Dealing with azoospermia?

[Deb111]

Thanks Mercury - I wouldn't be without my azoo girls! Even those who have had their babies still pop back in when they get a minute spare. The positive stories are the ones that keep us all going and give us hope

Mr Ramsey will tell you more about the testosterone issues. My hubby has low test anyway so will eventually need testosterone replacement therapy, but as the NHS had already found 3 sperm on the one side, Mr R only went in on that side which he said meant there was less of an issue about reduction in testosterone. I'm sure he will do the minimal required to get what he needs. Mr R really is the most humble, genuine guy who will explain everything incredibly clearly and give you all the time you need xx

 

[CanadianMaple]

Girls i feel like a mess right now. I just had a talk with OH about babies and we have completely talked everything through i go through with him the things i find out on here and he is so amazing and supportive. Hes more worried about me i htink and said the focus is now getting married - to get my mind off things i think. But the reason im so upset..


We was just talking and i explained what the SSR is and it may happen but obvs went thru its only a maybe and we will have to wait and see what FS says. He looked at me and said he was so sorry for being the problem and he would do anything to give me a baby and he feels like a failure because he cant do that. Then he said 'we can dream of having our baby but i dunno if this is ever gunna happen sweetheart'.

I know this myself and been thinking the same thing, but him saying that just felt a bit like a slap in the face as a wake up call. Thinking oh my god this might really never happen. It feels like im finding out the results all over again - im so upset. I thought i dealt with the crying and being upset and its just come again. Please someone tell me im not crazy. I feel like a ive taken a step back in dealing with our situation.

Sorry for the long post x

I could have written this exact same post (only we are newlyweds) anytime between Dec to this past Friday. I actually even took a break for a bit because it was so overwhelming to read about it everyday and to see others getting results much quicker than me. I had been getting better since March 18, when some of the results started rolling in, but even better since Friday because he is finally open to donor sperm. I finally feel like we will have a baby, after him telling me that we may have to abandon our dream.

Some days were terrible, but they really have gotten better. The shock for the first few weeks was hard. We were grieving it at different times and he was much slower to process the enormity of it all. (I was an RN until 2006 and understood it all much quicker.) When we went to see the fertility clinic and it was difficult, but it felt like a step closer, and every call I have to the clinic is even closer... I am likely months away from any kind of IVF or IUI, but somehow it seems easier.

There will be really tough days, but just remember to be kind to each other. No matter what, you will still have each other and will have an even tougher bond for this. Take care of yourselves.

 

[deafgal01]

Girls i feel like a mess right now. I just had a talk with OH about babies and we have completely talked everything through i go through with him the things i find out on here and he is so amazing and supportive. Hes more worried about me i htink and said the focus is now getting married - to get my mind off things i think. But the reason im so upset..

We was just talking and i explained what the SSR is and it may happen but obvs went thru its only a maybe and we will have to wait and see what FS says. He looked at me and said he was so sorry for being the problem and he would do anything to give me a baby and he feels like a failure because he cant do that. Then he said 'we can dream of having our baby but i dunno if this is ever gunna happen sweetheart'.

I know this myself and been thinking the same thing, but him saying that just felt a bit like a slap in the face as a wake up call. Thinking oh my god this might really never happen. It feels like im finding out the results all over again - im so upset. I thought i dealt with the crying and being upset and its just come again. Please someone tell me im not crazy. I feel like a ive taken a step back in dealing with our situation.

Sorry for the long post x

Sending lots of in your direction (and to everyone else who needs one right now). I know many of us have been in your shoes at one time or another with similar or the exact same emotions. Hang in there.

You still have a ways to go- more results to find out and stuff to try before you can think "oh we can't have a baby with your man's sperm". Let the dr rule that out before you go there. Stranger things (or if you prefer the word
"miracles") have happened...


As for me, still no change. We're still keeping DH on meds (two different ones- one to boost the testerones and one to prevent the oxygen from storing in his fat). Soon they'll be doing another blood work to check the levels again to make sure it's working properly - I think 2 more weeks he'll be getting that done. I think if it's right this time around, they'll want a SA from him soon after that point. While we're waiting around for that to work itself out (if that is the case- if that doesn't work, we're looking at some kind of surgery as an option in the summer), we're both working on ourselves- going to the gym or doing some kind of work out 3 times a week. I still have no idea what to expect from all that meds- if it's really a sperm production issue or if it's just he has none at all. Emotionally I've been distracted with school and work. Summer will be toughest for me to deal with this.

 

[Stinas]

Mercury1 - Glad you decided to share your story! Im sorry you are going through this as well!!

Bumphopes - Im sorry...its a really tough thing to go through...it really sucks, but you do have to believe things will eventually work themselves out....no matter how hard they may seem. Deb is spot on with everything.!

As for me...I feel like I will have a better grasp of whats going on once DH goes to the urologist on tuesday. They told him they will do blood tests and an ultrasound on this testies.
Im just hoping the find some fishies in there and take them out, put them in me and we call it a lovely day! Its nice to dream sometimes.
Im worried for him the most. Hes putting on an act, but you can tell hes depressed and stressed out. He makes little comments like "im sick" and "im broken"....i just yell at him...it makes me mad, but then again, I can only imagine what hes going through. It was all so much easier when we thought it was me!
We went out with our friends who have an 8 month old, who I love like my own, but we were around others who were talking about having a second and how they conceived the first shot...blah blah blah...dh and I just wanted to run. I could feel it. Being around the baby sometimes makes me feel better, but hearing about how easy TTC is for some really gets to me...especially now. Is that bad?

 

[deafgal01]

Stinas- I can relate. I see on facebook this one young girl in her early 20s that is pregnant (she's currently 10 weeks pregnant) and updates it every week (or rather feels like everyday) something pregnancy related. It makes me want to run and hide because it's not as easy for all of us here in this forum. That's when you know when you need to take a breather- leave the room and take a time out if you need to do that. Cry in a private/alone place if you feel the urge to do that in the middle of hearing all that. Maybe some of us are comfortable letting these friends know that it's a sensitive topic, not one you want to hear about at this time or something. Maybe it seems "bad" to feel that way but after everything you, and all of us (especially our men) have been through, it's healthy to feel these emotions and it's healthier to let these emotions out one way or another (whether in private with our men, or alone).

 

[BumpHopes]

Thank you all for your kind and caring words. You have made me feel better and not feel like there is a way i 'should be feeling' it has only been about 2 weeks since we had the first lot of results so i guess this is just the rollercoaster we are all riding

Deb111 - thanks for getting back to me so quick. Thank you for your kind words! And the quotes are great thanks they did put things in perspective and I know the only thing that I can do is just keep going. I know what you mean about us researching things. Im always on here or checking with Dr Google lol and OH seems to not want to look too much into things.

Pinklolly – Thank you! And a big CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy!!

Mercury1 – thank you! Your right I got my OH and we are strong together. Just keep on going, like Dory in finding nemo ‘just keep swimming’ lol. Think might be being a bit tough on myself really being like right I had a day to cry now move on. Im realizing it doesn’t work like that.

CanadianMaple – Thank you. I see exactly what you mean about a step closer after your appointment. It was tough getting the results but at least now we can move on to see the extent of the problem and what can / cant be done to fix things. On to the next appointment…

DeafGal01 – Thank you. Your right we have no idea yet of what and whats not impossible if we can fins sperm of use donor sperm. It feels as though its all up in the air and I wish I could have answers now – I have always been impatient lol. But we will see, countdown to next appointment now, actually going to call another hospital to do the SA see if we can get in sooner there.

Stinas - i know exactly how you feel! on facebook there is a freind who just found out shes pregnant and got those weekly update things the latest one was 6 weeks, i used to think that they were cute and looking forward to doing mine (only after 12 weeks of course) but know it feels like everywhere there is something about pregnancy, babies and birth. My friend in work is about 28 wks PG so loveley seeing her bump everyday! lol.

Sorry for the really long post but wanted to thank you all. The support here is over whelming. Thank you so much.

 

[raelynn]

Well, we're off to the urologist to get our final TESE results. Fingers crossed!

Cosita - Haven't seen you around lately but I remember you were supposed to get your results this week to so best of luck!!

 

[snd80]

Hi girls! Hope everyone had a great Easter! And so much activity over the weekend! I was sad to see the many new faces on here, but you have all found the best place for support, and again many thanks to Deb for starting this for us!

AFM- Went and had progesterone blood work done this morning! So now another small waiting game. But that is ok... just one more step to the real deal!!! Didn't get to look through profiles w/ hubby this weekend. He is still sick w/ the crud and didn't feel like it. We did go to my SIL's yesterday for a bit and found out she miscarried 2 weeks ago, my other SIL is pg and complained the whole time about how bad she felt, and then found out my other SIL is pg, but had an abortion 2 months ago w/ twins, and now pg again, and looking like she will have ANOTHER abortion! *sigh* Some people! Didn't find out about the abortion deal until after they had left, or I swear I would have went off on her! But suprisingly none of all the baby talk didn't bother me like in the past! Guess that is growth on my part? Any other time I would have been in tears and ready to go hide from it all, but it didn't phase me so much this time! Go me! LOL!

How is everyone else today?

 

[Deb111]

Keeping everything crossed for you Raelynn xx

Snd - how irresponsible fo your SIL to have an abortion and then get pregnant straight away - have they never heard of birth control?!!? Good on you for not getting too down about it all. I think when you are making progress yourself, it doesn't seem so hard xx

 

[Stinas]

Raelynn - good luck!!!

Snd - I'm so sorry you had to near all of that yesterday! I never understood why people take thing for granted. I am pretty pro choice, but only in serious matters, but twice? Wtf?! I would have freaked out on her myself!!! Glad you are taking it well. I think after all this stuff we seem to become harder on the outside when coming face to face with things like this.

Bump hopes - oh god Facebook...let's not go there lol. I can't deal with all the pregnant girls anymore!!! I can only imagine what those tickers are like, so far I have not seen any, guess your friends are more sofisticated lol. One girl I went to hs with is on her 4th or 5th kid(lost count) ....they live in a 1 bedroom apt and all she does is post her every move. Drives me insane!!! I can't anymore. I couldn't wait to post about me, but I feel like now if it ever happens I don't think I will. I'm sure that might change, but I have mixed feelings now.

Deafgal - it drives me insane!!! I get these people are happy..lout it's just hard I guess. Your right....removing ourselves from the situation helps. I let DH go to the casino with his brother and some of the guys today. I know he's stressed out and gambling is his thing. Hopefully his brother will reassure him that everything will be ok.

 

[SunUp]

Good luck Rae!

 

[deafgal01]

Rae- good luck with the results! I'm praying for some good news for you!

Stinas- I'm glad you're getting support here. It really does help you to feel not so alone in this situation and it's frustrating when our men don't show their emotions. I need to check in with mine soon on this- we've not talked about this since the last time they took his blood and added another medicine.

Snd- wow that's progress... Sad your sil hasn't learned a thing from the last time. Hasn't she ever heard of getting herself tied or using birth control (pills or condoms or something to prevent)? Some people. I guess there's no words for describing them. I'm glad you're not taking it as hard as you used to. Hopefully you'll get good news soon enough and you'll get to experience being pregnant. You're right about one thing though- when you're expecting and other people in the family have had their babies, they're all gonna be getting rid of their baby stuff when you're ready for it. That's something to think about.

Hope y'alls are doing alright on this beautiful day. I'm doing just fine- it's just another day in my book- so keeping myself busy with laundry and homework and school. Too bad I go back to work tonight (and have 7 weeks left until my next break).

 

[snd80]

Good luck rae!!! EVERYTHING crossed for ya!!!!

Thanks girls! I don't get it either! Like I said yesterday, haven't they heard of pulling out/condoms/bc... anything!?! Jesus! And from what I gathered, that wasn't the first abortion she had! They have a 14 month old already and said that was her second or third abortion since their baby was born!!!! Really?! And the bad thing is they know what we are going through! Not to the donor extent, but everything else! And do you think it made her think twice? Obviousally not! Karma is a you-know-what and if she keeps on her fertility might get taken away... just sayin!

 

[CanadianMaple]

One would think that using birth control would be easier than going for abortions. Sheesh. I find I am handing baby news better lately, I think for me, it's because I feel like I am moving forward.

Rae- Good luck! I hope it's all good news from here!

 

[Stinas]

Deafgal - it's hard to sit them down to talk. Sometimes it feels like they only talk when they want to talk. All men are stubborn. Lol

Snd - you would think after all those abortions her insides would be ruined or they would tell her wtf already. See I think they should only be allowed so many. People take advantage of everything, it's a shame. Wouldn't it be nice to take the fertilized egg and put it in yourself? People just don't understand what they have until they lose it I guess. Shame on them, but your right, karma does end up catching up to you!!!

 

[Deb111]

For those of you in the UK, I have a brand new pack of pregnacare pre conception vits, about 20 IC preg tests and about 2/3 of a pack of pregnancy pre natal vits (that don't agree with me!)

If they are of any use to any of you in the UK, please let me know and PM me your address and I will pop them in the post - would hate them to go to waste xx

EDIT - the preg vits have gone to someone so just the pre conception vits and preg tests going now xx

 

[raelynn]

Thanks, ladies! We got some good news. They found 'some' sperm in 3 out of the 5 samples taken. The urologist didn't have exact numbers but we have some to work with which is great! Now we just have to follow up with our RE to get started on IVF.

 

[Deb111]

Fantastic news Rae

Remember, we only got about 30 from the mTESE and they only used 8 of those for 1 round of ICSI which produced the 3 blastocysts. I know people say it only takes one and that's true, but to have only 1 is a long shot! But you really don't need many xx

 

[Deb111]

I really should keep on top of doing these more often based on your posts, but I never seem to remember so if any of you have updates for the front page or appt dates etc, just type it in a post and I will update xx

 

[CanadianMaple]

Awesome news Rae!! You give me hope!