funny/ embarrasing labour stories

[midg08]

When my mum was giving birth to me my Dad was floating around the delivery room getting in peoples way and not being much help. So my mum gets annoyed and shouts "FOR FUCK SACK BILL BE USEFUL OR GET THE FUCK OUT!" My Dad apparently looked like a kicked puppy so midwife took sympathy on him and then Mum rolled her eyes and said "Get down to the business end and enjoy the show" Which had everyone in the room laughing at my Dad. Poor fella

oh haha. My poor dad was wondering around the delivery room lookin all scared and worried. But once we got down to business and labor really started in, my dad bolted. Which was fine, I didn't want him in there.

 

[momto4girls]

When I was in labor with my 3rd daughter, I remember them telling me not to push, b/c my doctor was coming, he was in the parking lot. I lost it laughing at the mental image of him running across the parking lot (which he was!). Then with my son, when we were driving to the hospital, the on ramp to the highway was closed, and during mid-contraction, my husband slowed down and looked at it and then at me and said "can we even go this way?" To which I responded "who gives a **it! Unless you want your son born in this car, go around the da** cones!" (in a loud screaming voice!) He took my panic seriously, and went anyway. He's lucky he did, b/c I was 7cms arriving at the hospital, and less than 5 minutes later 10cm and on my way to a csection!

 

[Vrinda]

This was my first time


We have been trying for our baby since 3 years and our joy knew no bounds when I found I was having a baby...

So here it goes at the labor...

I gave birth just a couple of weeks ago and during one of my intense labor contractions, I looked at my husband and as if he knew exactly what I was going to say " Now you cannot go back.. " lol and I kept shouting WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME ..... NOBODY TOLD ME THIS WAS GONNA HURT SO BAD....

Once my nurse came to check me I asked her if I was going to die lol

And then we were both breathing together... yes my husband was breathing along with me almost until I gave birth !!!!



And things got even funnier... during my push (since I live in a different country with different language) the midwife was instructing me how to push-inhale push exhale- and my husband was translating back in english- it was really funny...

It was really quick with push, when baby came out, the doctor started stitching me and I was like, what are you doing there? She said episiotomy ahhh, she cut me without telling me before, I didnt really expect that....

 

[ingram27]

With my first whilst on gas and air another girl started screaming and I remember shouting shut up bitch... This is so unlike me I also ripped my husbands jeans and nearly kicked my mum halfway across the room mid contraction!!! Haha high on gas and air apparently I told everyone that my sister would love labour as when she goes out her legs are always a kimbo!!!!! Pahaha have no idea why I said it as she has a fiancé and her legs aren't always open ooops x x

 

[mummydeb]

With my first whilst on gas and air another girl started screaming and I remember shouting shut up bitch... This is so unlike me I also ripped my husbands jeans and nearly kicked my mum halfway across the room mid contraction!!! Haha high on gas and air apparently I told everyone that my sister would love labour as when she goes out her legs are always a kimbo!!!!! Pahaha have no idea why I said it as she has a fiancé and her legs aren't always open ooops x x

lmao you turned into a slight psyco then

 

[Jaimie2Eyes]

Blizzard - I'm not as educated about U.S. hospital births because I've been planning and working towards a birth center affair. They have some mild narcotics at the birth center but you have to take them fairly early as they won't administer them later in labor. At the hospitals I think an epidural is your main pain relief option - are there any other pain relief options in the states that I've missed?

 

[Emma1987]

These stories are all hilarious, given me such a laugh reading them!

Now slightly worried about what I'm going to be like in labour!!

 

[whirlwind]

These are more embarrasing than funny but with my first daughter I had pethidine....I was laying there with my eyes shut saying I had gone blind and could someone get me an optician.....i was just sleepy lol.

With my second I lay there naked from waist down saying " I can't believe i'm laying with my fat fanny out"!!! The worst part of it is i'm now in my final year of training to be a midwife and work with the two midwives who delivered my daughters, and the second one remembers me!!!

HILARIOUS! I love it!

 

[muddles]

These stories are very funny.

My labour was somewhat speedy (I didn't realise I was in labour and had only gone to be examined as I had started bleeding) so it all seems funny looking back.

We arrived at the hospital (6:10am) and my waters broke in the car park in front of a group of blokes smoking. I was then told to go to the loo and get comfy but as I sat down to try and wee I couldn't as I felt this weird pushing sensation so i panicked and then got stuck in the toilet! By the time my H went to get someone I had got myself out of the toilet A student was sent to see me as I had been in the hospital less than 5 minutes and she promptly sent for another midwife. I was examined and told was fully dilated My response to this was 'I can't be in labour and ready to push I haven't had any drugs' I was holding my little boy at 6:49am

Funniest memory of labour was when I was having stitches (2nd degree tear) and the clamp on the lamp the midwife was pointing at my bits wasn't working so my H had to hold the lamp up whilst trying not to look as he is so squeamish Then towards the end of them a senior midwife came to check the students work and so I look down and there is my H holding the lamp and trying not to look, a student and a senior person all looking at my bits and discussing them.

Oh and my first question after my son was born (we were on team yellow) wasn't is it a boy or girl it was 'does the baby have hair?'

 

[Phantom710]

At the hospitals I think an epidural is your main pain relief option - are there any other pain relief options in the states that I've missed?

You can have a drug in your IV as well. But those are pretty much it, unless you are going the natural route. A lot of hospitals now provide birthing balls and allow you to be in the shower if you want.

 

[katerdid]

Omg love this thread, dunno how I never found it before! I just read it start to end while breast feeding and I was trying not to laugh. Ended up laughing at some of them which caused my son to make really angry grunting noises cuz my boob kept jiggling

I have a few funny stories myself:

The first time I was waiting in triage for pre term labor, there was another lady behind a curtain next to us and she saying "ouch" in this weird moaning voice. I told my husband she was faking it and that I was in real pain and you didn't hear me whining like a cow. He shh'ed me because I apparently said it loud enough to for her to hear! Oops!

I went out to dinner with my friends and they all joked saying my water better not break while we were eating. Low and behold, during dinner I felt really wet all of a sudden. I went to the bathroom and my undies were soaked through to my pants. I was in denial cuz it wasn't the gush everyone describes so I didn't tell anyone, just was glad for dark wash jeans, and made a pad of toilet paper. I even went out for coffee afterwards! I got home a couple hours later, still leaking, and told my hubby who made us go straight to L&D. Sure enough, my waters had ruptured! I sent a txt to my friends: "B****es jinxed me! My water broke!"*

I had black nail polish and heavy makeup from going out and kept apologizing to all my nurses for looking like a tramp.*

The doctor who gave me my epidural had a scrub hat on with my fav sport teams logo. I told him afterwards he was lucky he was wearing it cuz that was the only reason I trusted him.

A couple pushes in, I farted quite loudly in the doctors face. I apologized, then started laughing. My husband was so embarrassed!*

 

[Phantom710]

lmao Kait-- those are great...hahaha

 

[MiissMuffet]

Ohh I love this... Stalking!
When I delivered my DS I was really loopy on Toradol and I went so fast they didn't have time to give me an epidural the "correct" way and they had to administer it differently Im not sure how but the anesthesiologist came in and they told me "this is Ann, Ann is going to be your best friend" I looked at my dr and I was like no the epiduural is my besh friend, then Ann." Those aren't typo's I was literally slurring my words. And then towards the end of labor, my dr was like I have to cut you, you are going to tear. I Sat straight up in the stirrups and looked at him and begged him not to cut me! It took my mom and my exhusband to push me back down on the bed. I look back now and Im glad they cut me so I didn't tear but at the time it scared the crap outta me to have them cut me lol.

lol the doctor said he was giving me an episiotomy i was crying not to do it, please dont do it, he said he had to as he needed to get the vontuse in, and i said no please don't and he was like "i already" have, then i was like oh ok

 

[Charlie_x]

omg this thred has just been epic i have sat here all afternoon reading every single page! i have laughed and cried so much!

heres a few from me

With DS1 i was heavy on the gas and air i thought i sounded like Lee Evans so i was "Omigod i sound like Lee Evans" and then id produce to laugh not stop

My other fave one was this jamacian midwife came in (along with my other mw) and she was saying in a very heaverly jamaican accent "You got to push now, let go of da gas and air" she annoyed the hell out of me at the time but we laugh about it all the time

another one was after when they were stitching me up i asked the woman if she could give me an extra stitch she told me she couldnt lol and i remember there was a student midwife in with her and she was just so glum and moody looking and i told her "arent you a moody cow" honestly she looked really young aswell i got major daggers from her for that one

another one during the start of my labour i started screaming cause yaknow thats what i thought you did and my midwife told me to stop screaming pmsl

i also accicdently punched DH the room was spinning and i put my hand out to see if he was moving and accendtly did it the midwife shouted at me after though for hitting him lol

theres loads more but they are the ones i remember the most i haqd DS2 at home so wasnt very eventful

 

[Blizzard]

Your midmife sounds scary xxx

 

[puppycat]

Oh girls this has been THE funniest thread ever! Thanks for all the laughs!

So some of mine:

When we got to the Midwifery Unit (MLU) I was 2com and sent home - DH was fecking nagging me to go in the second time I was still 2cm so the MW left us saying it'd be an age, an hour later cue me mooing on the bed - MW walks in and hears me immediately runs out 'I'll just go and fill the pool'. Makes me smile looking back.

In the pool DH tells me I kept dropping the G&A in the pool, then when it came to breathing it I kept choking on the water stuck in there. He held it in the end.

The MW was scooping my floaties out, in the end I was picking them up with my hands and handing them to her

When I had Laura I sat up on the side of the pool for the placenta, they stabbed me in the leg with a needle to bring it on - I was shattered! Cue the MW pulling a little on the cord - it explodes and we're all covered in blood - it was like a horror film but my word I laughed my ass off! It was everywhere!

I do remember kicking DH in the face when he was falling asleep on the bed next to me (double bed) and saying 'don't you f**kin dare!!'

 

[vix1972]

This has cheered me up no end. Very funny stories. Heres mines from nearly 16 years ago...

Pulled up outside maternity entrance and my mum said oh look they have a lovely xmas tree my reply was sod the bloody tree!

My dad turned up with exhusband and after MW had broken my waters he said he had something to relax me. I followed him out the room and down the corridor and showed me a tank with fish in I gave him a withering look said 'they are fish dad!' and walked back to the delivery room.

At one point I yelled at exhusband that all he was getting for xmas was a box tissues and a pamela anderson poster as he was never getting near me again!

A student midwife kept coming in to monitor me and at one point I sighed loudly and said WTF do you want now! (felt so bad she was a nice person too)

Another MW kept trying to give me a mirror to see the baby's head crowning and after she had said it a few times I said loudly 'ok give me the f**ing mirror anything to shuit you up!' I then got the mirror saw my DD's head prodded it lightly and said urghh loudly.

I was put on a drip to keep me going and kept knocking it out by waving my arms around too much so it was messy. I had a student midwife holding one leg ok and another mw on the other. I am quite flexible and this mw was pushing my leg back so hard and far it hurt for over a day and when she came to see me on the ward I was really surly with her as my leg was only thing that hurt!!!!

Oh and when my DD was on her way out I started begging for a c section as i couldnt do it anymore!!!

 

[pk2of8]

These really are totally hilarious!!! Thank you, ladies, for sharing these moments!

I guess the funniest thing that happened to me was during labor for my ds. I was about 35 and a half weeks and had been struggling with preterm labor for months. We went to the hossy again early that morning for contractions and doc decided to induce as my bp was up dangerously high and not responding to anything to lower it. So they broke my water and within less than 2 hours I was ready to push. Nurse came in and told me to push "a little" to move baby down some while they were waiting for the doc. I poo'ed immediately and I was totally mortified!! I kept apologizing, but the nurse was amazingly sweet and just matter of factly cleaned me up. She got called out of the room after that and before I knew it, I was ready to push ds out completely and I totally freaked out and started screaming at my ex, "he's coming!! He's coming NOW!! he's coming!!" I was completely frantic b/c the doc was only just on the l&d ward. I kept saying that "he's coming" and my ex yelled for the nurse. The nurse ran in and took a look, told me not to push. I just yelled, "what the hell do you mean don't push???" she ran out of the room to get the doc again, came right back with the doc following her. He was still getting his scrubs on. It took one push and ds was out right there...the nurse caught him!! That whole incident probably took a minute. My ex made fun of me for a LONG time after for the "he's coming!!!!!!" statements.

When I was giving birth to my first, the doc told my ex to look just as the baby's head was crowning...my ex got this horrified expression on his face. He told me later that when he saw the head crowning, it was literally just the crown of dd's head and (his words), he thought that was the full size of her head and that we were having a "midget".

This is not a labor story, but..... I had preterm labor with all of my pg's and when the every day meds wouldn't hold off the contractions anymore, we had to go to the hossy to get the heavy duty stuff to stop them. Well one time, with my first pg, the doc "snowed" me (gave me a mix of heavy narcotics to stop the labour and knock me out)... Only it didn't knock me out right away. I got very loopy and I recall talking about how amazing it was to see my own hand held out in front of my face. I remember telling my ex to look at it. I also told him to watch how slow my reactions had become and started moving my arms around. I found it fascinating apparently that I could very slowly have a thought and then even more slowly react to it and insisted my ex watch me with this process of "slow reactions" and moving my hand back and forth in front of my face. I think I still have video of it that my ex took in a box somewhere....

 

[FirstLadyM]

A couple pushes in, I farted quite loudly in the doctors face. I apologized, then started laughing. My husband was so embarrassed!*

LMAO this was hilarious. I literally LOL at work and now everyone is looking at me.

I shouldn't laugh as hard because as gassy as I've been the last few weeks I'm sure to do the same

 

[MiissMuffet]