Dealing with azoospermia?

[sharon99]

Miki, I'm sorry your cycle is being so frustrating. Has AF arrived yet? It seems unfair that once you're ready to start, your body decides not to be clear. That happened to me on my first donor cycle, too (no clear ovulation).

Rainbow, I am so sorry to hear about the mTESE. That must be quite a blow. I agree with everyone else- take the time you need to grieve. Your grief is not strange at all. Every once in a while, I get a little sad thinking that the little one won't inherit DH's brains... Sometimes it helps me to think that even IF it had been me + DH, the baby is still going to be its own little person. In some ways I feel like it's helped me not to have expectations as to what the baby will be like, but just to accept that it's my job to love them no matter what. I don't know if that makes sense, but it helps me when I feel sad about it sometimes.

Deafgal, I'm glad you'll be working fewer hours! And glad you're investigating home insemination- sounds way cheaper, especially since you're going with known donor.

Everything's still good here- my next appointment's on Tuesday.

 

[Mikihob]

Well AF finally arrived with a vengeance. I have been having cramps for about 10-12 days and yesterday they were super intense and painful. Soon after I woke up I noticed a little spotting. Wore a pad and still barely spotted all day. First thing this morning, nothing. Couple of hours later, full AF. It's one of the worst ones I have had in awhile. I don't know if that's good or bad. But I had two Clomid cycles in a row actually do what it's supposed to do, BIG improvement. I am refilling the Clomid prescription and start taking it on April 9. I should ovulate around April 20-22. I guess I am not canceling the DIUI afterall. I am kinda over the emotional roller coaster though. Clomid makes me mad (crazy)!!

Rainbow I am so terribly sorry they didn't find any sperm. It's great that you two are being open and talking about it. It's great for each one of you to be able to talk it out and know that someone is understanding your feelings and supporting you. It's a HUGE stress reliever. A DIUI in May?! That is great! I understand the grief in not being able to have DH bio babies. My DH had two bio daughters with his ex and part of me is so sad that she was able to have his bio kids and I can't. He has explained that I am silly for feeling that way, but it's still kinda there. We chose the first donor we researched. I thought it would take months. It took hours. I know we were really lucky to find someone who has such similar background as DH. I hope you can find the perfect donor right away and move forward.

Thanks for all the advice ladies.

 

[MBABY2014]

Glad AF finally came!

We should be on similar timelines- thinking/hoping my FET will be around the 23rd, so we should be in the 2ww together!!

Rainbow- glad you have a plan, I think a big part of infertility is having the next steps laid out for us- having something to yearn for...

 

[bubumaci]

Yay for !! I am glad she turned up and you can stay on schedule (sorry about her being so mean though)!!
So when exactly do I have to be finger crossing?

Lots and lots of for all FETs, DIUIs and any other procedures coming up

 

[Mikihob]

Yay for !! I am glad she turned up and you can stay on schedule (sorry about her being so mean though)!!
So when exactly do I have to be finger crossing?

Lots and lots of for all FETs, DIUIs and any other procedures coming up

I am scheduled to ovulate between April 18-April 23. Usually I ovulate the 8-9 day after my last pill so my DIUI will be April 23 or April 24. So excited! Nervous, but excited! As an after thought it's kinda good that AF showed up late because now I don't have to worry about ovulating on Friday and then waiting until Monday for the DIUI.

to us all!!

 

[bubumaci]

... Maybe a blessing in disguise after all?

 

[Rainbow123]

How exciting Mikihob! Less than two weeks!

Thank you for your lovely messages ladies, they really mean a lot.

We had our FS meeting yesterday, and she confirmed we're pretty much ready to go when we want to! So next week we will be looking for sperm, yikes! I am now at peace with the whole idea of DIUI and strangely it doesn't feel weird to me anymore. DH is feeling a bit funny about it, but I think that's to be expected.
It felt like such a positive meeting for once. The FS was super happy with all my tests results, weight, age and said a couple of time how we should get pregnant really quickly. I just feel so positive at the moment, it's such a breath of fresh air to not be feeling sad!
I saw a couple of mothers and babies straight after the appointment yesterday, and for the first time since we found out I haven't wanted to turn on my heel and run away crying. :-D

Love and fairy dust to all XXXXXXX

 

[rdleela]

Best of luck, Mikihob!

Rainbow, it's so awesome to hear that your story is taking a positive turn! It must be so exciting to be able to move on and get you pregnant soon!

 

[Stinas]

Rainbow - super happy you are ready for this new start! Im sure he will feel a bit odd at first looking at those pics and sorting through all that info, but once your preg, it will all go away and the love/excitement will set in.

I have to tell you all....we all have the same issue, but all our stories are pretty much different and we all take different routes to get pregnant.......but once you do finally get pregnant, no matter which path you took, its the most amazing feeling in the world. All that crying, all those docs telling you you can't, all the needles, all the pain, it just goes away in a matter of seconds. Years ago I read someone explaining the same thing, and I thought to myself, yeah ok....she says that now because she's preg.....but sitting here waiting for my twinkies to arrive, I think back at what she said and she was right. There is a light at the end of the azoo tunnel, and the other side is amazing. Everyone will get there, some sooner than others, but you will get there. The key is to never give up and never let anyone tell you to let go of your dream of being a mother. Its no ones choice to take that away from you!
I hope no one takes offense to this, but I struggled for years and was told to go directly to donor, and that I would never be able to have DH's biological child, also told to just give up, so I have been in the same spot as all of you. I found it comforting when I read positive stories. I hope you can look at all the BFP's and know it will happen to you too!

 

[bubumaci]

Beautifully said, Stinas!

 

[gem10]

Stinas, thank you for your kind words. Every other day I have to convince myself to keep trying, and then some days I think we should consider donor so we can finally start our family. But your story encourages me to keep trying.

We had a follow up with DH urologist this week. After being on chlomid since Sept. his testosterone is 1,000 and his FSH went from 18 to 28. Not sure I quite understand it all. But the dr said the chlomid is doing what it is supposed to. There was stil zero sperm in his SA. They are putting him on another drug to balance his estrogen as that was a little high. Ultimately he said he is responding well and the meds are giving the testes a favorable environment for the sperm. We are hoping to try again in July. This time I havent been as obsessive and have been eating and drinking what I want. We have both agreed this will be our last try for a long time. My DH needs a break from surgeries. I give him credit for being willing to do the surgery three times in a year.

As for me, I am on break from work and looking forward to a week for me. I plan on seeing all of my friends who are pregnant and or have had babies who I havent seen since our BFN in January. I think I am finally ready!

Wishing everyone lots of luck in whatever stage you are of TTC. I will continue to watch from the sidelines!

 

[Stinas]

Gem - I wish you the best of luck! You are going in the right direction! Its good that the clomid is working!!!
Seeing your friends might be a good idea! You have to be ready to see them....once you are, it actually helps...as weird as that sounds!

 

[gem10]

Thanks Stinas!! I was reading your journal earlier. Your DH did chlomid, right? Do you think it helped?

 

[MoBaby]

sorry about the results gem. my dh did clomid and hcg...no effect but i think we are going to see a different urologist soon for different insight since we do want to try again in a year or so. want to see if dh has a blockage since last urologist didnt do anything except bloodwork and wanted $$. dh fsh is marginal at 11 and he matches the blockage criteria (hernia surgery and torsion surgery) so we want to see if he can try a ve.

 

[bubumaci]

That's great that the clomid is working Gem!! Incidentally, the one and only time we got a good sample from my DH (which they froze two years ago), was after he took Tamoxifen for six weeks (an oestrogen inhibitor) ... (Personally, I don't understand the FSH values - everything they measured for DH was good, so I didn't really pay attention to what good values are).
Fingers crossed that the medication does its work for the July try!!
BTW - I think it is good that you are relaxing and "not obsessing" - having a PME and being more relaxed is definitely healthier and it does help you!

@ Mo wanting to try again

 

[Stinas]

Gem - DH did do clomid, but it had no effect. I had more info on my LTTTC journal....I need to do a copy paste onto my preg journal.
Yeah, he took it for a about 3 months....doc knew it was a small chance of it working, but it didn't hurt to try. He has a blockage somewhere, which is causing the azoo....on top of it he also thinks its his varicocele. We did one surgery after the clomid, he had a cyst which doc thought could be the blockage, but it was not. So thats when we decided to do our third cycle, which was a success, but ended in MC. Then we did this FET, which is giving us our twins. I wanted to do this FET, DH wanted to go to donor...like always, I got my way :wink wink: If it didn't work, we were going to go to donor, I didn't want him to go through another surgery that was not a 100% chance of a "fix".
Oh and DH's bloods all came back normal, which also does lead to blockage. He has never had surgeries as a child or any sickness....nothing that could have caused azoo.

This is a long process. I feel like the only way it can go quicker is with a great urologist and fertility specialist. Of course everything costs money too, but luckily, most of the urologists fees were greatly covered by insurance.
If you don't like your doctor, leave. Thats the best advice I can give after years in this thread. Some docs do not want to be bothered or just don't give a crap in researching whats the problem.


Mo - Yay for wanting to try again! :happy dance:

We have decided to use our one last when the twinkies are around 3, if it does not work we are done. We have sperm frozen from his TESE in 2012, but I don't know how good the sperm is or if its even good enough to use. I don't want him to go through another TESE or any surgery. We will have our miracle babies and the fact that there are two of them, makes it even easier to stop if the FET does not work.

 

[babadespls]

Hi Ladies,

Since my DH got his results in January he has been on all sorts of vitamins and maca etc... and we are due to do another set of tests (SA and hormone levels) as well as a biopsy. I have also subsequently made an appointment at a fertility clinic...this will all happen in May... but I just feel like I cant go on with this, I wake up every morning thinking why is morning here already, or how I wish I never woke up, I went to my GP and he has suggested me going on an anti-depressant (I have a box of Prozac in my draw) Just wanted to get an opinion on this?

Also me not been able to control my emotions and been tearful all the time is not good for my husband, but I really cant help it, and he knows me so well, that even when I try act strong he sees through me.

I am willing to try anything but I'm wary of anti-depressants, could it be bad for my body and make TTC even harder? I just don't know but I cant carry on as I am.

Have any of you gone on anti-depressants and did it help at all?

 

[arzoo]

Coming to terms with azoo is not easy. It's almost a year since we got to know about our diagnosis. I used to cry every morning and night and every time I saw a pregnant lady. The frequency has decreased. What am trying to say is just hold on you will find strength to deal with things just give yourself time. I personally would not take Anti depressants because of the side effects and potential addiction to them.

 

[bubumaci]

Babe - I agree with Arzoo, if you can, try to stay away from the anti-depressants ... unless you really can't cope at all.
Getting this diagnosis has been one of the hardest things I have ever been confronted with! When you look forward to parenthood one day (and actually fear not being able to have children) and suddenly ... it happens to you (not just to other people), it is devastating! The world of infertility opens up, just as you feel your dreams shattering into shards around you! .. and we started down this road on this fight three years ago! ...

The few times I lost it, DH was feeling even worse, because he felt it was his "fault" that I was losing it ... which of course made me throttle down on my emotions, because I didn't want him feeling so bad (the diagnosis is enough!) ...

As hard as it is, try to look at it as a blessing that we are living in the time we are living in. A few decades ago and we would have to remain childless, because technology wouldn't be able to a) diagnose the issues we are having and b) provide potential solutions or at least other approaches.
We can go to fertility clinics, we can try this and that and over and over ...

Sweetie, May is just around the corner You can get there, you and DH can get there together.
There are so many ladies on this thread who have had to face Azoo - and who have come out on the other side victorious. Please try not to lose hope - there are so many success stories to draw strength and hope and energy from ... and we are all here for you!

 

[babadespls]

Thanks for your comments, I think I will follow my gut and your opinions and throw those anti-depressants away, I don't want anything else in my way of having a baby.

It does make me feel better that time may help, I guess this waiting game is hard, just as my husbands Urologist said is that we have to learn to have patience.

I am also going to distance myself from certain things that trigger my episodes of sadness that I can control, I deactivated all social media such as facebook and I guess I just have to grin and bare it as I have my SIL's baby shower coming up. Not looking forward to it - I'm running out of excuses as I have been absent at a few others already.

I come onto this thread often and quietly read all the posts because it is actually great to see the success stories and know about the different stages that all the ladies are in, when I read what all you ladies have been through it just blows my mind that you kept going and I take my hat off to you! I just hate this stage that I am in now which is living in limbo, I just want answers. I am looking forward to the appointment at the Fertility Clinic to get a professional opinion.

Thank you again.