Disco Derail! - TTCAL/PAL Discussion and Support!

[vickyd]

Holy shit man! Thats not on at all...

 

[Megg33k]

She's been treated awful for so long. I just wish SOMEONE would take the time to care for her properly. I can't even go in to the level of "heartbreaking" that is her story... And now this! In fact, let me find it!

 

[Megg33k]

Here's the synopsis of her story! I've put most of it behind a spoiler, because its VERY hard to read. I don't want to force that on anyone. But, it does deserve to be heard. Upon reading this... Keep in mind that she's since gone through many weeks of not knowing if Aggie would make it. Her cord was very long and starting to form knots. It was often wrapped around her head and neck. She's had to take tons of drugs that ran the risk of causing harm to Aggie because they would have both died without the drugs. They've basically drained their bank account trying to make it back and forth to appointments, as they're quite far away and have had to go every 2-3 days for many weeks. And, she was delivered at 34+2 because she couldn't stay in any longer. So, things didn't really get BETTER for her after this post.

i am going to tell you my story now, some of you already know it some don't needless to say it is very upsetting so some of you may prefer to skip past this post and that is fine but to show you hope you have to understand and to understand i have to be honest.

WARNING: if you prefer not to know do not read anymore of this post!! it is very detailed.

Spoiler

i myself have been trying to have a baby with my hubby Matt for 7 years now, we have had 16 m/c one after the other all between 8-12 weeks. we then had an ectopic in august 2008 at 10 weeks and i lost a tube. i myself nearly died in the process as a main vein ruptured and i lost over 3 pints of blood into my uterine cavity

https://www.babyandbump.com/miscarriage-support/152851-17-angels-but-there-hope.html

this was posted by me two weeks before the worst day of my life.
2 weeks after this was written i went to my antenatal appointment at the hospital in the morning, it was wednesday and the sun was shining, i was in the car singing along to the noisettes, i'll never forget you, everything was perfect.
until my baby had a huge seizure and died that afternoon. not an hour after being with the doctor and told i was paranoid about the babies movements, go home and stop worrying. they booked my c section and commented on how "busy" the baby was and sent me home.
i was devastated, 7 years of trying to get to 34weeks 3 days and then to have it all ripped away from me. it was confirmed that night by the midwife and then the hospital that she had passed away and then i was sent home i then had to carry her for 3 days till i gave birth naturally on 18th july 2009, i had a 3.5hour labour with no pain relief and needless to say there were some problems as she had cord torsion, cord compression, cord stricture, nuchal cord x 3 and then a complete body wrap. she was beautiful, she was called Lilly-Maye,
we were listening to other babies being born and hearing their cries whilst we said hello and goodbye at the same time. we were then put onto the maternity ward where we saw new mummies with their babies, heard them crying and saw expectant parent with their look of excitement and trepidation, we were locked away in a room smack bang in the middle of it all. yes the door was shut but we could still hear. we spent the night with our little girl and cried and cherished the time we had with her, the midwives and doctors came and went offering their condolensces, saying how beautiful she was and how cruel it was we had lost her as they all knew what i myself had put my body through to get her. then we had to take her to the mortuary and leave the hospital with empty arms, that was the hardest thing i will ever have to do in my life. it felt like i had died too, we then had to go home and explain everything to the kids who had been waiting for their sister for 7 years, we had to take down the cot and put away her clothes as everything was ready for her.

so from that point i arranged her funeral and picked her coffin etc, again the pain kept coming, my milk came in on the day of her service and she was cremated the following day, 24th July 2009 at 9.30am, our baby girl came home tuesday 28th July in a tiny cardboard box with her name on it.

we began to heal slowly, i went into counselling and tried to pull my family back together which was difficult, my eldest daughter was devastated as she attended the mortuary and tried to wake her baby sister, my son went into himself and became angry and my youngest daughter was sheltered from it all but i will never forget the noise that left her mouth when she was told, my hubby became angry and suicidal and i was trying to deal with my own grief aswell as keep everyone together.

we decided we wanted to keep trying, how could we not after holding something so precious in our arms? seeing what we created together. so we began trying again but i was not ovulating, my body was in shock and had shut down, my hair fell out and i began menopause or so they thought, i was put on clomid to kick start it all off again but to no avail. they finally upped my dose ont he 4th round and i had a HSG also, i am now 12 weeks and one day pregnant!!! it has been a day by day process but i am happy to say all is going well to date, i never felt such relief to reach 12 weeks lol, i listen to splodge every day on the doppler and i smile, but its so bitter sweet. i miss my little girl so much but at the same time i want to be excited about being pregnant again and am not sure how to do that so every day is a milestone, we have since found out our daughter died from the incompetence of the doctors who were supposed to be taking care of me as a high risk patient, they didn't do their job properly, we now have a hefty court case to endure to try and stop this happening to anyone else so the pain keeps coming still.

some of you may think this post is way to heavy but what you need to understand is that i never ever thought i would come back from the day my daughter died, but i have, i don't know how but we as women just do it. we are strong and we have fight in us when we are at our lowest point and think we can't go on anymore, we are amazing!!! so don't give up, don't stop hoping and don't stop believing. i got a tattoo for memory of Lilly-Maye, it says..........

when the world says give up
hope whispers one more time!!

never a truer word spoken.

Sitting here in tears... I feel so bad for her and just wish I could help. I don't mean to be ignoring the rest of the thread... I'm just a bit pre-occupied!

 

[vickyd]

Megg wow....Stories like these really put a perspective on things... I really hope everything goes well this time..

 

[Megg33k]

As do I! You can see why I'm so focused on seeing a happy ending for them!

New Update:

aggie is now off oxygen, shes had her first feed, sams had a cuddle and a cry and changed her bum just got to see how she goes now

Here's the gorgeous little lady! The left one is from yesterday and the right one from today!

 

[msarkozi]

I hope everything goes well for them Megg....where does she live that she is getting such awful treatment???

Thanks guys, there are some pictures in my journal from the scan, and we are planning on using the name Kash.

Vicky - it's funny because I was so sure I was having a girl, because I have been comparing myself to all the pregnant people around here, and I look more like the ones having girls then boys...so I was shocked!

Luce - try not to worry about it hun. I haven't had sore boobs at all in this pregnancy. Can't wait for you to have your scan...you are getting so close to that 2nd trimester!

 

[Megg33k]

She's in South Wales! I don't know what hospital she's at though!

 

[LucyJ]

Oh mel I just read that and had me in I feel for her so much and it does put things into persepective I really hope the best for her and her little ones. Its interesting that she lives in south wales my SIL and brother were living in south wales when they had there little girl and they were treated badly.

Thanks for all your kind words I'm feeling a bit better. Candles have been lit and our burning bright for all my lovely ladies and my little apple pip.

 

[NatoPMT]

Hi my lovelies - thanks for missing me hearty and sparkles x

so much going on with you lot...I'll start with the nice stuff - CONGRATS MEL!!!!! Thats amazing news - loving Kash, will have a look at your journal

i love Lydia too Vic - sounds like a 1970's disco chick name to me. And 70's names will be very very cool in about 10 years, lovely now, but actual uber cool in a decade. Mark my words.

i can still drink so i'll have one for you. Im not gloating. Just to be clear.

Hearty - so sorry to hear about your dads - there's so much going on with you that its hard to imagine how anyone can exist in all that pain. I know youre strong but the hurt is unavoidable. Can we have a party in here for your birthday? I will wear a hat at a jaunty angle, but then drink too much and make a fool of myself if thats ok with you. I know youve got stuff on your mind, but loads of pre menstrual, volatile women getting drunk is bound to at least make you point and laugh

Allie - mahoosive hug, everything i said to heart dittoed here. But also, there is a way past some of your current circumstances - they are too much, but they are also temporary. Doesn't take away from what you're experiencing now, but you will have a way out at the other end.

Luce, Im sorry i missed your day remembering your pip yesterday - i did think of you and hoped you were getting by

Ive not been so good, i havent been sleeping for about a month, and had class last night which i can never sleep after. I have been ok in the day, but every time i try and sleep i end up having to change my eye mask cos it ends up soaked with tears, its been building cos of my due date on sunday... i was even tearful at work today and keep messing up my contact lenses. My friend started maternity leave today and i had to say goodbye to her, she got pregnant after i gave her my opks when i was newly pregnant.

ive been trying for 7 months now. at 3am it feels like its never going to happen. Ive got a plan for this month though.

 

[msarkozi]

Nato - so sorry you are feeling so down. I can understand though.....we are all here for you

 

[LucyJ]

Nato you havnt missed it it's today but I was travelling home yesterday to be with my parents and be out of devon. Steve and I away at the weekend.

Sorry to hear your not sleeping you have so much going on its bound to effect you at the times when you havent got anything to occupy you and thats at night when your ready for sleep your mind is probably working overtime thinking about everything. to you. Allow yourself to feel it and take care thinking of you.

 

[NatoPMT]

Im sorry Luce, I thought your date was 7/10 and it was the 8th today.

I am focussing on sperm meets egg this month, hopefully i'll be so knackered that i will be asleep in seconds.

 

[yogi77]

Hey everyone :wave:

Big hugs to you hearty

Lucy, what a nice idea with the candles.

Allie and Nato, sorry to hear about your rough nights, I had one of those the other night too after getting so many bfn's. It was also a 3am panic, freak out, cry fest, depths of despair feeling. I'm so sorry you feel like this Haven't had a good day in a few days, maybe it's because of all the bfn's and now I just want AF to hurry up and get here but I usually have a long cycle so it probably won't be until next week. I get so calm and positive during O time and the 2ww and then bam it all goes to hell as soon as I get .

Congrats Mel, so exciting and I love that name but you already know that!!

I really hope little Aggie stays strong.

DH and I are thinking of trying the every other day method this month instead of focusing so much on ov time. Blah.

 

[NatoPMT]

Ahh mate, sorry to hear that

Is it helping that you are testing early? I test early as it eases me into the af arrival, and also my anxiety at waiting. The bfns do upset me, but its more of a gradual process that i can handle better - is that the case for you, or would you be better off waiting till 13/14 dpo before testing do you think? Bfn is always going to be a bag of shite, its just how the bfn blow is delivered thats best for you. I would say your chrt still looks good, but it looked good this time last cycle for you too, so i just hope it keeps looking good

re: frequency, with sperm meets egg being my new thing, it says on the plan:

"Trying" too often can actually do more harm than good. Do not try every night! You will get exhausted and sore, and your mucus--both for fertility and for lubrication--will dry up, and you will stop trying too early in the month or miss an important day. Every other day is absolutely sufficient, with three nights in a row during peak time sealing the deal.

and given that it says this about cm drying up:

Many books tell you that sperm can last for 5 days and the egg for 24 hours. While this is technically true on the very long end (and something to follow if you trying to NOT get pregnant), most sperm will only last about two hours if you do not have fertile-quality cervical mucus for it to swim in. The sperm will struggle to swim up to your uterus, use all its reserves, and not make it. The egg typically lives only about 12 hours, so it cannot wait for long. You can now see how important that cervical mucus is! You will never get pregnant with sperm living two hours and an egg only twelve. This information is really just to make you feel better if you've been trying a long time and all your infertility testing came back normal. If the Deanna-plan does not work and you are faithful to it for three months, take a dose of plain Robitussin cough syrup (or any cough medicine that says "expectorant" and NOT "antihistamine") each day (preferably a few hours prior to "trying") starting around Day 10 until the day after your ovulation predictor goes off. It should help make all the mucus in your body runnier, including that produced by your cervix. (Oh the gruesome details required in baby-making!) The sperm in the runnier mucus will live about two days, and will be up there and ready for the 12-hour life of the egg.

it might be hindering more than helping

im gonna try the expectorant this month

 

[sequeena]

Hope everyone is ok here x

 

[yogi77]

Thanks Nato, that information is helpful...every second day it is then!! Except maybe during O time? I tried using EPO to increase my EWCM and the first month I used it we got our bfp...so I used it again this cycle. It really does increase my cm, but I have the ewcm without using it too. Maybe too often when I see the positive OPK is drying it up though. Maybe I should try Robitussin instead. Who knows!!!

I have no idea if I should just wait until 13 or 14 dpo to test. I usually start at 9 dpo with the thought that I would rather know sooner than later to put my mind at ease. But the bfn's really get me down so maybe I should TRY waiting next month, but I really think that nothing short of a straight jacket will prevent me from testing early.

 

[prgirl_cesca]

Nato sorry to hear you're feeling low. Hope sunday goes ok for you and big hugs to Lucy too. Our first due date is Nov 4th and I am quite sad about it.

With regards to testing early, from my experience this cycle I set myself a date (which was about 16DPO) and MADE myself not test until then. I hate seeing BFNs and every time I had a BFP before that I had had BFNs so then got all panicked because it didn't seem like a 'strong' embryo to me. Obviously the one month I didn't test it turned out to be a fab BFP at the end of it which means I can't comment on how it would feel to be certain it was positive and then have a BFN after so long. But I found it made me so much more positive and changed my karma because so much bad had come from testing early in the past.

 

[yogi77]

Nato sorry to hear you're feeling low. Hope sunday goes ok for you and big hugs to Lucy too. Our first due date is Nov 4th and I am quite sad about it.

With regards to testing early, from my experience this cycle I set myself a date (which was about 16DPO) and MADE myself not test until then. I hate seeing BFNs and every time I had a BFP before that I had had BFNs so then got all panicked because it didn't seem like a 'strong' embryo to me. Obviously the one month I didn't test it turned out to be a fab BFP at the end of it which means I can't comment on how it would feel to be certain it was positive and then have a BFN after so long. But I found it made me so much more positive and changed my karma because so much bad had come from testing early in the past.

you are a strong woman Cesca, and it paid off!! I'd love to be able to wait next time...but then I'll still be symptom spotting like a mad woman and either convincing myself I'm pregnant or the exact opposite!! Who are these lucky woman that just "fall" pregnant like "oh whoops, I'm pregnant, we weren't even really trying, tee hee!"

I mean REALLY??? Ignorance is bliss.

 

[NatoPMT]

the mini kick off about your oh made me laugh cesca, what with you eating like a 5 year old and everyone getting all premenstrually indignant at him. I am ok though thanks, i just needs to get past sunday and get a bloody bfp. When i thought i was pregnant last saturday, i was fine. Funny that.

every second day it is then!! Except maybe during O time?

yes yes you mustnt miss out ov time - from positive opk, it says that night and the next 2 nights, so 3 in a row from opk, then miss a night, then have a another bash (so to speak)

when i was discussing it like an adult with my husband, he reminded me that when i did get pregnant, we had done it for 2 days after ov too (so exactly as the plan says, 3 days running) - we usually stop the day after positive opk as we start 5 days before, but this month we were travelling back from crete so missed the day after opk

heres the link

https://www.pregnancyloss.info/sperm_meets_egg_plan.htm

 

[Sassy_TTC]

Aww Nato I'm so sorry you feeling down chick, due date's are so hard to deal with, having a new plan for this cycle is a great idea and something to keep you going, sh*gging your Hubby's brains out should make you sleep easier (does for me, with my own Husband of course)

Megg, thank you for posting those pics, what a gorgeous little girl, I hope she's out of hospital soon enough.

Nothing new with me, just plodding along as usual! If me and Danny win the Euromillions tonight I will be chartering a plane to collect you all and we can all go on holiday!! It's the least I could do after such sh*t times laterly.xxxxxxxxxx