Disco Derail! - TTCAL/PAL Discussion and Support!

[CJSG1977]

Thank you heart tree!!!!! I have seen a specialist and she checked me for 5 or more blood clotting diseases which came back clear, she checked mine and my husbands chromosomes which were all good, no abnormalities, and she checked my thyroid as I am underactive. That can shorten the luteal phase which means there is not enough time for implantation. I have had that problem in my nearly 3 years trying but not currently. I do have a history of ovarian cysts and have have had several clotted follicles but apart from that nothing else. My uterus is tilted backwards but that wasnt addressed which surprised me cause I know abonormal shape or positioning of the uterus can cause early miscarriage. My Gynae years ago told me that so I doubt the recent specialist has even read that in my notes....

And on the other note, I very much agree that PTSD can be related to miscarriage. And almost certainly severe / anxiety disorder. I have suffered with PTSD for more than 4 years due to a hit and run, but it has improved, but it is terrible at the moment to the point where I have involuntary twitching and trouble swallowing. In the last few days I have felt better, just smiling cause I'm happy after weeks of being VERY angry and down.

After my mc I kept poking my boob to see if they were still tender...viscious cycle I'm afraid.

 

[heart tree]

Sounds like you've had a good amount of tests done so far, but it seems to me that there are more they could do. In my mind, you've had the most important ones. Have they done an HSG or a hysteroscopy? I know you are on the progesterone thread. Are you going to be doing that once you ovulate this cycle?

I have an abnormal shaped uterus due to the endometrial tissue in my uterine wall. There isn't anything they can do about it. They have hypothosized that this could be the reason for my losses. Honestly, I'm not sure I believe it to be true for all 3 of my pregnancies. The first one I carried to 10 weeks and we saw a strong heartbeat. I had a blood clot that dislodged and most likely knocked the baby out of place. I don't know about a tilted uterus, but I'm not sure that is exactly considered an abnormal shape. I think one of our Lucy's on this thread has a tilted uterus and she hasn't mentioned it as being a problem. She was told to lie on her stomach after BD'ing to get the swimmers in the right place. The first month she tried it she got her BFP!! You might want to give it a go this cycle.

It's funny, I wanted an answer to my problem so badly. Now that I have a potential answer, I want to give it back. I hope you find an answer that you feel ok with. 1 miscarriage is one too many. Six is unacceptable. You deserve the best of what medicine can offer. xoxo

 

[Sassy_TTC]

CJ - I'm so sorry for your losses, your are more than welcome here, this lot are a wonderful bunch.xxx

Amanda - I'm sorry your job is getting to you, I have to say I was feeling the exact same way a few months back, I cut my hours to part time and I have to admit it's by far the best thing I could of ever done, is there an option of you doing something similar? Working less hours has definately helped me to cope alot. I'm sure Tim will stand by you whatever you do.

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Have a fab weekend.xxxxxx

 

[Megg33k]

CJ - Don't feel like you're butting in.. I've added you to the 1st post.. You're one of us now! Just relax and enjoy the thread!

 

[prgirl_cesca]

The only film i've seen that has addressed it quite well was Marley & Me. We watched it about 3 weeks after our miscarriage and we knew it was going to be sad about a dog, but we were not expecting it at all. And it was handled so accurately and well, she went for a scan thinking everything was fine and the doctors couldn't find the heartbeat It showed how it devastated them as a couple and how for example they didn't have sex again for quite a while afterwards, which I know was the case for me after my second miscarriage.

 

[Sassy_TTC]

Aww I forgot about Marley and Me, I read the book and sobbed, it was written so well, I didn't like the film much at all, for me films never live upto the book!xxxx

 

[Megg33k]

I was in a film class once that explained that really well though. The issue is that one shouldn't compare the book and the movie. You have to see them as individual pieces of media. They aren't meant to be direct copies of one another. One is the screenplay adaptation of the story and the other is the written adaptation of the story. They're meant to stand alone without comparison. Obviously a movie or book can be bad or good... and one can be better than the other. But it has to be judged independently of the opposite adaption to truly measure its worth.

 

[vickyd]

Hey ladies

Hearty fuck...It sucks but like you say in most aspects you love your job and the flexibility of working from home sounds heavenly....I would kill to be able to work from home even 1 day a week. I agree 100% about the PTSD, after my last US where i was sure something was wrong i had a complete mental breakdown out of nowhere. I mentioned to you guys that i broke stuff but i didnt tell you about jumping on my dad and trying to beat him up ( i have no recollection of this, Alex filled me in the next day) and falling on the floor pulling my hair like a 6 year old having a fit. The hint of a bad US was the trigger. I also had a colegue get pregnant the same time as my second and i had to watch her grow (and listen to her complain) which was incredible hard. I would go home feeling drained everyday from the effort to put on a smile and act like i dont give a damn. I admit i drank way too much those months but i had no other way of coping.
I love you guys and i hope one day all this shit will be like a bad dream....

 

[Sassy_TTC]

I know your right Megg but I ALWAYS compare, now I never see a film i I've read the book and vice versa.xxx

 

[prgirl_cesca]

The only film I have seen that did a good adaptation of a book is Tell No One, and I 100% believe thats because it was a french adaptation so they didn't have to 'hollywood-ise' the book in anyway. Despite the book is set on the East Coast of America and the film is set in Paris, it does such a good job of it.

Time Travellers Wife was disappointing to someone who is totally in love with the book, but I knew they'd never be able to do a decent version with a very long and difficult to read at times book!

 

[vickyd]

Cesca i havent seen the movie cause i totally loved the book. I generally dont watch films after reading the book cause i know ill be disapointed. Saying that i loved both the book and film High Fidelity!

 

[prgirl_cesca]

I just did the math and realized the she and I got pregnant at the exact same time. I'm going to watch her be where I'm supposed to be. That is so cruel. It just keeps getting worse. WTF???

Oh hearty, I know how you feel. I've had to deal with two friends' growing bumps when I have had nothing and it is horrible. Even now I find it hard.

My sister rang me last night to tell me her best friend (who we all grew up with so she's like a sister to me too) is pregnant and expecting about 3 weeks before me and how excited she was her little sister and her best friend having babies at the same time.

I feel so guilty because my first thought was "great, if I fucking lose this one i've got to deal with SOMEONE ELSE progressing and me not". I hate feeling like that, because I am so happy for her and she already has a lovely little boy.

I think you end up being able to block these things out, and you will with your work colleague. Sounds like she's very sensitive to you, hence why she told you so you had time to take it all in before everyone else knows. At least she won't be bringing out the baby catalogues in front of you like one of my mates did

 

[prgirl_cesca]

Cesca i havent seen the movie cause i totally loved the book.

Which one? Tell no one?

DEFINITELY watch it, it is absolutely fantastic. Both stand alone and with the book. It's changed slight things (including bits of the ending) but it doesn't lose the essence of the book at all. Every time I watch it I am a sobbing wreck by the end!

 

[vickyd]

Time travellers wife

 

[Megg33k]

Honestly, one of the reasons I don't read books is so I can keep enjoying movies. I much prefer cinema to reading... So, I choose movies every time! I couldn't stand nit-picking my way through them because "the book was better." Always hated reading anyway... Love to write though!

 

[pregoinnorge]

oh Amanda, I am so sorry you're having to go through this now in addition to all the shit that has been thrown at you recently. Take your time to make a decision about your job--in the mean time, work from home as much as possible! I know I don't know you all that well, but from your posts I can tell that you must be amazing as a therapist, so I am sure your clients would miss you! But in the end if you just can't handle all the changes with the job, then get outta there and find something better for you. But as always, feel free to vent all you like--we're here for you!

I remember the Sex and City episode and I remember it not really affecting me at the time since I had no experience with mc. I agree that it was done rather poorly, but at the same time I sorta understand why it was done that way too. Well everything except the tight dress and heels- wtf was that? OK, after my mc I pretty much stayed in bed for like 3 days (luckily it was a long weekend here so I didn't even miss work). On the 4th or 5th day I had a huge presentation that I had to give and I knew I had two choices: call in sick and push it on to someone else or get out my suit, stand in front of everyone, be social at dinner, and just try to get through it. And for me, I truly believe that spending those next few days busy, being "fake" happy and social with people and stuff helped me get through it. Obviously there were bad days in the following weeks (and they still happen from time to time of course). The week after it happened is when my friend who got pregnant with the guy from her affair told me the news and wanted constant advice, so that was tricky. We all handle things differently though. I'm sure my shitty ability to suppress my emotions means I am headed for a breakdown though, now that I think about it. Shit.

I have never thought about PTSD and the "triggers", but I can totally see it now, though. I can be having a great day and then I see some happy little family or hear about yet another friend getting pregnant, and everything starts over again. But your situation of working with someone who reminds you everyday on where you should have been would hit an even bigger nerve, for sure. , Amanda!

The main problem I seem to be having is that my friends just don't seem to understand at all, especially the ones who have kids and have never had any problems with their pregnancies. I have talked about it to a few of them and they just don't get it. It's not that I need constant sympathy or anything. Last night I called my best friend from childhood, one that I have kept in touch with since we were 6 years old! She has two kids, both conceived when her husband was in Iraq and was home for only one month at a time. So both girls were conceived the first month they tried, basically. Yes, it was very difficult for her to be pregnant while her husband was away and to raise one of her daughters basically alone. But on the phone last night, while the youngest daughter was terrorizing the house and throwing shit and screaming, she just said, "don't have kids!! Oh, wait, you're not pregnant again, are you? Shit. But seriously, enjoy your life without kids." I didn't say anything. Then she started talking about something else.
Let's just say that was a trigger for me, and I spent the rest of the night depressed and certain that we are never going to have kids, all because of one comment.

 

[Megg33k]

Oh god... I have issues like that! I feel like once something has been put out into the universe, it can be all the more possible! So, someone saying I might never have children is as good as making that the most likely scenario. The good news is that its crazy talk! LOL

 

[CJSG1977]

Sounds like you've had a good amount of tests done so far, but it seems to me that there are more they could do. In my mind, you've had the most important ones. Have they done an HSG or a hysteroscopy? I know you are on the progesterone thread. Are you going to be doing that once you ovulate this cycle?

I have an abnormal shaped uterus due to the endometrial tissue in my uterine wall. There isn't anything they can do about it. They have hypothosized that this could be the reason for my losses. Honestly, I'm not sure I believe it to be true for all 3 of my pregnancies. The first one I carried to 10 weeks and we saw a strong heartbeat. I had a blood clot that dislodged and most likely knocked the baby out of place. I don't know about a tilted uterus, but I'm not sure that is exactly considered an abnormal shape. I think one of our Lucy's on this thread has a tilted uterus and she hasn't mentioned it as being a problem. She was told to lie on her stomach after BD'ing to get the swimmers in the right place. The first month she tried it she got her BFP!! You might want to give it a go this cycle.

It's funny, I wanted an answer to my problem so badly. Now that I have a potential answer, I want to give it back. I hope you find an answer that you feel ok with. 1 miscarriage is one too many. Six is unacceptable. You deserve the best of what medicine can offer. xoxo

Thanks hun. I haven't had them done but dont they look for blocked fallopian tubes and such? As I have conceived 6 times I know of I'm not sure that would be a first or second consideration. What else do those tests look for?? I think the cream delayed my cycle so I am going to use it but only for 6 days from 2DPO as it seems they are the most important days. Plus I'm hoping it means that if i dont conceive then it will be out of my system in time for af to come its natural time.

It sounds like you have really had an awful time yourself hun! I'm sorry the news you've had hasnt given you peace but I hope it sorts things for you.x

I will have to give lying on my front a go! Lets hope it works. Thanks for all your feedback hun, really helps!!! xx

 

[Megg33k]

Oh, girls... I've just fallen to pieces in my journal... Its practically embarrassing! And, the cursing? Holy shit! TONS! I'm SO angry tonight... err... this morning! I don't know... I haven't bothered to sleep!

 

[CJSG1977]

Whats wrong hunni!??????