Could use a buddy

[Pino6161]

Treasured--- The other ladies are correct it can be soft and open for the first couple of weeks. Th cum I’m not sure as everyone has different signs. This could be one of yours.

Lauren---- So you told OH already?? Did you give him the card?? I wouldn’t worry about the spotting. Try to relax

Lxb--- My cycle changed after each MC so that might be your case. And I meant just NTNP for this cycle just to be on the safe side. Me myself don’t have the patience to wait a full 3 cycles LOL. Just do what your heart tells you

Janie---- So are you late in your cycle then???

Sash--- I know your feeling about other people getting BFP’s and not knowing why you can’t. Try not to let what other people say get to you. I really do think this will be your chance. I think your co worker was just trying to make a joke. A bad one at that though. You have every right to be on a short fuse. Your emotions are everywhere. Just remember. All of us crazy ladies are here for you!!

So yesterday was mostly a good day except for one catch. I need to vent so here it is

Spoiler

My OH’s first serious relationship was in high school and they dated for about 2 years. She was very controlling, always saying he was cheating, even though she was. Her family was nuts, I mean really nuts. Anyways they broke up and that was that as he moved. My biggest problem with her was that he lost his virginity to her. I lost mine to him. My virginity meant a great deal to me because of a promise I made to my Aunt and Grandmother before they passed. Anyways about a year ago she found him on Facebook and he accepted her friend request. I was fine with it until 1 day I went on his facebook cause I was talking to his cousin through it about family pics anyways and I see the messages from her so I read them. They were innocent enough until she started talking about the past and their relationship. Well I brought it up to him and we got into a big argument about her and I blocked her from his facebook. That was that. NOT. So early this year I saw some text messages from her and we had another big fight about it. And I messaged her saying nicely that I was not comfortable with them being in contact as she had a habit of bringing up the past and if she wanted to talk she could message me. Well I never heard from her. Yesterday I was IMing OH’s cousin from my facebook and I went into my messages and I noticed this other folder called “other” well I clicked it and I had 3 messages. 2 from her saying what I have heard about her etc. and one from her BF/babies dad saying that I need to watch my OH cause he found text messages to the ex asking for sexy pics. (they were both from january/february) They thing is was that all the messages were written in the same horrible English, and had the same tone, so I figured she wrote it. So I responded to her saying that what I know is moot and contact needs to stay void etc. Well I get this message saying that she doesn’t care and hopefully he is better to me than he was to her etc. Everything I know about her is from friends that were all there, my OH and his bestfriend/her ex…. Anyways I bring it up to my OH and he said he would have never asked for pics and the time that she was texting him she was asking him for hookups cause I guess his cousin sells drugs. He would respond that he was not into that shit and she would get pissed off. I guess her and her BF are into drugs and shit. Anyways we talked at length about it and I told him that I was thinking about messaging her and finding out her side of the story. Well he saw it as she would do anything to put a wedge between us and it would ruin our relationship. I agreed, even though I was tipsy so we both blocked both of them from facebook. He said “One day she will get what she deserves” My only response was that she is conniving, and does drugs, and still “deserves” her 2 beautiful children. How is life fare?? I just don’t get it!! Anyways we left the past in the past, and in all reality it is easier this way. It just pisses me off that after everything she still gets to have children!!! IDK

I feel better now that I have vented!! I can finally just put her away and throw away the key!!

Other than that nonsense I had a good, relaxing day!!

I am feeling ok this month of TTCing but I am losing faith and patience quickly. I am not allowed to show it to OH though cause he gets angry/upset

 

[lauren26]

First off, here is this morning's SMU--darker than yesterday AM, not crazy dark yet but helps me feel optimistic!

https://i1263.photobucket.com/albums/ii633/laurendartt/SMU11dpo.jpg

Thank you ladies for comforting me!! I called my doctor and phone nurse said that it was probably normal but that I could come in today for bloodwork and get same day results. I do know it's normal--with my history I am concerned, but SO FAR I haven't had any more red-brown, only tinged brown CM. My other concern is just that I felt crazy sick, hot, and headachey yesterday and don't hardly at all today...I guess I will know soon enough! They get the results at 2pm and could call as late as 4:30 ...

I am trying to stay optimistic! Doesn't feel like AF is going to show but some of these things are typical before AF. Still, I feel like my body just got a nice clean out, is back to 'normal', and I have no real evidence so far that this pregnancy will end early!

I told OH last night with the card. He saw the word 'Daddy' and didn't even finish opening it! He was very happy and I made him finish opening the card and look at the pee stick!! LOL! This morning he was still excited and not at all concerned about the blood. He has pretty good intuition around health matters, so him feeling calm does help me. I made the mistake of telling my BF/coworker what was going on since I was late to work and she had to cover for me, and she keeps saying things like, 'You have to accept that with your history it's a distinct possibility that you will lose it.' Makes me not want to talk to her at all!! Anyway, sorry to go on and on. I will let you all know as soon as I find out. I will be praying hard until then! I will write everyone back later, too, but wanted to update and jump off. More later! And happy the thread is so active .

 

[Pino6161]

Lauren--- That is very negative of your BF. No matter your history it is possible for anyone, but that doesn't mean you say it out loud. It is messed up and rude! Tell her to shut her face!!

 

[countrygirl86]

Jaynie -

Sashimi - some people have no clue about fertility, IVF, etc. You are right to have a short fuse, ignorance is annoying! I don't think there's anything wrong with going into it without a feeling one way or another, our bodies/minds have a way of protecting us. As you go through the next steps that feeling may change...

Haribo - just going to jet off to France lol can I come too?

Pino - ugh exes! Glad it's all over. DH seemed very responsible about it. How is your knee?

Lauren - Beautiful test! Let us know how the bloods went. I love DH's reaction! Your coworker has no children/no known fertility issues I assume? I would keep my distance from her for sure. I'm with Pino!

 

[Pino6161]

Country--- My knee is doing ok. I still can't do anything to strenuous. It popped out while we were bowling. It does that now. It pops out and I have to put it back in. When we get to OK I am going to have a specialist look at it. As for the ex. I don't see how she can still be so bitter after 7 years, it's just BS

How are you feeling?? Have you got a bump??

 

[lxb]

sashimi - so sorry you have to deal with those ignorant people~ some people just don't have a clue what it's like to be in the others' shoes~ and certainly can use some sensitivity juice! i think the reason you're not feeling so well about all this is to protect yourself. You're trying not to get your hopes up just in case. And it is perfectly normal to feel that way. we, the crazy bunch, have our hopes sky high for you because we KNOW it WILL happen!... so we balance each other out~

pino - people can be bitter~ glad that you and oh sort things out and moving on with it. some people just can't let go~ Ahh.. hope you can get your knee taken care of soon!! it's scary to hear you have to pop it in so often?! how's your smoking quitting progress? are you completely off now? haven't heard much update on this from ya~

jaynie - TEST!!! there sure are some baby dust floating around this forum!

haribo - I'm with country! can i come too??

country - i'm STILL waiting for your bump pic! as well as Preg's bump pic!!

lauren - what the?! about your bf/coworker! Yes, please stay AWAY from her! Who needs negativity?! As country said, it is what is it.. and will be what will be. All we can do is to take good care of ourselves and that is really all... that we can do. God... waiting for the call is the worst!!! well.. good thing you have us here with u to kill some time!

afm, maybe as pino said.. my cycle is different now. Just feels so weird. AF is gone, just like that. no spotting. feeling so strange. I still have a little bit of cramps at random at times... and i felt like more af would come rushing out! but cd5... clear as day~ only some bloody-dye-cm looking thing when wiped (1/5 times?)

I've only seen one OB.. so i'm not sure if there's a trusted doc i can talk to. as I've been lurking around the forums.. people are told different things. And some went on to have healthy babies... some ended up in mc... some are still waiting for bfp. I guess nobody really knows what's "right".

I feel good physically and emotionally. Maybe I should wait after 2nd af? .... as a fellow bnb buddy said her doc said wait 2 cycles... 'one to flush things out. and one for luck' I feel I'm being ignorant again and acting as if I'll get bfp the moment I try for me to worry about mc.

 

[Pino6161]

I do not smoke anymore, only when I drink. Yesterday I had 2 and Saturday 1 as I was drinking, but I don't really miss it

 

[lauren26]

Talked to nurse and it's official! My hcg was at 25, which is not high but is exactly where it should be for when I Oed and when implantation probably happened, so I am satisfied! I need to go back Friday to make sure things are progressing. A little nervous about that, of course, but I am starting to feel like it might be OK! Slight nausea returned (yay! lol), and no more spotting as of now, knock on wood! I am thinking of starting a journal so that I'm not constantly talking about this on our TTC thread. Back to work for me--people are DEF getting suspicious about what I've been doing on the net all day....Anyway, will write back individually later as there is so much I want to say to you crazy ladies!

 

[treasured]

thanks everyone for your input on cervix & CM haha! I guess we are all different which is a pain!

ahhh lauren this is all so exciting! I dont think you should be made to doubt this pregnancy and I agree with the girls tell your friend to butt out! she clearly has her brain in her backside if everything seems fine at the docs then jst try to relax I know its difficult after all youve been through with the surgery and stuff but this is your time so cute how you told DH I bet he is thrilled!

pino- im not sure if this is a new sign for me cause I dont usually check my CM right up at my cervix, cause thats the only place I have this CM. it still feels like it is open but maybe slightly higher than earlier? gahhh confusion! I know how you feel about OH getting annoyed about TTC failure chat! mine has decided to more ignore the situation when I complain about it and I now thats just his way of dealing with it but I wish he would maybe show a bit of upset for once!

ummm Im gonna be 12dpo tomorow, 26 day cycle usually but i think my LP was 10 days last month? if AF doesnt arrive tomorow or friday morning im gonna do a test cause Im going camping at the weekend and wanna make sure Im ok to have a drink... I will be 13dpo by then so should get an accurate test result.

 

[lxb]

lauren - yay for official confirmation!!!!! SOOooo excited for you!!

 

[Pino6161]

Lauren--- It's official I am sooooo very happy for you!!!!

Treasured---- You could test right now just to make me happy LOL! 2 BFP's in a week would be awesome!!

Lxb--- Don't be confused just go with the flow!!

 

[treasured]

sashimi- why do people STILL assume octomom happends to everyone that does IVF? although.... if you did become her you could share them out and give us one all hehe!
but seriously, people dont seem to get how hard something like that is to go through so there is no need for silly comments! Dont you worry you will never be alone with us here! I know it isnt this same as being able to hug someone and really lean on them but I hope in some way that our words can help guide you through the bits that are too tough to face alone! I beleive that your fear and doubts are stemmed from a positive. You want this so much that of course there will be parts of your mind telling you that it wont work, because we dont like to set ourselves up for more pain. But I think this is the way forward for you, and you are strong enough to get what you need out of it So dont even worry that you cant see the positives from it yet, because like haribo said once you get buba you'll know that somthing good has deffinately happened!

p.s. woah.... when did I get so cheesy?

 

[treasured]

haha pino I have no tests! I deliberately didnt buy any so that I couldnt test! throw me some over?

 

[treasured]

p.s jaynie- I also want you to test!! this CM is deffo not to do with O cause I now for a fact that I o'd on CD14 so im not sure what it is :S:S x

 

[Pino6161]

Treasured--- I OBJECT!! Go get some. See I only got to pee on a stick once and that's just not fair. I have to live through all of you

 

[Pino6161]

By the way, I think BnB needs a chat section like Facebook, but with multiple people so we don't have to keep refreshing!!

 

[lxb]

By the way, I think BnB needs a chat section like Facebook, but with multiple people so we don't have to keep refreshing!!

AGREE!!

** update **
If you ladies still remember, that friend of mine that I suspect is preggo but didnt' tell me. (Well, she still hasn't told me... but her status update definitely confirmed it). Her status : "After last night's dinner, I've concluded I no longer love shrimp". It still bothers me a little that she still hasn't told me but I won't let it get to me.

 

[SleepyOwl]

Lauren: Yes, yay for official confirmation!!! Sounds like the spotting is normal - especially if it's brown CM. All the stalking I've done for when I get pregnant says that's expected lol. What a sweet reaction from OH! Did you ugly cry when he read the card? Because I almost ugly cried reading about it on here lol. Ahhhh - I still can't believe it! So exciting!!

Pino: That is crazy about ex-gf. She needs to go away and never come back!

Lxb: I feel like if you are feeling good emotionally and physically and the doc gave you the go ahead (assuming you trust your doc), then go for it! Bottom line is that you and OH have to be comfortable with your decision. I am excited for your rainbow baby to get here though!

Treasured: You better test tomorrow girl!! No sign of AF is def a good sign. Fingers crossed for you friend!

Haribo: Umm can you take one more BnB buddy with you???

Sashimi: I'm so so sorry that you are feeling so alone and vulnerable right now. I feel very alone in the whole process a lot of the time and like I only have you ladies. And even then it's hard because sometimes you just want to pick up the phone and cry to somebody. Hopefully this thread and BnB gives you the support you need; also glad that you found that IRL support too. I hope this process gets easier as you go through it and that you only have to do it once. That octomom comment was so rude! I can't believe people have the nerve to say some of the things they do. You were right to have a short fuse with her. She probably deserve a swift kick to the head for that one as well.

I think I'm 7DPO now actually, after really sitting down and thinking about what day it was. And like Sashimi, I've been feeling very alone regarding TTC lately. OH really hasn't been in any kind of mood to talk about anything and with all these girls on FB getting pregnant with their 2nd, 3rd and 4th kids (all my age mind you), I'm feeling an even stronger sense of urgency to just get my 1st. I felt like OH was rude last night when I brought up that someone else was pregnant (one of his friends that got married in Feb), so I just went to bed and cried myself to sleep. I knew he felt bad about it and wanted to talk this morning, but I probably would have just cried more and gone to work looking like a red-nosed fool. He did call me later and say that he finally made an appointment with his doctor for an SA and to get a referral for a urologist (this was supposed to have been done MONTHS ago). I'm still feeling pretty down because I feel like AF is coming. I had EWCM today which is weird but I feel like is a sign of AF. I also get this feeling about a week before my period where my V feels really warm and I got that today. Ugh - it kills me. I will never understand how it is easy for some people to get pregnant.

 

[SleepyOwl]

OMG while I was typing this novel I missed all those other posts. I second Pino - Treasured go get some tests ASAP!

 

[Pino6161]

Ok so I was just thinking "this is NOT fair"!!!!! Not the BFP's or anything, but you guys are lapping me with your cycles!! You go through 2 ovulation's compared to my 1. I am kind of pouting now