]

Treasured-- about 2 months ago I did the same thing. Dyed my blonde hair brown

 

[SleepyOwl]

Treasured - I'm with Sashimi on this one. Do what is best for YOU and don't worry about what anyone else thinks. It is so nuts that this has happened to two of your friends now!! I would be going absolutely nuts.

Sashimi - So kind of your SIL. I can only imagine what kind of emotions her saying that brought up though. I don't think anyone expects to have to get to the stage of assisted reproduction or waiting so long for their BFP. It's hard coping with the hand we've been dealt. I'm hoping these next steps in your fertility journey will bring you that BFP friend.

Pino - Sorry to hear you are feeling down! I know the move will be stressful, but I'm sure it will be worth it being closer to your mom. Hope your mood picks up soon!!

 

[lauren26]

Sashimi - that is incredibly generous of your SIL!! Even if you never, ever have to go that route, it's nice to know you the option to do surrogacy through someone you trust and love.

Treasured - I am with these ladies. Is just explain you can't offer the support she needs right now and hope she understands without asking top many questions.

It is 1:30am here and I can't sleep! I used to have an adrenal issue that pretty much prevented me from sleeping most nights, but it's been months since I've gone through a night like this. Monday will be extra hard! Hoping this BnB break will help.

 

[lxb]

Sashimi - Yep... we all need to find peaceful emotions within ourselves, and it is hard! We need to focus on things we have control over (our actions, decisions, and feelings). All other things, we can only hope for the best and do whatever we can to turn that around and to make the best of it. Sometime when I was hanging out with my sis, I would see her bump. And for a few split seconds, I would think... "I was only suppose to be ~5 weeks behind her. And now I'm back at the line... waiting for the phase to pass and waiting to start ttc again. But at least I have a very supporting DH and loving family. I treat my niece/nephew as if they were my own~~ As I've mentioned before, they calls me "Auntie-mama" so I am one of those crazy aunts too~ and my sis is loving it~~

treasured - I'm with all these ladies~ do what is best for YOU. Oo... I was thinking about cutting my hair~~ (My hair is currently down to my butt!! Wanted to cut it to above shoulder length... but I think I'm chickening out again~ )

pino - how are you feeling today?

lauren - Ahh.. how is your monday so far? DH & I stayed up over the weekend ~2am on both Sat & Sun~ watching some movies!! (we took naps during the day though) Didnt' want to get up this morning~

sleepy - thought about your constant effort of napping whenever you can. I found myself took an extra second or two (or 5!) whenever i blink!

 

[treasured]

So i decided to go with you gals and tell my friend I cant go on Thurs, I decided to take my grandmother to a group thing she goes to instead, and use it as an excuse. I offered to give her a lift to the clinic though, just out of kindness.....she doesnt drive.

Lxb- omggg you should totally go for it, and then give me your extra hair cause mine doesnt seem to grow haha! probably cause Ive died it so many times.But in seriousness you should totally do somthing for YOURSELF that will make you feel really good about yourself, cause dying mine has made me feel a bit more sexy and confident haha, its worked wonders for OHs labido too he cant leave me alone love it! but deffinately treat yourself to some lxb love

pino- love that you dyed yours too! did it give you a new lease of life, i feel like a new woman hehe!

lauren- do you still have no sign of full blown AF? are you still spotting?

in other news.... I got offered to take over for the lead role in a play which will be in the fringe festival in Edinburgh (quite a big deal) cause the main girl dropped out. Ive decided not to take it up, as im waiting on my job interview and am enjoying my space atm. plus Id be rehersing every night untill august, learning an entire hour long script and then performing all of august so I think its just a bit too much for me. BUT it was a real booster just to be considered (I love acting/singing incase id never mentioned that haha)

peace out ladies xxxx

 

[treasured]

So i decided to go with you gals and tell my friend I cant go on Thurs, I decided to take my grandmother to a group thing she goes to instead, and use it as an excuse. I offered to give her a lift to the clinic though, just out of kindness.....she doesnt drive.

Lxb- omggg you should totally go for it, and then give me your extra hair cause mine doesnt seem to grow haha! probably cause Ive died it so many times.But in seriousness you should totally do somthing for YOURSELF that will make you feel really good about yourself, cause dying mine has made me feel a bit more sexy and confident haha, its worked wonders for OHs labido too he cant leave me alone love it! but deffinately treat yourself to some lxb love

pino- love that you dyed yours too! did it give you a new lease of life, i feel like a new woman hehe!

lauren- do you still have no sign of full blown AF? are you still spotting?

in other news.... I got offered to take over for the lead role in a play which will be in the fringe festival in Edinburgh (quite a big deal) cause the main girl dropped out. Ive decided not to take it up, as im waiting on my job interview and am enjoying my space atm. plus Id be rehersing every night untill august, learning an entire hour long script and then performing all of august so I think its just a bit too much for me. BUT it was a real booster just to be considered (I love acting/singing incase id never mentioned that haha)

peace out ladies xxxx

 

[lauren26]

Treasured - !!!!! Congrats!!!! We have a Fringe festival here that most of my friends are a part of and that my husband has done for about 7 years--I know the Fringe started in Edinburgh, and I know how big of a deal that is!! I hope you get to do it!! SO amazing! No, AF is not here but she is not due, either. I was afraid I'd get her a week early! I have very light spotting but nothing major. I think I had what Sashimi did--post-progesterone bleed.

lxb - I feel surprisingly great today! I don't know how or why, lol. I slept in late on Sunday, which is maybe why I couldn't sleep, but maybe I just didn't need the sleep? Still stressful to not fall asleep, but whatever! As long as I can function today, I'm good.

 

[treasured]

ohhh wow i knew there were some other fringes around the world but didnt know where thats amazing! well, dont count yourself out, you never know it could be IB i HOPE it is !!

im only 5dpo but im noticing much sorer boobs than usual, like they feel sore without even touching them, and realllly watery CM. god knows if its a symptom though Im not counting them cause im always wrong haha!

x

 

[SashimiMimi]

Hi Ladies! I'm feeling incredibly overwhelmed today. I had my physical appointment with my family doctor this morning and talked to her in great detail about what has been going on in regards to fertility. She feels my doctor has a great reputation, that he is up-to-date on all the latest treatments, but felt that if the whole experience is too stressful and too rushed she could send me to someone else. She did mention that a) all fertility clinics are like mine. Pandemonium. b) that I would have to go through ALL the same tests over again, including the HSG test (dye run through the tubes during an xray) and basically start everything over from scratch. There is NO WAY I'm doing an HSG again, and I think going to someone else is just going to set me back 3 months into my progress.

She did say that it is very rare, but very possible that someone like myself with regular cycles, no cramps and a rather light AF could actually have endo. I think her just saying it was a possibility has put me straight into a panic. She explained that they could scrape it out, but then it is a race to get PG before it grows back. And each time you do the surgery more scar tissue is created and a BFP gets more difficult. She did said that many people do get PG after having a lap, and if its the endo case, get PG after having it scraped. My doctor felt I was totally in the right to meet with my doctor and discuss why we are doing the lap, and the long-term and short-term steps for what will follow.

Lxb - I know what you mean with that "But I was supposed to be..." feeling. I feel like that every time I see a PG lady. I talked to my doctor about how upset and angry I feel and she recommended I see a therapist. She says a lot of clinics make their patients see a therapist before IVF. In the back of my mind, I have kind of thought I am getting to the point where I may need to talk to someone, but I dont know how it will help. It's not like they will grant me a BFP. I think that is why I am trying out the meditation group to see if I can find some sort of inner peace.

Lauren - Sorry you had trouble sleeping. Welcome to my world. As a rule, I cover all the clocks before going to bed so I don't know what time it is. I find it helps, because when I see 2 am or 3 am roll around I start to panic.

I hope I'm okay tonight because I feel major anxiety today that I haven't felt in ages. I think this whole summer TTC break has just put everything on the back burner and now its becoming top of mind again. Thanks for listening, Ladies!

I'm incredibly nervous to meet with my doctor this Thursday and I don't know why. I guess just meeting with him will put the surgery into motion and I think it scares me more than I let on. Also, while I was at the doctor I got an email from my boss saying that I didn't edit something more carefully and a few typos went to print. (I work for a magazine.) There are tons of deadlines creeping up on me and I'm just feeling overwhelmed as I was dead set on not letting this job get in the way of my fertility treatments, but it's impossible to balance both with the way I am feeling right now. I've been researching how to negotiate time off for fertility, but I'm still so new in this position I feel really uncomfortable about discussing it.

Anyway, sorry for the long vent. While we are on the topic of hair, I dyed my hair from blond to dark brown a few years ago and kept it for a year. I liked it, but every time I looked in the mirror I forgot I had dark hair and it would make me jump because I didn't recognize myself!! I've spent the last year and a bit slowly going back to blond and I feel more like myself this way. However, changing your hair can make you feel so great!

 

[treasured]

sashimi i feel for you , your really not having it easy are you! and your supposed to be relaxing! maybe talking to someone would be helpful though I really wish there was someone other than OH to talk to but I dont feel like i can talk to my friends yet...

hope you sleep well tonight x

 

[SashimiMimi]

Thanks, Treasured!! By the way, that fringe play sounds really cool... Even if you are not prepared to take it on, what an offer!! I used to do acting in commercials and music videos when I was younger, but really wish I had gotten into stage acting. It's such a fun, creative outlet!!

 

[lauren26]

Sashimi, I'm so sorry you had such a rough day! I can imagine how overwhelming it must have been just to even imagine seeing a new doc and getting all the tests run again. Even if you don't do it--the suggestion itself sounds overwhelming! I am in the exact same place as you with feeling like it's impossible to give my attention to work and fertility. My clinic is supposed to be open 8-4:30 but they only answer the phone from 9-4, so I have to run out and make calls throughout the day and I feel really aware of it and self conscious. Anyway, I wish I could say that the lap is totally routine and everything will be fine etc. etc. but I realized today how completely scared about it I am feeling! It's great that your doc said the other doc has a good rep, and the fact that things are rushed is frustrating, but you can totally take your own time, and do everything exactly when it feels right and safe. Regarding therapy, I see someone weekly and she's amazing--AND she's the mother of a small boy and specializes in neonatal therapy, which I thought would trigger me but it just hasn't. In fact, I always feel amazing after having a session with her, especially when we talk about fertility issues. I hope that you feel better and get a good night's rest. I sometimes have to force myself to take three giant, slow breaths at bedtime just so I can relax enough to realize I'm in bed.

 

[SleepyOwl]

Treasured - How exciting to be offered that role!! I wish I had any sort of talent like that. Makes sense if you don't want to take it though since it is such a large commitment. And good idea on taking your grandma! Glad you are doing what is best for you

Sashimi - What a tough day - such an overwhelming visit for sure as well as journey you've had. I think that's the right choice to stick with your current clinic especially if they are all like that. No point in going backwards, when you can hopefully move forward from this point on. I think the therapist idea is great though. My sister saw one for a while during her TTC journey and found a lot of comfort in speaking to someone who was totally removed from the situation.

Lxb - I took a few long blink naps at work after I read your post earlier. They did the trick, lol!!

Lauren - I hope you get some rest tonight!!!

Pino, Haribo - How are you two doing?

Nothing new on my end except I have terrible gas today and I feel super unattractive. Gotta love the few days after O...can't wait for that to pass. Pun intended

 

[lauren26]

LOL Sleepy, on your pun. How did I miss long blink naps?? I should totally try that!

 

[haribo813]

I was doing ok until I found out 15 mins ago that the girl whose wedding we went to on 21 April is pregnant and due in January-got pregnant on honeymoon. Meanwhile I'm filling in forms to assess eligibility for a fertility specialist to go along to on my 31st birthday and AF is due on Sunday.

Every new person that gets pregnant so easily makes me think we've got an even bigger issue-why is it taking so long? There's obviously something wrong. Maybe we'll never be able to have kids? etc etc. That's kind of my line of thought tonight.

Just got back home so am starving, eating dinner really late and yoga at 8am tomorrow-not ideal.

Sorry to whinge and sorry it seems like a tough week for quite a lot of us,
xxxx

 

[Pino6161]

So quick bit of knowledge I found out....

People are expecting a baby boom among TTCers that are reading the 50 Shades Trilogy. Woman are getting more turned on, which means more sex, and cervical fluid. I know for me it's been that way. (We have sex about 2x a day )

I thought I would let you know! My OH found out, and told me to read them again

 

[lxb]

sashimi - hope you're feeling better today. and good luck on the appt tomorrow! hope it provides you with the answers you needed and the comfort that you needed so it won't be such a distraction for your work anymore. it is hard to concentrate on something when your mind is wondering off and is full of worries~

treasured - congrats on the role~~~ bet you must feel like you're in cloud 9~~ hope the hair trick will trick out AF and bringing on your bfp! I think I might go a little below shoulder length because I'm chickening out to go from butt length to ear-length!

haribo - so sorry hun that you have to deal with all that. as I've mentioned before, we went to SF to visit a friend (who got married in July, preggo in Aug, now baby in May 2012)! And she said she was depressed for a while when the baby first borned as it's no longer about her anymore and that she can't just pick up and go to wherever/whenever. Grass is always greener on the other side indeed~

pino - i actually saw that thread! something "oopsy" thread! and all about the 50 shades of grey. hope it works for you~~

sleepy - trip is almost here!!! I'll be dreaming about beach when I take my 5-second-blinking-eye-nap!

lauren - did you try the 5-s nap?? it works wonder! Like a quick 5 s meditation! or longer if you wish~~

afm, bleeding slowed down and I think I'm "spotting" today! and boob hurts much less today~ So feeling pretty good! Made myself feel extra good by putting on fresh coat of polish (sinful color brand - boogie night)~~ Still debating if I should cut my hair! I'm such a chicken!

 

[SleepyOwl]

So quiet on here today!!

Lxb - Yay for spotting!! So funny to be saying that right? Your nail polish color sounds sassy; I like!!

Haribo - That is so frustrating having to deal with that. One day that'll be us, but I know that doesn't make you (or me) feel any better in the moment.

Lauren - How's work going for you? Has it calmed down a bit?

Sashimi - I miss you!! Hope you're okay!!

Pino - Umm, I'm about to read that book as part of my TTC regimen. Lol, I am desperate and will try anything!!

Treasured, Country - How are you both???

 

[lauren26]

Hey Sleepy! Work is calm but also totally busy still, lol. I visited our new building today and took a look at my office--it's teensy! But at least I'll have a door to slam, lol. How are you?? Is your new job going already?

Sashimi, I will think of you tomorrow at your appointment! Ask every single thing that comes up .