funny/ embarrasing labour stories

[xloulabellex]

when DD was crowning i thought it would be a good idea to feel her head and got gunk all over my hand i looked at it and wiped it down DH white top saying thats f**king minging!

LOL!

 

[Nvr2Late]

Here's a story to keep you smiling!
Gas and Air had a perculiar effect on me. A case of 'Talking with no control'. I was very aware of what i was saying, but i couldn't stop myself from saying it!! It was the following...

"We have to put the flavour in the bubble gum"

"All the celebrities have fruit for faces"

Midwife-"You need to push
Me-"I cant"
Midwife-"Why not?"
Me-"I cant stop thinking about johnny depp"
Partner-"Oh thanks, that makes me feel really good about myself"
(And i wasn't thinking about johnny depp, so i really dont know why i said that!)

Also, after having Auron, being so tired with the long intence labour i passed out (i remember having him put on me and staring at him, next thing i knew it was 4hours later...) Anywho, the midwife came in and started talking to me, to be told by my partner that i was actually asleep as my eye's were partially open

OMG, I almost wet myself reading this!!! THANKS!

 

[Charlie_x]

omg girls these new ones are great!

 

[o0oCharlieo0o]

lol these are fantastic, i never really had any really embarassing labour stories, maybe this time i will lol, but with my first baby i did have something embarassing after birth lol, a man come in to do my stitches and he unexpectedly shoved his finger up my bum (being my first baby i never knew they did this and i wasnt forewarned and that was the first thing thats ever been up there LOL) i must have leaped 3 foot in the air, headbutted the metal headboard and everything lol

oh and with my second son, i was on the bed on my knees and it really hurt but they made me stay this way, so i lied and said i wanted to go to the toilet, i sat on that toilet with my g&a and mw kept askin me to go back to the bed but i refused because they said i had to go back on my knees lol, then all of a sudden i said 'HES COMIN' and had to waddle back to the bed nearly crowning lol!! 6 mins later he was born

 

[MiissMuffet]

A couple days after I had my wee girl i had a blood transfusion. My sister was there and I was sleeping. Apparently (and i do remember this vaguely) a nurse came in to change my line as i was sleeping and said "can i please borrow your arm" and i said in the most innocent sleepy voice "yup but i might need it back later" My sis wont shut up about it

 

[Tantan]

when I had my first it was an emergency Section and I was put to sleep. When I came through I was talking to my sister on the phone and I kept telling her that I had a baby. Didn't tell her it was a boy (even though I knew). Then I told her "ha,ha I'm skinnier than her now" (the drug done magically things)

 

[hawalkden]

First one for me was which makes me giggles. I was on diamorphine and was in and out of sleep due to the contractions coming every 6/7 minutes I was just about to go to sleep again the midwife went out the room and OH went to the toilet.
Next thing I woke up trying to find the gas and air and then realising I was on my own. I was shouting for OH; he was saying I'm okay though the bathroom door and rushing to wash his hands. Then when he came back into the room the contraction had eased off and all I said to him was in a mini baby moan 'you left me!' then I cried and fell back asleep!

Next one was again the diamorphine was making me sleepy and the midwife wanted me for something but when she woke me up I coward so high up the bed and held onto the bed guards and screamed. My face was pure shock and my heart rate went sky high. OH was laughing so hard after my adrenaline dropped I gave him the worse look ever imaginative. He didn't do anything just said sorry and I still don't know why she woke me up!

Finally after getting to 8cm (8hours of labour, impressive for first apparently) we got rushed to theatre due to Peanuts heart rate dropping. When they got him out with the forceps. The consultant didn't tell us what it was and it was up to OH telling me.

When he went over to the baby area all I heard rather loud was 'Jesus he has huge balls!' the consultant stitching me up stopped stitching for a moment and laughed then carried on but the whole theatre went silent for a second. So I thought when he said that. That we had a boy!

 

[aley28]

When he went over to the baby area all I heard rather loud was 'Jesus he has huge balls!' the consultant stitching me up stopped stitching for a moment and laughed then carried on but the whole theatre went silent for a second. So I thought when he said that. That we had a boy!

I don't know what it is with men... When my husband was calling people about the birth of our son, I heard this over and over again:
"He was born Tuesday morning. She's doing fine. We named him Ethan. He has HUGE balls!" Seriously... for weeks...

Then a friend of ours had a son, and we went to the hospital to visit them. Blah blah blah, talking about how much he weighed when he was born and stuff when the new daddy says, "I am so proud! This kid has an enormous set of balls!" And, seriously... he looked fit to burst with pride.

 

[MissFox]

my BIL said "WOW! HES AS BIG AS I AM!" when he first saw his son's junk. He also said "sorry kid, that's as big as it gets"

 

[Leopard]

G&A is awesome, absolutely loved it. Not really funny, but after I pushed LO out, OH was supposed to cut the cord, he was standing there kind of out of it and I told the midwife we was supposed to cut the cord, so she handed him the scissors, he stared at them for a full minute before it clicked what it was.

Oh and when they first showed me LO my first comment was 'oh she's cuter then I expected!'

 

[MarcsMrs]

Well girls you have cheered me up no end!!! Stuck in bed with high BP & spent all afternoon reading this thread!!!

 

[griffinh]

im in the tww and i have to say i spent my whole evening wetting myself laughing with these! xx

 

[bumphenders]

I totally love all of these, Trying my hardest not to laugh out loud while i was reading these at half 5 this morning.

Its safe to say in April when I have LO I'll have a far few stories to tell

Thanks for sharing..They have made me a little less scared of labour haha

 

[Whitbit22]

So glad I read these.. thanks ladies! Have to subscribe now

 

[mcsmyth1]

Lol I read this whole thread the other night and nearly woke OH up from laughing so loudly. It's great to be able to find humour in what is maybe the biggest and sometimes scariest experience in our lives...

I have not given birth (but really looking forward to it!) but I thought I could share a story about my mum when she was having me (1989).

My mum was 19 at the time and has such a low pain threshold its unreal. They gave her all sorts, pethadine, diamorphine, gas and air, epi which didnt work, so the MW's decided she would have to be knocked out as I was down the birthing canal but mum couldnt push me out.

So mum wakes up the next day to see me and I've a head like a rugby ball from the forceps, and the MW's gave her some pain relief. Apparently while a friend of hers (also in giving birth) passed my mums room, she was sitting up doing breathing exercises trying to push out a baby she had already had.

 

[gypsy1981]

Just subscribing to this thread as I think it's hilarious Can't wait to give birth to my baby and experience all of this for myself!

 

[Skippy54]

I gave birth to my beautiful little girl 2 weeks ago and while trying to push her out they put my legs in stirrups, when I seen my feet I burst out crying cause I hadn't painted my toe nails! Also, as the baby crowned, my OH thought it would be funny to tell me the baby was ginger, to which I scream at him to f*ck off and I completely refused to push anymore until my MW and sister reassured me the baby wasn't ginger (sorry if that offends any ginger people, but the joys of being high on gas and air huh?)

 

[ayeshasi]

Haha, fantastic!

 

[Nimbus]

oh packed some random cds for us... first one he selected was a random mix, turned out to be super old...

man i feel like a woman, shania twain...

mid contraction, first puff on gas and air, my reaction was to tell him no with my lowered gas induced voice... very funny.

 

[leigh5tom]

I haven't given birth yet, but my mum tells me when she had me, she was all light headed from the gas and air, and the midwife was asking her a question, but she just kept shouting out 'THE FISH ARE FLAPPING!!!' hahahaha :') think I'll shout it out whilst I'm in labour just to take the piss hahah xxxxx