Dealing with azoospermia?

[Deb111]

Aw deb, look at you replying to everyone. Your so good!

How are you and hows your hubby?

I actually had a bit of free time tonight and I find it easier to reply with quotes than trying to remember everyone's news or scroll back!

Honestly, we're not doing great. I'm battling against my depression again and hubby is pretty low right now due to the problems with finding work. Every time someone at one of the agencies sorts him out some long term, regular work, he gets let down for one reason or another It's getting beyond a joke!

I had so much to do today but I've achieved very little. Everything just feels like such an effort and such hard work. I slept til 11 and then had an hour on the sofa this afternoon - feels like I'm swimming against the tide in treacle

I wish I could go back on my meds and I think they'd be happy for me to because there's only a very small risk of congenital heart defects on but I'd never forgive myself if that happened and it was down to me xx

 

[deafgal01]

Aw Deb you need a hug too... I hope your husband finds proper work for the long term and soon. I know it's gotta be worrying about the money when they jerk him around like that promising work but coming up with nothing.

 

[raelynn]

Deb I'm sorry things are so rough on you right now. It has to be so rough dealing with this on top of other issues. I can't imagine.

 

[CanadianMaple]

I'm sorry Deb. You have a lot on your plate too. I wish we could all have a virtual spa day together.

 

[deafgal01]

I love that idea- Canadian... virtual spa day together...

 

[WANBMUM]

Aw deb, look at you replying to everyone. Your so good!

How are you and hows your hubby?

I actually had a bit of free time tonight and I find it easier to reply with quotes than trying to remember everyone's news or scroll back!

Honestly, we're not doing great. I'm battling against my depression again and hubby is pretty low right now due to the problems with finding work. Every time someone at one of the agencies sorts him out some long term, regular work, he gets let down for one reason or another It's getting beyond a joke!

I had so much to do today but I've achieved very little. Everything just feels like such an effort and such hard work. I slept til 11 and then had an hour on the sofa this afternoon - feels like I'm swimming against the tide in treacle

I wish I could go back on my meds and I think they'd be happy for me to because there's only a very small risk of congenital heart defects on but I'd never forgive myself if that happened and it was down to me xx

Aw Debs you poor thing, sending you . It sounds like you have lots of things getting you down, not just this TTC journey, which is tough enough. It sounds like you need to have a good 'mind' relax.
When I get like you, I find what helps, is doing things you really like to do, that makes you feel good and relaxed. For the last couple of weeks, Ive been feeling really anxious and I just needed to forget about the day to day things and chill, reading for one, is a good way of switching off from it all. Going out for walks. If you have a particular hobby you like. I like glass painting, when I am feeling anxious, I always go back to this and it does the trick.
I hope your OH gets his work situation sorted. It is very disheartening for him when people let him down.
Sending you

 

[silverbell]

WANBMUM - Good to see you back here and wishing you lots of luck for Friday

Massive hugs to everybody

Deb, I'm so sorry Is it worth speaking to your GP about the actual risk of the congential heart defects? Or if there's an antidepressant that doesn't have any such risks? Or have you been there, done that? It sounds like you could do with being on it. There are small risks associated with the ulcerative colitis meds I'm on (both with pregnancy and breast-feeding), but if I don't stay on them I will end up in hospital so my Gastro said it's much healthier if I stay on them and if I'm healthy then baby will be healthy. I know it's not the same thinig, but I'm sure potential baby will be happier if you're happier if you see what I mean? I don't know - such a difficult decision.

 

[KB38]

Hi, I am so sorry to hear that so many of you are having such an awful time right now. Can I add my story to the mix as I really need to vent today and please, please give me your honest views...

My best friend, who is the only person other than you guys who knows that DH and I are having issues TTC (and only that much because I didn't want to betray DH's trust), had her baby this morning. It was always going to be a hard day for me because the day she announced her pregnancy was the day that we got DH's diagnosis so, whilst I am very happy for her, it is hard for me to separate the two (irrational I know).

Anyway, about 15 years ago, we were talking about what we would name our babies one day and I told her that I loved a certain name because the first name was my dad's grandmother's name and the middle name was my mother's grandmother's name. She told me that she didn't like that name because it sounded too old fashioned. A few months ago I told her that I still loved the name and that I had been imagining myself with a girl by that name when I was feeling down about not having a baby. She laughed and told me again that it was too old fashioned for her and that she preferred other names.

She told me a few weeks ago that she had picked a name but wouldn't tell me what it was. At the time DH assured me that she wouldn't have taken both of my names. Anyway, guess what, she has! I got an email from her at work today and burst into tears at my desk which was so embarrassing.

I don't know why as I know I can still have the same name if I have a girl and I can't believe that I've reacted so strongly (I never would have thought I would) but I feel like she's taken a little piece of my hope away too. It's not so much the name part but I can't believe she didn't just tell me to my face as, at least if she'd said she liked it, I could have got used to the idea instead of just sending a group email to all of our friends.

I am not sure if I'm being irrational and unfair because of my own issues or if it is really a nasty thing to do...

And now, because DH is friends with her husband, he really wants to visit them tomorrow after work. I'm not too sure I can cope. This is the first time since DH's diagnosis that I have felt like it is all so unfair.

 

[silverbell]

For the love of God, some people need shaking and a good slap around the face I'm so angry for you, KB, and I don't think you're over-reacting at all.

What a horrible thing to do. Like you say, at least if she'd said the name had been growing on her or she quite liked it, then maybe it wouldn't have been as much of a shock.

Also - it's just generally a low thing to do. There are millions of names in the world - why not pick one of them?

My sister always told me she wanted a boy of a certain name one day and there's no way I'd 'steal' that name ahead of her, now that I know. You just don't!

I can't believe it's the exact 2 names. It's just really low.

I'm so sorry, KB.

EDIT: Forgot to say ... there is NO WAY I would go visit. Not just because of the name thing - just generally. It seems to affect us ladies more than men when we see babies.

 

[deafgal01]

KB- I wouldn't go visit her so soon... Just because this whole TTC journey is harder on you and seeing the baby before you're ready will make you more angry and the whole journey harder still.

It's not right that she "stole" the name you loved. She should have at least given you some warning. Maybe she thought you would never be able to have a girl so she thought she was doing you a favor by naming her own baby with the name you love but still it's WRONG of her to do that especially without warning. I want to go kick her ass and slap some sense into her head.

 

[snd80]

KB- There is no way in hell I would go see her! Ever again!!! And I would be pissed at DH if he did! My hubby stopped seeing his BF after I didn't want anything to do with my BF (the guy's wife) when she found out she was pg. It was just too hard for me, especially when it was the beginning of our diagnosis. And he honored my wishes. Still does. Sorry if I sound too harsh, but that sent me into a rage for you!!! How dare she!!!! You are a better person than I am, cause when I seen her it would be her a$$! Gosh this LTTC has turned me into a bitter person lately!

See, that is one reason I never tell ppl the names we have picked out... when I was younger and in high school, me and my then BF would talk about how if we ever had a baby what our names would be. Not too long after that she got pg and when she found out it was a boy, low and behold she wanted to name it "my name"; that's ok now cause I don't even like the name anymore. Wasn't long after that we stopped being friends (due to other reasons). But since then I have never told anyone the names we have picked out (other than my family, well those I know won't get pg-LOL!)

Deb- Sorry for being so inconsiderate! Some of us (me=guilty!) get caught up in our own crap and never think much to ask how you are doing?! I wouldn't think it would hurt to take something for nerves up until you do get pg? It would be worth checking into... Massive lady! We all love ya!!!!

AFM- went gun shopping Sat after work and bought a few.... which we needed some anyways since all ours was stolen. Did some shooting yesterday to let some steam off! Felt good!!!!! Big stress reliever! I know I sound like a big ole' redneck!

Chins up girls! It will be our turn soon!

 

[raelynn]

KB - That is such a terrible thing to do. I could understand if maybe she started liking it and used one of the names but both together just shows she had absolutely no regard for your feelings and stole the name. I definitely wouldn't go see her so soon, if at all. Seeing babies when we're still struggling in our journey is hard enough but add on the extra tension from what she did with the name and it just spells an emotional disaster. I am so very sorry for what she did to you! Especially since these names had special meaning to you.

As for me, hubby and I had our blood drawn today to test for infectious diseases and chromosome abnormalities for him. Hubby had 5 vials drawn and got sick at the end. Poor thing came out white as a ghost. I so wish it wasn't him with all the issues and me instead. I feel so bad for him going through this and it is only just the beginning.

 

[WANBMUM]

KB - I feel so hurt for you. Whatever it is, this is the one thing I will not be able to handle and I worry that someone I know will name their baby the names we have picked out - we havent told anybody, but it can happen and I dread it
Im sorry but your friend is a mean cow! Does your OH know how you feel? What does he think?
What I would do, being me, because I wouldnt want people to know how I feel as I think I would be the one that looks petty (I'm not saying you will but this is just me talking about myself and how I would worry) - I would make my excuses about not being able to go to the hospital - what about if you made up that you had a stomach bug? you couldnt possibly go to the hospital! Then I would see how I am feeling and decide if you really want her in your life or if you want to phase her out. (thas what I would do)
I would ask her straight out, why? She will probably deny knowing. be prepared.
I feel so bad for you, It gives me a pain in my belly thinking someone could do this knowingly.
Let us know what you decide to do.

Here counting down the days until Friday. dum de dum dum dum

 

[tigerlily1975]

Hello everyone.

I just wanted to stop by and say hi and send you all but to also add that I might be MIA for a bit. We've had some heart-breaking news, my father has passed away very suddenly and well, we're all in shock really. I lost my mum just under three years ago, it was a long, painful battle against Cancer and in a way, we were prepared, but this has just completely knocked us for six.

As if we don't all have enough to deal with the constant ache for a baby we may never have, we just keep getting hit with one thing after another.

My brother and I have a lot to deal with right now, but I'll try and stop by when I can.

Take care and much love to all,

C xx

 

[deafgal01]

My thoughts and prayers to your family, Tiger. It's hard enough losing a parent.

 

[WANBMUM]

Tigerlilly - I am so sorry to hear this. You poor poor thing. I can't imagine what you must be going through. I hope your ok, as ok as you possibly could be.
Do let us know how you are doing.
Sending you hugs x

 

[Deb111]

KB - I agree with what the others have said

Snd - don't be silly!!! but thanks for the thought

So update ... went for a scan today and the Dr thinks I've already ovulated and missed it as he said I have a collapsed follicle He also did an opk and it was negative. He said if it was their clinic making the decision, they would abandon it because they have to put the blastocyst back 5 days after ovulation and without knowing when ovulation was, they don't know when 5 days later will be

So then the Lister phoned and said they don't know why he made that judgement - they haven't seen the actual scans, but said the measurements etc are right on track.

So I have to do an opk tonight and in the morning and if it's + phone them and tell them, otherwise, I have a provisional scan booked down in London for 2.15pm tomorrow.

Why is it so bloody hard?!?! I can't get hold of the head or deputy head at work to talk to them about 'possibly' needing time off tomorrow - I'm sure they will be ok about it, but I hate dropping them in it at such short notice.
I feel like I'm messing them about not being able to actually say yet whether I need the time off or not

And wht if we spend a furtune driving down there and paying for another scan and it is too late?? Wondering if I should just accept what MFS said and abandon the cycle!?

 

[deafgal01]

Deb That sounds so confusing and complicated. I wonder who you can believe in this case... I hope it is still a positive and that you haven't ovulated yet.

 

[Deb111]

Tiger - so, so sorry to read this hun It really does seem that 2012 has started off horribly for an awful lot of people

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers xx

 

[snd80]

Tiger- My heart goes out to you hon! Can't hug you enough!!!!

Deb- Jeez! How cruel! Who to believe?! I would hate for you to waste that one precious eggie of yours!!! You've waited this long... one more month (just to be safe and sure) wouldn't hurt... Prayers are with you in whatever you guys decide!!!