Dealing with azoospermia?

[gem10]

Thank you everyone, your kind words have been a big help. Right now its still very hard. He is having a hard time hearing the reports on the embryos. He is not really excited at all. I kind of feel the same. The only thing thats keeping me excited is knowing there is a chance I could get pregnant this time. I hope these feelings are normal. I think we are just so scared of not knowing how we are going to feel. Plus all of these questions running through our minds. Should we tell anyone, like my mom? Do we tell our child? Its a lot to digest. Plus the few friends who did know about the cycle keep asking questions bc they know what we have been through. I so badly want to tell them, and vent my pain, but I cant. I am being very vague, like we have some embryos. Where as normally I would tell them the number of sperm, eggs, embryos, quality, etc. Its just hard. I also have a mild case of OHSS which has made me feel horrible the past few days. Hopefully everything will get better with time.

 

[raelynn]

Hello ladies. Quick update from me. We are in the middle of our third IVF cycle. My hubby had his tese yesterday (third one) and I had my egg retrieval today. They got 12 eggs from me, but very sadly did not find any sperm. I am devastated. I had to go into my retrieval crying and woke up the same. We had to make the very hard decision to use all donor. I really did not think this would happen. We changed our protocol and was excited for a new drug they were going to use to help the embryos stick, and now we wont have that opportunity. My DH was a complete rock. I was in recovery for a few hours this time, not sure why but I am in a lot of pain this time. In those few hours he came to terms with our situation and was smiling when he saw me. He said I am ready to be a dad, you want to be a mom, and this is our only choice now. I dont know where he pulls this strength from. He amazes me every day. So we are moving forward with DS. I guess I am just looking for some reassurance from those using DS that you feel happy with your decision. Does this sadness disappear when you get your BFP? I am just so sad, scared, angry and excited at the same time that I need some of my girls to talk me through this. We find out about our embryos tomorrow, and hopefully transfer on Monday. To make matters more challenging, we kept this cycle a secret. Not even my mom knows. Which is good in many ways, but hard in others. I am hoping to ahock everyone if we do get pregnant. But we are not telling anyone we used donor. My DH is not comfortable with that. Anyway, any thoughts or advice are much appreciated. I have been watching from the sidelines and thinking of you girls always.

Gem - I am so sorry you are going through this. It is absolutely devastating to realize the way of getting to a family that you dreamed of is not a reality. However, I can speak from my experience with DS. We grieved the decision as well. It got easier when we got our BFP. We were overjoyed. But, as Mikihob mentioned, the fear came back of what will they look like what if they used the wrong donor, etc. I can say that now that our little girl is here, we love her to death. We're trying again using DS again and my fears are definitely less. Our daughter looks so much like me that people just gravitate to that. She's a total daddy's girl and the two of them are great to watch together. So, it will get easier. Best of luck to you and I hope your BFP is just around the corner!

 

[MBABY2014]

❤️❤️❤️gem- I'm so sorry to hear that they found nothing in the sample and can understand as to your questions and feelings of uncertainty!! It of course is normal!! I think it wil take time and maybe just keep on telling yourself 'lets do today' ...a day at a time for now... Deal with each day, the highs/lows, ups/downs as they come and go. Maybe thus can help you and hub to feel less overwhelmed as you go through the transfer, 2ww and until you hopefully get your BFP!!! You both may feel very different once you see the 2 beautiful lines!! So take it dayby day until thrn..I'll be thinking of you!!

���� Mik- yaya for IUI! Glad the heading pad helped!! Please keep us posted!!


How is everyone??

Rdella- baby time soon???? ��������

 

[Mikihob]

Update everyone:

IUI was yesterday with my docs nurse/midwife since he is out of town. I have to say that this was the least painful IUI of all. I had sharp cramping on the right side the afternoon before IUI and then IUI. Usually I go straight home to rest but didn't. We went grocery shopping, it took about 20 minutes. We got home and my neighbors three boys were playing outside in the rain with rain coats and were super excited I was home. I chatted with them while getting rained on, went inside, loved on the dogs and laid down. I laid with a slant towards my right to encourage the spermies to go that way.

Now the TWW has begun!!

How is everyone?

 

[bubumaci]

... really hoping that this works, Miki!
Doing well here - still having to test my blood sugar levels four times a day. On Monday, they will review my "blood sugar journal" and then decide on how we proceed. So far I am quite happy with the results, as I am staying below the upper figure I was given. Still higher than normal, but definitely not gestational diabetes ... yet. Next week we're 28th week and from then, the hormones surge again, which can affect the levels of insulin required. So I can imagine that I will have to monitor for quite a while and then take it from there ...
Pünktchen's furniture arrived on Thursday and we put it together, so that has been a very exciting development ... my Dad is arriving on Tuesday and I'm looking forward to my birthday on Wednesday, treating us all to the 3D/4D session (my Daddy and parents-in-law are going to be so surprised)

 

[rdleela]

Gem, I think everything your feeling must be very normal; I hope you find your way of making it through this!

AFM, my azoos baby will be here in the next few weeks!! Eeeek!!!

 

[Rainbow123]

Gem - you must be feeling absolutely devastated and it is completely normal to be feeling that way. I always 'knew' that they wouldn't find any sperm when they did DH's mTESE, and I thought I had prepared myself for that, but when the news came that there weren't any there it was like having a ton of bricks thrown on my heart. I couldn't go into work the next day (luckily it was the Friday) and spent a few days grieving as though we had lost a really close family member.
We had been told to wait until after the mTESE to proceed with ICSI/IUI, so we then had a few weeks to get our heads around things and order DS. By the time it came to the IUI a month and a half later, I'd come to terms with it all and was starting to feel hopeful and excited for once!
Is there any way that you can wait for a few weeks before you have your embryo transferred? I know that those few weeks between our news and the IUI did us both the world of good, so it might be good for you both too.
I always wondered how I would feel when I got pregnant using DS, but I can honestly tell you that it feels like the most natural and normal thing to me. I thought it would feel strange, but I feel so connected to this little person growing inside of me. DH was able to become logical about the fact we were using DH and is coping loads better than I would have thought. I think for him, the pregnancy is a good time for his feelings about the baby to develop. He's said himself that he thinks it will start to feel 'normal' when the baby gets here, but things like scans help him to make a connection.
My thoughts are with you Gem and I hope you and DH find peace with the way things are going. Lots of love and hugs xxxxxx

 

[deafgal01]

Gem - my heart goes out to you. It is hard to hear that kind of news but I rejoice the fact all 12 eggs you have fertilized! Hopefully over time you two will know what you feel more comfy doing in terms of how much info to really share but I agree it is a very private thing to deal with and not something you want anyone to know about just yet but perhaps when the time to inform your child comes - or maybe never would be a good time to let important people in your life know in case the baby needs reassurance that everyone still loves him/her regardless of using ds.

Miki- good luck.

As for how I have been. Well this past week I have been so busy teaching and then helping run a sports camp after school that I slept even less than normal. That meant no time to even think about anything baby related even though one volunteer had her baby there with her at the camp. I suppose it helps that she kept her pregnancy off Facebook for the most part that I had not realized she had a baby in the last one year. her baby boy is turning 1 on Saturday and I for the first time in like 3 years feel comfy enough to go to this one birthday party. Normally I cannot even think about going to any but this one I don't mind so much since I enjoyed socializing with this boy. I just hope one day I get to be a mother and have a child to call my own. Today I feel like I have given up (even though I know we will try with home insemination at some point) but it does feel like I may never get to experience ever being pregnant. Seems somewhat easier to accept that idea now even though I still have days when I cry over that but it is few and far in between lately.

 

[sharon99]

Miki, good luck!!! It sounds like you have a very positive attitude heading into this TWW! Lots of happy thoughts headed your way.

Gem, that is such difficult news to hear. I'm so sorry. I completely agree with what Rainbow said- any way you can wait a little bit to wrap your head around the news? It must be so hard just to be hit with the news all at once like that. When DH got his diagnosis, we always knew mTESE wasn't an option for us... so we had several months of thinking, counseling, and accepting before we did a dIUI. If we had moved on to DS the day after his diagnosis? Yeah, that would have been hard.

I will echo what others have said- now that we made the decision and have a little one coming in just a few months, we are very happy with the decision. Life handed us a sh*tty situation, but the BFP, and the whole pregnancy, really feels like a miracle. DH is the one coming to doctor's appointments with me, making me milkshakes, talking to the baby... it is HIS child, for sure. There are moments of pain, of course... but they are more & more fleeting. Someone sent us a onesie that said "Handsome like my Daddy", and he made a "joke" about how it should say Handsome like my Donor... but talking about it between ourselves (and in our case, with a few others) has helped.

Teach, I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I'm sorry I won't be much help- our numbers were always 0.

Big hugs to everyone! xoxo

 

[tulip11]

Update
Today we had an appointment with gynecologist she said we will get out first ivf appointment letter within 4 weeks for nowshe advised my hubby to loose some weight he is 102 she said reduce it to 100 and it would be much better if 95 because if you would be over weight so they won't do any sperms retrieval. And today she sent me for some blood test she said we will know what sort of doses will be required for you that's why we are doing this test. At end she told me to start simple folic acid or take pregnacare for conception supplements. She said that we will refer you guys to Sheffield and there we will get registered to something sorry I don't remember it's name.

Any one whose hubby was over weight and found some sperms? She said actually there is risk factor involved while we do when a person is overweight. So if my hubby won't loose weight they won't proceed further.

 

[Rainbow123]

That's great news to hear you're progressing Tulip!

Glad things are becoming easier Deafgal. Do you have any idea about when you might try home insemination?

Sharon - I completely get what you mean about the occasional moments of pain. We told DH's brothers we were pregnant on Saturday (we told them the whole situation about donor sperm a few weeks ago) and everyone was really excited. Then later on, one of his brothers was telling us about a situation where his friend "Wasn't man enough" to get his wife pregnant. It was very inconsiderate, I don't know if he realised his upsetting comment, but damn, it was like a stab in the heart thinking about how DH would be feeling after hearing that. The stigma surrounding azoo is one of the hardest things about it all, especially when those closest to you don't think before they speak! Rah! Anyhoo...

Love and hugs to all.

XXX

 

[deafgal01]

Probably sometime after jan 2015? Idk. I really want to enjoy the cruise as I never been on one before and they won't let passengers on if they are beyond 3 months pregnant for some reason.

 

[gem10]

Deafgal, I totally undersrand how you feel. At times I really thought how great life would be without kids too. Its a roller coaster of emotions, and facebook can certainly get the coaster rolling!

Mik, I am praying for you. I think our test dates are the same day, the 15th?

We did a single embryo transfer. It was a blastocyst that was already hatching. I also had neupogen put in on Saturday, aka embryo glue, so hipefully things will work out. It was not the easiest today. My husband was in tears after the transfer. He said he needs me to be strong amd happy, and in time it will help him come around. God Ipray this gets easier.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I keep going back and rereading them and they are really helping me along. You ladies are the best.

Thinking and praying for you all.

 

[bubumaci]

Gem, a hatching blast is fabulous!! Do you have any ? I am sorry that it is so hard for DH, poor things. It will take time, but I am confident, that at the end of the day, it won't make any difference to either of you, whose genes little bubba gets

 

[rdleela]

Gem, best of luck with this cycle! I hope it does get easier for you; I'm sure there is going to be such a range of emotions! Xoxo

 

[Mikihob]

Deafgal, I totally undersrand how you feel. At times I really thought how great life would be without kids too. Its a roller coaster of emotions, and facebook can certainly get the coaster rolling!

Mik, I am praying for you. I think our test dates are the same day, the 15th?

We did a single embryo transfer. It was a blastocyst that was already hatching. I also had neupogen put in on Saturday, aka embryo glue, so hipefully things will work out. It was not the easiest today. My husband was in tears after the transfer. He said he needs me to be strong amd happy, and in time it will help him come around. God Ipray this gets easier.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I keep going back and rereading them and they are really helping me along. You ladies are the best.

Thinking and praying for you all.

gem how exciting you had a hatching blast! I hope the other 11 freeze well for siblings. You can have a dozen kids right??
Yes I test on the 15th too. We can be twins! If we both get a BFP we can be bump buddies!! DH will come around. It's hard right now because he just feels bad that all this time he wasn't able to give you what you wanted most and now "some other man" did. It's hard. My DH started out saying no mTese or biopsy, move onto DS. Sometimes he still gets down because as we keep getting negatives and I keep getting heart broken he feels that it's his fault. It's hard for them. In a way it does show how deeply he feels about you, the relationship and your future babies. A great loving husband = a great loving father.

 

[gem10]

Thank you ladies, Mik, I would love to be bump buddies!
We had three other blastocysts they froze. They are growing out three more another day to blastocysts, so we may have 6 total frosties. So that is some good news!

 

[gem10]

And deafgal, my advice is to enjoy your trip. I always said, after each failed cycle that I wanted to go away with DH and just drink, eat, and enjoy each other. Part of me wishes we had. So my suggesstion is focus on that and have the best time ever! This "stuff" will be here when you get back

 

[gem10]

Quick question. I have been pretty laid back this round of ivf. I am on day 2 of bedrest and already going
crazy. How long did ladies with BFP stay on bedrest? Also, did you continue decag coffee? I have been drinking organic decaf coffee up to today. What do you ladies think?

 

[bubumaci]

Um - I did absolutely no bed rest The day of transfer went out for dinner with parents-in-law, the only "rest" I had was right after transfer at the clinic
I made sure to do my daily hypnosis - but other than that ...
I wasn't drinking coffee anyway (not a coffee drinker) - it is fine to have a cup or two, so don't worry about it