Do you ever feel embarassed because you cant get pregnant?

Discussion in 'Trying To Conceive' started by ponyparade, Mar 29, 2011.

  1. ponyparade

    ponyparade Well-Known Member

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    I do. I know that's bad...but i cant help it sometimes. AF arrived today and i know friends and family members who are aware that we are TTC will ask yet again if we have "any news". I feel ashamed of myself that my body is broken (damaged tubes) and no matter what i do i cant make it happen and have no way of knowing if it ever will...

    I feel like im letting my husband down big time too. Feel like im robbing him of what he deserves- to be a father. He didnt sign up for this :cry:

    sorry girls- not exactly an upbeat post but this is the only place i feel safe enough to say how i feel. x
     
  2. Bookworm

    Bookworm Well-Known Member

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    Hi Ponyparade - you know what sometimes it's ok not to be upbeat... if you need to grieve and grumble a little then do!

    I'm in the same place - we've been trying for a long time and nothing is happening. I've gone off caffeine and alcohol and while we've not told anyone people have noticed the changes and they are starting to comment. they think we are expecting and just aren't telling and I'm soooooo aware that there is no announcement coming and they're going to know that we are trying and then when there is still no announcement (and why would there be - how will there ever be if there hasn't been one in this long) then they'll know that we're having problems.

    I'm sooooo self conscious about this, and it hurts like hell everytime someone makes a comment - it's horrible! And they dont believe I'm not pg, they just smile and say "you wouldn't tell us anyway" and I want to scream!

    Have you done the dr thing? We've SA booked in for middle April and consultation a few days after that.. so we'll know soon if there is a medical reason for delays.

    But it's about grieving and then trying to find a way to be positive again for another go... if you work that one out let me know!! It's eluding me this cycle (I'm CD5 and still crying) whereas normally I do get over it quick enough and start looking forward to next attempt.

    Goodluck!:hugs: hope you feel better soon
     
  3. hopeforamirac

    hopeforamirac Well-Known Member

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    please dont feel embarassed or beat yourself up about this you didnt choose to have fertility probs(damaged tubes).
    you are not letting your husband down and you will give him that child you both deserve,
    it breaks my heart to read peoples stories of struggle hence why i became a surrogate mother.
    You will get pregnant and get your longed for baby but unfortunetly for you it just takes abit loger :hugs::hugs:
     
  4. ponyparade

    ponyparade Well-Known Member

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    Bookworm- i have been to see doctors (last summer) as i was having pain on my left side. They thought i had a large cyst and i had an operation but what they found was lots of scar tissue that had damaged my tubes, blocking the left entirely. They cant be fixed. Doctor hopes the right side will still function and i have been told to TTC for another yr before we take things further. We took a break for about 5 months after my op and started TTC again this month. It all just feel so futile... and i just feel so ashamed. :cry:
     
  5. Hels_Bells

    Hels_Bells Bun in the Oven!!

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    Love, there is NO REASON to be ashamed. You are not responsible for what's going on inside of your body. It is out of your control. It's okay to be sad or upset, but shame is not the proper response and I am sure your husband would tell you the same thing!

    Stay strong :hugs:
     
  6. Fleur29

    Fleur29 Well-Known Member

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    You so mustnt feel ashamed. This is NOT your fault. I cant say anything better than the other ladies, but dont ever give up hope. You and your husband will get there. I know so many people who have been utterly despondent about having a baby and they have all managed to conceive in the end, it just takes some of us longer than others sadly.

    Big big hugs to you and best of luck XX
     
  7. Monkey monkey

    Monkey monkey Well-Known Member

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    I feel the same, my oh has a kid with his ex and it makes me feel proper useless and inferior cos I can't provide him with a kid of our own :(
     
  8. lovecutie1

    lovecutie1 Well-Known Member

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    Hey ponyparade, don't feel ashamed as it's not on your control. I have heard with one tube also you can conceive......but don't feel sad or upset........I am sure something good will happen soon....:)
     
  9. deer

    deer Well-Known Member

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    You have no reason to be ashamed! I know it's a long road, but it'll happen. Maybe you could tell your relatives that they'll be the first to know when you're pregnant - & to stop asking as it may not happen immediately!
     
  10. jess123

    jess123 Well-Known Member

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    I feel really embarrassed because I got pregnant my first month TTC and I was so naive, I thought miscarriage was some really rare thing. No one I had ever known had one. So I told everyone at work, mainly because my morning sickness was so bad and I wanted to explain why I wasn't able to act like my usual self.

    So then I had to tell them when I miscarried a couple weeks later. And now they know all about my troubles TTC. Since I got pregnant right away, I didnt think it would take this long to get pregnant again.

    Almost 6 months later and still trying. I love everyone I work with, they're so understanding. But it makes me feel vulnerable that everyone knows we've been trying and had a miscarriage. :blush:
     
  11. ginloveshemp

    ginloveshemp Well-Known Member

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    i don't really ever feel ashamed, but i never tell anyone that we're ttc, and i think that part of it is shame because i don't want to have to tell anyone "no, not this month..." we've been ttc for 7 months now, and when my friends see me with a baby, they're like "oh, looks good on you", or "does that give you ideas?". That makes me a little angrier than it probably ought to 'cause i always want to yell "I"M F-ING TRYING!!!", but instead i just laugh and say, "yeah, maybe someday"- and then they think I mean I'm not ready now, but I actually mean, well, you know.
     
  12. RorysMom

    RorysMom Well-Known Member

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    I just want to say that I'm barely keeping from sobbing right now... Firstly, I want to hug you -- all of you. But secondly, I have been keeping in some of the same feelings to myself for awhile now. My mother is the only person who knows we are ttc, and occasionally she asks how it's going. She and my grandmother both got pg while on birth control, so she initially told me I'd be super fertile and probably conceive the first month trying. Then that passed, and I skipped a cycle. She insisted I was pg then, despite all the bfns. And then she said, "Well, there's still time to conceive before the year's over, as if there was a clock on it. I know she was just excited, but I started to think there must be something wrong with me if I was having trouble. Now I'm a few days late and dread that I may have another long/skipped cycle. I don't know... I also feel like I'm letting my husband down, even though I know he doesn't feel that way. I can't imagine anyone trying for more than a couple cycles without having these kinds of insecurities and questions, I guess, but that doesn't make it feel any better.

    :hugs:
     
  13. ponyparade

    ponyparade Well-Known Member

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    Jess123 and Rorysmom- *Hugs*...
     

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