Donor Sperm IUI/IVF- 2012

[cbergs]

Hi Ladies,

Just a quick question...

Did any of you ever go through episodes of paranoia where you became concerned that the sperm bank sent you the wrong sperm? Like...mis-packaged the sperm?

For some reason I (we) are going through this right now!

It's not a huge, debilitating fear- where we love our little one any less. Just scared.

Here is my fear: I am afraid they accidently sent us sperm from an African American. My DH and I are both Caucasian. I have double and triple checked our order form, and I remember thoroughly inspecting the paperwork that went along with our vials before our IUI! I'm sure that it's fine- but it's just nagging. Here's the newest US pic.

Thoughts? Is this a black baby? lol (I KNOW THIS IS ABSURD!)

PS. His penis is also huge. LOL

-Carrie

 

[deafgal01]

White can have huge penis so I understand why u might have this fear but I am sure the staff double check the orders and the vials before the vials are sent to clinic. Just wait til baby is born and you will see he is every bit white!

 

[cbergs]

I know they double check everything. I just need to stop worrying. I think that this US of his face is misleading. I will just have to wait and see I guess!! I will not love him any less, that's for sure. AND we'd be rich. Talk about a lawsuit and a half!

 

[deafgal01]

Haha! Just enjoy it my dear. U got this far whereas several still waiting for their turn at bat.

 

[cbergs]

Haha! Just enjoy it my dear. U got this far whereas several still waiting for their turn at bat.

I completely understand and pray for all you ladies constantly. You all are ALWAYS in my thoughts, and I KNOW you will all get your babies very soon!

Something I didn't realize when deciding to go the donor route is that fears you have before trying don't really go away completely, even after a BFP. I think things will be much different when the baby is actually here. It's surreal, for sure.

Off to eat, good night and thanks!

 

[MrsC8776]

My hubby and I joked about this (to calm our fears). I think it's something everyone has run through their mind at one point during the process of DS. I assure you that all scan pics look like yours. I did have a little giggle at your PS note How far along are you now?

Also when you did your IUI did you have to verify the numbers on the vial? I think all clinics have you do this to protect everyone. You will have a beautiful baby boy soon. Try not to worry and just enjoy the pregnancy because everything is going to go great. He will come out as a white baby boy I'm sure.

 

[MrsC8776]

SB I just saw your signature. A million hugs to you. I'm so very sorry for you and your DH. I'll be thinking of you both.

 

[cbergs]

MrsC,

I am 28 weeks along, so just entering my 3rd trimester. Yes, they made me check the vial as well as confirm the information that went along with the donor number. If everything turns out right, this baby should definitely be white!

Again, a totally absurd fear. I'm sure that everything will be just fine. We'll find out toward the end of March!

Btw- I can't believe your girls are so big already! Crazy how time flies!

 

[silverbell]

SB I just saw your signature. A million hugs to you. I'm so very sorry for you and your DH. I'll be thinking of you both.

Thank you so much. We're just heartbroken. After such a long, hard struggle we can't believe it's over before it really began. We miss our little one so much. They were so loved already. I started miscarrying 22 December and passed the placenta and sac on Boxing Day morning.

I was walking on air for the 2.5 weeks we were pregnant though - never been happier or more content and such an amazing feeling. I do so hope we can experience that again.

 

[raelynn]

Cbergs - We had the exact same worries. I think it is just a natural part of the process to worry about everything. Good luck in the rest of your pregnancy!

Silverbell - So very sorry for your loss. It is truly heartbreaking to go through. I pray you'll get through this and that your baby is coming to you soon!

 

[cbergs]

I am very sorry if any of my posts seem insensitive to those who are still trying to get their BFPs. We are over the moon thankful and happy- but I also feel that "overcoming infertility" by using DS is not an easy journey. And, surprisingly, for us anyway- some insecurities haven't completely disappeared even after becoming pregnant. Our counselor says that this is normal, and to be expected. She also said that a lot of our worries and fears will pretty much diminish once he's here.

I feel this is the place to express worries and fears. You ladies are a HUGE source of my strength and confidence. If anyone disagrees, please PM me and I'll see about making a separate thread. I would hate to make anyone feel uncomfortable, or sad. I've been there...

So I was wondering if any of you with donor conceived children ever reverted back to those feelings you had before the decision was even made to use DS, WHILE pregnant? (i.e.: baby not being biologically connected to DH, whether to tell the baby, baby's future feelings, etc.)

I have these random freak outs, then feel incredibly guilty. They aren't very frequent, but I hate that I have them. I love this baby so much! WHY am I still worrying?!? DH doesn't vocalize his fears or worries very much, but he says some things at some times. Just little things. Will this go away?

Thanks,
Carrie

 

[MrsC8776]

I don't know how the other ladies will feel about continuing the thread on but if you do make a new one will you please let me know.

As for the feelings... I can honestly say that the feelings I had during pregnancy ended the moment the girls were born. Once I was able to hold them 24 hours later (long story) everything was perfect! I completely understand your fears. I had some fears as well. I knew that hubby would have that bond and connection with the girls, there was just something making me wonder if it would be the same as if they were biologically his. Looking back... that was something I shouldn't have even thought about because he truly loves these girls more than anything in the world. The bond he has with them is amazing and you can see the love for him in their eyes. One of our daughters (Ava) is a complete daddy's girl. I think telling the children about using donor is a personal choice. It may be something you always struggle with a little bit. We do but to be completely honest I don't think we will tell them. They will always grow up to know hubby as their daddy. Some people may not agree with me on that and thats fine. I don't want it to turn into a debate of to tell or not to tell.

You are worried because you don't know whats to come. Thats ok. Just try to enjoy this time because we all know how long it takes to get there.

Once baby gets here people will make comments and you need to be prepared for that. Especially if no one knows that you used DS. You will get these comments all the time so talk about how you will deal with them. He looks so much like you! Oh he has daddy's ______! Good thing he looks like his mommy (joking of course). There was someone on our FB who kept saying that the girls looked nothing like my hubby. Enough times in a row that I just wanted to tell her to shut the hell up. It got to me but honestly I think thats the first time that any of the comments had. When people say oh they have daddy's eyes we just look at each other and smile. Just go with it because unless you want to tell, theres not much you can do. Everything will be just fine though.

 

[deafgal01]

Honestly, I am glad u ladies bring this up. While several of us may not be there yet, it is good to know or be aware of some feelings or thoughts we may have when we do finally get pregnant. Please stick around and share!

 

[MrsC8776]

Thanks dg. I was thinking while replying that I wish there had been someone to share this stuff while I was still trying or pregnant.

How are things going for you?

 

[deafgal01]

Nuts just plain nuts. I have good days and bad- good days when I don't think about babies and bad days when I feel like my last resort is to have a one night stand just so I can get preg with someone's sperms. My period is still being wacky so it could be the hormone injections really messed my body up or not. I find it strange it would mess me up that bad though considering I was on the lowest dosage. This is the only second wacky period since the IUI cycle. The home tests say I am not pregnant- the last one I took was before Christmas so I really do not know what to think. I am extremely frustrated that it did not work on my second try at IUI (first try was with my natural cycle, second one had hormone injections included). I have to take a break now, not sure for how long because I finished school so I had another loan come up saying that I needed to pay back money now so I cannot focus on saving up for more IUIs until I get my car and one college loan paid off. I think the whole ttc will be on hold until 2015, besides we have no more sperms so have to get more while we wait too.

 

[raelynn]

I second what MrsC said. All the previous worries about using donor sperm disappeared once our little girl arrived. Haylee is absolutely daddy's girl. They're two little goofballs together. We also get the comments about her looking just like me. I think the comments bother me more than my husband though. I still do go back and forth on telling her we used a donor (when she's older). I think we will tell her but that is the one decision I struggle with. I have no idea how to tell her though. We're completely comfortable with using donor though and have already reserved more sperm from the donor for when we start trying for baby #2.

Deafgal - I'm sorry you're still struggling with trying to get pregnant. We've all been there. I can't tell you how many times I lost hope. Keeping my fingers crossed for you too!

 

[cbergs]

I don't know what I would do without you girls. I'm sad that my husband doesn't have the same support as I do (his choice)- but then again, I guess guys cope differently. Us girls stick together and get each other through hard times. I feel very blessed for that.

I am sure that my husband will be in love with this baby, but I think the comments will hurt him (and I). Thanks MrsC for warning me that I should start preparing myself in advance about this. Great advice.

I'm not sure that we are ever going to tell either. The problem is that my parents know, and so does my husband's and possibly his sister. I also caved and told a few VERY close friends. The counselor told me that unless we want to move, that we now have to tell. I'm not sure...I'm a worrier by nature, so I think of the future a lot and it upsets me. BUT, when the logical side takes over, I realize that I should just enjoy this pregnancy, and that we will grow into our decisions after the baby gets here.

Promise me you girls will all stick around BnB! I need you!

-C

 

[deafgal01]

cbergs- I always forget that some ladies on bnb still need me. Thanks for the reminder. I may not check in as much as I used to but I do still check in once a day at least to make sure everything is going ok.

 

[raelynn]

Cbergs - That is the same reason we'll probably end up telling our daughter. Both of our parents and our siblings and their spouses know. So many people already know it probably won't even be much of a big deal as long as we tell her early enough and don't make it out to be a huge secret. Plus, if we end up having #2 like we plan, they'll have each other to go through it with. Hopefully it won't be weird. I've heard as long as you tell them early, it is a non-issue. I'm worried more about what to say! I feel like I need an instruction manual sometimes.

Deafgal - We definitely still need you! I'm glad there are so many of you all that understand and have/are going through the same thing so we can share. I don't know what I'd do if I had no one to talk to about these things.

 

[deafgal01]

I know I would definitely want to tell my child when the time is right while they're young but at same time not make a huge deal of it. First I have to get to the point of being pregnant though haha... That's gonna take a while yet.