funny/ embarrasing labour stories

[rachieroo]

These are hilarious... i am trying to remember some of mine, im sure there were some x

 

[sma1588]

well i had a pretty easy labor and delivery but when i was about to have her i swore i had to poo but she kept telling me it was the head, then im pushing and i look up and catch my mom looking (i told her she couldnt as i didnt even want her in there) so i told her to stop looking as i was in the middle of pushing, then i noticed my leg fat moving like crazy from shaking and told them not to look at my leg fat, then they kept saying 2 more pushes and shes out and that they see the head and i said " u said that like an hour ago!" ugh i was getting so frustrated with every1 and my mom was just pissing me off asking if i was pushing, no crap im pushing how can u not tell!!!!!!!

 

[Snufflebump]

Had to be induced - epidural

I need a wee, can I go??
Mw- not just now Sophie
( resulted in me holding myself up with arms and legs whilst DH and Mw slipped a wee bowl underneath me!)

Epi stopped working after 10 mins and didn't work after that do was on g&a

6pm - 3cm dialated
6.30pm me - I need to push
Mw- no you don't your not ready
( I repeated a few tiimes)
Mw - no you don't
DH- Sophie listen to her
Me (looks at Mw) listen to me, I either need to push or I need to poo, and i need to it now!!
Mw checks and announces " we need another nurse, we've got a baby com

 

[Snufflebump]

Coming
Me- I told you so ( whilst sticking my Tongue out at her!)

Mum- I can see Esmee's head, aww she has hair

Me (sobbing)- oh god she's ginger isn't she


After birth stitches

me- oh for Fu#k sake your cutting my vagina with your scissors OUCH stopping cutting me!!

Mw- no I'm not, and you've been numbed!!

 

[cherryglitter]

I was so high on diamorphine and G&A that I ended up talking about Shakespeare and how I used to do drama... but I was really insistent about it lol. I talked the midwife through all the parts I played when I was younger... poor woman must have been bored to death! It was all babbly-crap though, not a lot made sense lmao.

ETA - I also forgot my OH was with me I was that spaced out, I looked at him and I remember wondering how on earth he got there his poor face when I said "I forgot you were here!" bless him

i know exactly what you mean about wondering how your OH got there.
you just kind of forget! i remember him coming in at like 2 in the morning or something but i also rememebr looking at him like oh i forgot you were here

 

[babymomma37]

Wow these were great!! Ive read them all and hope theres more to come... But i thinnk im a little bit scared now

 

[Phantom710]

YAY I can finally add mine lol

1.) My epidural wore off right around the time it was getting serious so I ended up having baby without pain relief and tearing and getting stitched without pain relief as well. I remember saying the following once, but my mom who was my coach says I kept repeating it. "They lied. They told me it wouldn't hurt. They lied to me. WHY would they lie to me?" She assumed I meant the nurses, but I was meaning all the ladies I knew who said the epidural worked wonders. lol

2.) The anesthesiologist came in when they first started the epidural, and while they were poking the needle in my back she asked who my doctor was. I told her, and she said she'd pay me $100 if I poo'd on him.

3.) When the pain meds wore off, the nurse was telling me to push through the pain, I refused push "until you give me something to make it not hurt". She said "Okay, don't push." and walked away. LOL I was sure that would make her do something to fix it (even though she couldn't). Then a few contractions later I felt "the urge" and started to scream "I need to push. I need to push NOW" And she smiles and says "Oh? Now? Okay." Then walks all slowly over to help me. I would have so done the same in her situation.

4.) The other thing was I kept apologizing. I couldn't lift my legs up into the stirrups at one point. "I'm sorry". I also (although I don't remember) kept telling mom and the nurses I was sorry for yelling at them. Although mom tells me I wasn't. The doctor was stitching me up, and I even apologized for tearing.

That's all i can remember atm

 

[superbecks]

These are more embarrasing than funny but with my first daughter I had pethidine....I was laying there with my eyes shut saying I had gone blind and could someone get me an optician.....i was just sleepy lol.

With my second I lay there naked from waist down saying " I can't believe i'm laying with my fat fanny out"!!! The worst part of it is i'm now in my final year of training to be a midwife and work with the two midwives who delivered my daughters, and the second one remembers me!!!

 

[hmm]

With my labour I was convinced I needed a poo the entire time and I wouldn't let them put the cardboard container in the loo in the end I felt like I needed to poo when I had to deliver the placenta sods law the placenta dropped in the toilet bowl and I had to admit I didnt need a poo like before it was just the babys head this time is just the pressure of the placenta and to add to the story the midwife forgot it was there and my boyfriend had to remind her about my placenta in the loo!

 

[leannejkl]

with my first daughter i was in so much pain i hit myself on the head with the gas and air handle the midwife was so worried she asked my mum if i was mentally ok, my mum said my hand slipped lol... later as i was pushing i got annoyed and screamed 'IF ITS GOT EARS LIKE ITS DAD THEN PUT YOUR HANDS UP THERE AND FUKING PULL IT OUT!!!'.

my older sister was there at the birth of my son, she has never had any kids and says with my contrations i roared each time getting louder with the length of contrctions, going ggrrrrrrrOOOOOOOOAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR every 2 mins, when my sons head was coming out my sister looked down there and shouted 'what the fuck is that;.' the midwife replyed, 'the head' lol

 

[Trying4num2]

Oh my goodness ladies I have been laughing like. Mad-woman!!! These are brilliant. Heres mine:

I got to the hospital and the midwife was checking me and said 'ooh your waters are bulging' before she could finish 'bulging' they exploded all over her and my husband. I have never seen him move as fast  there was a lot of meconium in there so I was told I would have to be monitored. I was mortified though as it was EVERYWHERE. The midwife went to put her glasses on but as she bent to examine me again they fell off - right into the meconium!!! I had to laugh then!!!

When I was contracting i was silent but talkative in between. My husband had brought a bottle of lemon cordial and water but I just wanted water. He kept offering it me ALL the time and eventually I shouted mid contraction 'if you shove that in my face again I'm going to smack it round your head'! He then proceeded to offer it to anyone who walked through the door, even when the doctor came in to stitch me up, saying 'well she doesn't want it' I was mortified!

 

[CelticStar]

Ladies this thread is fantastic!

I've been sat here crying with laughter, farting and giggling like a school girl!

 

[duckytwins]

i have kind of a funny story, but it's not from birth. i had pre-e with the boys, so at the end of my pregnancy, i spent a lot of time in labor and delivery at the hospital, being checked. my dr. said anytime i got a headache, to go in. so one time i went in and some overzealous resident decided she wanted to do an internal. it hurt soooo bad, i was screaming, telling her to stop. after she finally stopped. i yelled, "she is NOT allowed near me again! and from now on, it's EXIT ONLY down there!"

 

[Anna2808]

I love this thread!

I've got one from my the birth of my first 7 years ago...

I had chosen not to find out gender and to keep it a surprise. Despite this we were all convinced I was carrying a girl and even named her megan. The magical labour day came and my mum was my birthing partner. After a very quick labour I gave birth to a healthy baby. I asked the mw if it was a boy or a girl and she looks to my mum to tell me. In response my mum looks at the baby's bits in shock and exclaims "it's got a willy! Is it a boy?" !!!!!

 

[baby2310]

Have just read all of these from start to finish, absolutely hilarious.
Could not stop laughing at the one who had a contraction and OH asked if wanted him to pull over and she shouted he'd trapped her f*****g finger in the door, you w****r!Cried over that one, OH had to fetch me a drink to calm down lol.

Slightly more terrified about labour now

 

[Cazlabump]

Just read them all and they made me LOL so much!! As its my first i have no stories of my own. I know a few have commented they are now terrified of labour, im now more relaxed about it, it would appear everything we'd probably be embarressed about the MW's have seen 100's of times before. Bring it on i say!! xxx

 

[Jaimie2Eyes]

I agree Cazla - sounds like there isn't much I could possibly do to shock a MW. Although this thread does make me wish we had G&A here in the states : )

 

[Blizzard]

I agree Cazla - sounds like there isn't much I could possibly do to shock a MW. Although this thread does make me wish we had G&A here in the states : )

You don't? Gosh, learn something new everyday! Also I really just used the word gosh?! I need to go to sleep! What's your first port of call for pain relief in birth then? Xx

 

[duckytwins]

Yeah I kind of wish we had it too! I bet I'd be a riot!!!

 

[midg08]

Ohh I love this... Stalking!
When I delivered my DS I was really loopy on Toradol and I went so fast they didn't have time to give me an epidural the "correct" way and they had to administer it differently Im not sure how but the anesthesiologist came in and they told me "this is Ann, Ann is going to be your best friend" I looked at my dr and I was like no the epiduural is my besh friend, then Ann." Those aren't typo's I was literally slurring my words. And then towards the end of labor, my dr was like I have to cut you, you are going to tear. I Sat straight up in the stirrups and looked at him and begged him not to cut me! It took my mom and my exhusband to push me back down on the bed. I look back now and Im glad they cut me so I didn't tear but at the time it scared the crap outta me to have them cut me lol.