Disco Derail! - TTCAL/PAL Discussion and Support!

[Megg33k]

Haha! It was almost a month! I can't help it! I felt like we were roommates or something. It was bloody awful. Although, I don't know how comfortable I'll be with sex during pregnancy. We'll see when/if the time comes!

We haven't had it for nearly 7 weeks, imagine that!
Danny said the other night he doesn't wan to do it for the whole pregnancy as he's scared it might cause mc and he doesn't feel right now there's a baby in there

Oh jeez! There's really no reason for him to think that it would cause a MC. Perhaps you could have the doc say so? Tons of people have sex when they're pregnant and don't miscarry! A lot of men do get freaked out by putting their junk so close to the baby though. Although, I think its rubbish... That's how the baby got there to begin with. And, its not like the baby is growing in your foof... Its in your uterus, which is a bit farther away than they realize!

 

[Sassy_TTC]

Fab advice Megg.xxx

 

[Sassy_TTC]

Haha! It was almost a month! I can't help it! I felt like we were roommates or something. It was bloody awful. Although, I don't know how comfortable I'll be with sex during pregnancy. We'll see when/if the time comes!

We haven't had it for nearly 7 weeks, imagine that!
Danny said the other night he doesn't wan to do it for the whole pregnancy as he's scared it might cause mc and he doesn't feel right now there's a baby in there

Oh jeez! There's really no reason for him to think that it would cause a MC. Perhaps you could have the doc say so? Tons of people have sex when they're pregnant and don't miscarry! A lot of men do get freaked out by putting their junk so close to the baby though. Although, I think its rubbish... That's how the baby got there to begin with. And, its not like the baby is growing in your foof... Its in your uterus, which is a bit farther away than they realize!

I think he know deep down there it won't cause m/c but he's using that as an excuse because he doesn't want to have sex with me while I'm preggo! Even though he wanted it the other night when he was drunk, maybe once I'm in 2nd tri that will be the trick!!!xxx

 

[Megg33k]

Yeah, 2nd tri might help to ease his mind a bit. Its not that far away, I suppose. I actually can't believe how close you are to 2nd tri already! Can you believe it?

 

[heart tree]

I’m writing this morning to ask for a little support. I can barely hold back my tears and I’m sitting here at work. I went to my friend’s bachelorette party last night and was expecting to have an amazing time. You may recall that I avoided her bridal shower because I got my diagnosis 2 days before the shower and I knew there were going to be very pregnant women there. Anyway, I went last night full well knowing there might be one or two pregnant women there. I decided I was going to ignore them. Well, I walk in and there are 4 hugely pregnant women there. I tell myself “ok, just focus on your friends and don’t talk to the preggos.” Things are going ok for a little while. I confided in my friend that I’m having a bit of a hard time with all the bellies. She offers to be my “wing woman.” We decide to drink some champagne and things are going fairly well.

Then, we all get called to gather in the living room for a game. I’m not a big game person and neither is my wing woman. So we just try to hide out in the back. They don’t let us though. They make us call off numbers 1-4. I’m in the one group. I look around at all the others in the one group and see that there are no preggos in my group “Phew” I think to myself. Then they send us upstairs to a bedroom and give us toilet paper and white wrapping paper. As I get upstairs with my group we are told that each group is going to make a wedding dress out of these materials. Our models are going to be none other than the pregnant women! FUCK! The last thing I feel like doing is glorifying them. I just wanted to ignore them. So I focused on making a stupid tissue paper bouquet rather than dress our model. Jesus!

When I finally leave, I just start bawling in my car. I’m sobbing and heaving. I can barely see where I’m going. I get home in hopes that Tim will be my knight in shining armor. No such luck. He’s had a few drinks and apparently I’ve killed his buzz with my crying. He is so awkward with his response (or lack of it) that I just storm into the bedroom sobbing. I felt so alone last night. I felt like no one had any comprehension of my pain and fear that I’m never going to be one of those women. I’m never going to have that joy. That’s how I’ve felt since last night.

Today I woke up with such swollen eyes, I could barely see through them. I’m at work and I’ve had 2 people ask me if I’m ok. I don’t hide my feelings very well. My pregnant boss told me if I needed to talk her door was open. Yeah right, like I want to talk to her!

I’m so fucking sick of feeling this way. Nothing in my life feels enjoyable anymore. Even when I think I’m going to have a great night I get blindsided by my grief and despair. I’m feeling rather hopeless today. I have this diagnosis that can’t be fixed and might cause more mcs. How do I stay strong in the face of this? It is so hard some days. It doesn’t help that AF is coming in a couple of days and my hormones are all over the place!

Sorry I haven’t read today’s posts. I’ve been a mess as you can see.

 

[NatoPMT]

bloody hell, thumbs up or down on your results? He sounds like the Alan Partridge of specialists.

Your news is tough Allie, and I know your last results really upset you - it must feel like a spiral of horrible news. But, if you are ovulating you are already exceeding what he thinks and it sounds like he said IVF would be after a lot of other treatments - which all should work.

I am trying to be positive, but i know if i had that news id be feeling like total crap -i supposed this whole thing is a process that you adapt to the information as you progress. I think i have heard megg say she really didnt want ivf, and now its an attractive option. I know that at one point, i was saying i didnt ever want to try again after having an mc, and right now, none of us know whats in front of us. What you do know is you have the treatment options, which is what you need to get there.

sod the fs, and his bizarre manner - on that, i will say to you what i said to CJ, is he any good? As out of order as it is, his behaviour doesnt matter if he can get you a baby

 

[Sassy_TTC]

Yeah, 2nd tri might help to ease his mind a bit. Its not that far away, I suppose. I actually can't believe how close you are to 2nd tri already! Can you believe it?

No i really can't, time is flying by! I think it's helping that I'm not counting down the days, I don't care how many weeks+ days I am and I just want the baby to be fine. 2nd tri starts in middle of Dec, crazy stuff!xxxx

 

[Allie84]

Thanks, Megg. I appreciate your honesty. But it made me feel awful. Do you think I should do IUI or IVF even though it's only been 6 months? My opinion, and it's not as educated as yours, is that it's sooo soon. I didn't have irregular periods until recently, and I've never had irregular bleeding. I just wish he wasn't so dire. I can't tell if I'm in denial or if he's jumping the gun. I mean is PCOS a definite infertility diagnosis?

 

[heart tree]

Shit Allie, I just read your post. I agree with Megg. He had a horrible bedside manner and shouldn't have been on the phone. That being said, these are all things to take seriously. Please love, do this 36 year old a favor and start working on them now. If I have one regret in life, it is that I didn't start looking into these things much, much earlier. There is a PCOS thread on here and I've read tons of women having babies with it. I know Sparks has it. It isn't the end of the world (though it may feel like it) but it needs to be addressed.

Docs don't believe in soy. My acupuncturist didn't think it was enough of a dosage to have an effect, but she didn't rule it out. Obviously it works wonders for some women and DID help you.

Sorry, my head is a mess, so I'm not sure if I'm rambling. Just wanted to give you a hug

 

[Sassy_TTC]

Aww Amanda, I'm so sorry, I can't even imagine how you were/are feeling. I do think alot of people don't realise how difficult multiple m/c's are let alone other problems on top. Men seem to deal with things alot easier and Tim's comment is the sort of thing Danny would have said after a few! I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you, men just don't think and maybe he doesn't realise how scared your feeling right now.

I wish I could give you a hug right now and I wish I could tell you that everything will be ok but I can't, I had many deeply low days and nobody could do anything to make me feel better so I know exactly how your feeling. Tomorrow is a new day hun, and hopefully you will be feeling a little more positive however hard it may be.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Megg33k]

I’m writing this morning to ask for a little support. I can barely hold back my tears and I’m sitting here at work. I went to my friend’s bachelorette party last night and was expecting to have an amazing time. You may recall that I avoided her bridal shower because I got my diagnosis 2 days before the shower and I knew there were going to be very pregnant women there. Anyway, I went last night full well knowing there might be one or two pregnant women there. I decided I was going to ignore them. Well, I walk in and there are 4 hugely pregnant women there. I tell myself “ok, just focus on your friends and don’t talk to the preggos.” Things are going ok for a little while. I confided in my friend that I’m having a bit of a hard time with all the bellies. She offers to be my “wing woman.” We decide to drink some champagne and things are going fairly well.

Then, we all get called to gather in the living room for a game. I’m not a big game person and neither is my wing woman. So we just try to hide out in the back. They don’t let us though. They make us call off numbers 1-4. I’m in the one group. I look around at all the others in the one group and see that there are no preggos in my group “Phew” I think to myself. Then they send us upstairs to a bedroom and give us toilet paper and white wrapping paper. As I get upstairs with my group we are told that each group is going to make a wedding dress out of these materials. Our models are going to be none other than the pregnant women! FUCK! The last thing I feel like doing is glorifying them. I just wanted to ignore them. So I focused on making a stupid tissue paper bouquet rather than dress our model. Jesus!

When I finally leave, I just start bawling in my car. I’m sobbing and heaving. I can barely see where I’m going. I get home in hopes that Tim will be my knight in shining armor. No such luck. He’s had a few drinks and apparently I’ve killed his buzz with my crying. He is so awkward with his response (or lack of it) that I just storm into the bedroom sobbing. I felt so alone last night. I felt like no one had any comprehension of my pain and fear that I’m never going to be one of those women. I’m never going to have that joy. That’s how I’ve felt since last night.

Today I woke up with such swollen eyes, I could barely see through them. I’m at work and I’ve had 2 people ask me if I’m ok. I don’t hide my feelings very well. My pregnant boss told me if I needed to talk her door was open. Yeah right, like I want to talk to her!

I’m so fucking sick of feeling this way. Nothing in my life feels enjoyable anymore. Even when I think I’m going to have a great night I get blindsided by my grief and despair. I’m feeling rather hopeless today. I have this diagnosis that can’t be fixed and might cause more mcs. How do I stay strong in the face of this? It is so hard some days. It doesn’t help that AF is coming in a couple of days and my hormones are all over the place!

Sorry I haven’t read today’s posts. I’ve been a mess as you can see.

Oh, honey! I can't imagine how hard that must have been! I'm SO sorry! I don't know why people think that sort of thing is so cute. There are so many women out there that suffer the way that you (and the rest of us in here do)... but so many do it in silence that they could be really hurting a load of ladies that they call their friends. I think its crap that you were put through that, and I'm really sorry that Tim didn't help matters any. I wish I had words to that would help heal your heart!

bloody hell, thumbs up or down on your results? He sounds like the Alan Partridge of specialists.

Your news is tough Allie, and I know your last results really upset you - it must feel like a spiral of horrible news. But, if you are ovulating you are already exceeding what he thinks and it sounds like he said IVF would be after a lot of other treatments - which all should work.

I am trying to be positive, but i know if i had that news id be feeling like total crap -i supposed this whole thing is a process that you adapt to the information as you progress. I think i have heard megg say she really didnt want ivf, and now its an attractive option. I know that at one point, i was saying i didnt ever want to try again after having an mc, and right now, none of us know whats in front of us. What you do know is you have the treatment options, which is what you need to get there.

sod the fs, and his bizarre manner - on that, i will say to you what i said to CJ, is he any good? As out of order as it is, his behaviour doesnt matter if he can get you a baby

You're right... I didn't want to... but it has become a very attractive option now. I'm sick of waiting, and the odds of IVF working is a lot higher than the odds of timed intercourse working. So, why not, right? LOL

Thanks, Megg. I appreciate your honesty. But it made me feel awful. Do you think I should do IUI or IVF even though it's only been 6 months? My opinion, and it's not as educated as yours, is that it's sooo soon. I didn't have irregular periods until recently, and I've never had irregular bleeding. I just wish he wasn't so dire. I can't tell if I'm in denial or if he's jumping the gun. I mean is PCOS a definite infertility diagnosis?

No, honey! I don't think you need to jump right to IUI or IVF after only 6 months. I didn't mean to insinuate that. I DO however think that you should exploit their willingness to investigate your potential issues as much as possible. The more you know, the easier the process will get. As you start to see tests come back, you'll have a far better understanding of whether or not you need to go into further treatment. I'm actually still not sure that I NEED IVF... I might be able to conceive in Dec on my own and avoid it all. But 60+% for an IVF cycle is better than 20-25% on a timed intercourse cycle. So, I'll take it. I'm sick of waiting, and this has become the easier option.

I'm going to be honest again here... Just because its only been 6 months doesn't mean that it wouldn't necessarily lead to a longer journey/struggle. Everyone who has been trying for a long time remembers when they thought "its only been 6 months" and I think a lot of us kick ourselves for not seeking help sooner. Like I said, if the FS I'd gone to hadn't been such a twat, I totally would be kicking myself for not allowing her to move forward like she wanted to. I still sort of do kick myself for it, but I'm very happy with my current FS, so I can look back without much regret.

He did make it sound very bleak... sort of. But he mentioned Metformin and Clomid. That's a far cry from IUI or IVF. Metformin could be all you need. Clomid could give you the extra kick that it might take. He didn't say you needed IUI right now. He said that it might end up being where the path leads, iykwim? So, please don't read too much into his words. He definitely said there were other options first. Just take the testing, and then go in baby steps toward the desired outcome. Just don't put it off because you're young and its only been 6 months. You might come to regret that later. But, you'd never regret taking the help and having a baby in your arms sooner! Love you, hun!

 

[NatoPMT]

Oh hearty, i'll give ya a hug. And if it makes you feel any better, i was sobbing like that all the way home from Waitrose on Monday night. On foot, in a busy street. I had to just keep my head down but i couldnt stop

I know that you are usually very much in a supportive role in here, and in your life, but the blindsiding taking over so dramatically is demonstrative of how much you do need support and an outlet to express yourself. How is your general feeling about the next cycle? Your fs was pretty optimistic as i recall?

I don't know what to say hearty, cos i don't know what's best for you, whether you want to face some of the despair - or what to do with it... the despair is actually a fear and not a fact, you may face a long or short journey, we don't know.

For me, its when does that fear become a transition into a fact...at what point will that be necessary to come to terms with what's happening when you don't even know what is actually happening? You know that there are options open, and the best option is now upcoming with the treatment for the next cycle.

x

 

[Allie84]

Thanks Hearty, Megg, Nato, and Sassy.

Hearty I haven't read your post yet...I'm typing this while pretending to work and having a work related convo with my boss haha. My head is a mess! I just had to tell you girls....I will catch up after work.

I'm feeling a teensi bit more accepting of it already. You're right, it's better to start young and be proactive. And sod his bedside manner, at least he's getting things done...I just wish he would have let me speak or ask questions. Because now I have more questions than answers.

Oh, and he wants me to do a 2 hour glucose tolerance test for diabetes. FFS, if I have diabetes too I'll be pissed. All of my glucose tests have came back normal so far, though.

Sorry for being all me me me. Off to class. Love you girls.

 

[heart tree]

Thanks Sass. I appreciate it. It is nice to be understood.

Most women at this party didn't know about my recurrent mcs, but the organizers did as did the bride. I know the party wasn't about me, but for god's sakes, to make me dress a pregnant woman??? That's just too damn much. They should have given me a little advanced warning and an option to bow out of it.

Tim is usually so great, but not last night. I know he'll be my protector at the wedding though. Luckily I have a dress to die for and I'm going to look great that day!

 

[Megg33k]

Thanks Hearty, Megg, Nato, and Sassy.

Hearty I haven't read your post yet...I'm typing this while pretending to work and having a work related convo with my boss haha. My head is a mess! I just had to tell you girls....I will catch up after work.

I'm feeling a teensi bit more accepting of it already. You're right, it's better to start young and be proactive. And sod his bedside manner, at least he's getting things done...I just wish he would have let me speak or ask questions. Because now I have more questions than answers.

Oh, and he wants me to do a 2 hour glucose tolerance test for diabetes. FFS, if I have diabetes too I'll be pissed. All of my glucose tests have came back normal so far, though.

Sorry for being all me me me. Off to class. Love you girls.

What questions do you have? I'll do what I can to help you get answers between now and when you speak with him again. I mean, unless they're questions about what he thinks regarding your situation... obviously I can't help there. But if they're medical in nature, I can maybe provide some of what you seek. I've gotten too good at this! LOL

 

[LucyJ]

Oh allie I am so sorry he sounds like a bit of a dick to cant believe he was on the phone instead of talking to you and its no wonder that your blood pressure was high. I think if you can focus on the positives which is they are running lots of test which will give them a clear picture of whats going on I really hope you get some answers and he's more supportive towards you next time, can you see someone else next time? Thinking of you.

Amanda if I could come over give you a big and sit with you I would. I really wish I could instead I am sending you a cyber one and saying I am here for whatever you need. I do understand how hard it must be to be around so many pregnant women its a lot to take on board I wont tell you to keep positive as that is so hard to do I know and I think sometimes its good to feel what your feeling but your AF is nearly here and then your be on to a new cycle your seeing a good FS (who got your friend pregnant so I am hoping the same will happen for you) so when your ready there are some positive things to hold on to. Cry, scream, have a big old glass of do whatever you need to do then maybe go for a nice long walk tomorrow or something that helps you relax. Much love to you thinking of you

 

[Sassy_TTC]

Thanks Sass. I appreciate it. It is nice to be understood.

Most women at this party didn't know about my recurrent mcs, but the organizers did as did the bride. I know the party wasn't about me, but for god's sakes, to make me dress a pregnant woman??? That's just too damn much. They should have given me a little advanced warning and an option to bow out of it.

Tim is usually so great, but not last night. I know he'll be my protector at the wedding though. Luckily I have a dress to die for and I'm going to look great that day!

Haha that's what I love about you, I know you will show up to that wedding looking drop dead gorgeous in a stunning dress and to die for shoes, all those preggo's will be jealous of you hun.xxx

 

[LucyJ]

Sassy I really hope things sort out with your brother and mum it must be hard for you all maybe when hes calmed down a little they will be able to sit down and talk about things.

Megg need your help please, does my erpc count as CD1 as not sure where I am in the cycle. I'm going to get the bloods done at my dr's as to be honest it brakes up the month waiting for our other appointment but what about the ones on 1st Dec as I have no idea where I will be in my cycle are there other tests that have to be done on certain days Im a bit worried I'm going to get there and they will tell me to come back next month on the right days. Im pretty sure on the 1st they are going to check for clotting issues and chromosomal abnormalities. Steve is also having blood done.

Think I've missed a few post so going to go and read back

 

[vickyd]

Hearty hun i feel your pain....I had that same experience at that wedding back in June with the preggos at my table rubbing their bellies and giving me advice. i totally lost it that night as well with pretty much no understanding from Alex. I know your situation is more difficult given the added strain of your diagnosis, i just want you to know im always here if you need to vent...

Allie, i agree with Hearty...The sooner we address these issues the better.

 

[NatoPMT]

Allie, take it from a 39 year old who's holding back and listening to what others are saying to you and thinking i should take the advice myself...don't wait