Disco Derail! - TTCAL/PAL Discussion and Support!

[LucyJ]

Aww thanks caz.

Will you be able to update before you get home or will we have to wait till then thats ok I can wait (I think). I'm sure all will go well tomorrow I'll be thinking of you xx

 

[Megg33k]

hmm. Sounds like your friend doesnt have a clue what you are going through - she might know, or hear what you are saying, but its able to feel or empathise with your situation. Sounds like she's not really connecting on a few levels. I guess everyone has an off day and if its not normal for her, then lets hope it is an off day.

I guess! Its odd because she did sort of struggle with fertility issues. She truly believed she'd never get pregnant, and then her little one was a pleasant surprise that she didn't find out about until about 3-4 months along. She missed periods frequently, so never expected. But, we'd talked before about how she felt it would never happen for her and whatnot. So, I'd have thought that she WOULD understand. And, it was all the worse because she'd ask me questions and then ignore me when I answered them! I didn't even bring it up! Weird, weird, weird!

Girls I am really scared. I am just convinced something is wrong with the baby. I have nothing to suggest something is wrong but I just feel like something has happened. I don't know why, call it paranoia or gut instinct.

I am off to bed in a minute to try and get some sleep and hopefully feel better in the morning. I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm losing my mind

I vote for paranoia! I hope you feel better after your scan, honey! I have a feeling things will be great... I'm batting 1000 for Vicky... May as well add you to the list! I'll be thinking of you!

Wow meggles she seems a little like a "me me me" friend i have a couple of those it frustrates the shit outta me. And your right she didnt need to make that comment about the IVF at the end of the day our friends should know we've gone through every scenario in the world in our own minds, i mean a baby is only what we all desire more than anything on earth god damn it!!!! gggrrrr got me a little riled up that did. I just wish for once our close friends and family could try & be positive for us & give an honest smile instead of one of those weird grins like eerrmmmm yeah im sure it will be fine (secretly lying) i seriously hate that.

I have all faith in this cycle of IVF baby doll i believe its where the path has lead you too & i pray u & kevin get ur miracle at the end of it sweet cheeks xxxxxxx

She was very "me me me" today. She totally knows what I've gone through and I've seen her nearly get teary-eyed when I've had losses. She was one of the only people I told last time I was pregnant and she was SO excited. Her heart broke for me when I lost the baby, and it was really nice to have that support. But, now? I even said that the surgery could have maybe cured my issues with the losses... That all the "junk" could have been the issue all along. So, I felt pretty positive... and she just sort of looked at me like a deer in headlights!

She kept saying "I've been worried about you with all of this stuff going on"... Worried about me for what? I even asked... and she just kept saying "all this stuff"... Does she suspect it will kill me? LOL I mean, its not exactly risky! Very few things can go wrong. I just assume she meant the surgery and dropped it. I dunno. She did say that my baby would never doubt how much it was loved and wanted... which is true. She fears hers will because he was technically an "oops" even though he was very much desired. But, that's rubbish. I don't foresee that happening. He won't know unless she tells him anyway!

Thank you, though! I appreciate the kind words about the IVF. I see so many people who say that they respect people who do it, but they'd never consider it. Its disheartening. Its not that I want others to need IVF... but its hard to read about so many women who say "I'm sticking with NATURAL conception"... because I'd bloody stick with it if I didn't believe it would continually end in heartache! But, I guess that's my own insecurity! Point being, thank you!

 

[dawny690]

I emailed her first to check she could do one as it said on her website to do that as she may be very busy, so sent her an email I think I may of said that I had suffered a mc. She said she could so I went ahead and ordered one you pay through paypal so need an account then she emailed me and asked me for a photo and any questions I had. I know its a bit of fun but if it were to come true then that would be lovely and I can wait till march I think especially if I get my forever baby that and she said I would find out in march so then that could be getting pregnant in feb and thats not that far away is it? What I did like and made me feel good was the bit she said about my babies being save and spirits watching over us.

Could you pm me her details please as I cant find her thanks xxxx

 

[CJSG1977]

Gorgeous pics Nato!!!! So cute!!! And lovely to see you back. I hope you get your results sooner rather than later!

I cant believe it....the flat hubby and I didnt get last week....they called and have now offered it. SO! in the next 2 weeks we are going to be running a pub and trying to move out of one home into another which means we will be spending a couple of nights a week apart, but god it is SO worth it!!! I'm glad I am hitting the 2WW and I wont need to molest my husband on days we wont be together. In 4 weeks...if I have not got my bfp we will have moved and everything will be sorted. I will just about be with him for ov in december and I would potentially find out when we are on holiday! OMG how has all this happened in just one week. All I need now is the month to be my BFP and I think I might collapse with excitement! Jobs, new home and ventures, money (not trying to be superficial...its just been tough) and potentially a bfp. And BREATHE!!! I shoulda put this in my journal...in fact I might but am just so excited LOL. Sorry for the me me me post.

 

[LucyJ]

Could you pm me her details please as I cant find her thanks xxxx

I've sent you a pm with all the details xx

CJ that is fantastic news things seem to be falling into place for you a BFP really would be the icing on the cake. So happy for you and what an exicting if busy time for you

 

[cazza22]

Megg it's always been a step I'm ready to take & will take if need be IVF is something that should be seen as miracle baby making and without it there would be a hell of alot less happy people in this world. I thinks it's amazing the whole process & regardless of how it's done it's your baby & ud walk to the end of the earth to have him/her
anyway meggles were always here for you with real smiles on our faces none of this fake smug grin shit!! Lov ya Hun xxxx

 

[dawny690]

Thanks Lucy am looking at the info now xxxxx

 

[cazza22]

that's fabulous news CJ so happy for you huny bun xxx everything crossed for ur BFP gorgeous xxxxx


Luce I'll update with news good or bad as soon as I get outta hospital but if it is good I can't post a piccy untill after work I won't keep u waiting all day don't worry Hehe

right I'm off to the land if nod my beautiful ones night night xxxx lov ya's xxxx Caz

 

[vickyd]

hey guys...
Sass so happy to hear bubs is doing great!!! Its your turn Cazz tomorrow!

Hearty you look smashing in that dress, love the style and the shoes are ace!

Cesca, fuck having "a feeling" something is wrong...I have those every other day, hell im having them all day. Its fear and nothing else.

Today i fell ill. At work everyone was commenting on how pale i was and i was kinda confused as to why everyone was wearing t-shirts and i was chilly in my sweater...Anyhoo popped a lab thermometer and i had a fever of 38.2 degrees....So ive been running this fever ever since, it isnt going down with paracetamol and now my head is killing me as well... I really hate being sick, especially when i cant stuff myself with pills.

 

[heart tree]

CJ, thanks for the image!!! That’s what my angels look like!

Nato, thanks for coming back to us. Love the pics of your nieces. Looks like you had a good time, if not painful, with them.

By the way, your quote: "Husband has his pot for the sperm test. He seems to think its too small." made me laugh!! Tim thought the same thing!!! We have ourselves some narcissists!

Megg, that is very strange. Maybe your friend feels uncomfortable because she can’t relate. I find some people just don’t have the words for uncomfortable topics. Maybe she is feeling guilt that she has a baby now and you are struggling like she did. Who knows what is going on in her brain. I’m sorry it was so awkward. People act in strange ways around these things I’m afraid. BTW, I’m all about IVF. Conception is conception.

Luce that is a lovely reading. Now I want one too!

Cesca, just as you wrote your post, I got an email from a friend who is 6 weeks pregnant and is feeling the exact same way. I don’t think we ever lose this feeling until we are holding our babies. But remember that worrying doesn’t serve us. Worrying won’t fix things. It does nothing to help us along. If you can, try to relish in this pregnancy and tell the worry to take a hike.

CJ, yay for you and your flat. So much change! Let’s not forget what happened to Amy in the face of a new job and a new place to live. She caught the egg!!! Hope you did too!!!

Hi Vicky, so good to hear from you. I was just about to write, where the hell is Vicky?? Sorry you feel like such crap. God, why can’t this be easier???

 

[CJSG1977]

I'm sorry your feeling poorly Vicky

Night night Cazza

 

[Megg33k]

Gorgeous pics Nato!!!! So cute!!! And lovely to see you back. I hope you get your results sooner rather than later!

I cant believe it....the flat hubby and I didnt get last week....they called and have now offered it. SO! in the next 2 weeks we are going to be running a pub and trying to move out of one home into another which means we will be spending a couple of nights a week apart, but god it is SO worth it!!! I'm glad I am hitting the 2WW and I wont need to molest my husband on days we wont be together. In 4 weeks...if I have not got my bfp we will have moved and everything will be sorted. I will just about be with him for ov in december and I would potentially find out when we are on holiday! OMG how has all this happened in just one week. All I need now is the month to be my BFP and I think I might collapse with excitement! Jobs, new home and ventures, money (not trying to be superficial...its just been tough) and potentially a bfp. And BREATHE!!! I shoulda put this in my journal...in fact I might but am just so excited LOL. Sorry for the me me me post.

See?!?! I told you that things were looking up for you! This is your time, honey! The only thing left is that little one! And, I think its coming quickly!

Megg it's always been a step I'm ready to take & will take if need be IVF is something that should be seen as miracle baby making and without it there would be a hell of alot less happy people in this world. I thinks it's amazing the whole process & regardless of how it's done it's your baby & ud walk to the end of the earth to have him/her
anyway meggles were always here for you with real smiles on our faces none of this fake smug grin shit!! Lov ya Hun xxxx

I love all of your real smiles! Thank you! That brought a real smile to my face too!!!

hey guys...
Sass so happy to hear bubs is doing great!!! Its your turn Cazz tomorrow!

Hearty you look smashing in that dress, love the style and the shoes are ace!

Cesca, fuck having "a feeling" something is wrong...I have those every other day, hell im having them all day. Its fear and nothing else.

Today i fell ill. At work everyone was commenting on how pale i was and i was kinda confused as to why everyone was wearing t-shirts and i was chilly in my sweater...Anyhoo popped a lab thermometer and i had a fever of 38.2 degrees....So ive been running this fever ever since, it isnt going down with paracetamol and now my head is killing me as well... I really hate being sick, especially when i cant stuff myself with pills.

Oh no! That's the worst!!! Hope you feel better soon!

CJ, thanks for the image!!! That’s what my angels look like!

Nato, thanks for coming back to us. Love the pics of your nieces. Looks like you had a good time, if not painful, with them.

By the way, your quote: "Husband has his pot for the sperm test. He seems to think its too small." made me laugh!! Tim thought the same thing!!! We have ourselves some narcissists!

Megg, that is very strange. Maybe your friend feels uncomfortable because she can’t relate. I find some people just don’t have the words for uncomfortable topics. Maybe she is feeling guilt that she has a baby now and you are struggling like she did. Who knows what is going on in her brain. I’m sorry it was so awkward. People act in strange ways around these things I’m afraid. BTW, I’m all about IVF. Conception is conception.

Luce that is a lovely reading. Now I want one too!

Cesca, just as you wrote your post, I got an email from a friend who is 6 weeks pregnant and is feeling the exact same way. I don’t think we ever lose this feeling until we are holding our babies. But remember that worrying doesn’t serve us. Worrying won’t fix things. It does nothing to help us along. If you can, try to relish in this pregnancy and tell the worry to take a hike.

CJ, yay for you and your flat. So much change! Let’s not forget what happened to Amy in the face of a new job and a new place to live. She caught the egg!!! Hope you did too!!!

Hi Vicky, so good to hear from you. I was just about to write, where the hell is Vicky?? Sorry you feel like such crap. God, why can’t this be easier???

I suppose those could all be factors. I just find it odd that its a year into her child's life that she'd start to feel guilty about it somehow. But, I really have no guesses as to what's behind it. Maybe she's honestly just wrapped up in her own life right now... which is fine. I guess I just assume that people shouldn't ask questions if they don't want answers! LOL You speak the truth... Conception is conception!

 

[heart tree]

You are right, don't ask if you don't want an honest answer. I decided to stick to that policy at my friend's wedding. If someone asked me how I was, I wasn't going to sugar coat it. I told them that I've been having a really hard time lately and life has been incredibly difficult. I told them I had suffered some miscarriages and am now trying to pick myself up. If they squirmed, they squirmed. I really didn't care.

But for your friend to be so weird a year later is something different. All you want is someone who can support you and understand you. When you think you have that and then she acts all strange like she did today, it just makes you question her motives. That is the last thing you need right now. Listen, try not to let her actions affect you too much. She could have been having an off day like Nato suggested. Or, maybe her body was inhabited by aliens. Either way, you did nothing wrong.

 

[Allie84]

Hi girls,

I forgot to wish Cazza good luck on her scan tomorrow! I've been thinking about it, too. So, GOOD LUCK tomorrow, girlie, though I know everrything will be great. I can't wait for a scan piccie!!!!

Megg, I'm sorry about your awkward lunch date. I've been there! Though, usually it's just the first few minutes and then you get back into your 'groove.' Her behavior sounds really confusing. As hearty pointed out, you did nothing wrong. And as Cazz pointed out, we have nothing but genuine smiles and a proper optimism for you and IVF. I also agree that is a baby is a baby and if you give birth to the baby, or even if someone else gives birth to the baby, it's still "natural."

Nato, hehe at the bouncy castle. Love it. I want to come play at your house!

Luce, what a sweet conception reading. I definitely agree with her that your angel babies are safe and watching over...I believe that with all of our angels.

CJ, wow, that's great news! They say when it rains it pours so I think it would be quite fitting if a BFP followed up all of this good news. I won a free dinner on a radio contest yesterday and that's the luckiest I've been a while, so maybe my good fortune will bring me a BFP too. FX for us both!

Hearty, I love your attitude towards people when they asked how you were. I also thought you gave Amy some really lovely advice earlier!

Cesca, , I also remember when Vicky was always feeling something was wrong and everything has always been fine. I think Nato has it spot on saying our 'instinct' after a loss can often fail us as our judgement is clouded. Thinking of you, and hope you get some reassurance soon.

Amy, and same as I said to Cesca...your judgement will be clouded by past experience. Thinking of you both.

Vicky, sorry you're not feeling well. That's crap. I hope you feel much better soon.

Oh, and Megg, I know you'll know the answer to this...is it okay to take Xanax in the 2ww? I may have asked before but I cannot remember. I'm feeling really stressed and took one but now I'm worried about it.

 

[Megg33k]

You are right, don't ask if you don't want an honest answer. I decided to stick to that policy at my friend's wedding. If someone asked me how I was, I wasn't going to sugar coat it. I told them that I've been having a really hard time lately and life has been incredibly difficult. I told them I had suffered some miscarriages and am now trying to pick myself up. If they squirmed, they squirmed. I really didn't care.

But for your friend to be so weird a year later is something different. All you want is someone who can support you and understand you. When you think you have that and then she acts all strange like she did today, it just makes you question her motives. That is the last thing you need right now. Listen, try not to let her actions affect you too much. She could have been having an off day like Nato suggested. Or, maybe her body was inhabited by aliens. Either way, you did nothing wrong.

I think you made the right call. People need to stop being allowed to be stay blissfully ignorant about pregnancy loss. Its hard and it sucks and we deserve support. Sure, they might squirm... but they probably squirm when they hear people talk about all sorts of hard things... We don't like to know that others suffer here... We want to believe that everyone is living the American dream. People suck.

I definitely don't feel bad about anything... and I'm not letting the awkwardness get me down. I don't take it personally... I guess I'm just disappointed because I was looking forward to our lunch... and it was less than stellar!

Hi girls,

I forgot to wish Cazza good luck on her scan tomorrow! I've been thinking about it, too. So, GOOD LUCK tomorrow, girlie, though I know everrything will be great. I can't wait for a scan piccie!!!!

Megg, I'm sorry about your awkward lunch date. I've been there! Though, usually it's just the first few minutes and then you get back into your 'groove.' Her behavior sounds really confusing. As hearty pointed out, you did nothing wrong. And as Cazz pointed out, we have nothing but genuine smiles and a proper optimism for you and IVF. I also agree that is a baby is a baby and if you give birth to the baby, or even if someone else gives birth to the baby, it's still "natural."

Nato, hehe at the bouncy castle. Love it. I want to come play at your house!

Luce, what a sweet conception reading. I definitely agree with her that your angel babies are safe and watching over...I believe that with all of our angels.

CJ, wow, that's great news! They say when it rains it pours so I think it would be quite fitting if a BFP followed up all of this good news. I won a free dinner on a radio contest yesterday and that's the luckiest I've been a while, so maybe my good fortune will bring me a BFP too. FX for us both!

Hearty, I love your attitude towards people when they asked how you were. I also thought you gave Amy some really lovely advice earlier!

Cesca, , I also remember when Vicky was always feeling something was wrong and everything has always been fine. I think Nato has it spot on saying our 'instinct' after a loss can often fail us as our judgement is clouded. Thinking of you, and hope you get some reassurance soon.

Amy, and same as I said to Cesca...your judgement will be clouded by past experience. Thinking of you both.

Vicky, sorry you're not feeling well. That's crap. I hope you feel much better soon.

Oh, and Megg, I know you'll know the answer to this...is it okay to take Xanax in the 2ww? I may have asked before but I cannot remember. I'm feeling really stressed and took one but now I'm worried about it.

You can take it in the 2ww, but not if you find out you're pregnant. Nothing transfers from mom to baby until around 6 weeks... but I still wouldn't take it after a confirmed pregnancy. It can't hurt anything in the 2ww though. In fact, it might help if you're more relaxed!

Thank you for the kind words... I just figure that nature isn't all its cracked up to be. I've never liked the great outdoors... makes sense that mother nature and I would clash on this too! She's a bitch! LOL

 

[prgirl_cesca]

Morning girls, I feel a bit better today. Had a big cry in bed with husband and drifted off to sleep. I'm just going to try and relax today and think until I have something to worry about I shouldn't. I don't really want to get a doppler as I'm worried I won't find the hb every time and i'll get paranoid and it'll make me worse. I may have to though, I have no idea how i'll last another 4 weeks until my scan!

 

[Sassy_TTC]

Good luck for today Caz, I will be thinking of you and lee. Can't wait to here all about him/her and see a new scan pic, I'm so excited for you.xxxx

 

[prgirl_cesca]

Good luck Cazz!!!!

 

[vickyd]

Cesca i thought of buying a doppler, but honestly i would freak out more everytime i wouldnt be able to find the heartbeat. The stress doesnt go away, now i have the daily stress of feeling her move. If she has a quiet day im on the brink of depression....Im constantly with one foot out the door to get an emergency scan. But then i think, ok so i have the scan and there is something wrong...what could the doctors do? Shes only 22 weeks.... I guess what im trying to say (maybe more to myself than to you) is that its out of our hands now! Well be lucky if we have our sanity at the end of this lol!

Hearty I do exactly the same thing when someone asks me how im doing! I have never hid any of my my losses or now my constant stress over my pregnancy. Im tired of people hiding something so common like its some sort of dirty secret. There will be no awareness until we start talking about what has happened to us.
Last year one of our close friends fell pregnant, she didnt tell us herself but her husband who is Alex's best friend told him right before her NT scan. He said that if all goes well they would announce that weekend. At their NT scan there were strong indications of abnormalities which they would confirm with CVS. The CVS indeed showed that the baby had Turners syndrome. Her husband told Alex who thought it would be a good idea if i called her and gave her some support or some info on the D&C she would be having.
I call her up and was like "im so sorry about the baby", she responds "what baby?" At this point i think shes in denial or in shock but as the conversation progresses she denies ever being pregnant, laughs at my assumption that she was, and is more worried about how i thought this than anything else!!!!!! I hung up and almost 5 minutes later her husband calls Alex and wants to know why i called her as she doesnt want anyone to know that she was pregnant and that the baby had a problem. Alex was like,whatthe hell
is wrong with her? She knows what Vicky has been through and even so she was willing to relive the experience so she could help a friend... This girl was more worried about what people would say than getting some support through this ordeal. This made me want to talk about what i went through even more! I thought it was totally outrageous!

Megg you go on talking and posting on facebook all about your journey!people need to know thats its not the easiest thing to have a baby, that the woman next to you might be going through hell to be called mom!
H

 

[prgirl_cesca]

That's how I felt last night vicky, like I will be completely loopy by the end of this pregnant.

I think I'm just starting to panic because people know I'm pregnant - friends, colleagues, clients at work etc and I'm panicked because it's so many people to tell if it goes wrong. Only a handful of people know our history. People keep telling me how much my bump is growing and I just want to shout at them! I just think i've put on weight and it's not a bump. ARGH.

To quote my husband last night: "I think you need help"