Dealing with azoospermia?

[Deb111]

We need another bump pic Linzie! and when's your due date?

due n28th April Deb! And will try get a pic on this weekend, will get posing in the mirror!! Seen midwife today, baby behaving so far and is in the right position, head down!

Yay! Will update front page with your due date too!

 

[Flake-y]

Yay! had just come on to see if you'd updated the front page! great minds and all that! and also just realised Jo that our scans will have been exactly 6 months apart - our 1st scan was 23rd Sept! xxx

Cool!!! Can't believe you're due in about 2 months; how exciting!!!!!

 

[waitingginger]

wow Jo look at all your lovely lines

 

[Flake-y]

wow Jo look at all your lovely lines

Thanks! The first one looks practically non-existant now, & I thought it was quite clear when I did it! Ha ha!!!

 

[Dancergirl]

Flake-y.... CONGRATS!!!! I am so excited for you and gives hope to those of us TTC using donor sperm.

We have been doing injections daily this last week in order to increase the quality of my cycle. We did an IUI this morning and are really hoping that it works for us this month. THis is our first time trying IUI with injections rather than with clomid. One more chance with injections if this doesn't work and then our only opinion is IVF. Which we can't afford right now... so REALLY, REALLY praying this works for us.

At the dr. office this last Wednesday, I found myself surround by 3 women from my local church that were all pregnant. I left crying our of envy. I just keep waiting for it to be my turn to be the glowing, happy pregnant woman. It is hard because my crying makes my husband feel bad because him having no sperm is what is making it so we can't seem to get pregnant. I feel bad crying, but I can't help it. I cry all the time.

This is going to be a long 2-week wait. I don't want to get my hopes up that it worked, but at the same time, I don't want to think that it didn't work for us.

I know my thoughts are all scrambled, but that is exactly how I feel. All scrambled up inside.

 

[Deb111]

Hi Dancer

Sorry you're going through such a difficult time. I think we all know that feeling of wanting to have a good cry but not wanting to make our hubby's feel bad. Is there anyone you can talk to and have a good cry on away from your hubby?

I am praying that this works for you - I think Flake-y has started off a run of 's

 

[Flake-y]

Dancergirl; lots of luck for this IUI, praying this will be the lucky cycle for you! No reason why not!!!

 

[Pink Lolly]

Flakey - They are lovely lines! You have inspired us all

Wishing you a happy and healthy 9 months and please keep in touch with us

Dancer Girl - I know exactly how you feel. I have been really miserable lately - I just can't seem to help it. Then DH asks whats wrong and I tell him I'm fed up with it all, but that makes him feel bad. But the truth is I am feeling sad for us both, the whole situation just seems so unfair and I feel like there is a big brick wall stopping me from getting where I need to be. I think we all understand how you feel and azoospermia is a terrible thing to try to deal with. Wishing you all the best with this cycle and sending you loads of

 

[Deb111]

Some of you may have seen this - someone posted it in LTTTC and I posted it in my journal, but thought it was worth posting here too.

Very touching, but get your tissues to hand. It helped me to realise that there are other people who are feeling EXACTLY what I am

https://www.tearsandhope.com/emptyarms_video.html

 

[Pink Lolly]

Some of you may have seen this - someone posted it in LTTTC and I posted it in my journal, but thought it was worth posting here too.

Very touching, but get your tissues to hand. It helped me to realise that there are other people who are feeling EXACTLY what I am

https://www.tearsandhope.com/emptyarms_video.html

Wow that video sums up exactly how it feels - and I think nobody really understands until they have been or are going through it. Thanks for posting Deb xx

 

[loobylou_01]

Dancer and Pink Lolly, sorry that you're both feeling so down. It is a crap situation that were all in but at least we all understand that despairing feeling that we all get. Wishing u lots of luck for this iui cycle dancergirl, hope jo has started the ball rolling with the bfps.

take care all xxx

 

[HopeWhispers]

Jo! i am going to post on here because you have so many on your journal and it would be good for those of us who have been down!!!

Massive Massive Congratulations on your BFP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so happy for you!! you really deserve it!!
xxxx

Thank you! We are so over the moon!!!

Jo, I just logged on to see what everyone was up to and the first thing I saw was your new photo - amazing news, so happy to read about it! I definitely empathise with the ladies on here who find it so hard when everyone around you seems to be getting pregnant, and all of the envy and sadness it brings, but reading your news has genuinely cheered me up today. Congratulations!

 

[HopeWhispers]

Hi ladies, me again, the one with the DH who has had 6 months of infection following his failed SSR!

Dh is doing better, now off the pain killers, his ball has shrunk and is now nearly twice the size of normal, still on antibiotics until Thursday, and back to see the specialist on Friday morning. We hope we will get sent away, I don't know why they would still want to operate, the only worry is that they say that the ball is dead.

We are wondering if this has all kick-started his other ball into working, he has got a lot hairier and his hair is darker which is strange, but we have been told this is virtually impossible - but you still have to hope and wonder as the end of the month comes closer! I don't think you ever stop trying naturally!

We are planning to start the donor venture in May-June this year. We just want a break and a bit of happiness before the next load of upset and I am still struggling to come to terms with not having my husbands baby, does any one else have this problem. I really wanted to look at our baby and see his features, his personality etc. and I know it will be his baby, but it's not the same - I guess after 11 years together and that was what you always wanted since you were dating - its hard to adjust.

We are getting preasure as well from some of our family - they can't understand why we want to wait and think we should just get on with it - I don't think they realise how hard it is do they! So this weekend I had to harshly explain the percentages of success and that at the end of it we could end up with dealing with never having a baby, and how upsetting and hard work each go will be - its easy for them - they have two beatiful little girls, both easily conceived - so they have no idea how hard it is, how stressfull and upsetting it will be for us and how horrible that two week wait will be!

I am glad to see we have had some good news while I have been away and that some are getting the BFP, however it is also sad to see that some of you have not suceeded and are waiting for the next go. Oh don't we all set ourselves up for a challange! Sometimes I wonder if we are all just mad or desperate - or both!!!

Anyway enough of me doing my bi-monthly ramble! Keep the hope up ladies, best wishes and good luck to you all!

P.s Flake-y - how are you doing - nervous and impatient I bet?

XXX

Hi Angela,

Just wanted to reply to this post - it made me shed a little tear because I too struggle to come to terms with not being able to have OH's biological baby. I think there's a strong primeval instinct that kicks in when you're choosing your spouse/partner, and you are definitely attracted to someone because you recognise parts of them that you want to pass onto your children. I don't really know what to do about it, because it will never get better. It will never be any less sad.

I know it's not the same, but I try to console myself with thinking about the ways that our children will be like him because he is their dad and he raises them. For example, my other half is really musical, and it gives me some peace to think of him teaching them to play the piano, or to read music. When I was little my dad left the family home for a while because of work. We saw him at weekends but that was all. When he found work closer to home and could move back home full time, my little brother (who at that point was about 12 or 13) immediately started mimicking my dad's mannerisms, sayings, intonations, attitudes etc. He became a proper mini-me just because he was spending so much time with his dad for the first time in a long time. So I think you will see your husband's personality traits in your children, even if they are not biologically his, because children learn how to live and how to express themselves from their parents.

I can empathise re the family members too, it's tough when everyone has an opinion and thinks they can tell you how to handle the situation. It puts a lot of expectation on your shoulders too. On top of my own disappointment and sorrow, and for my OH and the things he has to deal with, I also feel guilty sometimes that I won't be able to give my parents grandchildren. And lets not even get started on his parents!!

Glad to hear your hubby is getting better. Keep us updated.

Hope xx

 

[HopeWhispers]

Hhhmmm I think I know where I may have seen it now you mention it ... but I don't seem to be able to find ANYTHING on google! Strange ...

Hi Deb,

A counsellor I saw for a bit last year mentioned this to me. I've also looked but found absoutely nothing, and because we aren't TTC we don't have contact with any doctors to ask. Who knows..........

 

[MissAma]

Huge congrats Flakey!!!

As for the video... I saw this ages ago when we were doing IVF and cried and cried.... I'm sad to say I saw it again now and I still cried. I wish I could say that once your arms are not empty anymore -which is a stage each and every one of you here will reach!- it doesn't hurt anymore but it does. Having been there, where a baby is not the result of a steamy shag on Valentine's Day surrounded by rose petals and candles but a cold series of medical procedures surrounded by implacable faces of strangers and only half sympathetic faces of friends, having suffered through it marks us for life.

 

[loobylou_01]

Latest bump pic as requested by Jo & Deb! 32 +1 weeks.

 

[Flake-y]

Latest bump pic as requested by Jo & Deb! 32 +1 weeks.

Wow!!!

 

[Deb111]

Gorgeous bump!!

 

[april4jdg]

hey there! Looks like lots of new faces on here!!!
I am supposed to start AF next week, and then do a cycle 3 day monitoring, and start clomid on days 5-9 and a trigger of HCG when I test positive for my OPK...then we will be doing the d-iui...
Thanks for the video! Made me cry!

 

[Flake-y]

hey there! Looks like lots of new faces on here!!!
I am supposed to start AF next week, and then do a cycle 3 day monitoring, and start clomid on days 5-9 and a trigger of HCG when I test positive for my OPK...then we will be doing the d-iui...
Thanks for the video! Made me cry!

Good luck!!!!