Dealing with azoospermia?

[arzoo]

Gem, I am so sorry for you. Please don't blame yourself. My doctor told me there was nothing she or anyone could do to stop the clot growing.

 

[Olive333]

Gem - I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you take time to grieve. I can't imagine what you are going through. Try not to think that you did something wrong, this is not your fault.

Hugs!

 

[melissaelaine]

Oh Gem!! I am so sorry for your loss!

 

[bubumaci]

Gem, I am desperately sorry for you there is nothing I can say to express how awful I feel for you.
But one thing is certain : this was NOT your fault!! Please don't blame yourself - sometimes nature is so cruel and there is no rhyme or reason to it!

 

[MoBaby]

Gem so sorry life is so unfair! We think after great betas and then a hb everything will be okay. I hate this for you! You didn't do anything wrong so please don't blame yourself.

 

[melissaelaine]

Hi Ladies! Gem, you are still in my thoughts. I am really sorry that you have to go through this!

So, I caved yesterday and tested early - 6dp5dt. It was a slight positive, but I was too nervous to post in this group about it. I tested again this morning and I think it is slightly darker. I am 7dp5dt today, and not scheduled for my beta until Monday (10dp5dt), but I am really hoping and praying that this is the start of my forever BFP. What do you ladies think?

 

[bubumaci]

How are you doing Gem? (Probably really stupid question, I am thinking of you a lot!)

Melissa ... that looks very much like a wonderful BFP to me

 

[gem10]

Thank you all for your kind words. I am not well. Going in an hour for a D & C. It is hard to believe just two weeks ago I was given the best news ever and today it is being taken away. I cannot stop crying. This pain is worse than all of my BFNs combined. Praying for peace of mind, and comforted somewhat that I got to be a mommy if only for a very short time.

 

[Rainbow123]

Oh Gem! I am so so so sorry to hear about your loss. Life is so unfair. Thinking about you and sending you lots of love and hugs. XXXXXXXXXX

 

[Stinas]

Gem - Im so sorry!!! Its a terrible thing to go through I know personally how it feels. Please do not lose hope! Take all the time you need for yourself, but do not lose hope!!

melissaelaine - Yay!!! Congrats!!!

 

[gem10]

Stinas I am so sorry you had to go through this also. I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy. How long did you wait before trying again? All I can think about is being pregnant again.

 

[raelynn]

Gem - I am so so sorry you are going through this. I also know from experience how much this hurts. I had a natural miscarriage and didn't need a d&c since it was earlier on but we started trying again the very next cycle. I pray that the pain will lessen for you and you will get through this and your forever baby will be here soon.

 

[rdleela]

Gem, I am so very sorry for all the pain and loss you are going through right now...take care of yourself xoxo

 

[Stinas]

Stinas I am so sorry you had to go through this also. I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy. How long did you wait before trying again? All I can think about is being pregnant again.

I had the D&C May 8. I was devastated and just wanted time to myself, which I am very happy I did give myself. We also wanted time to decide if we were going to use our embryos or go with donor. Thankfully we decided to go with 2 out of the last 3 embryos we had with DH sperm (from TESE) mid to late Aug (2013)....which gave us these two amazing blessings.

I shut everyone out for a good two weeks after the D&C...not going to lie....I just wanted to be miserable and alone for a little. Then I just let loose....enjoyed the summer. Did things I haven't since getting married and having responsibilities. I highly suggest doing so because once you have the baby/babies....everything changes....for the better, but sometimes you miss the little things.

Dont rush into another cycle until you and DH are ready. Plus you need your body to recover.

PM me anytime you like!

 

[babadespls]

I'm so sorry Gem, Thoughts are with you!

I still come on here every now and then to see what's happening even though my journey is basically over, after we found out about DH's Sertoli Only Syndrome, its been so hard, we had a huge argument about donor sperm and he wont consider it so now we never talk about it but its constantly on my mind.

DH has also been so stubborn and wont go to counselling with me through our RE's Office.

He says he wont give up on having a biological baby, and so now Im researching sperm mapping, have any of you had it done or heard of it?
Why is it so controversial?

 

[melissaelaine]

I read up on sperm mapping at one point, but it only seems like very few people do it, so I did not dig down too much. The concept seems interesting, though. I am sorry that your DH is not interested in DS. Is adoption an option or is he not interested in that either? When my DH and I talked about DS vs. adoption as a backup plan if needed, he was more in favor of DS because it's cheaper...

I got my beta back today - 228! Prayers that it doubles by Thursday when I go back!

 

[raelynn]

Melissaelaine - Great beta! I had my 3rd beta today and I go back Thursday too! It went from 289 to 804 this time so hoping we see a good number again Thursday. Good luck on Thursday!

babadespls - I haven't done much research on sperm mapping. My hubby was against donor sperm at the beginning too sometimes it just has to come down to no other options for them to consider. Also, as Melissaelaine said the cost was a factor too. IUI with donor sperm was a lot cheaper for us and hubby loves our little one just as if it were his biological daughter. Hopefully yours will come around to considering other options as well if it comes to that.

 

[bubumaci]

I'm sorry, I have not researched sperm mapping at all - or is that the same as testing of the sperm to check how healthy it is?

Melissa - that is a really great result - you are 10dp5dt today, right? I am sure you will be seeing it tripled by Thursday

Yay Raelynn - fantastic

 

[gem10]

Raelynn, your doctor let you try again the next cycle after your loss? Did you have to wait for two periods or one? All I can think about is starting again. I keep wondering if I should use the frozen embryos we have or try diui. The thought of being pregnant again is the only thing giving me hope. This is by far the hardest thing I have ever been through. I am sorry you experienced it too. I have read that our bodies are most fertile after a loss...do you think that's true?

 

[raelynn]

It was 2 cycles after my miscarriage. I miscarried and then, when I had my next period, we started again. Since I miscarried naturally, I bled like a period (but a lot worse) for that and then the next time I bled was the start of our cycle trying. It is possible that you are more fertile after a loss. I got pregnant with my daughter through dIUI the first cycle we did after my miscarriage. The miscarriage is actually what made us switch to dIUI since we weren't sure if it was the quality of the sperm that caused it. I hope you're doing ok! I know this is just a terrible thing to go through. Moving forward and trying again helped me a lot too.