Dealing with azoospermia?

[silverbell]

Hi all,
I am happy but sad to find this group. Happy because there are people going through the same thing as I am but sad because people are going through the same thing I am. I'm hoping that this thread is still active. I'll share a little about our family's story.

Hi Luv - so lovely to meet you :wave: I'm sorry you've had to join us. I'm angry for the both of you about what you've been through - it's crazy that so many in the medical field are so clueless about this sort of thing.

I hope things work out really well for you.

Hubby is coming to terms with using a donor at first he didn't want anyone to know, today he has told his brother thats what we are doing. His brother even offered his sperm, we had considered asking him in the past but I talked us out of it. His brother has 4 kids and I don't know how he'd be able to watch us raise what would've been his baby (biologically) without trying to have his say on upbringing. I guess we can always reconsider in the future but it's not really a real option at the minute... I'd prefer to go through the clinic for anonymous

I think it's great he's coming to terms with it, Wibble. I think it's a major thing for a guy to accept and be happy with particularly. I feel the same as you about an anonymous donor. We don't have the option of a brother anyway, but I would have been put off for the same reasons you suggest. It's just a personal thing.

 

[silverbell]

Thinking of the lovely Deb today and hoping all goes well and smoothly with her FET

 

[deafgal01]

Thinking of you Deb today and of you too Melinda.

to everyone else- just because it's Valentine's Day and you all are awesome.

 

[MJ73]

Thinking of our lovely Deb & sending you all the positive, sticky vibes I have

 

[Luvoboe]

Thank you so much for the welcome! I am so happy that I have found an active group of people! I'm in a good place right now but I really could have used support earlier.
I've read a lot of the tread and am still trying to catch up. Everyone seems so nice!
My hubby is off of the testosterone right now and only taking hcg. I don't know if it's helping him make sperm but it is at least raising his testosterone level I think. It has at least helped his sex drive. That is the worst thing about a guy with low testosterone!!
I'm just so worried that this treatment won't work. He has been pretty quiet about the whole thing. He's shared a little about what he's felt through the years but for the most part he has suffered silently.
Now, ever since he started the new treatment, he says something every day about our children. He's so excited. I think he will be devistated if it doesn't work. I really don't want to see him get hurt. I'm so scared that I just kind of want to stop and go back to how things were. At least that way we will never know for sure and he won't be hurt. I know that sounds silly but I can't help but to feel a little panicked for what might happen.

 

[Deb111]

My hubby is off of the testosterone right now and only taking hcg. I don't know if it's helping him make sperm but it is at least raising his testosterone level I think. It has at least helped his sex drive. That is the worst thing about a guy with low testosterone!!

Tell me about it!!! Huuby has NO sex drive - it's been nearly 18 months since I saw any action!

 

[Deb111]

Apologies for the cut and paste ...

So we're not long back

Thanks for the lovely messages girls and my consultant's secretary was lovely when I called and explained form the services.

Well, we have a Grade 3BB embryo on board which she says has thawed so well and continued developing that it isn't really distinguishable from a fresh one.

Apparently if more than 50% of the cells survive, they will transfer it; 90% of ours survived and she said it is 100% expanded, meaning that all of the cells have rehydrated (I think )

She also said something about it being stage 3 I think when it was frozen and is stage 5 now - I think it was 'stage' she said - will have to get googling!

So, if I'm honest, the procedure itself wasn't any less unpleasant or uncomfortable than the last one that the other guy did, BUT the whole atmosphere was VERY different and so much more relaxed and we had a good laugh with both the Dr and the nurse.

Anyway, i will write more tomorrow if I've missed anything, but just wanted to update you all

Oh and I forgot to say ... it was starting to hatch before they put it back in so she said it will implant tonight and tomorrow all being well

 

[snd80]

OMG Deb! That sounds fabulous!!! I see us becoming azoo aunties again very SOOOOON!!!!!

 

[raelynn]

Great news Deb! Paying for a sticky one for you!

 

[wibble wobble]

Great news Deb hope your keeping your feet up and relaxing


Today is exactly a year since we had that first appointment with our Gp to ask why I'm not pregnant yet.... what a year it's been!!!

 

[MJ73]

Welcome to the group Luv, sounds like you've had a tough time of it with medical incompetence.

Wibble, that's great news about Hubby coming to terms with things. I've seen my DH go from being completely against the use of a donor to seriously considering it as a better option than undergoing the painful procedure again. I think they blame themselves at the beginning & need time to accept that we're still going to love & accept them no matter what...

Luv & Deb, I hear you about the sex drive issue... My DH has finally started to get his back recently, 12 months after our last TESE, now we're thinking about him going through it again... Just have to keep telling myself it will all be worth it if we get a bub out of it. I keep telling him that if one little spermy does get through, we'll never know if we're not getting our love on

Getting nervous about appt this afternoon, will update tonight.

 

[deafgal01]

Wibble

That eggy will stick and snuggle in deep! You're gonna get a bfp and make aunties out of us. Go Deb!

MJ- thinking of you as you go to your appointment today. Good luck!

 

[mumanddad]

Deb that sounds good, this one will be a sticky one you will get you bfp xxxx

 

[silverbell]

Now, ever since he started the new treatment, he says something every day about our children. He's so excited. I think he will be devistated if it doesn't work. I really don't want to see him get hurt. I'm so scared that I just kind of want to stop and go back to how things were. At least that way we will never know for sure and he won't be hurt. I know that sounds silly but I can't help but to feel a little panicked for what might happen.

I think we've all been there at some point, Luv. I know I've wished we never found out and wished we were back TTC like a 'normal' couple, but at the same time I'm obviously glad we found out in the end so we could decide what to do next.

You're right - he will be absolutely devastated if it doesn't work, just as you will, but there's really no way of avoiding this hurt and I'm afraid a lot of us throughout this azoo journey have to endure horrible amounts of hurt over and over again. But I think a lot can be said about how lovely the ladies on here still are despite everything and how supportive we are of our partners and how strong they have been for us. We're always here whenever you might need a shoulder to cry on or when you need some positive thoughts.

Today is exactly a year since we had that first appointment with our Gp to ask why I'm not pregnant yet.... what a year it's been!!!

Getting nervous about appt this afternoon, will update tonight.

I really hope all goes well today, MJ. Look forward to hearing about it

 

[deafgal01]

You're right - he will be absolutely devastated if it doesn't work, just as you will, but there's really no way of avoiding this hurt and I'm afraid a lot of us throughout this azoo journey have to endure horrible amounts of hurt over and over again. But I think a lot can be said about how lovely the ladies on here still are despite everything and how supportive we are of our partners and how strong they have been for us. We're always here whenever you might need a shoulder to cry on or when you need some positive thoughts.

I agree with that Silver. I think it's in the video that Deb made (on the first page) that is perfect- something about when we cry, it means we've been "strong" for way too long. I can't believe half of the things y'all have been through and still come through so sweet and supportive and lovely (that kind of process could make us bitter of other ladies who have it all).

 

[Deb111]

wibble - it's hard when 'anniversaries' start coming up and it reminds you how long this journey is

MJ - all the best for your appt hun

And to all you lovely ladies, lots of - just because ...

 

[Luvoboe]

I really hope that things work out for you Deb! If I remember correctly you were the one who first started this thread?

I haven't caught up on the other pages yet so I don't know what everyone is going through just yet but I wish everyone the best.

I've been meaning to check out the video but I'm always on my phone. I'll have to make it a point to hop on my computer tonight when I get home.

I hope this feeling of dread go away soon. I honestly think I'm more worried about him than about me. He's already been through so much with the surgery and then being so sick for so long afterwards. Plus, he tends to keep his feelings to himself so the fact that he is so excited will make thigs so hard for him. I've never seen him so excited about anything. In fact, I didn't even know he wanted children because when he found out at first he couldn't have children he was not upset at all. All he said was oh well, I'd be happy either way with or without children. I was even worried that he didn't even want children and he'd go throguh all this and work so hard to have a child and then be unhappy. Obviously, that was just him hiding his feelings. The big goofball really does want children.

Sorry for all these me me me posts. I have to catch up on the thread to write more personals and I guess I still have a lot to get off my chest.

Our appointment is coming up in march and I have to say, usually I look forward to it, but I truely am dreading this one.

 

[deafgal01]

Luv don't worry about it. We all started out with me posts when we started out our journey in here after finding out about the sperms. think that is common for our men to not show feelings one way or another about the diagnosis. I def recommend you see Deb's video- so beautiful and explains things in a emotional way. We started a secret group on fb if you have fb and want to be invited into it. I think Sunup is the contact person to pm your fb name and description of profile pic if you want to join.

 

[silverbell]

I hope this feeling of dread go away soon. I honestly think I'm more worried about him than about me.

This sounds so familiar and I'm sure will be recognised by a lot of the other lovely ladies on here. It was certainly true in my case and even now - when we know he has absolutely zero sperm and are heading into our first cycle of donor insemination next month - I am still worrying about him and how he feels and how he'll cope and how he'll react. I guess I'll forever feel this way - you just can't help worrying about the one you love so much.

 

[wibble wobble]

I hope this feeling of dread go away soon. I honestly think I'm more worried about him than about me.

This sounds so familiar and I'm sure will be recognised by a lot of the other lovely ladies on here. It was certainly true in my case and even now - when we know he has absolutely zero sperm and are heading into our first cycle of donor insemination next month - I am still worrying about him and how he feels and how he'll cope and how he'll react. I guess I'll forever feel this way - you just can't help worrying about the one you love so much.

I'm the same I'm still worried about how hubby will react when I'm passed the baby after delivery and he sees me falling in love. Part of me thinks he might not cope with it, is he going to feel that same love I do? Will he feel rejected because I'll have someone else to love? Is this going to change the way he feels about me? So many questions and none of them can be answered until the very last minute when we are in the situation... sometime I wish I had a crystal ball so I could just glimpse the future.

The appointment for my screening results has turned up today March 20th.... not too far away. After that I'll just be waiting for a donor match going