Dealing with azoospermia?

[tigerlily1975]

DG: I thought I'd added you! *slaps wrist* Have you had any more thoughts about your next step? Why does it always come down to money, eh? How does your DH feel about going down the donor route? It really is a lot to think about. Big on their way to you, hun.

C xx

 

[deafgal01]

Dh was wondering what the baby would call him- daddy or by his name. I guess we have a while before we are ready for the next steps. Think we will definitely do donor sperm as that is cheapest of the options we have been given but think we will attempt to pay off the medical bills and save up for it (over the next one year).

 

[raelynn]

I'm completely with you ladies on the money thing. Hubby and I had a nice long talk when we were still deciding and said this would be our choice in a world where money wasn't an object and this would be our choice where we are now. It has taken us a while to get used to the idea of donor sperm, especially coming off a pregnancy that was biologically both of ours. Hubby ended up finding out one of the couples he knows conceived using donor sperm so he's feeling a bit better about the whole thing now. I told him there are probably tons of donor sperm babies out there it's just not something that everyone advertises. Monday we go in for our consultation to go over the new plan. Glad things will be moving forward again soon.

DG - If we conceive with donor sperm the child will definitely call hubby daddy. He will be the father in every important sense of the word. Anyone can contribute biological material, it takes someone special to be a dad. We're looking at it as a half adoption. Had we adopted, we'd be mommy and daddy too.

 

[Stinas]

He will be the father in every important sense of the word. Anyone can contribute biological material, it takes someone special to be a dad. We're looking at it as a half adoption. Had we adopted, we'd be mommy and daddy too.

You couldnt have said it any better!!

It really truly is a shame when it comes down to money. Something needs to be done about this.

 

[MrsC8776]

DG~ Our children will call my hubby daddy. Theres no way we would have it any other way. The children ARE his and no one else's. Just because we go this route doesn't mean our husbands are not the dad. That wouldn't be fair to anyone. Like raelynn said there are tons of people out there who use a donor of some sort to have a child. It's just not something people talk about.

 

[momwannabe81]

Well hope we all get what we want. I will probably look into IUI and go from there. If i can get myself to quit smoking i might donate some eggs and go the IVF route. It's the only legal stress reliever lol and probably the worst but it's hard.....Hopefully this clinic won't ask for a down payment like the old one did. They wouldn't start anything until the $3k were paid. Seriously!!!!!!!!!! I know it don't sound like much but it's to me at least.

 

[tigerlily1975]

The cost for treatment is shocking! I saw a program about the cost of obesity on the NHS and we're talking millions here and you think, well, obesity is preventable, what we're dealing with isn't. We can't help these infertility issues, why can't you take this seriously and put more money in to its treatment/research!

On the whole donor-daddy subject, we're still talking about using a donor as we might have to go down that route if the IVF doesn't work. I actually have a half-brother (my mum was married in her late teens and had my brother, his dad was an ar*ehole and left my lovely mum, who later remarried and then I came along) and he and my dad adored each other. What I mean is, as you've all said, the biology doesn't come in to. My dad loved my brother as much as he loved me and my brother actually refuses any contact with his 'real' dad, because "he's not my dad". I know that this not the exact same scenario, but it's just something I've brought up when discussing the subject with my husband.



C xx

 

[Step Mummy]

Dh was wondering what the baby would call him- daddy or by his name. I guess we have a while before we are ready for the next steps. Think we will definitely do donor sperm as that is cheapest of the options we have been given but think we will attempt to pay off the medical bills and save up for it (over the next one year).

Hi there, your baby will of course call him daddy, without a doubt. I think that maybe you both need a little time to get used to the idea, it took me months before I could move forward, whereas DH wanted to get going immediately. But remember you are making the baby together, he will be there for every injection, scan and procedure holding your hand, it is your joint choice in chosing the donor and going forward, he will be a parent as much as you will be. I know it is tough and unfrotunately for me that hasn't eased even though I am now PG, I still worry about seeing the donor in the baby and seeing characteristics that are not me and knowing they are from someone else. I just hope as time goes by that disappears.

Take your time in working through this together, it is a tough journey, but it is a joint journey and there is no other father/daddy person in the world to your baby except your hubby.

Good luck, thinking of you during this tough time xx

 

[Step Mummy]

These past 3 weeks have been hard for me. IDK how to deal with all this, and according to my husband, I am making it hard for everyone around me, especially him. He says he is tired of me moaping around looking all sad and thinking/talking of nothing but babies. Like I told him, until I can figure out how to deal with this, I don't know what else to do! He told me last night that it had to stop; he was sick of it ...so we might be splitting up before all this is over. You know what, that just showed that it wasn't as important to him as it was me, and either way I will continue my plan - with or without him. It's like I always have to be in control of every little thing, and this I can't, and it is killing me!!!

!!!

Ah hon, I am worried about you. I know from my own experience how tough this is, but i can see this is killing you. If this is now affecting your relationship I would suggest you consider speaking to a counsellor -do they have that offered as a service at your clinic?

I know you are taking a break, so this is not over. I think from what I have got to know about you over the last few months is that you are in a very similar sitation to me; you are using a donor and your own fertility is good/no problems. So please remember, it is really just about time. It took me 5 goes and each one was tougher and tougher, but it just goes to show, it is just a matter of time until it happens. As someone on here said, and I truly believe their statement; "it's not that you cant get PG, its that you give up".

I know your finances are a killer too, but you will get there, just be patient. Try to find something else to focus on. Can you and hubby have a break away for a few days, try to spend sometime together and talk about something else? but definately look at getting some help, you should not have to live life in a constant missery and be unhappy all of the time - thats just awful.

I wish you the best of luck, it will happen, its just when. xxx

 

[ShortyA22]

Hey Everyone... I just wanted to give an update- I went today for my Follow up Appoint with RE about our failed IVF cycle! Well pretty much.. Everything seemed perfect- She said I responded perfect to the meds and the Eggs were great- so for the next cycle she wants to keep the same protocol since I responded so well- Well we retreived 13 Eggs- 11 were fertilized with ICSI and 9 were good.. We had to use frozen testicular sperm- We had 8 Vials of sperm and they used 2 during IVF cycle and they did a thaw test before IVF cycle to see how it survived so now we have 5 Vials left. Everything with the sperm seemed good- it thawed well and it fertilized all eggs... Well since we had more than 6 embryos on day 3- and all were doing well, they wanted to go to a day 5 transfer. Well on Transfer day, my embryos werent doing good and the 2 best that they chose were graded really low.. So... were not sure what the problem was or what happened.. The RE seems to think there could be an issue with the sperm that caused poor quality embryos- So she wants to change that protocol up and see about just doing a day 3 transfer and then transferring 3 EMBRYOS back instead of 2...
DH has a blockage and we have previously talked about having it fixed as it is about the same price as one round of IVF- so RE is going to talk to the Urologist and go over our cycle and the embryos and get his opinion about the sperm- bc we know there are lots of sperm and we know they can fertilize- but we dont know if something is going on with the sperm.. and unfortunately there is no way to find out- So it could be a waste of time and money if we go the route to fix blockage bc even if it comes out then we may still not be able to get prego.
RE is also going to talk to the head Embryologist and have her to review all our embryos on the days and see if it is possible they will be able to pick 3 out instead of 2 on day 3..

So.. we are going to wait and hear back from RE and get all the details and see whats our best option..

DH doesnt want to do Donor at all and she pretty much said if the 2nd cycle fails- we shouldnt do IVF again and Donor may be our only option- She does think we have a good chance on a 2nd cycle bc they know where the issue was and they can care for it in a different way

and with IVF of course it doesnt work and there may not be any issues with his sperm- thats just the only thing she could think why it didnt work bc everything else was perfect.
So, if we decide to do another round then I can start BCP when AF arrives at the end of August.

 

[CanadianMaple]

snd- I'm so sorry. This is so tough and I know when my DH isn't being very empathic, it's 100 times harder. I hope things start looking up for you soon.

I'm so upset. It looks like my incompetent clinic is canceling my cycle again because one of DH's tests doesn't take 3-4 weeks, but 2-3 MONTHS to come in. I don't get it. They need a lesson in empathy too. I posted about my clinic woes and you can read all about it if you're interested: https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/a...61-deal-clinic-issues-so-upset-very-long.html

For those of you who did donor IUI or IVF, what kind of infectious testing did they do on your DH? How quick did the results come back?

I hope to come back for personals tomorrow. I am starting to think all of this is not meant to be.

 

[MrsC8776]

shorty~ it sounds like the clinic you are at knows what they are doing. Trust that it will work and that you RE knows what she is doing. Everything went great so I'm sure it will again.

Canadian~ My hubby didn't have to do any testing as far as I know. I say that because he did get some blood taken a week prior because we were going to do IVF. I don't understand why they need results for your DH if you are going the donor route. That seems confusing to me. The results for the testing came back within the same day and next day. Is there a different clinic you could start going to? One that does things right and listens to you? I think even gyno's can do IUI's now? Might be something to check into if you are fed up with your clinic.

 

[CanadianMaple]

MrsC- Unfortunately, the next closest clinic is in Halifax, about a 6-7 hour round trip. They wanted to make sure he didn't have anything to pass on to me and the potential baby, plus if I caught something, they would know we were both clean before using a donor's sperm.

I cannot believe they are doing this.

 

[MrsC8776]

I see. That makes sense. Hopefully you can get in touch with them first thing in the morning.

 

[raelynn]

Canadian - We had the infectious disease screening done as one of our prep tests for IVF. It took about 3-4 weeks to come in. Seems absurdly long to be waiting for tests results - 2-3 months! I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this and I would definitely be frustrated too since they just cancelled a cycle on you!

 

[Stinas]

ShortyA22 - It seems like they know what they are doing! Its good you have a plan!! I hope it works out for you this cycle!!

Canadian - DH only had to do Genetic testing, which took maybe a week or two and needed a physical, thats about it.

 

[CanadianMaple]

DH had to wait 3 months last spring for all of his genetic tests. This one is a cousin to HIV or something with T cells and leukemia? I must have been tested too and all of my results are in. It makes no sense.

I left them an emotional message on their voicemail today at 10:30. No one has called me back. I'm not happy, I am meeting family in an hour for lunch and cannot be dealing with them on the phone with everyone listening.

 

[Deb111]

CM - I wonder if there is somewhere more local that could scan you and fax details through to the Halifax clinic, but them be in control of your care and do the iui? Our IVF clinic was a 6 hour round trip away but definitely worth it! We only had to go there for an initial consultation, EC / mTESE, transfer and then the FET a few months later. It might be worth looking into - I wouldn't want to give the clinic you're with now another penny of my money and it is also important that you have faith and trust in the people treating you.

I'm so sorry they're being so ****

 

[CanadianMaple]

My RE just called me back personally. DH had a reactive Hep C test. They are doing further testing.

I'm off the pill and will have to call them back in 6 week to see if the results are in yet. If he is positive, he will need to see a specialist for treatment. If it's a false negative, we can start over again.

I am not looking forward to telling him. He's not going to take it well. The blow finding out about the low T, then that he has some crazy antigen and could react to blood transfusions and now this. He was hit by a drunk driver in 1998 and had 50+ transfusions. I'm guessing he was exposed to something then. He still thinks the sepsis he had affected his testicular function and this is going to be another blow.

I'm worried he is going to give up. He'll be 44 next month and has been worried about his age, and in the past few months, his health too.

 

[MrsC8776]

I'm so sorry. Something good will come out in the end of all this.