Hi everyone, sorry I haven't been around over the last few weeks but I've just read through and caught up with everything that's happened with you all! I wish we all had more answers.
MrsG30 - my DH had the mTESE and was back at work after 2 days but not physical labour so that might explain your doctor's advice. DH had no pain at all from testicles (he complained only about his back being sore after surgery) until a few days later and then it was just a little achey if touched. He's now pretty much back to normal and it's just over 3 weeks since his op. His scar is still a bit red and hard but that will take weeks/months to settle down like all scars.
Things have been pretty hectic here with lots of 'normal life' things keeping us busy on top of all this. Anyway, this week we ordered our sperm. Pretty pricey especially once they add on the extra fees for us being in the UK so we just went for 3 vials since the chances of them getting eggs from me are so low due to my AMH level. We decided the risk of them running out of stock of our chosen donor wasn't enough to buy more just yet. We have thought about buying extra in case we are successful and want a sibling in the future with the same donor but since the chances are pretty crap for our first go, we're not counting our chickens! We don't even know if they will get any eggs from me yet but we can't start treatment until the sperm has arrived.
Has anyone else looked into buying sperm? We found our choice became very limited when we said we were in UK because of the new laws regarding anon donors. There are obviously far fewer donors who are willing to be open and we can only choose from them. Luckily we found one who matched closely to DH as none of the others available were suitable at all! It's cost us around £2000 just for the sperm (we had to pay an extra £1000 to be able to use the donor as they are limited to creating 10 families with each donor) and after spending £2500 on a failed mTESE and with the costs of IVF as well, things are all mounting up to much more than we first thought. It sucks but I just need to remember how lucky we are that although we're now using all the savings we had for our future home, at least we are able to do that. I just hope it's not all a complete waste! I can't believe how much money we're gambling on such low odds but we just want this so badly, we have to try.
I can't imagine life without children and I'm already devastated that they won't be my husband's biological children. I keep telling myself they will be his children as he has been there from the beginning of this entire process and I wouldn't be doing this without him as my husband but I still keep getting upset that the thoughts I used to have of how proud he'd be when I was carrying his child will not be the same. He's never going to look at me and be thinking - you're the mother of my child, you're carrying my baby. If I even get pregnant! We have obviously thought about adoption as well as it may be our only option but we can't face the thought of going through all that just yet. The invasion of the process sounds worse to me than the physical invasion of IVF.
I keep doing this, being all positive and determined this will work (or I couldn't get through it and spend all this money!!) and focussing on the practicalities but then telling myself it's highly unlikely to work and I need to prepare for that and being all pessimistic! It is the ultimate horrific rollercoaster!
Anyway, I'm grateful we have the chance. I was surprised when DH was so quick to say he wanted to go down the donor route. We've talked about it with our parents and they are all behind us and support us in our decision. After reading this forum, we did consider a known donor after initially deciding against it but we decided we didn't want to ask his brother (younger, newly married, no kids yet) and if he and his wife offered we would think about it but we couldn't ask and put them in that position of feeling awkward if they didn't want to be involved.
Because of my AMH we don't want to wait any longer and decided to just go for it with the donor option. We both said we'd rather have a donor child than wait longer for a better option and end up with none due to my fertility! If all goes to plan, I'll be starting the drugs soon and I'm terrified! We're booked in for a counselling session next week which I hope will help. We now have so much to think about if things DO work as we have to decide how to handle the donor parent thing, etc.
I'm sorry, this has turned into such a rambling post! I guess I've been thinking about all of this a lot while we've had so much other stuff going on and it's all just come blurting out and is probably very incoherent! I'll stop now!
Its hard but azoo does not end up the worst thing in the world (although I totally understand how it feels like it is)
