Dealing with azoospermia?

[MoBaby]

Bubu your little bean is awesome!!! It's a very sad moment when you leave your re... I cried!! But it's also very happy at the same time. I understands your emotions.. I feel like when you have multiple failed cycles and multiple visits etc it becomes all you know so to be realeased to a regular ob is so weird!

 

[Olive333]

Gem - we are just living life for now, not really thinking of a baby at the time. We are going to start with some herb stuff and see what happens. At this point we have decided to wait on using DS. We have a nice trip coming up in a few months and started sewing doll clothing for my niece, so have things to look forward to and keep me busy. I finally got out of the depression I was in after the last negative IUI. At this point we really are just hoping for a miracle and trying to live day by day. I was so depressed thinking of everything in the future and I really was just torturing me. I still have my moments of sadness, but I'm not a walking zombie anymore and that is a start.

Thanks for asking

 

[gem10]

Glad to hear it Olive. You sound like you are in the same place as us. Its almost like you stop living your life trying to conceive. Its nice to take a break. I do agree that I still have my moments, but no longer crying. Feeling like myself
again. Im glad to hear you are doing better and vacation sounds fantastic!!

Mbaby, how are you?

 

[MBABY2014]

Hi everyone!!
It's been so quiet on this board- as for me- I'm ok
Surprisingly- I've been ok, I have my sad and angry moments, thinking this is just not fair and why couldn't it work... BUT.. I'm staying positive.

I met with my RE Last Friday and again on Wednesday to discuss FET. On Friday we went through my whole protocol- said I reacted well to
Meds, triggered with a good level, got a good number of egg, had 80% fertilization and 5 of them made it to blasts!!! He was truly amazed by that, given we had no idea of the sperms ability... So he is hopeful, in fact, he said knowing what he knows now, he's more hopeful than before. The real
Question is, why didn't it stick? Was it me?! the embryo? The sperm? I just don't know...

Because of my mind OHSS, we will be going for a natural FET. No medications except progesterone supp after the transfer. So now we are in the monitoring stage, he said a few follicles all measuring 7 and lining was 7 on Wednesday, which was cycle day 7 ( wow lots of 7's) and hope he will see them a bit bigger on Monday. If I do end up ovulating on my own, we will do the transfer 5-7 days after ovulation. We will now put in 2 little Eskimos....and pray for the best!!

If I don't O on my own- I guess we wait till April ;(

So that's my story- I think I will know more next week.


I'm glad to hear you ladies are doing well, taking a needed break and having some time for yourselves. Hubby and I just started this journey in December/January-so I'm not quite ready for a break. In fact all I can think about is starting a family......

 

[Mikihob]

Hi ladies.

Update from me. Although our call with the doctor isn't until March 25, the hubs went to the hospital and retrieved the records from his SA on March 7. ZERO. I am devastated I hoped that this FSH addition would yield at least some sperm. Now the realization that he probably won't make any sperm has really sunk in. I am heartbroken. I have wanted to have babies since I was 5 (my mom says that. lol) and now it looks like I will never achieve my dreams. Today is going to be a rough day.

During our call on the 25th we find out about his blood results to see if his testosterone is rising. We are also going to buy the 1 year unlimited results for donor sperm. We want to find out if the face match is accurate and how close we can get it. Last week of May is his final SA. It will be the end of a 6 month regimen of injections. If it is zero, he will get back on his testosterone shots and we will jump into IUI.

I hope you ladies are all doing well. As MBaby said this board has been quiet. I think about you all daily and pray that you are all doing well.

 

[bubumaci]

Hi Ladies!

MBaby - I am so glad to read that you are staying positive! It is so important to try and do that, even though I know at times, it can feel like the hardest thing in the world And it is fantastic, that your RE is so positive! Ours kept saying that he really felt it would work, it was just a matter of time (as in, he didn't know how many tries it would take). He said, that if he thought otherwise, he wouldn't put us through it - and I believed him!
MoBaby got pregnant with a natural FET, so my fingers will be very tightly crossed - your results with your stimming and the fertilisation + the development of all embies really was fantastic! Having so many make it to blastocyst is not that common, so I do have very strong positive feelings for your FET

Miki - hi there! I am sorry to hear that the SA results now in March were so heartbreaking! Has it ever been a discussion to have a TESE done? Stinas twins coming soon are the result of sperm retrieved via TESE.
Or is your only possible other route Donor Sperm? You will be a Mother. And you will be a great Mother! (I have wanted to be one forever too ).

I haven't been that active on here, because I know what us Azoo ladies are going through and didn't want to be a constant reminder of happiness, when others are unhappy ... although perhaps it is also a reminder (just like MoBaby + Stinas) that there is a golden lining out there and even those of us struggling with Azoo can have miracles coming our way.
On Wednesday, we had our last ultrasound at the fertility clinic ... the little heart was pulsating away at 118bpm and so I was released to my OBGYN. On Wednesday, the little bean measured 4,3mm ... and today, when I was at my gynaecologist, it measured 6,2mm ... little bean has grown 2mm in 2 days - it just blows me away! And I HEARD the heart beating - which was just the most unbelievable sound ever! I thought I was in love beforehand - but now ...

Please take heart ... sometimes the journey is so long, with so many stones and roadblocks in the way ... but believe me ... the second you do get that long-longed for BFP - it is suddenly all so worth it!

to everyone on here!

 

[arzoo]

Good luck Olive and Gem. Glad you both are in a better place and able to deal with this better. Olive enjoy your holidays. DH and I went on a short break last month ( 3 days) and it really helped me cope with the anxiety of our procedure.

Mbaby good luck for your eskimos (thats a very cute way of referring to them)

Bubumaci - thanks for your post. Your posts always is encouraging and make me feel positive.

Mikihob, good luck for your DS research, though I hope you will never have to use them.

Had my scan this morning, all set for EC and mTese on Monday. DH came along for the scan today and we went for a coffee after that. It really enjoyed our coffee together. I am trying my best to remain positive and not have negative thoughts. But yesterday we got to know that next week DH will get confirmation that his team is being made redundant. This has been hanging over our heads for sometime , though it is not a surprise it is just another thing for us to deal with next week, along with knowing the results of our procedure.

 

[Mikihob]

Thanks for all the kind words. I appreciate each and every word. It helps my heart lift a little knowing that I have so many friends to talk to.

Bubumaci DH doesn't want to do the biopsy or TESE. Originally we were going to do three months of testing and if it was zero do a biopsy. But DH has since said NO to the biopsy. He doesn't like pain and doesn't want to go down that road. Since testosterone injections can render men permanently sterile (he was on them for more than 4 years) the chances of him producing are VERY low. The FSH was thought to boost the production by "waking up" his pituitary gland. It looks as though the first conclusion of him being completely sterile was right on the money.

Right now we are just going to see if the injections help. I have read that some men with zero results after T shots have been able to get some production after 5-7 months but they only had shots for 1 year. We will do an SA at the end of May and if he has some, we will continue the injections for another three months and he will freeze a bunch and we will do IUI/IVF. If it's zero again, it's the end of the road for a biological baby for DH. He still wants a baby and is now ok with the idea of donor sperm but we still pray that it comes back. Now the waiting game again.

I am so excited about your precious dot!! Sounds like it's growing great and is healthy. I know you probably only care about it being healthy and happy but do you have a secret gender wish??

Arzoo good luck with the EC and the TESE. Is DH scared at all?? I hope everything goes well and he heals quickly. I pray that you will get your BFP this cycle!!

 

[bubumaci]

Wow, Arzoo... Monday... that is just the weekend away I am so excited for you and think it is great that DH was there for the scan and you had a relaxing coffee! My fingers will be tightly crossed for you both on Monday!
I am so sorry to hear about the team being given their notice! How much notice does the company have to give? We had that at my previous company (in fact, I had to give the people in my team notice) and it is just one of the worst feelings ever I hate that you guys have to go through it

Miki - I totally get it! In fact, my DH was totally against it as well - but then for this last try he said that he did at least want to have tried it so that a) we couldn't say we hadn't tried everything and b) perhaps it would make all the different and c) perhaps the biopsy would even tell us where the infertility comes from. As it happened, they didn't find any usable sperm in there and the histological report indicated, that he was just probably born infertile
I had no idea that being given testosterone could cause infertility! What was DH given testosterone injections for 4 years for? If you don't mind my asking? That is so sad I really hope that the FSH will do something so that they can find something in May!!
I think the step moving to Donor is really difficult (I know my DH wasn't at peace with the idea) and kudos to yours, that he is OK with it ... but we will keep fingers and toes crossed, that the dream of the biological baby stays alive!
BTW. my DH was sore for a while after the TESE, but it wasn't too bad and has healed really well ... he was uncomfortable for a few days.

Well, I hope that the sweet little dot continues to grow like this (I was so proud of him/her today - sounds really silly, I know - because he/she measured the 4,3mm on Wednesday and then the 6,2mm today and the u/s at my gynaecologist said that I was 6w+4d along and the EDD is 3rd November - which is spot on considering the dates of ER + fertilisation etc. So I was feeling really proud, that my little baby is doing just what he/she is supposed to *lol*).
Yes - the only wish is healthy. DH is unable to be really happy and excited yet, he is terrified, that because of his poor quality sperm, that our baby will have something genetically wrong with it. He will only start believing that everything is OK, once the test results are in (in quite a few weeks, when we can have them). It's a shame. I am the other way around - happy, calm, excited ... and if we have to deal with something then, then I will...
As for gender... secretly, I have always preferred girl (and have loads of girls' names in mind) and DH would prefer a little boy. But at the end of the day, neither of us really care, as long as the little mite is healthy xxx

 

[Mikihob]

Bubumaci DH did a lot of drugs when he was younger, for about ten years. Married his drug dealer, had three daughters (two bio) and then she divorced him after 13 years because during her cheating she found "the one". During their marriage he slowly started to feel worse and worse. He went to so many doctors and had so many different diagnosis'. During that time he had a severe form of shingles, had his appendix out mere minutes before it ruptured, etc. He was a mess. lol. Finally about 5 years ago a doctor checked his T levels. The normal T range for men is 259-1100. HUGE range. His was below that initially (in May it was 259- barely in range) and the low T was responsible for the mood swings, lack of sex drive, cloudy head, lack of concentration, etc. You name the side effect of low T and he had it. They started gel but it was gross so he switched to bi-weekly injections. He felt normal, started being able to lose weight, had sex drive and concentration and felt like a real person. He was never told that it could cause him to be infertile, and if they had back then (before we met) he might have still done it. He wasn't dating and didn't really want to at the time. He is miserable being off it but decided that he didn't want to look back and say, "We didn't try everything."

He's been off since November 2012 and is being helped a little by the HCG/FSH injections but not by much. If his SA in May is still zero he will be starting his testosterone injections again while we move onto donor sperm. At least he will be back to his old self and we can still have babies.

Its been a crazy journey. I learned A LOT more about reproduction than I ever thought possible. I always tell that I could be a fertility doctor now. Lol.

DH wants girls (he had crazy boy nephews and calm daughters) I want both. If I had to pick I would choose a girl too. I have always wanted to dress her up and do her hair. I can picture the Christmas outfits now. lol.

 

[deafgal01]

Sounds like everyone is doing well. I agree it has been quiet lately. I have been pretty busy juggling a full time job with two part time jobs and it is taking its toll on my sleep so I am thinking I will prob give my notice first week of may to the full time job and ease out of that to focus on my part time jobs halfway thru may and on.

With that busy schedule I have not had time for drs or anything baby related which is a relief because I don't spend much time thinking about it and life is almost back to normal with me not obsessing over it anymore. Like one of u said- it is almost like life got put on hold to focus on the journey and that in itself was depressing me in a bad way so a break from Bnb was necessary. I had a date with my husband recently and was shocked that we could have a date without any mention of babies or infertility which is a huge step because I was always focused on that but now leaning towards trying to accept what life throws at us- which means I toy with the idea of maybe never experiencing pregnancy. I hate to think that way- not being able to have that experience but I am still open to adopting if things never pan out. Recently I mentioned during dinner one night casually about looking into home insemination since we do have a donor we know and not thru the sperm bank. Hub blew me away by suggesting I do a one night stand with this donor. But I had mixed feelings over that and felt he was feeling mixed too so I readdressed it the very next day saying I appreciated him giving me permission but I did not think we needed to cross that line if we could easily collect a sample from this donor and shoot it up in me privately. I think that made him and me feel better after i talked that over with the hub. So we will see what happens but for now it is on hold and I likely won't research into it until summer at the earliest.

 

[MBABY2014]

So great to hear from everyone!!

BuB- thanks for the encouraging words- I hope your right and this FET will be lucky... I'll know more about moving forward on Monday...

 

[Stinas]

Dg - that must have been really hard for dh to come to terms with. I remember a while back here, maybe a year or two there was another azoo girl that would have relations with her donor. I dk. I feel it will just cause other problems. I personally wouldn't feel right but, whatever floats your boat.
With times things will happen....until then, try to enjoy your time with dh.....fertility talk free.

Mbaby - be positive. FET do work!! Our TESE sperm did the trick....over a year later, but in life there are always bumps in the road that teach you what's important in life.
I was thinking to myself how many years I have been waiting for a baby, now that my twinkles aes 6 weeks away I am petrified. Lol. Excited, but scared.

 

[deafgal01]

Agree with you stinas. It would only open a can of worms that is better off left alone. Or better yet Pandora's box. However I can see hub shooting the sperms up me so that is a possibility- that would be weird but at least he can say he had a part in it! I think once we have done iui and he held the vial of sperms, anything weird or awkward had become part of our infertility journey. I could never have relations in that sense with another person without feeling like I was cheating on my hub and I take my vows seriously.

I admit I did think occasionally of doing that from time to time and never mentioned it to hub so it just floored me when he said that. So yeah I think it was hard for him to say it and we both felt relieved when I said I did not want to do that but that we can google home insemination to do instead.

 

[snd80]

Morning Ladies!

I, too, have been trying to stay absent from the thread for fear of upsetting any of you girls still in azoo limbo hell! I know how I was during the wait, but know that I think of you girls all the time and truly know the struggles that come along with this horrible diagnosis. I have been following silently from the side lines though... It's still hard to wrap my head arounf the fact that I'm not the "bitter infertile woman" anymore! That's the only thing I've known for the past three years!!! But girls like Deb, Stinas, Mo, MJ and so many others kept me going strong with hope! So never give up!!!!

DG- Bless your dh!!! I agree that that is going a little too far.... but at least he's trying!!!

Sorry I cannot offer any input on the TESE and FET deal. But I've heard wonderful outcomes for both! Good luck!!!!!!

Donor is such a hard choice! It took mine a while to get used to the idea of it, but once we got started, it faded into the background as we focused on the outcome! Now I don't think it even crosses his mind where our peanuts came from!!! He'll say "my kids" or "my babies" and that sets me on !!! That's all I ever wanted!!!!

to you all!!!! And LOADS of and s to those in need!!!!

 

[Pink Lolly]

Awe SND congratulations on your news xxx

 

[MBABY2014]

Congrats SND- so happy that you have found your happy place and baby on the way!!

 

[bubumaci]

Bubumaci DH did a lot of drugs when he was younger, for about ten years. Married his drug dealer, had three daughters (two bio) and then she divorced him after 13 years because during her cheating she found "the one". During their marriage he slowly started to feel worse and worse. He went to so many doctors and had so many different diagnosis'. During that time he had a severe form of shingles, had his appendix out mere minutes before it ruptured, etc. He was a mess. lol. Finally about 5 years ago a doctor checked his T levels. The normal T range for men is 259-1100. HUGE range. His was below that initially (in May it was 259- barely in range) and the low T was responsible for the mood swings, lack of sex drive, cloudy head, lack of concentration, etc. You name the side effect of low T and he had it. They started gel but it was gross so he switched to bi-weekly injections. He felt normal, started being able to lose weight, had sex drive and concentration and felt like a real person. He was never told that it could cause him to be infertile, and if they had back then (before we met) he might have still done it. He wasn't dating and didn't really want to at the time. He is miserable being off it but decided that he didn't want to look back and say, "We didn't try everything."

He's been off since November 2012 and is being helped a little by the HCG/FSH injections but not by much. If his SA in May is still zero he will be starting his testosterone injections again while we move onto donor sperm. At least he will be back to his old self and we can still have babies.

Its been a crazy journey. I learned A LOT more about reproduction than I ever thought possible. I always tell that I could be a fertility doctor now. Lol.

DH wants girls (he had crazy boy nephews and calm daughters) I want both. If I had to pick I would choose a girl too. I have always wanted to dress her up and do her hair. I can picture the Christmas outfits now. lol.

Oh Miki - I am so sorry! That must be awful for your DH I had no idea that taking testosterone could impact fertility (in fact, I always understood that lowering testosterone was worse - but clearly I was wrong).
That really is bad that he feels so bad if he is off the shots! My fingers will be crossed that it won't have been for nothing, that he has been feeling bad these several months!

It's crazy, how much we learn about the process when having to go through it ourselves! My Father is always amazed, when I tell him about the treatment, the effects, why we do what during the treatment etc. etc. and what I am blown away by, to be honest (my knowledge of biology and what goes on for reproduction was always pretty good), is how little most people know! Not necessarily about IVF/ICSI and those treatments, but in general about reproduction. My FIL for example would never understand why, if fertilised eggs were transferred, why I wasn't pregnant. He was sure it meant that there was also something wrong with me. No matter how often I tried to explain that even healthy people may often have managed to fertilise, but in only about 20% of the time, it will lead to pregnancy...

My fingers are crossed for you Sweetie!

DG - I think it is incredible that you and DH have talked about it ... I think it shows that you have a very strong relationship. My DH used to say I should find myself someone else with whom I could have children, at the times when he got upset ... I agree with both of you, I think it is one thing to do an IUI with donor sperm and another thing entirely to sleep with someone else. And I also think - even if one thinks that one could go through it .. at the end of the day, I doubt any of us can predict how we will react, if we do go through with it. I remember that movie with Demi Moore, Robert Redford and Woody Harrelson, "Indecent Proposal" - the motives were of course very different, but had a pretty catastrophic impact. Not saying, that this what would happen to anybody doing it, but I think that "infidelity" even if agreed to by both parties, might psychologically have a much worse impact than originally anticipated... I couldn't do it - my hat goes off to anyone who can and whose relationship withstands it!

 

[Mikihob]

Hello ladies,

DH surprised me by saying that we should go ahead with DIUI. He says that since his chances of producing are so low, we should try DIUI because he doesn't want to wait any longer. If he does start producing we can go to Seattle so he can freeze a bunch for later use but if he doesn't at least we aren't starting from scratch 2 months from now.

We picked a donor, relatively quick actually. We used Fairfax Cryobank and utilized their face matching and found a high match. His medical and family history was uncannily similar to DH's. Even his heritage was the same as DH's.

I am waiting on a call back from my doctor to schedule our pre-IUI appointment. I am not sure what all I have to do before we can move forward.

I will let you all know when I talk to the doctor and get the info. I have been taking Clomid and it seems to be working this time around so I might be able to go unmedicated, with the exception of an HCG trigger, but overall unmedicated. But my next ovulation window is around April 17-18 and we are going on vacation on May 1 because DH's dad is turning 70 on May 4. Is it ok to travel right after an IUI?? Would it risk my chances of conceiving? I know if we do it, no horse back riding like I planned and no roller coasters and such.

Thanks for your advice ladies. Hope you are all doing well. Updates??

 

[MBABY2014]

Glad to hear your hubby is ready- sounds like a step in the right direction

I met with RE again yesterday/ he saw a dominant follicle and my lining was 8.1- so he's hopeful I will ovulate on my own this weekend and we can move forward with a FET sometime next week! Yaya!