daycare costs

[HerdingDogs]

I just died a little. My mom is not happy. She doesn't want me to have a baby in this situation. Fair enough. So she just dropped the I'm not babysitting bomb. I'm not going to whine or fight. This is my child. She did her time raising babies. But infant care Is $1600-2600 for full time in my area. Sigh. That money could go towards so many things to enrich my child's life. But to teach me a lesson, she's going to make her grandchild suffer? Or at least let me pay her. She's also a credentialed teacher. Ugh. I'd rather pay her than a stranger.

 

[Buffyx]

My parents are thrilled to be grandparents - I'm married, own my home and my parents love my husband. But it doesn't mean I should expect them to babysit so that my child has more. What about my parents life? They don't want a baby hanging around while they're trying to enjoy it.

I know it's expensive for day care, but that's what we are going to have to do also.

Have you offered to pay her, and she still said no? Maybe she just needs some time to come around

 

[HerdingDogs]

My mom LOVES babies. She's that creepy lady in the store making faces with your kid loves babies. She has always told me she can't wait for my children and babysitting them and so on. She wants to quit teaching and go back to being a stay at home mom. It's what she's done most of her adult life. What hurts me is that she throws it in my face. "If you were married..." "If you weren't shaming our family..." I get it. I didn't ask to get pregnant. I don't want to be pregnant with a guy who doesn't love me or this child. I don't want to be renting a home when I give birth. But I'm trying to make the best of the situation. At the end of the day, I can afford it. I make 70k and next year it goes up to 76. But I hate the idea of giving money to other people. Like I love paying rent to them because I know that money goes to my brothers' college fund. Idk. I'm just sad. Sad for my baby.

I brought it up in passing to pay her, but I don't think she heard me.

 

[Eleanor ace]

. I bet she'll come around later on, as it sounds like she really wants to babysit. Se's probably just lashing out at the moment. old your head up and ride it out

 

[HerdingDogs]

Thank you. Hugs. Sorry, I was hormonal haha. Going to use that one for the next 250 days I would hope so. But I have always had to pay rent, but they never charge my brother rent. My stepdad is really into investing in houses. Smart guy. Anyway, I love paying it like I said because I know it goes straight to my younger brothers' college accounts and it makes me feel responsible and independent, but the reason my brother never paid and I did is "money is fungible and you date idiots so if I don't charge you rent then you go out and take care of these guys it's like me using my money to do that." Which is fair and true and I deserved it, but don't punish a baby whose life is already starting out on the wrong foot.

 

[greats]

You have to remember that your mom is a lot older now than when she was when she raised you guys. My mom babysat my daughter for 6 weeks before she finally came to me and said she couldn't do it anymore. I was really upset and didn't talk to her for a couple months but looking back I totally get it now. My mom is fab with my daughter and watches her one night every other weekend. That she can handle but there's no way I could expect her to handle watching her every day. Yes she's the grandmother but it's not her job even if I paid her.

Try looking up state certified home day cares as they generally cost a lot less than the schools. Here the day care schools cost $60/day but home day cares are usually $40/day and they do pretty much the same as the schools, have to follow the same rules and laws, etc.

You have the rest of your pregnancy to figure it out. You're only 4.5 weeks! Lol

 

[MrsHudson]

I agree with PP. GIve it time and she may come around. Especially once LO is born. Also, you really do have to consider she is much older now than when she raised you and I can imagine after 20 something years, she may be enjoying the empty nest.

I'm sorry you have to worry about it at all. I know for us, what I make a month would go all towards daycare, so I decided to be a SAHM. We're right on the cusp of being able to survive on one income. It definitely isn't an option for everyone though.

 

[MeaganMackenz]

My mom said all of the above when I first got pregnant.. At 18.. With my husband who'd I'd only been with 4 months. But by the time baby came she was right there in the delivery room. She's not a baby person, I'm shocked she had me, but once my daughter turned 1 she was happy to (and still is despite my dad's dementia) to babysit. Sometimes I think mom's who aren't prepared for being grandma's or are worried for the situation their daughters are in have a stubborn stance. Mine did and I hope yours does too.

As for the daycare, that's a shit ton of money. I know it's not cheap and varies all over the US and Canada with what it costs but I would seriously consider home daycare as well. For me, as nice as formal daycares are, I had the best experience with a home daycare when my first daughter was just over 2. I'm still friends with the mom who watched her even now that she doesn't have a daycare anymore. I actually daycare her 3 kids in the summer and school breaks and we see each other once or twice a week. If you do your due diligence, sometimes home daycares can be more cost effective then a formal daycare and give your child a more intimate experience. Food for thought it's not for everyone and that's totally understandable

 

[HerdingDogs]

I could hug all of you. Thank you.

I'm touring some places next week. I know it's early, but around here the daycares fill up fast. You pretty much have to sign up as soon as your expecting to be put on their wait list and cross your fingers something opens when you give birth.

My only concern with home care is that I have SO MANY pets. There wouldn't be a way to come and just watch the baby. The person would have to be caring for my pets as well/ my pets are trained but they are definitely high energy. If you don't know the right commands or you're not Alpha enough, it would be a very dangerous situation for a baby to be in.

My mom is pretty upset. All of her Thai relatives were just complimenting her on how I'm the only smart girl and how she's the only good mom because I went to school and am working and I'm not having a baby out of wedlock. And here I am. Even the nurse who drew my blood yesterday (she happened to be Thai) admitted she can understand culturally why my mom is furious.

We'll see. I'm just a planner since I have high anxiety. I like to know what is happening and when. But I applied to BMR housing in a few cities, so hopefully I can do that since I am a teacher. But if not I guess I'm renting from my parents for the rest of my life.

 

[Abbey08]

Pretty sure they meant at an at home daycare meaning someone who runs a daycare out of there home not in your home.

 

[Buffyx]

Yeah like family day care I know they are quite a bit cheaper where Im from.

 

[babifever]

She'll probably come around. Meanwhile, that is a astronomic amount for day care. Here its about $150 per week, monthly $600. Which is still alot to me. I hope everything works out for you

 

[HerdingDogs]

Oooo I guess that would make sense haha. I just yelped infant day care.

 

[tryn4]

Seriously your looking for daycare at 4 weeks pregnant? Wow that's hectic!

 

[HerdingDogs]

Seriously your looking for daycare at 4 weeks pregnant? Wow that's hectic!

I'm really not kidding when I say they fill up fast. Two of the places I contacted already have waiting list for around my due date/when I would start. One place takes people on the wait list 16-24 months in advance. People in my area (Palo Alto, CA) are very quick and very pricey when it comes to their children. I'm overprotective so while more expensive I'd feel more comfortable with my kid in a building with trained staff, cameras, and accountability to me. But I am just looking at my options right now. Obviously I shouldn't count my chickens, but I need to know where I'm putting my baby so I can be at work on time (better if when I want to be at work) and easily pick up from work on my way home which limits me to Palo Alto, Los Altos, Mountain View, and Sunnyvale. Being a single mom who does not yet have tenure, I need to have all my stuff together when I tell my boss I'm pregnant so she doesn't extend my evaluation/tenure road.

 

[tryn4]

That's so stressful! But won't you get mat leave? I get a year although I returned just shy of 11 months and also I will not be staying off as long with this one. But your only 1 month pregnant. I can appreciate your super organized and a planner but a lot goes on in a pregnancy, you haven't even hit certain stages yet! Give yourself a little break! Xx

 

[HerdingDogs]

We get 12 weeks of unpaid maternity leave here in Cali. Luckily, I work for a really wonderful school district. We have differentiated pay so I get paid my daily rate minus whatever it costs to pay my sub. I think that only comes out to about $100-200/day though. The subs get paid quite a bit. I think I signed up for disability insurance, too, and that covers pregnancy leave. So I HOPE I can do what my coworker did. She worked up to the Friday before she was due and then had her baby that Sunday. If I can do that, I can stay on leave until winter break then start back in Jan. If not, I'd have to go in early Dec. (unless they want to be nice and just let me go to break which they did with her but she has tenure and has a husband who makes a ton of money). In that case, I can probably beg my grandparents to come up if I pay for their hotel to babysit for two weeks. Plus, the longer I am out of work the more likely I have to ask my parents for financial help. I'd pay them bay asap but I hate having to bug them for money.

 

[Abbey08]

With your income you say you make I don't see how you can't save a ton now and not have to ask your parents for assistance. I also live in California and yes its expensive but you make more then double what my husband and I make in a year and we're able to save almost a $1000 a month to help with all the expenses and handle to $ I'll lose when I'm on leave from work.

 

[HerdingDogs]

It's in the plan to bank. I have about 2.5k of wiggle room each month right now. Unfortunately, I had a recent DV situation and the legal fees and doctor visits ended up totally draining my savings from the last two years and even put me a few grand in the hole. But the plan is to put 1k back into my savings from here until baby comes and then the other 1.5 for the baby (500 for baby spending, 500 for pay banking, and 500 for college funds for now I'll up that when I get to stop paying for daycare). So by Sept that would put my savings back to 7k and 3.5 in the other accounts which is not much. So hopefully I can teach summer school or work at a summer camp to bank a few extra to put into that spending/ time off account. My mom may not babysit and she may not approve of the pregnancy, but I'm 99% sure if stuff hits the fan and I legit can't afford rent during my reduced pay period that they might let me defer my rent for a couple months. Most of this is me thinking out loud to make myself feel better. I'm stressed out. I have many friends who are single moms and do not have stable careers, and I don't understand how I'm barely going to be able to afford tis baby when I make so much more than them. =/

 

[GoHawks]

You make way more than any teacher I have ever met to have 2.5k wiggle room each month. With those numbers, I don't see how you would have any troubles getting by!