Found this article on the sun website - what are you thoughts

[purpleblond]

Apologies if this has been said (haven't read the whole thread) even if she has a girl, there is no guarantee she will want to wear make-up, wear dresses etc. My ten year old daughter is a complete tom boy, wears jeans and trainers etc but is happy. If you really desperately want a daughter, want one for the right reasons, not because you want to dress them in pretty clothes.

Any baby is a blessing, whether they be a boy or girl.

 

[smokey]

I think that as a mother, there are some feelings worth hiding. Her boys shouldn't ever have to know this. This woman should be talking to a therapist in an attempt to overcome these mental issues, not a national newspaper. Her husband has a lot to answer for too, these extreme feelings shouldn't have been justified by him.I think that gender preference is normal, in so far as thinking 'I would really like x or y, but a healthy baby of either sex would make me incredibly lucky.' I think if it goes beyond that, into the realms of depression or gender selection, then this will have an immediate and detrimental effect on your family and you have an obligation as a mother/potential mother to address the issue.

Sorry if my views offend you.

For the most part I agree with you, proffesional help would be alot more helpfull then public broadcasting especialy when I think gender dissapointment is very much an emotional mental state.
However the bolded bit did make me giggle, how on earth can her husband have any say in how she feels or her emotions?
"get back in the kitchen women and stop expresing emotion"
Maybe he feels the same way or at least exepts that she is feeling this way and wants to do anything to help her, most husbands/partners who dont completly understand these things take pnd and pmt for example just try to not get in the way and bring a cup of tea when needed while others would move heaven and earth to make their partner feel better even if it is the right things for the wrong reasons

 

[Lellow]

Gender selection is wrong, however in some cases gender disappointment can be a really serious issue for some.

People need to just be grateful for what they are given, there are people out there who'd kill to have ANYTHING.

 

[Nic1107]

I absolutely agree that people, ideally, should be grateful for any gender of child they are given (which she has stated that she is, grateful to have her boys). But the again, I have suffered from depression in the past, and probably now. I'm healthy, married, have a roof over my head, a job, nice clothes, a nice car, and big family and a beautiful healthy little girl. I should be grateful for all that and not be depressed for a second because I've got a world of things other people would kill for. And I am grateful for that, I haven't always had it so good and my daughter lights up my life. But alas, depression anyway; brain chemicals and all that.

Gender disappointment is also based on brain chemistry and is not something that can be turned off with a switch or the power of positive thinking. It's a slap in the face to anyone with any form of chemical imbalance to be told "just get over it" or "change your thinking". If that was possible, there'd be no such thing as mental health disorders in the first place.

That said, I agree wholeheartedly that the first place this woman should have turned is- for the sake of her own sanity, that of her family, and that of any future children- to a psychotherapist before a fertility doctor and a national newspaper. I personally believe that she shouldn't be admitted to a fertility clinic until she is screened clear of any mental issues related to childbearing or parenting (within reason, ykwim?). It would be so easy to say that I wish she could just have a procedure that will give her a daughter and then she'll be all happy, but that would be totally throwing her underlying issues under the rug and chances are that something else will pop up in their place. There is no easy answer and I really feel for this woman if she never has a daughter- I can't imagine not having a daughter either; the maternal line in my family is incredible and I feel I'd be upset not to continue it. But cold logic knows that an 'easy fix' isn't what this woman or her family need, and part of me also would, quite honestly, grit my teeth a bit at having some of the clinic's time and resources taken away from women who need to be there in order to have any children at all.

 

[smokey]

I couldnt possibly imagine saying to someone with PND "get over it"

 

[PepsiChic]

I think gender disappointment is real and awful for those that get it, but this women and what she plans to do is awful.

I think this post here sums everything up perfectly to me. Its terrible that she feels the way she does. So yes no doubt she would of been disappointed and upset at every scan to see she was having a boy.

but after 3 mc's, and 5 boys, you would of thought she'd of stopped trying now because surely the heartache is not just taking its toll on her? I mean how must her boys and husband think about this? And the oldest child, what will the other parents and their kids think once they've read that article in the sun and then go talking about it in school? telling him his mummy doesnt want him because he isnt a girl?

yes thats not true she loves him and does want him, but thats whats going.

she just wanted $$$$$, thats the only reasons he decided to go to the sun, and THATS whats selfish, because by doing that shes put her whole family under that spotlight with some very negative feedback. and thats just so unfair to her boys.

 

[peanut56]

The issue here for me is NOT the gender disappointment - it's how FAR she's taking it and the adverse effect it is going to have on her 5 boys.

 

[StaceyPreedy]

I don't think its terrible when a women is a little upset for a while that it wasn't a boy or a girl, but to have 5 children (unless she wanted 5 children) is silly just to have a girl. I wanted a boy and i have two children, i wanted 3 (due to the last birth im sticking with two) but at each scan i had a few days of feeling a bit down and then i picked myself up by thinking of shopping with my daughter and buying her cute outfits. I did the same with my second pregnancy and i had a miscarriage only one month before i became pregnant again. But you can't help it if your a little dissapointed. I would never take back either of my girls and if i ever did have a third i would actually want another girl, seems unfair having two girls one boy lol, but she seems REALLy bothered by it which i think is wrong. Accept and move on and be happy with what you have, yes we can feel sad about not having a boy or girl but come on, you have 5 children. Bet she wouldn't have had 5 if she had a girl to begin with. Its not fair on the ones she has.

 

[babyjiva]

i think it's fine she feels this way and normal even. she really wants a girl, she has 5 boys...how else should she feel? it''s not as if she doesn't love her boys

 

[venusrockstar]

I think it's horrible. She should be happy she was blessed with any babies considering so many women can't even get pregnant.

 

[rwhite]

While I completely and utterly agree that submitting her story really was not good tact on her part (and that is awful, considering her sons might see the article and get the wrong idea), I do find the comments on the woman's feelings (not her actions, as I get those) a little unfair.

Nic, you have made some fantastic points, as have you smokey. Gender disappointment is on par with PND, it is all about chemical imbalance and life experiences. It is something one cannot help, nobody WANTS to have gender disappointment. Nobody WANTS to be upset about the gender of their baby, where's the fun in that?! You can sit down at your computer and type out whatever you want about just getting on with it, but at the end of the day I can tell you it's much easier said than done...and much easier on the outside looking in and judging, I'm sure.

With most people that have gender disappointment/gender desire, the sadness is not about the baby itself but the feeling of a dream lost if they feel that they may not ever experience that other gender, or their family is just somehow not how they imagined it would be. Somebody may have always dreamt of raising a son, or raising a daughter, (or a certain number of genders even) and for whatever reason may not be able to - whether that's because of limited money, trouble conceiving, age and other issues.

This woman did state that a daughter would be a wonderful addition alongside her sons, not that she would replace her sons or love her daughter more than her sons. For my own reasons, I had a very strong preference for a girl when I was pregnant with my little boy. Yes it is rare to have gender disappointment with your first child, but it is very real and I wouldn't wish this on anybody. I was sad, and I am still dealing with all this even now, but I would not trade my son for anything in the world, I adore him and love that he's a boy and would happily take ten boys but it doesn't mean that I wouldn't be sad not having a daughter alongside them. Same can be said if I had all daughters and no sons. I feel very lucky and blessed to have all that I have and have a happy, healthy, beautiful little boy.

I hope I made some sense, and I am sorry if I offended anybody's view points...and sorry for the essay

This is just a very sore spot for me. I do like that the conversation was mostly civilised because often people are very harsh and quick to judge something they have no understanding of. But some of the words being tossed around were in my opinion uncalled for.

 

[babyjiva]

people are acting as if she's somehow
ungrateful
doesn't love her boys
isn't happy etc.

dang people, she wants a little girl and can't have one so she's trying something new. it ain't no thang. i mean, she's not trading in one of her sons or something. what's the big deal?

 

[elephant29]

Gender selection is so scary! Imagine what could happen in China if they made this legal! There would be no women left (or maybe just the small amount needed to reproduce) and if this spread....end of the world!! Ok maybe a bit dramatic but it could happen! (Sorry to any Chinese people, no offense intended, just used China as an example)

Anywho. This woman has every right to wish for a daughter. It's her own, personal want. It has nothing to do with how much she loves her boys.

GD is a recognised mental illness. It's not fair to call her disgusting for this. I agree that she shouldnt have went to the sun, and she shouldnt be considering gender selection but everything else is entirely up to her.

xxx

 

[hpjagged]

Wonderfully put rwhite!
Not nice hearing you are stupid and vile and sick on here, because we longed for something we've always wanted!

 

[kawaiigirl]

Gender selection is definately wrong!!! But I understand she just really wants a little girl. I think enough is enough though, she has 5 healthy boys and should just focus on them. Some people struggle to even have one baby. Very sad.....

 

[minties]

While I completely and utterly agree that submitting her story really was not good tact on her part (and that is awful, considering her sons might see the article and get the wrong idea), I do find the comments on the woman's feelings (not her actions, as I get those) a little unfair.

Nic, you have made some fantastic points, as have you smokey. Gender disappointment is on par with PND, it is all about chemical imbalance and life experiences. It is something one cannot help, nobody WANTS to have gender disappointment. Nobody WANTS to be upset about the gender of their baby, where's the fun in that?! You can sit down at your computer and type out whatever you want about just getting on with it, but at the end of the day I can tell you it's much easier said than done...and much easier on the outside looking in and judging, I'm sure.

With most people that have gender disappointment/gender desire, the sadness is not about the baby itself but the feeling of a dream lost if they feel that they may not ever experience that other gender, or their family is just somehow not how they imagined it would be. Somebody may have always dreamt of raising a son, or raising a daughter, (or a certain number of genders even) and for whatever reason may not be able to - whether that's because of limited money, trouble conceiving, age and other issues.

This woman did state that a daughter would be a wonderful addition alongside her sons, not that she would replace her sons or love her daughter more than her sons. For my own reasons, I had a very strong preference for a girl when I was pregnant with my little boy. Yes it is rare to have gender disappointment with your first child, but it is very real and I wouldn't wish this on anybody. I was sad, and I am still dealing with all this even now, but I would not trade my son for anything in the world, I adore him and love that he's a boy and would happily take ten boys but it doesn't mean that I wouldn't be sad not having a daughter alongside them. Same can be said if I had all daughters and no sons. I feel very lucky and blessed to have all that I have and have a happy, healthy, beautiful little boy.

I hope I made some sense, and I am sorry if I offended anybody's view points...and sorry for the essay

This is just a very sore spot for me. I do like that the conversation was mostly civilised because often people are very harsh and quick to judge something they have no understanding of. But some of the words being tossed around were in my opinion uncalled for.

I totally agree! Gender disappointment to me isn't disappointment at what you've GOT, it's disappointment and what you feel you have LOST.

I tried 8 years before conceiving Thomas, I always wanted a boy. My fertility is so low and OH and I (at the time of pregnancy) only ever wanted one baby. So despite the fact that I wanted a boy, I felt this sad pang at the scan where I was told that he was a boy.

I didn't want to feel like that. I was not upset he was a boy, I just realised that I wont ever have a girl, and I felt sad for the loss of a potential daughter. I always imagined a boy and a girl. Same would have happened if Thomas had been a girl, but the other way around.

Having 5 boys and desperately wanting a girl seems pretty normal to me!

 

[flubdub]

Personally, if I don't ever have a daughter, I will be absolutely devastated. It doesn't mean I don't love my son. I just desperately want a daughter one day. I don't want one to dress up and take shopping, I just feel that it would be the most wonderful thing to have a girl. I would feel equally upset if I only had daughters. I don't feel this way because I chose to. I just do. This oh you should be grateful for what you get thing because some people can't even have children is ridiculous. Of course we are all grateful for what we have but someone will always have less. Am I selfish for wanting a dishwasher when some people don't even have clean water? I have much, much more than I deserve in all aspects of my life but I can't be a quivering mass of guilt ALL day.

Well, no, because the water wont be upset that it wasnt good enough to clean your dishes

BUT

her boys will be upset, that from the very first baby, they were not what she wanted, and she has made no effort at all to make sure they never know.

 

[katy1310]

Speaking as someone who may never be able to have another baby and went through hell having Sophie arrive at 27 weeks, personally I would just be delighted to have a healthy baby, whether it was a boy or a girl. IF I got pregnant again, I would love to have a boy next time round but would be equally happy with another girl. For me, I just wanted to be a mummy and I felt like having a baby completed us, whether it was a boy or a girl.

However, I do realise that GD is a recognised illness and people can't control it. I guess it's similar to how I never thought I would get PND because I wanted to be a mummy SO much - but I have got it and couldn't control that. I do feel sorry for those boys though if they ever hear about this If it was me, I would not have gone to the papers with it...I think it's something that should be kept private because if the boys found out, I can't even imagine how it would make them feel - that's just wrong to do that to them.

 

[babyno9]

I know this lady and she is a lovely person and totally adores her boy's. She is an excellent mummy to them! I think some people are being abit harsh about her.

 

[blueX4]

I have joined this forum just to have my say in this. I have 4 boys and desperately want to have a daughter. I think what Michelle is doing is very brave, she must be a very strong person to do what she has. Im my opinion, she is raising much needed awareness. This is a REAL condition that can not be talked about and it is about time that changed! There was a time people had to hide away with PND and now it is a recognised condition. I did not read one part in the article that said she did not want or love her boys, they all look perfectly happy little cuties to me. I do not think there is any reason to feel sorry for them. I know my oldest son is absolutely desperate for a sister, with my last pregnancy we told him we were having a boy, he went to school and told everyone he might be getting a sister. Does that mean he loves his brother any less? No, it doesn't! And as for crying at her scan, so what? I was devastated at mine too, even cried! Does that mean I dont love or want my baby? Of course not! I didnt know him, I hadn't met him. There was a lot of anxiety and build up before going it to the scan, it was inevitable. Now, for the life of me I dont know why I ever wanted him to be anything other than exactly what he is, I absolutely adore him, and the others. But that doesnt change how much I want to experience bringing up a daughter. I believe gender selection should be made legal in this country, only for parents of multiples of one gender. As most people naturally get a mix, it is not going to have an impact on the population of the earth. And lets face it, I have done my bit for the male population! I am also having the procedure michelle is having, I have already tried once which failed, and will be trying again. That will be our last attempt. If it fails, we will try again naturally. Etiher way, I want another baby, if I can make it a girl, I will but will still be delighted with a boy.