Disco Derail! - TTCAL/PAL Discussion and Support!

[Allie84]

Sorry to go off topic for a bit (derail, if you will),

Megg, your Christmas tradition really touched me. I think it's a lovely thing you do. The thought of that eldery man's Christmas list was . I think I'd like to do something for the eldery this Christmas! Thanks for inspiring me.

Sassy, Cassie is a great name! And it totally suits you. I knew two Cassies, one in high school and one at university, and both are lovely! It's definitely only a human name over here.

Cesca, who is that actress? Francesca something or other of course but I don't recognise her.

Hearty, I can understand why you might have mixed feelings about Christmas! Good grief. I'm so sorry all of that happened during the holidays (Sassy and Megg, too). It makes it seem all the more cruel.

Erm, I know I'm missing stuff but I can't remember. Hello and to all.

 

[heart tree]

Allie, my response was to your earlier post.

Actually, I LOVE the work itself. I love the population I work with. I LOVE what I do. What I don't love is the office politics. When I'm out in the field working with clients I'm very satisfied. When I'm in the office dealing with all the crap that non-profits deal with, I'm unhappy. Given the economy and my line of work, I'd be hard pressed to find anything better right now. I've looked and nothing has the flexibility that this job has in terms of meeting people in their homes and working from home. I think I just needed to bitch about my job, because it just feels like everything is crashing in on me right now. In all honesty, I don't think I'll quit. It is very fulfilling in many ways. Especially if I can be at home more.

 

[Allie84]

You are very fortunate you have the flexibility to work from home a few days a week. And as they're at the end of the week it's just those first two days to get through and then you can breathe a sigh of relief. I imagine it is incredibly fulfulling. It's one reason I'm toying with school counseling for my Master's, but my colleagues at the school I work at think it's a bad move for reasons you stated-the line of work with regards to the economy.

 

[msarkozi]

Is there something the doctor can give you to help with PTSD? I know a lot of people refuse to take pills thinking that they don't need them, but I had to take antidepressants for about a year not too long ago. The moment I took that first pill, I had this sensation come over me and I just felt so much better. I told that to the RN, and she said it was obvious that I needed it and told me I did the right thing by speaking up and admitting that I thought I needed help. Sometimes I still wonder if I need to go back on them.

 

[heart tree]

Mel, I've self diagnosed myself, LOL! The joys of being a therapist! You constantly have every mental illness depending on your mood.

I don't want to do meds while I'm still ttc. I already have enough working against me right now. I try to exercise and eat very healthy which usually helps keep me out of a fog. It's just when I get triggered that I go into a tailspin. But I can usually get myself out quickly thanks to healthy living. It doesn't hurt to live in a place that I can find a patch of sun easily.

Allie, I thought about school counseling, but in California it has been one of the first positions to get cut by the state. There are no jobs for school counselors sadly. They always cut the most important jobs and social services first!

 

[sequeena]

Hey, I didn't realise you were a therapist/counsellor I've been on a waiting list since April and though the mental health nurses have bumped me up as fast as they can as they see me as an 'emergency' case I have to wait at least 18 months Hopefully I'll get seen soon.

I was put onto anti depressants after a really bad episode of me completely freaking out (made worse by being drunk) and self harming. I didn't even think to tell the doctor that I was ttc but I only had 2 courses - 1 citalopram which I had to come off because my body turned it into a sedative and 1 course of prozac.

You've got probably one of the best jobs going and I applaud you for it

 

[msarkozi]

lol Hearty....I self diagnosed myself too. I told the RN that I thought I needed to go on antidepressants, and from there she started asking me a bunch of questions, to which I even broke down crying.....It wouldn't hurt to mention it to your doctor

Thanks to google and www.webmd.com I am great at self diagnosing!! I actually diagnosed myself with pneumonia as well before they finally diagnosed me with it!

 

[Allie84]

Ah, WebMD has made me believe I have every illness born to man. I try to avoid it now.

 

[heart tree]

When my step-father was alive, he was a pediatrician. Apparently when he was in med school he would convince himself that he had every disease that they were learning about. The class that they learned about breast cancer got him so scared. He convinced himself he had a lump and even got a biopsy! (He didn't have breast cancer.)

When my mother mentioned one day that her tongue felt a little big in her mouth, he freaked out and thought she had a deadly tongue cancer. He called another doctor friend and got my mother an appointment that day. She was a social worker and had to cancel all of her appointments for the day to have her tongue looked at. She did not have tongue cancer!

Wow, that makes him sound like a bad doctor. He was brilliant. But when it came to his own family or himself he was convinced we had everything under the sun. When it was other people, he was able to diagnose them properly.

The internet is a horrible place for me. I can self diagnose myself with just about everything. Lately my tailbone has been hurting and I'm convinced it is either tailbone cancer (does that even exist?) or endometriosis that has spread to my tailbone. In reality, I probably sat down too hard and bruised it.

Sarah, I hope you get to see someone soon. Therapy is a wonderful gift to give to yourself. I love helping others and have loved getting therapy myself. I'm thinking about going back for some more.

 

[Megg33k]

Shit! Fuck! Damn! Amanda!

I also think I have PTSD about my losses. Its also a self-diagnosis, but I think its a proper one. I definitely have triggers. I mean, I got to my 1st u/s with the 2nd pregnancy and was already sobbing when I got to the table. I think I'll be like that regardless of whether its good or bad news... before I even know. I definitely see/hear/think things that just send me into a fit of tears over it. And, it sucks! We shouldn't have to feel this way... none of us! But, we're here to support you when you need it. And, if your job truly makes your life/stress level worse rather than better, then you should definitely seek out something that will fulfill you more completely!

 

[heart tree]

Thanks Megg. I really don't think people put miscarriage and PTSD together. I should think about writing a book about it. You know what else makes me mad? There are no TV shows or movies that address miscarriage. When people get pregnant on TV, it is automatically assumed they are having a baby. That annoys me.

People don't realize how many triggers we have. Seeing a pregnant woman on the street. Walking past the baby products at the store. Watching friends get pregnant easily. It's everywhere. With people coming back from war, their PTSD triggers aren't bullets and blood. They might hear a door slam and their brain reacts like it was a bullet. For us, we're actually getting triggered by the actual thing that caused the trauma! I really don't think it is a far stretch to think we all have a little (or a lot) of PTSD.

I'm going to talk to Tim tonight about my job. If it gets to be too much, I need to know that he'll support me in leaving.

 

[Megg33k]

You definitely should consider a book about it! I've seen a few things address it... Not often though. The ones the are most obvious in my mind are "Sex and the City" with Charlotte (though addressed VERY poorly), "Time Traveler's Wife," I thought "Up" actually hinted at it in a very depressing sort of way. It really is sad that the 2 aren't connected when are triggers are precisely the causes of our trauma... like you said. We're seeing it every day. I'll admit, mine aren't as common of triggers. I can mostly see a pregnant woman on the street without being triggered... or look at baby stuff. But, ultrasounds, beta blood draws, bits and pieces from the announcement of our 1st pregnancy... its specific things that I related very intensely in my mind to my losses.

 

[msarkozi]

I was actually kind of shocked when I was having my miscarriage. The doctor actually asked me if I wanted to speak to someone before I left the hospital and made sure I knew that help was there. Of course I wanted to be alone and I said no. I think some doctors are way more sensitive to a person's needs then others.

 

[heart tree]

I never got any offers for emotional support. Of course it was Christmas Eve for the first one and there was a skeleton crew for staff. Most were on vacation! They probably didn't know what to offer. The other two, who knows why they didn't offer anything. It's crazy making.

Megg, I saw SATC. I don't remember Charlotte having a mc. I remember her attempts to get pregnant, but not a mc. Did I miss something? I didn't see Up or Time Traveler's Wife. They did address it in the show Big Love and it was done very well. But it got glossed over in future episodes.

 

[Megg33k]

There was one episode I saw where she announced to the girls that she was finally pregnant. Then, she was supposed to go to some party a while later and her husband said she wasn't really feeling up to it with everything that had happened (insert "aw poor Charlotte" look on faces). Then, cut to Charlotte on the couch in sweat pants, hugging a pillow and crying. But, THEN! She shakes it off and puts on her best tight little dress and stiletto heels and goes to the party like everything is all better. Now, I got the impression that this was meant to be very shortly after the loss... and I imagine she wouldn't have been in a tight dress and stilettos walking to a party in NY! I mean, the bleeding alone? It was handled very poorly and never spoken of again!

 

[CJSG1977]

I'm not sure fully how your conversation has been going but someone mentioned this report to me the other day...some info is enlightening but maybe you will find it interesting: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-10880232

I agree there is a big taboo around miscarriages. I've had 6 and my 5th my GP just went...oh well, your having a miscarriage......!!!! My 6th one I went in and told him I thought I was miscarrying and he just said lets wait for bloods. When they came back showing non viable pregnancy he just said we'll think about a referral to the specialist. When I finally miscarried I TOLD him he WAS going to refer me. My appt its next month.

I also found this report too: https://www.bbc.co.uk/health/physical_health/pregnancy/pregnancy_miscarriage.shtml
There is some info on causes etc

Sorry to butt in x

 

[Allie84]

Hmmm Megg now that you mention it, I remember that episode. It was before my mc of course so I didn't think much of it. But in hindsight they really did a disservice to their viewers by not addressing it better! Considering how many women suffere miscarriages.

Hearty, your post about your step-dad made me feel good. It helped me feel that I'm not the only person prone to, in my case, 'cyber-chondria.' As a doctor your step-dad was a walking WebMd whereas we rely on the internet for that scary information. Right now I'm feeling nervous because only one of breasts is sore, and it's only sore when I poke at it. Of course I'm thinking something bad. As for you, I'm sure your tailbone is just bruised! It's happened to me.

Mel, I think I was in shock, too. I was in shock the whole time I was pregnant, as well (it wasn't sinking in for me for some reason).

 

[Allie84]

Sorry for your losses CJSG. And don't apologize, you can post here whenever you want!

 

[heart tree]

CJ you aren't butting in! You are most welcome here! I have read those articles and they are promising. I can't believe the insensitivity of some doctors!!! Please let us know how your appointment goes. Remind me, have you had any tests for recurrent miscarriages yet?

 

[heart tree]

Allie honey maybe your one breast is sore because you keep poking it!