Dealing with azoospermia?

[Pink Lolly]

I realize this is in no way comparable to those of you with a failed SSR and no babies since we got so incredibly lucky and snatched a baby off azoospermia's ugly claws but today has been horrid. It really hit me as bad as being told we have this in the first place. Maybe because we didn't expect it.

We do have a next step actually - l'm one of those people who needs a plan to function- we have a suspicion they did TESA not TeSE due to incompetence by how their recomendation today was to go to another clinic "who cuts a bigger piece of tissue and slices it to find sperm" so obviously we will go do TESE in a couple of months after all the changes Cornell advises - vits, dietary, etc, the fluff- and then if still nothing we will attempt mTESE - the grail would be at Dr.S at Cornell in NY but that's 25.000£ we may never have so maybe in London or Jimened in Turkey and if neither the other TESE nor the mTESE work then we know we've done all we can so we'll do some dIUIs and IVF if necessary and keep adoption as an option. We are getting Azoo baby #2 if l have to lie cheat or steal, l will not condemn te baby to being an only child because we're infertile!

Glad to see you have a plan in place!

 

[Deb111]

So sorry to read your news MissAma but pleased to see I'm not the only one who needs a back-up plan in place at every steo of the way. Geez us azoospermia know how to fight to get what we want!!

Sar - so thrilled to hear things are going well for you and the LO. It's so nice to read some good news in what otherwise seems to gave been a pretty horrible year so far for many of the girls in here.

AFM, I'm still getting -opk's hubby's still getting no work and today **** news to add to the pile - my dentist phoned to say the xrays she took of my remaining impacted wisdom tooth has shown that it's causing the tooth next to it to decay and I need it out - probably a general anasthetic and because of the way it is lying, a nasty procedure that we've been trying to avoid at all costs Have had to explain about the IVF and she says we can work round it and dress the tooth to delay things if necessary so at least it wont cause a problem for the IVF - so just got to wait for the appt with the specialist to come through now. Geez - I'm fed up of being poked and prodded!

Can't wait to see what delights tomorrow brings ...

Deafgal - good luck for tomorrow hun

I'm sure someone else had some appt this week but can't read back far enough to check whilst I'm typing, but good luck if it's you!

 

[WANBMUM]

We got our final results today.
It's not good.
I will never have my husbands biological children It is inoperable.
Numb and heartbroken.

 

[deafgal01]

How's everyone doing today?

Oh Wan! That's not good. It's not fair.

As for me, it's a waiting game. 2nd SA results will be in today- DH will go find out what they are at 4 pm today (in about 4 hours from now) and when he does, I think the dr will let him know what the plan is from there- what other tests they'll do or whatever. I can't go with him to the appt (he won't let me) so I just gotta stay home and await for word from him when he does find out. Kinda scared to hear what the results are but at the same time, it's necessary for me to know where we go from here. I'm not being very hopeful though in case it turns out to be more bad news.

 

[snd80]

We got our final results today.
It's not good.
I will never have my husbands biological children It is inoperable.
Numb and heartbroken.

Oh honey! I am SOOOO sorry!!!! I feel your every word! Can't hug you enough!!!!

 

[Pink Lolly]

We got our final results today.
It's not good.
I will never have my husbands biological children It is inoperable.
Numb and heartbroken.

So sorry wanna - sending you lots of love

 

[Sar187]

Wanbmum-So sorry to hear, I was so hopeful you were going to get good news. Praying for lots of strength for you so you can get through this.

deafgal-Waiting sucks! good luck!

 

[WANBMUM]

Thank you. Yes it is hard to believe. I don't think we realize this is happening to us. It's a very abnormal feeling.
I'm sure the next while will be tough and we will go through all sorts of emotions. Then it's time to move onto the next step.
I just can't help thinking, I'll never have a baby with my oh's beautiful eyes, or good looks I know this is only a small thing in the grand scheme of things, but these were the images I had.
It's tough.
Good luck deafgal for today x

 

[deafgal01]

Wan- oh that's the worst... I'm scared of going thru that. Eventually when you've gone thru all the emotions and recover as a couple, do you think you'd be looking at adoption? or other methods (donors) or just accept having no kids? I'm just curious how the heck we're supposed to figure out which path is right for us.

 

[snd80]

I just can't help thinking, I'll never have a baby with my oh's beautiful eyes, or good looks I know this is only a small thing in the grand scheme of things, but these were the images I had.

Again, I feel your every word!!!! I'm tearing up for you just thinking about "what might have beens" myself! Life is just not fair, is it?!

 

[snd80]

I ran up on this article and wanted to share it with you girls... it does not apply to all of us, but still a good read and hope booster for some!

https://todayhealth.today.msnbc.msn...82-miracle-baby-born-from-single-frozen-sperm

to all!!!!

 

[WANBMUM]

Wan- oh that's the worst... I'm scared of going thru that. Eventually when you've gone thru all the emotions and recover as a couple, do you think you'd be looking at adoption? or other methods (donors) or just accept having no kids? I'm just curious how the heck we're supposed to figure out which path is right for us.

We had discussed 'what if's'. We decided a long time ago, that donor would be our next option. Thankfully, my OH has no doubts about this. My OH's attitude, is that the baby would be part me and he will love it unconditionally because of this and I understand what he means, because if it was the other way round, I would do anything to have his baby.
Even though we had set ourselves up mentally, I dont think we actually thought this would be our reality.
If for some reason this doesnt happen, adoption would be next on our list.
Accepting having no children is not an option for us
We will do anything.

 

[deafgal01]

Wan Hopefully that works out for you... At least you two agree on something. I haven't really discussed the what ifs with my husband yet. I tried to but he's one of those guys that prefers to deal with it when it comes to it. Right now he's more willing to adopt than anything if we find out we're not able. Which is not really fair to me cuz I want to experience being pregnant if only one time in my life. So I wait and see... I think eventually I can convince him though. Time'll tell.

How pathetic... I'm watching the Ellen show on tv and she's showing a clip of a lady crying over her football team losing (they didn't make it into the superbowl game round)...

 

[WANBMUM]

Deafgal, give your hubby time, mine was the same after the 1st test or 2, it was only when things became more definite or real that he opened his mind to other options and even at that he would only discuss this on his terms, when he was ready.

Just be there for him and stay positive for him (it was my mother that reminded me of this and it really helped, I did sometimes when I wasnt feeling positive at all) Reassure him you love him no matter what, which is true. you have to be careful when suggesting donor sperm too early, as you can sound like your giving up or that you'll be happy not to have his baby.
It's such a hard road to be on, sometimes I just had to/still have to remind myself it's
much worse for them as they feel responsible for your heartbreak.
How long more before the results? My oh wouldn't let me go with him either, so I understand how you feel.

 

[deafgal01]

We'll know the results from the 2nd SA in wow, 1 hour from now. Bit nervous. I cooked today which should tell him how much I love him considering he's always cooking for me and I never cook.

Definitely appreciate your reminder to be gentle with my man and show him I still love him regardless. I wonder what tests will be next. I feel bad they want to do more tests on him (and I'm done with tests for the time being- I'm sure I'll undergo more later when we get referred).

 

[Deb111]

So so sorry Wanbmum - like you say, no matter how prepared we are for bad news, I don't think any of us really think it will be a total no aand the reality we have to deal with. Hoping you're doing as well as can be expected

Your child may not have your husbands eyes or his smile (and trust me, I am know how hard that is to deal with!) but your child will have yours and your husband's morals, values and probably many of your mannerisms and little sayings and all the love (and more) that any child deserves - whatever road this journey takes you down next - and that only has to be a good thing

Daefgal - keeping everything crossed for good news xx

 

[MJ73]

Hi Girls,
How is everyone today? I'm feeling a little more myself these days after my completely selfish post IVF failure meltdown. Able to do personals again. Sorry I was so me focused for a while. Went through a pretty tough time.

Wanbmum, so sorry to hear that hun. Know that we are all here for you. I can relate to all that you've said about those hopes of a child that is like your husband. My husband is a talented Jazz musician & we both kind of grieve for that inherited talent if we have to go down the donor path. Not to mention all the other things. Thinking of you & your man today & sending lots of

Deafgal, have you got those results yet? Thinking of you & keeping everything crossed for you guys.

SND, that is such a great story, makes me feel that there is hope for us. It's interesting that the article said she retrieved fewer eggs than expected, I would have thought 12 was quite a good number. How you going hun? Are things moving along for you guys?

Deb, how's things going for you? That must have been so frustrating for you that your clinic have missed your ovulation. Our clinic starts testing from day 10 on a frozen cycle & on our last cycle I ovulated on day 14. Funny how we remember these things... Do they still have you tracking or are you just counting it as a missed cycle?

MissAma, so sorry to hear your news. I imagine it is just as heartbreaking this time around. I know that everytime we do a cycle, every step of the way is edge of the seat stuff. Just waiting & hoping. So glad that you're so determined to provide a sib for Dara. We are with you through this journey, whatever your next step is. I know that your story has been a real inspiration for me.

KB38, we're in NSW; going through Genea (used to be Sydney IVF). They don't do unknown donor there & I understand that the wait time at other clinics for unkown donor sperm can be really long. Which state are you in & which clinic are you at?

Sar, I cannot believe that I missed your BFP, I just had to have a break from all things 'IVFy' for a while. You guys must have got your BFP just after we found out our cycle was a bust. I am so happy for you, how exciting being released from the clinic to an ObGyn, must make it all feel so real & getting to see your bub; what a gift! So happy for you

Sorry to anyone I've missed out. Now that I'm up to date I promise to do shorter posts!

AFM, I have another appt with my endo on tues, just to make sure my Hashimotos & PCOS are being managed properly... Then on the 15th Feb we have an appt with our reproductive Dr (The Indiana Jones of sperm as we call him, if he can't find it, it's not there!) to discuss our failed cycle & where to go from here. Meanwhile I have to get my butt moving & try to budge some of the 20kgs I've gained by comfort eating since we started this bloody azoos journey (& I wasn't small to begin with!)... Step away from the chocolate MJ, step away...
Chat soon

 

[WANBMUM]

So so sorry Wanbmum - like you say, no matter how prepared we are for bad news, I don't think any of us really think it will be a total no aand the reality we have to deal with. Hoping you're doing as well as can be expected

Your child may not have your husbands eyes or his smile (and trust me, I am know how hard that is to deal with!) but your child will have yours and your husband's morals, values and probably many of your mannerisms and little sayings and all the love (and more) that any child deserves - whatever road this journey takes you down next - and that only has to be a good thing

Daefgal - keeping everything crossed for good news xx

Wow thank you Deb, your words are so comforting and so true.
It means alot x

 

[WANBMUM]

Thanks MJ
I'm with you on the weight front, I have a tonne to lose!

 

[Deb111]

There seem to be several of us trying to lose weight at the moment so let's get cheering each other on Maybe we should get some tickers up and weekly updates? I know I have found you all incredibly supportive with the azoo, so why would it be any different with losing weight - it's all part of this journey and I think the 'depression' that goes with this azoo journey at many stages is different to many other people's journeys.

I joined the ww thread on here, but don't find it anywhere near as supportive as this group (although I have to admit I am just very comfortable here so maybe didn't give it a fair go )

Off to weigh myself after my first week back on ww since christmas (when I put on 5 of the 6 lbs I'd just lost!)