Dealing with azoospermia?

[tigerlily1975]

I live in QLD MissAma. I've never been to WA but have heard its gorgeous. Lots of beaches and awesome wine regions too!

Good luck today Silverbell. Have my fingers crossed for some positive news for you and your OH.

I hope everyone else is feeling ok too. Its such a rollercoaster ride isn't it. One minute I think I'm fine the next I'm crying my eyes out...

Oh, I know exactly what you mean. We only found out on Wednesday and I think we're still both kind of 'numb'. I cried for the whole of Wednesday, but have perked up a bit after find you lovely ladies. Although, I did have a little sob on the tube to work Friday morning.... did mean I got a bit more space as people didn't want to sit next to the blubbing woman!!

C xx

 

[tigerlily1975]

WanBMum: I'm keeping everything crossed for you.

C xx

 

[silverbell]

Hey ladies. Thanks so much for your lovely thoughts.

Here is a cut and paste from my journal:

Basically DH's bloods are all ok in Mr Ramsay's opinion and nothing to worry about in terms of improving with medication. He said although his testosterone is on the lower side of normal, it is certainly not low enough to worry about and will NOT harm him at this level, despite our gp's panic! He said the oestradiol fits well with his testosterone and gives a good ratio. Also his very high FSH level is not harmful and shows that his pituitary gland in his brain has recognized the problem and is trying its best to fix it, which is a normal and encouraging response.

DH was so relieved to hear all this and that his body 'isn't completely screwed up'. He says it was a massive relief to hear the low testosterone is ok too and won't harm him. He feels like a weight has been lifted.

Long story short, Mr Ramsay got the letter from our Urologist and says he's going to process it at the Hammersmith London NHS hospital, will see DH for consultation there around October and microTESE around December.

So I know we're talking waiting until October just to be put on the waiting list and then until around December for the microTESE, and it kills me to be waiting this long, but at the same time DH and I feel that although we could get it done now privately for around £3500 (which would be a struggle and would require a bit of borrowing), it would only really bring the op forwards by a couple of months, as we have some things coming up that just can't be cancelled or changed about (his Ferrari weekend, his nose op, our mini holiday away, going up to visit family and meet some forum buddies etc). So for the sake of a couple of months more waiting, we'd much rather do that than lose £3,500. We didn't expect it to be so soon on the NHS.

Another reason that it's OK being a bit of a wait is that I'm due to be seen by the Gynae team in mid-September in order to 'get worked up' prior to IVF (or IUI if we have to use donor sperm). They'll need to do whatever tests they need to do and possibly refer me to the Fertility Clinic in Southampton or Portsmouth and I guess this could all take a while anyway.

So even though it's soooo horrible waiting and we'd much rather just have had it all done yesterday, we know waiting is the right (and financially sensible) thing to do.

Mr Ramsay also arranged for us to speak to the Embryologist who was on-site and so we saw her after him and she went into more detail about the ICSI I would require if sperm were found on microTESE and IVF as well as IUI if we had to use donor sperm. Lots of talk about donor sperm, which just further confirmed to us that it's definitely what we'll do if DH has no sperm.

Soooo glad we went and saw him and the relief on DH's face afterwards was so obvious. He looks like he's had a weight lifted and it has given us a bit more hope. We're still well aware we could end up with no sperm on biopsy, but a little bit more hope was much-needed and we got it after today. We both said we'd have paid 4 times the amount we paid today for the peace of mind, education and help we got.

Yay!

 

[Deb111]

So pleased your appt went well and that he has given you some much needed support and information Great that it's helped dh mentally too

It's great that you will be able to get the treatment on the NHS and I really think by the time you've got all your results sorted and got your head round things, it will be here before you know it. I know our situation is slightly different, but we saw Mr R in April this year and Terry's op won't be until Oct / Nov so it's not always really quick with private treatment

If you're anything like me after a long day with an appt, you're probably by now lol

xx

 

[silverbell]

So pleased your appt went well and that he has given you some much needed support and information Great that it's helped dh mentally too

It's great that you will be able to get the treatment on the NHS and I really think by the time you've got all your results sorted and got your head round things, it will be here before you know it. I know our situation is slightly different, but we saw Mr R in April this year and Terry's op won't be until Oct / Nov so it's not always really quick with private treatment

If you're anything like me after a long day with an appt, you're probably by now lol

xx

Thanks, Deb!

Yep, all in all it was just wonderful and has done so much for us both. I'm so glad we decided to go.

Yes, I think we seem to have a lot of things to keep us busy over the next couple of months, so hopefully it'll whizz by. That's why I put a new ticker up - next thing to look forward to and all that.

Not quite sleeping yet, but close!

 

[KB38]

I'm really happy for you Silverbell. What were your DH's blood test results again?

I agree with Deb111 that the time will fly by and I love your idea of using a ticker for something other than ovulation or medical appointments .

We've got our next appointment tomorrow to find out all of DH's results and talk about where to from here. I guess we'll know exactly where we stand (even though I don't expect anything different from what we've already been told).

We're both coming to terms with the idea of using donor sperm if it is our only option so I don't think I'll be too upset about it all when they start talking about it tomorrow. I am going to sit down tonight and work out a list of questions though as I don't feel that we've fully explored DH's options.

I hope you've all had a lovely weekend xx

 

[tigerlily1975]

SilverBell: I've just been reading your journal and I'm at the part where you found out. You are describing exactly how I fee right now. I'm so unbelievably sad.

I'm so pleased you had a great meeting with Mr Ramsay and I wish with all my heart that you get the right results and get your baby - as I wish everyone else, too.

C xx

 

[WANBMUM]

Silverbell - so glad it went well. Great relief for both of you.
October really isnt that far away and the time will fly
It is great you know where you stand with IVF, IUI etc.

Good luck tomorrow KB38. Keep us posted. Fingers crossed you get some good news

 

[silverbell]

Thanks ladies. KB, he had testosterone of 8 and high FSH and low oestradiol.

I hope the appointment tomorrow goes well.

Tiger, I'm so sorry that is how you're feeling right now. If it's any consolation it does get better when the shock subsides and you learn more about options and causes etc. I really feel for you and hope you don't feel this way for too much longer.

 

[Deb111]

SilverBell: I've just been reading your journal and I'm at the part where you found out. You are describing exactly how I fee right now. I'm so unbelievably sad.

C xx

Tiger, have a look at my video journal link on page 1 if you feel up to it. It's quite emotional, but will definitely make you realise that you're not alone and might help you to put some of what you're feeling into words

KB - will be thinking of you both tomorrow xx

 

[Deb111]

Oh and girls - don't forget to point your dh's in the direction of the azoo thread hubby set up https://www.southwestvasectomyreversal.com/forum/viewthread/180/
I'm sure it will do them good to realise that they're not going through this alone xx

 

[silverbell]

I meant to tell you, Deb, I did tell my DH about that thread, but he was a bit wary that anybody could just read it despite the fact he could create an anonymous name Great idea though and I'm sure I could persuade him if more people joined and got talking?

 

[Deb111]

It's an american website, totally separate to this site and the whole site is about male infertility issues so I can't see that people would just go on there if they too didn't have a problem. But like you say, if he's not comfortable with it then he wouldn't benefit from it. Hopefully soem more people will join and like you say, he might then.

I guess because I can't imagine NOT having such a wonderfully supportive group of people to go through all this with on here, I think our men must need it too - but maybe not lol Time will tell xx

 

[tigerlily1975]

Good luck for tomorrow, KB38. I really, really hope you have some positive news.



C xx

 

[tigerlily1975]

SilverBell: I've just been reading your journal and I'm at the part where you found out. You are describing exactly how I fee right now. I'm so unbelievably sad.

C xx

Tiger, have a look at my video journal link on page 1 if you feel up to it. It's quite emotional, but will definitely make you realise that you're not alone and might help you to put some of what you're feeling into words

KB - will be thinking of you both tomorrow xx

Thank you so much, I'm really fragile (a.k.a. weepy!) at the mo', but when I feel a bit stronger, I will most certainly look at your video. It must've taken a lot of strength to record it?

Once again, thank you for the support and tremendous warmth

C xx

 

[tigerlily1975]

Hello everyone

I just wanted to say a big thank you again for all the help, advice and support you've given me. I'm in a really low place at the moment, but I think I'd be feeling even worse if I hadn't found you.

Having only just found out, I know we're at the very early stages of dealing with this issue and coming to terms with it, but we've already been discussing options. So, I just wanted to ask a general question; was the the idea of using a sperm donor ever an issue?

At the moment, I just don't think I can go down that route. I know that if we really want even a partially biological child, it may be the only option, but right now I think I'm too heartbroken to even think about it.

I'd be intrigued to read some of your stories/thoughts.

Much love,

C xx

P.S. Please, for the sake of my dwindling sanity, someone keep me away from Google!!

 

[Deb111]

SilverBell: I've just been reading your journal and I'm at the part where you found out. You are describing exactly how I fee right now. I'm so unbelievably sad.

C xx

Tiger, have a look at my video journal link on page 1 if you feel up to it. It's quite emotional, but will definitely make you realise that you're not alone and might help you to put some of what you're feeling into words

KB - will be thinking of you both tomorrow xx

Thank you so much, I'm really fragile (a.k.a. weepy!) at the mo', but when I feel a bit stronger, I will most certainly look at your video. It must've taken a lot of strength to record it?

Once again, thank you for the support and tremendous warmth

C xx

It's not a video as such - it's basically pictures with my thoughts and feelings to music. It was strange doing it because I planned to do a bit each day but once I sat down and started, that was it, I ploughed on the whole weekend until it was finished. It was very cathartic and did me a lot of good - it also got things straight in my head I suppose, BUT because I was so wrapped up in the process of putting it together, it didn't upset me and I don't get upset now watching it either

 

[Deb111]

Hello everyone

I just wanted to say a big thank you again for all the help, advice and support you've given me. I'm in a really low place at the moment, but I think I'd be feeling even worse if I hadn't found you.

Having only just found out, I know we're at the very early stages of dealing with this issue and coming to terms with it, but we've already been discussing options. So, I just wanted to ask a general question; was the the idea of using a sperm donor ever an issue?

At the moment, I just don't think I can go down that route. I know that if we really want even a partially biological child, it may be the only option, but right now I think I'm too heartbroken to even think about it.

I'd be intrigued to read some of your stories/thoughts.

Much love,

C xx

P.S. Please, for the sake of my dwindling sanity, someone keep me away from Google!!

As far as google goes, it is exhausting just googling aimlessly about azoospermia, but it is so hard not to! If I were you I would take some time to read through this thread from the start (and maybe some of our journals) - it will save you a lot of research and complicated jargon and then you can jot down things that you might want to google futher. I really do feel that gathering info about it, helps us to feel pro-active in a situation where you otherwise can feel VERY out of control and useless.

With regards to the donor sperm, I understand how you feel; it's something that I don't know if I could deal with, but at the same time, needed to know it was an option that was out there for us should we ever need it - and my husband said he was certainly open to discussing it if necessary, but thanks to his aunt (long story) he is now dead against it and wont even discuss it - he just says that now we are getting the right help; it will all be fine and wont be an issue anyway. I hope to God he's right, but I do feel like I've lost my safety net. It is something you would HAVE to have counselling for before you could go ahead with it anyway and there have been some wonderful success stories with sperm donors in this thread.

I hope you start to feel a little better soon - you WILL find the strength from somewhere to pick yourselves up and move on with this journey towards getting your little one - you only have to look how far people like silverbell have come in just over a month I think it is xx

 

[Sar187]

Silverbell, Glad your appointment seems to have gone well and that your OH's spirits seem to have improved a bit now. It also seems like you have a lot to keep you buys/look forward to over the coming months while you wait for your next step .

Tigerlily, I know how you feel about google, it is good and bad at the same time. Without it I wouldn't have found this thread but it can be a little overwhelming. I work at a computer all day and hard sometimes to stop myself. It does get better, but it is still a roller coaster ride of emotions we found out in March about DH's and we both still have our days.

Good luck to all those with upcoming appointments!

 

[silverbell]

Good luck today, KB

Tiger, for me before all this happened I just couldn't understand how anybody could use donor sperm ... but I must say my opinion has changed to the complete opposite since DH's diagnosis Just goes to show that you really can't comment or judge until you're in the situation that requires it.

I bounced the idea off DH a few days after we found out and I was very surprised how keen he was to do it. It was him pushing it that finally led to me accepting it. He says he'd much rather have a child that was part of me instead of part of neither of us. Plus, for him he said that the whole pregnancy thing was something he'd always thought of as being a shared experience and he couldn't imagine me never being pregnant and not sharing that time with me and not being there for any birth.

It is obviously a very personal decision and only one the 2 of you can make together, but if you're not happy to think about it now then please don't and just wait until you're in a better place before considering it. I will say, though, that for us it helped a great deal as at least we knew we would have a baby one day, whether biologically DH's or not. Don't get me wrong - knowing I may never have DH's biological child is devastating and heartbreaking, but at the same time I'm pleased there is the option still for me to get pregnant and have a baby and that DH is so keen for this to happen. He continues to amaze me.