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Dealing with azoospermia?
- Thread starter Deb111
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WANBMUM
I am a mama
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Hi girls! I'm having a really tough day today, i can't stop crying tonight 
I know it's just the build up for the results on Friday!
One friend had his baby today AND I got a call from a really good friend of mine to say she's expecting twins! I am so happy for her but I'm an emotional wreck.
I feel like it's all a hoax, someone is playing tricks on me.
That's 3 pregnancies and 2 births this week! While we await to be more than likely told we(my oh) can't have children biologically!
Sorry for being a miserable old cow.
This journey is turning me into a bitter old woman
It sucks!
I know it's just the build up for the results on Friday!
One friend had his baby today AND I got a call from a really good friend of mine to say she's expecting twins! I am so happy for her but I'm an emotional wreck.
I feel like it's all a hoax, someone is playing tricks on me.
That's 3 pregnancies and 2 births this week! While we await to be more than likely told we(my oh) can't have children biologically!
Sorry for being a miserable old cow.
This journey is turning me into a bitter old woman
It sucks!
deafgal01
LTTTC #1
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If anything it will be good to have some confirmed answers. Just a question of where we go from here right?
My appt was fine- no worries on my end so my results all normal and my heart shaped uterus is not a concern. Just need to track ovulation with opk over next few months while we explore what's up with dh.
in other terms I am all set for getting pregnant.
My appt was fine- no worries on my end so my results all normal and my heart shaped uterus is not a concern. Just need to track ovulation with opk over next few months while we explore what's up with dh.
in other terms I am all set for getting pregnant.
MJ73
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Hi there girls 
,
Sorry I havent posted for a while, I have been following, just not posting. There has been so much going on here. I won't do personals this time as there is too much to catch up on. Just wanted to say that I am thinking of all who are struggling (who isn't) & hoping for those who are currently cycling or about to start cycling...
AFM, well we were both pretty devastated after our last cycle was a complete bust. I just felt completely hopeless & that there was no use even trying again as it wouldn't work anyway. So, as I've done through this entire process I just let myself feel what I was feeling. I figure that there is no use running from these feelings; my life experience has taught me that they will catch up to me eventually anyway.
Then came the anger. Has anyone else struggled with this extreme anger? I just felt so angry at God, at the world, at everyone that can fall pregnant at the drop of a hat. (It didn't help that we found out that my 14, that's right 14 year old niece is pregnant & intends to raise the child). What is God/the universe thinking that a child can get pregnant while all of us have to suffer & fork out thousands of $ to just have the chance to try... I gave myself a good talking to about the anger as I realised that I don't want to become one of those bitter old childless women. I had to let some of the anger go, it was eating me up inside.
I have cried so much in the 16 months since our azoos diagnosis. More than I have ever cried all my life. At times the grief for something we've never known is unbearable. I'm a bit tired of crying. Like everyone, we're running out of money. I estimate that we've already spent close to $25,000 AU trying to get a baby. We will do one more stimulated round & any embies (assuming we're lucky) that come from that & after that we're out. We've already gone into debt for this & my darling sister has offered us $12,000 towards our next round which we will pay off when we can. After that I think it will be time to move on & start accepting that we will be childless. Sperm donor is too hard in Aus (we have to have a 'known donor'), adoption is extremely rare & inter-country adoption is also a very gruelling & expensive option.
The last couple of weeks DH & I seem to have settled into a sort of contentedness... We are holding onto what we do have, instead of focusing on the one (life consuming) thing we don't have. I even went out & bought a (cheap) coffee machine (all our spare $ have been going into IVF). I decided that I just need to focus on being 'us' again.
Sorry to dump. This forum is such a great resource. Azoos is so different from any other type of infertility in that we have no chance of falling pregnant naturally. I feel so thankful for all you girls, for sharing your stories. You give me hope, you keep me going. So, thankyou
,Sorry I havent posted for a while, I have been following, just not posting. There has been so much going on here. I won't do personals this time as there is too much to catch up on. Just wanted to say that I am thinking of all who are struggling (who isn't) & hoping for those who are currently cycling or about to start cycling...
AFM, well we were both pretty devastated after our last cycle was a complete bust. I just felt completely hopeless & that there was no use even trying again as it wouldn't work anyway. So, as I've done through this entire process I just let myself feel what I was feeling. I figure that there is no use running from these feelings; my life experience has taught me that they will catch up to me eventually anyway.
Then came the anger. Has anyone else struggled with this extreme anger? I just felt so angry at God, at the world, at everyone that can fall pregnant at the drop of a hat. (It didn't help that we found out that my 14, that's right 14 year old niece is pregnant & intends to raise the child). What is God/the universe thinking that a child can get pregnant while all of us have to suffer & fork out thousands of $ to just have the chance to try... I gave myself a good talking to about the anger as I realised that I don't want to become one of those bitter old childless women. I had to let some of the anger go, it was eating me up inside.
I have cried so much in the 16 months since our azoos diagnosis. More than I have ever cried all my life. At times the grief for something we've never known is unbearable. I'm a bit tired of crying. Like everyone, we're running out of money. I estimate that we've already spent close to $25,000 AU trying to get a baby. We will do one more stimulated round & any embies (assuming we're lucky) that come from that & after that we're out. We've already gone into debt for this & my darling sister has offered us $12,000 towards our next round which we will pay off when we can. After that I think it will be time to move on & start accepting that we will be childless. Sperm donor is too hard in Aus (we have to have a 'known donor'), adoption is extremely rare & inter-country adoption is also a very gruelling & expensive option.
The last couple of weeks DH & I seem to have settled into a sort of contentedness... We are holding onto what we do have, instead of focusing on the one (life consuming) thing we don't have. I even went out & bought a (cheap) coffee machine (all our spare $ have been going into IVF). I decided that I just need to focus on being 'us' again.
Sorry to dump. This forum is such a great resource. Azoos is so different from any other type of infertility in that we have no chance of falling pregnant naturally. I feel so thankful for all you girls, for sharing your stories. You give me hope, you keep me going. So, thankyou
silverbell
Adopted Little Pink :)
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Yep, I hear ya. Very, very angry sometimes. Incredibly sad most of the time, but definitely angry at other times. It seems soooo unfair.
Hi girls! I'm having a really tough day today, i can't stop crying tonight
I know it's just the build up for the results on Friday!
Thinking of you for Friday, WANBMUM
I hope Thursday goes OK, deafgal
silverbell
Adopted Little Pink :)
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MissAma, I don't know what to say. I don't think there's anything I can say.
Thinking of you and your husband
This journey is turning me into a bitter old woman
It sucks!
sorry to hear. I know what you mean about how this journey changes you. I was just thinking the other day that I don't even recognise myself anymore 
Hi there girls
Sperm donor is too hard in Aus (we have to have a 'known donor')
MJ, not sure which State you're in but have you spoken to any other clinics?
We don't have a known donor and so we will be using an "unknown" donor. We have all the paperwork to get going if we decide to go that way...
wibble wobble
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snd80
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Oh MissAma! My heart broke for you when I read this! Thinking of you!!!
MJ- I can totally relate to the extreme anger!!!! I question God, life and everything around me everyday!!! I catch myself being ugly towards pg women all the time! Just outta spite! Looking them up and down with a snarl on my face... I can't help it! I have become a bitter old b*#ch!
DeafGal-Good luck for Thurs!
My heart broke for you when I read this! Thinking of you!!!MJ- I can totally relate to the extreme anger!!!! I question God, life and everything around me everyday!!! I catch myself being ugly towards pg women all the time! Just outta spite! Looking them up and down with a snarl on my face... I can't help it! I have become a bitter old b*#ch!
DeafGal-Good luck for Thurs!
Pink Lolly
Newly Pregnant xx
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Miss Ama - I'm so sorry to read this xx
Sar187
TTC with Azoospermia
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Rae-Seems like things are really moving for you! We also used fresh sperm for our first IVF/ICSI attempt, however we decided against a donor sperm backup as we were given an 85% chance of retrieving sperm(DH has obstructive azoo). Sadly that cycle failed. We used frozen sperm for our 2nd IVF/ICSI attempt to get our BFP. The only suggestions I can give you for IVF are that if they do find sperm from your DH, don't be surprised if fertilization rates aren't very good. It depends on where they decide to retrieve the sperm from, but sometimes retrieved sperm is slightly less mature and not always able to fertilize the egg even with ICSI. Cycle 1 we had 13 eggs ICSI'd and 2 good embryos on day 3. #2 we had 13 ICSI'd and 3 good embryos on day 3. That said don't let a small #of embryos get you down, all you need is 1 good one. And try not to give up if it doesn't work the 1st time, sadly IVF isn't guranteed. Cycle one I was 24(now 25) with no issues, perfect lining, perfect hormone levels and perfect looking embryos and it didn't work. Sometimes there is no explanation but that doesn't mean you should give up! I'm praying you get there, and have success after 1 try!
Sun-Welcome!
KB-I think no matter what we get a little upset when someone takes a name we like, and it hurts even more when you are dealing with infertility, because it feels like they are taking away the image of that baby you don't have yet. ((Hugs))
Tiger-I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I lost mine almost 2 years ago to cancer/stroke. Big hugs!
MJ-I have been there with the anger. It got to the point where I had to find some way to get myself balanced and grounded again. I think it takes something different for everyone but for me Reiki has been my savior, it has been absolutely amazing and made me feel so much more whole and myself. During our 2nd IVF cycle DH and I tried our best to not concentrate on the injections and everything else going on and just relax and be ourselves, I think the first time we lost "us" in all of the things going on. The 2nd time the meds and appointments we made just "routine" and were able to not lose ourselves as a couple. ((Hugs))
MissAma-I am so sorry. Do you guys have a next step? ((Hugs))
AFM-Things are going well and we got another look at our baby on Monday, Everything looked good and we got released from the fertility clinic to the OB! We had our first OB yesterday which went well and now I don't have another appt. until Feb. 15.
Sorry if I missed anyone but I hope you are all doing well!
Sun-Welcome!
KB-I think no matter what we get a little upset when someone takes a name we like, and it hurts even more when you are dealing with infertility, because it feels like they are taking away the image of that baby you don't have yet. ((Hugs))
Tiger-I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I lost mine almost 2 years ago to cancer/stroke. Big hugs!
MJ-I have been there with the anger. It got to the point where I had to find some way to get myself balanced and grounded again. I think it takes something different for everyone but for me Reiki has been my savior, it has been absolutely amazing and made me feel so much more whole and myself. During our 2nd IVF cycle DH and I tried our best to not concentrate on the injections and everything else going on and just relax and be ourselves, I think the first time we lost "us" in all of the things going on. The 2nd time the meds and appointments we made just "routine" and were able to not lose ourselves as a couple. ((Hugs))
MissAma-I am so sorry. Do you guys have a next step? ((Hugs))
AFM-Things are going well and we got another look at our baby on Monday, Everything looked good and we got released from the fertility clinic to the OB! We had our first OB yesterday which went well and now I don't have another appt. until Feb. 15.
Sorry if I missed anyone but I hope you are all doing well!
MissAma
Finally a Mom to Dara
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I realize this is in no way comparable to those of you with a failed SSR and no babies since we got so incredibly lucky and snatched a baby off azoospermia's ugly claws but today has been horrid. It really hit me as bad as being told we have this in the first place. Maybe because we didn't expect it.
We do have a next step actually - l'm one of those people who needs a plan to function- we have a suspicion they did TESA not TeSE due to incompetence by how their recomendation today was to go to another clinic "who cuts a bigger piece of tissue and slices it to find sperm" so obviously we will go do TESE in a couple of months after all the changes Cornell advises - vits, dietary, etc, the fluff- and then if still nothing we will attempt mTESE - the grail would be at Dr.S at Cornell in NY but that's 25.000£ we may never have so maybe in London or Jimened in Turkey and if neither the other TESE nor the mTESE work then we know we've done all we can so we'll do some dIUIs and IVF if necessary and keep adoption as an option. We are getting Azoo baby #2 if l have to lie cheat or steal, l will not condemn te baby to being an only child because we're infertile!
We do have a next step actually - l'm one of those people who needs a plan to function- we have a suspicion they did TESA not TeSE due to incompetence by how their recomendation today was to go to another clinic "who cuts a bigger piece of tissue and slices it to find sperm" so obviously we will go do TESE in a couple of months after all the changes Cornell advises - vits, dietary, etc, the fluff- and then if still nothing we will attempt mTESE - the grail would be at Dr.S at Cornell in NY but that's 25.000£ we may never have so maybe in London or Jimened in Turkey and if neither the other TESE nor the mTESE work then we know we've done all we can so we'll do some dIUIs and IVF if necessary and keep adoption as an option. We are getting Azoo baby #2 if l have to lie cheat or steal, l will not condemn te baby to being an only child because we're infertile!
Sar187
TTC with Azoospermia
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MissAma-I honestly can say I can imagine this is almost as bad as the first time, because having found sperm before you are expecting to go in and find something, not for them to tell you there was nothing. I'm so sorry to hear that you don't think they did the procedure you were expecting, you get all worked up for it and then they screw something up. I'm glad to hear you have a plan though. HUGS.
