first cycle actively trying (June 2015)

[gina236]

I will definitely at least use ICs. Might take a frer this weekend. I will see how I feel. DH doesn't work his second job anymore so cant sneak it as easy I get what you mean about the steps. I wish it could be as calm as checking off a list like that. my goal is to turn a cb digi positive. Then I'll know things are progressing better. Even with my miscarriage it was only first response tests that would show positive. Cb was still negative even at 7 weeks. So I knew something wasn't right.

I hate maternity leave here. And day care costs are outrageous. That's a main reason I won't be going back to work. (Other than just personal beliefs on child raising) My job would pay daycare and give us like 200 extra dollars a month. Totally not worth it. We will find a way to make it work. I've been budgeting for it for the last year. It's not going to be easy but we will make it by.

 

[Jezika]

Yeah, it sounds like you will find a way and that's truly awesome. I know some women want to keep working but to have the option either way is great. I used to feel like that, but now I would leave work to raise kids in a heartbeat. It's a bit different with school because I really do need to finish but luckily it's very flexible and when I do start working in the end it can be around my own schedule (plus any kid I have now would be in school by then!). Anyway, I'm crossing my fingers for you for darker lines on IC (well, both of us!). And let's hope we end up being bump buddies!

 

[gina236]

I'm so scared this isn't going to end well again. I got a faint line on a frer saturday but I haven't taken any more FRERS but I've been taking ICs. I took my last Wondfo this morning and it's not really any darker than the one I took Saturday. I know ICS are bad for progression but I would think it would at least progress from a squinter to an actual positive :/ I just can't get excited about squinters anymore. They all end the same for me

I broke down crying last night because I made dinner for dh and I and the pork was taking like 3 times as long to cook as the recipe said and I freaked out saying "how am I gonna be a mom if I can't even get a simple dinner right" ugh so many emotions bubbling up.

Good news is I finally found a good prenatal that doesn't make me sick or turn my pee neon. Lol. Most of the time I just take a gummy prenatal thats really not the best but it's cheap and gets the job done but when I am actually pregnant I try to find a better one. The last one I had was terrible! The only thing I don't like about this one is you have to take it 3 times a day. But I feel normal and it's not a horse pill so works for me.

Hope everyone had a happy easter weekend!

 

[Jezika]

Gina, I'm sorry to hear you're having a tough time. I can't imagine how frustrating it is. I think there is still hope, but even if this does go the way you dread, it sounds like you are now a point where you can access services for help with fertility, and that's done some amazing things for many women. You'd finally be out of the dark about what's up, and it may just be a simple fix. I've heard docs say that the fact that you can get pregnant pretty easily is a great thing from the get-go. I know it must be so hard to find hope right now, but I truly think this one-year mark might be a very positive turning point despite the heartbreak that it took to get here. And that's if things don't work out this time around.

Lots of big

 

[gina236]

Thank you jez I'm having a really hard time being positive right now. AF is due today or tomorrow. No spotting yet but my CM does have a brown tinge to it so I feel like it's just a matter of time. Hopefully the doctors figure it out quickly because I have wanted this baby for years. Finally got dh on board and now it's not happening.

How are your tests looking? Hope they are progressing and you can stop worrying

 

[Jezika]

If AF does come, do you already have an idea of which fertility specialist to go to or does it mean going to your GP and getting a referral? I've seen so many women on here feel so much more positive once they start seeing a good specialist. After many months of heartache they seem to finally regain a sense of control and understanding of their body, and also a sense that a medical professional is on their side and taking things seriously, and that they're no longer alone on this journey. Even if it doesn't bring a baby instantly, I think psychologically it can make such a difference. I'm hoping that **IF** it comes to that, it will be the same for you.

 

[Jezika]

Oh, and I tested this morning on a Wondfo despite not intending to, and it looks kind of the same as yesterday, maaaaybe a little bit darker. Still pretty stressful. I go from being optimistic and thinking "I'm gonna have kids one day, it might as well be now" to thinking "out of the next 8 months, there is no way something won't go wrong one day."

 

[gina236]

I know what you mean. As for the specialist, I will be making an appointment with my OB by next week (either for pregnancy or as she said before for a ttc appt). I will talk to her about all that has been going on and hopefully will be referred to a specialist if she feels it's beyond her. I'm just ready to adopt. I'm just so sick of trying.

 

[gina236]

Wifey hope you get to trigger today!

 

[wifeybby]

I'm here!

Gina, I really hope this sticks for you. I can't imagine you going though this heartache again. It's the most unfair thing I've ever seen. I hope your appt with your OB is a healthy pregnancy visit - and if by chance its a TTC appt I hope she has a warm heart and smart mind. You deserve the best. sorry you've been so emotional, I too have been like that. It's hard when you just care so much and you're not feeling positive. Whether you conceive, adopt or whatever path you choose, you are going to be the most amazing mom ever because you care so much.

Jezika, I hope your BFP progresses perfectly and you have a happy, healthy and uneventful 9 months. It's hard sometimes how we're all in different places in our journeys, and while you got your BFP and I'm still hoping - I want you to know I am truly happy for you.

AFM, still no trigger. The RE said my follicles (plural this time?) look perfect, just still too small. Uterine lining looks great now, too. The follies about 10mm right now and they need to be 18-20mm. I was bummed, but then he said he wants to up my dosage of Clomid. I figured that meant another AF and new cycle, but he wants me to start 100mg Clomid today for 5 days and see me again on April 6th. So I feel like I've got a second chance this cycle! It feels meant to be somehow. Praying, hoping and begging this works..! I posted the whole long morning story in my journal, all are welcome to read the full scoop -- but overall, I've just learned to take a few deep breaths, follow my RE's plan and leave it in God's hands. I know I'm doing all I can, and that's all I can do. DH was supportive as always.

All your best wishes have done me well thus far. Keep it up girls, I need you!

 

[gina236]

Awe wifey you always make me feel so much better. Thank you love!

As much as i know you wanted to trigger it's good you still have a shot this cycle! Waiting until the timing is perfect will just up your chances at this cycle being the one. So glad you found a doctor that is determined to get you pregnant!

 

[Gagrlinpitt]

Wifey- I'm so glad you're not out yet!-

Gina- praying for a good appointment for you.. Hopefully this will be your sticky bean

Jezika- congrats!! Heres to a h & h 9 months.

AFM- I still don't know if I Od or not.. I'm so confused with my chart, but hoping that if I didn't I do soon... We've been trying to get as much BD in as possible..

 

[wifeybby]

Anytime, girl. You always do the same for me!

Thanks for understanding what I'm going through. It really sucks about no trigger shot today, but I would have hated to of triggered or O'd with an egg too small to thrive. I was kind of mentally prepared for another no today after Friday, didn't feel much going on with my ovaries all weekend either. But I think the plan sounds perfect, and I hope he's right. He is a wonderful doctor, I wish you could go to him! He is Committed (capital C all the way ) and fast paced. So thankful he said there's no point in wasting time on another cycle, and to just move forward now. Hopefully these follies just need more Clomid and I'll have the results I've been hoping for! I have to just let go, follow the care plan and let it be. As much as I hate TTC and all of this, I can't give up yet. I'll never give up on having my own babies.

 

[Velathria]

hey ladies ^^ sorry haven't been on for a while.. I've been actually quite busy with writing my book. Been super inspired by my classes and i feel like its literally flowing out of me.
Had a lot of catching up to do

Gina- Omg i hope that line gets darker and darker and that your OB has good news for you. It's about time for you to have a eggy that sticks. I have been wishing this for you for so long. And i also agree with wifey... I think you'll be a terrific mother.. You do so much to have this baby i just think we just have to fight this much so we appreciate the little angel we get. That's why i think natural child birth is important because going through so much work to have them just makes them so much more precious for us. FX for that appt. Good prenatals are hard to find too.. I know what you mean. I feel like the ones i had been taking before really screwed up my cycles. later i read that most women had problems with that kind.. So changed now and have a good feeling. So i hope your Prenatals are better for you too ^^

Wifey- I already commented on your journal but I can't say it enough. I really really really hope that this cycle is it for you and that you are done with all this ttc crap. That doc of yours sounds amazing. ^^

Jez- I can't imagine that you are having another CP that is just unfair ... i really hope those lines get darker and that this time it sticks and that you have 9 healthy months. FX you are super pregnant ^^

Gag- I am in the same boat as you with the chart XD i'm so confused... mine just goes up and down and up and down... Sadly my opks are still not here. I am really close to just go to the store and buy one of the cheap ones so i can atleast see if i am ovulating..

Good news is though that we Bding enough and i am actually having CM ^^ YAY :dappydance: and i am having ovulation cramps so WOHOOOO for that have a good feeling about this month. ^^

Les- How are you doing? I am glad i am charting this month because if i don't get a bfp this month at leats i'll know what it's supposed to look like ^^

And you can stalk mine some more.. Lol totally stalking you guys's now XD because i am super confused about mine. XD

 

[Gagrlinpitt]

Vel- I'm totally stalking yours.. Kindara doesn't do a link but I'll post mine.

I got my coverline this morning so I'm cautiously thinking I'm 1dpo??? Now comes the TWW of patience were supposed to all have..

 

[Gagrlinpitt]

And I forgot the chart..

 

[Velathria]

your chart looks good ^^ i'm glad you are stalking it maybe you can make more sense out of mine XD do you think i'll be ovulating soon? I am having ovulation cramps and watery cm.. Maybe soon ?

 

[Gagrlinpitt]

your chart looks good ^^ i'm glad you are stalking it maybe you can make more sense out of mine XD do you think i'll be ovulating soon? I am having ovulation cramps and watery cm.. Maybe soon ?

Looks like your body might be gearing up.. I'd start bding every other day to make sure you cover your basis.

 

[gina236]

Vel looks like you will O soon! Get busy girl! unfortunately I started bleeding today. Over again. Ugh. But I have an appointment Thursday with my OB. Well actually different doctor than I originally had last time but it's the one I went to the office for so I am hoping she is as nice as the last one I saw. Hoping she takes me seriously and is proactive. Oh and I ordered a menstrual cup that will be in tomorrow so I'll be trying that out lol.

 

[Velathria]

Thanks guys. ^^ I thinks so too. I'll be jumping DF's bones then xD

Gina -aww I'm sorry gina... this is just so unfair. . Was hoping this time it stick.
I think your OB will do something. Especially if you tell her that you get pregnant but it just doesn't stay and it has happened so many times. I hope she is nice and caring. ^^good luck and let us know what she tells you ^^ I hope you get help faster then here in ireland though. I've been waiting for my blood results for 3 weeks now and apparently they are still not in.