Dealing with azoospermia?

[Stinas]

rdleela - Oh I know it takes a long time for the sperm to come back, if it even works. I have learned now that none of this stuff happens right away lol
Our fertility clinic is connected to a hospital near me....our urologist is connected with another hospital ten min away, but was allowed to do surgery at our clinic. Problem is, that in order to do that big surgery as well as the TESE at the same time would have to be at the hospital he is affiliated with. Which means I will have to change fertility clinics. Makes me feel like I am starting all over again. If this FET does not work, I will ask my doc if they can bend the rules a bit since I have been with them for a year now and have had multiple failures. I know someone who has had a singleton as well as twins through the other fertility center, so it makes me feel a bit better, but the place I am with now I am used to and its five min from my house.
I guess I shouldnt think too far ahead. I hope this FET works and then I wont have to think about much for a while, if at all.

 

[arzoo]

We went for our second appointment with Mr Ramsay and thought of posting a quick update.

Warning....long story ahead.

We were meeting him today to decide the next course of action. Mr Ramsey wanted to check J's hormone levels to see if there was any benefit in putting him on medication. But since his FSH was already high and Testosterone levels normal. He was not sure if the tablets would help but he suggested J have in preparation for the microTese.

He was very patient and took us through our options and the chances. We had already made up our mind that doing a SSR even if it gave us just 1% chance was better than not having a chance at all. He explained that chances of finding sperms in normal cases was about 40 % and chances of finding anything that can be used is down to 20 %. However given that hormones levels are already high, J's chances are further lowered to only 10 %.

This was very disheatening to hear that in an already challenged world our chances were further reduced. As we sat that I had to keep telling myself not to cry, as once I started then there was no stopping me and I wanted to be in control of my emotions to have a conversation and ask the questions I had in mind.

He also made it clear that in 2 months time J had to go for another SA . The main purpose of this one would be to find a single sperm. This would give him more confidence in finding sperms during SSR. And then he would start a synchronised cycle for us. But if they dont find a single sperm then the chances are further lower. In this case, he will not do a synchronised cycle, He will freeze whatever he finds. I did not understand this part. I asked him if I was ready to take the chances and ok to have a synchronised cycle even if the SA came out negative, would he go ahead. He response was that he will not be. I did not fully understand this point. I am kicking myself now for not asking him the reasons for this. Does anyone know why they don’t do synchronised cycles in those cases where they dont find a single sperm?

 

[MoBaby]

Probably so you can be mentally prepared to use donor sperm in case you dont fod anything. But our new re Does sync cycles with tese and allows Donor sperm to be available if none are found. Sorry about the news you received. Hopefully they can find a speem with dh next SA.

 

[Hopeful Cat]

Hey arzoo - does a synchronized cycle mean a fresh cycle? Our specialist would only do a fresh cycle for us because we hadnt found any sperm and so if we did find some it would be risky to chance losing some in a defrost. We only had 5-10% chance of finding sperm too. Its really hard news to here . But its a chance so please try to hold on to the positive. Xx

Could there be another reason why they dont want to do a fresh cycle in your case? At my clinic they were confident in their egg freezing technique so if we didnt find sperm they could freeze my eggs to use wi th a donor.

 

[deafgal01]

Gem- I too have a heart shaped uterus, which I was already aware of since early 2012, it however does not seem to be an issue in my case but it does vary. Biggest thing they might worry about is that heart shape divided by a wall? That might be the reason they want to explore further but I only had ultrasounds, not surgery.

 

[arzoo]

Thank you Mobaby and Hopeful cat. Yes if the next SA does not have even a single sperm then we do have the option of doing a synchronised cycle if we opt for donor sperm. If not , they will not prepare me and extract eggs, but would wait to see the result of the SSR and if they are any sperms they would free it. In which case the whole issue of the sperms surviving the thaw.

I am just not ready to even consider Donor sperm. We are seeing Mr Ramsey again in september, I have time till then to toy with the idea. But at this point in time I am not even ready to think about the donor route. I know there are not many choices ahead.

 

[MoBaby]

Honestly arzoo I wish I would have considered donor sperm a long time ago. But I don't think you should give up on dh until you feel ready to go through with that. It has taken us 5 embryo transfers and multiple SAs and therapies, eto to get here. We are using our last 2 embryos next week. I hope the next SA is good for you guys. Have dh take fertility supplements which could help. Fx for you.

 

[arzoo]

Good Luck MoBaby, hope it all goes well next week

 

[MoBaby]

We go Saturday! My ticker says Thursday but I od a day later (late in day) so now it's Saturday. Our last biological embryos of DHs! Please stick little baby (ies)!

 

[MrsG30]

morning Girls.
Arzoo- bigs hugs for you- take time to consider your options. I know you nor ready for DS, just bear it in your mind as just another option to get you what you want.

Mobaby- good luck-got my fingers x'd for you.

AFM- we've had a horrendous week, I'm just about keeping it together here. On Thursday when i got home from work, I received a text from a neighbor to say they had received some post for us and could i pop over. when i did she was grey and said i should sit down, she was holding our mail in her hand opened. It was from the clinic and had everything in it, everything. The cause, the treatments, the outcomes, the lot.
She hadn't even looked at front of envelope just opened it. The clinic had put our door number on wrong!! Had to explain everything to her. Was awful. Felt so bad.
Came home and spoke to clinic who could only apologise?!?!!?!?!

Then went on a hen party this weekend and 1 of my closest friend told me she is pregnant, felt so bad but it ruined my whole weekend and really didnt want to start feeling this way. DH has took it really bad esp as her DH also had mumps!!!
then to top it off my best friend is due her baby anytime now, sh has gone 5 days over her due date and is going in for a sweep today,
Then just this morning my neighbour is now pregnant by accident!?!!?!?

I eel so selfish for feeling like this but i cant control it.


xxxx

 

[MoBaby]

I'm soo sorry mrsg. I hope this week is better. With this IF stuff it seems like people are always coming at you with news you don't want to hear. How awful the clinic put the wrong address on your mail! So sorry

 

[Hopeful Cat]

I am so sorry MrsG. It s a horrible feeLing to have somebody find out about your struggles when you want them to. Don't feel bad about how you are feeling towards the others getting pregnant and having babies. It is a completely normal feeLing and infertility is no walk in th e park. We all need to grieve for the pregnancy story we have lost. Take all the time you need. .. you will feel better xx

 

[arzoo]

Thank you Mrs G30. Really sorry to hear about your neighbour opening the post.

Regarding using DS.It is very difficult to explain but I am very conservative and J is only partner I ever had, and even the whole thought of having to bear another person's baby almost feels like I am being violated. Not sure why I am sharing this but just thought of expressing the dilemma or mental block that I am having.

I know it really hurts when you hear other people are pregnant, I feel extremely hurt when I see random pregnant people in the supermarket or train. J told me off for feeling jealous , but I think I am not jealous but just in grief that I may never be able to be pregnant

 

[MoBaby]

arzoo i felt the same way but now I know that we have tried all we could (3 IVF/soon to be 3 FETs) and I want to carry my own child so I have finally just not that long ago come to the conclusion we need to move on if we dont get pregnant with DS. We (well, I am not) are not ready to adpot.

I think you should try all you are willing to try with DH before deciding if that is the next step with you. And I do believe you could be successful with the TESE and IVF/ICSI. It only takes one so even if only one little man is found then it could come your forever baby. The feelings are perfectly normal. I still think how am I going to feel when I have another man's DS inside me? But just remember you both will love that baby as it was made from the both of you if you do go that way. This journey really stinks!

PS: About how you feel about pregnant women: I swear pregnant women are stalking me. Everywhere I go and look there is some random big belly or some random pregnancy announcement. I didnt go to a baby shower yesterday because I couldnt stand it as her baby is due at the same time my baby was to be due. I did send a card and gift card with my friend though. I understand your feelings.

 

[MrsG30]

Thanks for the support girls, I know you all know how I feel.

I'm normally very positive and think my time will come, but i'm really struggling at the minute. My DH works away mid week and i often think how my nights should revolve around a baby/child.

Arzoo- I know where your coming from about the DS, but as mo says its an option and however shitty this may be if its chance of you carrying a baby it has to be looked at as an option. Take your time though, you have other avenues to explore before you need to look into it and hopefully you wot need too.

Big thanks to you all for the help xxx

 

[gem10]

Hello all,

So at our doctor's appointment on Thursday we discussed my heart shaped uterus. Turns out I will need to do surgery to correct it in August which means we will not be doing our fresh embryo transfer in August as planned. The doctor wants to move ahead with DH TESE procedure and my egg retrieval at the end of the month. They are going to freeze the embryos and I will have surgery some time in August. I will need time to heal before they can transfer the embryos. That means we may be looking at October now. It's just so frustrating. I feel like I'm letting us down.

We spoke to the doctor about not wanting to use DS. It just seems like when we narrowed down our choices and paid for the photos no one looked even close to what we expected. It's just not fair. They say there's so many to choose from, but we felt the opposite. Anyway, the doctor did not like this idea and really wants us to have a back up in case they don't find anything. He feels that there's a fair chance that they won't. I feel the same as you ladies. It's an option, but it's also very difficult to accept.

MrsG30 don't feel badly about having feelings when you're around pregnant people. I feel the same. I went to a baptism and it was all I could do to hold back tears during the church. Also two of my best friends are pregnant now too. It's not that I'm not happy for them, it's just difficult to hear about their pregnancy when it feels like I'll never get there. DH gets annoyed with me too. He says I should be happy for people, not jealous. I don't think it's jealousy, it's just hard. Only we can truly understand that. Hang in there everyone. I think of you all often.

 

[deafgal01]

What is wrong with your heart shaped uterus? Is there a wall or something in the way that the dr wants to correct it before you undergo any tries at a pregnancy?

 

[arzoo]

Help ... I have not had the Rubella vaccination. Given that we are soon to go through IVF , does anyone know if it is mandatory to have had the vaccination. What I want to avoid is reach our turn at the centre and then be told to wait for another 3 months to take the vaccination.

 

[MoBaby]

Arzoo I know it was a requirement for me at my clinic but I am in the US not UK so I am not sure. I would think so as if you were to be infected when pregnant it could be bad. Can you get it soon before your appt?

 

[gem10]

@deafgal01 I am actually going to have an MRI tomorrow to see if it is a septum (basically a muscle separating my uterus) or if it is truly just a heart shaped uterus. Regardless, they need to surgery either way. If it is a septum it is correctable and they can make it a "normal" uterus and then proceed to transfer two embryos. If it is a heart shaped uterus they are just going to go in and remove some polyps that showed up in the HSG. In that case they would transfer just one embryo on the best side. Hopefully tomorrow I'll find out which I have. I'm hoping for a septum...fingers crossed.