funny/ embarrasing labour stories

[ellebelle]

I don't know what was affecting me most: a shot of morphine or my utter exhaustion, but it took me over an hour and a half to push out my twins and I remember part way through apologizing profusely for "having such a BORING birth".

 

[BrokenfoREVer]

Oh, another one for my mum, I had a lovely midwife and a horrible one that kept popping in. Anyhow, she looks in to ask how I am & I say I'm fine & my mom says she's feeding me. Horrible midwife snaps her head off telling her I mustn't eat in case I have to go to theatre. My mom is there like... she's had no sleep since tuesday, it's now Friday & she's knackered, she needs energy. Horrible midwife is like NO FOOD!

All that over a frigging custard creme!

I didn't go to theatre & it took them 3 hours once he was born to get me any food. I was not impressed

 

[MiissMuffet]

Oh, another one for my mum, I had a lovely midwife and a horrible one that kept popping in. Anyhow, she looks in to ask how I am & I say I'm fine & my mom says she's feeding me. Horrible midwife snaps her head off telling her I mustn't eat in case I have to go to theatre. My mom is there like... she's had no sleep since tuesday, it's now Friday & she's knackered, she needs energy. Horrible midwife is like NO FOOD!

All that over a frigging custard creme!

I didn't go to theatre & it took them 3 hours once he was born to get me any food. I was not impressed

mean lady! lots of ladies snack while in labour!!

 

[pipsbabybean]

i got a quick one to add.. my dh was taking my tens machine off so i could get in the pool.. turned it UP instead of OFF didnt he... well any one who has used one or an abs belt will no just what i mean.. thank god i wasnt having a contraction at the time . he got the filthiest look afterwards the bugger!!

 

[OliviaRae]

walking into the entrance of the hosptial my DH stood on the back of my flip flop by accident and i almost fell over right outside the security office so i grabbed his nipple n growled at him.

hahaha!

 

[katerdid]

Keep 'em coming ladies!!

 

[Whitbit22]

Oh, another one for my mum, I had a lovely midwife and a horrible one that kept popping in. Anyhow, she looks in to ask how I am & I say I'm fine & my mom says she's feeding me. Horrible midwife snaps her head off telling her I mustn't eat in case I have to go to theatre. My mom is there like... she's had no sleep since tuesday, it's now Friday & she's knackered, she needs energy. Horrible midwife is like NO FOOD!

All that over a frigging custard creme!

I didn't go to theatre & it took them 3 hours once he was born to get me any food. I was not impressed

It is very important to eat in labor! The only reason they used to withold food is because of the anesthesia they used during C-sections. They now routinely use epidurals, definitely not knocking you out! Mean people!!

 

[MissFox]

My EMCS was with GA. After 2 failed epidural and failed spinal.so it sometimes is a good thing to not eat.

 

[jess1983]

I just love these stories can't wait until I have another one to put on here

 

[stardust599]

My encamped was with GA. After 2 failed epidural and failed spinal.so it sometimes is a good thing to not eat.

Yes, humans and animals naturally fast for labour too. Most mammals will go off their food for a day or two before labour begins.

Of course if you are having a very long and difficult early labour you need to have some light, energising snacks to keep you going!

 

[frangi33]

I've not got any to add yet but am loving these - its nice to be a little light hearted I think sometimes

 

[MrsH1980]

In the throes of labour and high on gas and air I looked at my husband quite seriously and told him to ask John Travolta to get me a cold sprite from the machine XD

 

[Gemmamuk]

I was induced 5 weeks ago and after ten hours had asked for a bath to ease my back pain.
The nurse ran it and took me into the room and she left. I got in and it was Luke warm - how was that gonna help??? So I let the water out and ran a normal temperature bath lol!!!

Id felt sick earlier on with the pain, and Later on in the night whilst in the bath, I called my oh and asked for the sick bowl and started vomiting violently. My oh panicked and was looking around and instead of pressing the call nurse button, pulled the emergency cord - and ten seconds later about 15 people came running into the bathroom to find me completely naked in my hot bath puking into a bowl

3 days later I woke in the morning to see my consultant at the foot of my bed. She said that next time I fall pregnant to call her secretary rather than wait for a referral. I said thank you very much and she laughed so I asked what was so funny and she said that on the night of delivery when she mentioned next one I told her to piss off as I'd be adopting the next one!! Lol

I also seemed to develop a severe case of Tourette's while having the epidural put in lol!

 

[LisK]

My oh panicked and was looking around and instead of pressing the call nurse button, pulled the emergency cord - and ten seconds later about 15 people came running into the bathroom to find me completely naked in my hot bath puking into a bowl

Haha OMG I would have strangled my husband if he did that.

 

[pinkribbon]

Here's a story to keep you smiling!
Gas and Air had a perculiar effect on me. A case of 'Talking with no control'. I was very aware of what i was saying, but i couldn't stop myself from saying it!! It was the following...

"We have to put the flavour in the bubble gum"

"All the celebrities have fruit for faces"

Midwife-"You need to push
Me-"I cant"
Midwife-"Why not?"
Me-"I cant stop thinking about johnny depp"
Partner-"Oh thanks, that makes me feel really good about myself"
(And i wasn't thinking about johnny depp, so i really dont know why i said that!)

Also, after having Auron, being so tired with the long intence labour i passed out (i remember having him put on me and staring at him, next thing i knew it was 4hours later...) Anywho, the midwife came in and started talking to me, to be told by my partner that i was actually asleep as my eye's were partially open

I had a moment like that! Only mine was something along the lines of:

"myleen klass is trying to steal the limelight do you not agree"

Strange considering everyone was quiet and I just came out with that

 

[Leah and Ty]

With Sierra I was in labour for 19hrs. I decided to have a natural birth, no drugs. And boy do I regret it! I was apparently very amusing to all the staff! I can't remember exactly what I said, but my friend who delivered Sierra, and also delivered my nephew said I came out with the funniest things. The typical "You did this to me" kinda thing directed at my hubby, whilst pulling very strange faces! And then the midwife said I was soing great, and I snapped back at her "Well explain great to me, cause you always fucking seem to say to all the fucking women are doing great! And If I were doing great this bloody watermelon would be outta me by now!!!!" and then a little while later when they could see the head my hubby jokingly said "It's octuplets honey" and I screamed back at him "Octuplets! Octuplets!!!! For fuck sake Tyler you shithead! Take this seriously or go crawl in to a hole and die".
I was a very angry person when I was in labour, as you can tell!
Oh and also, Ty wanted to film everything. And as we were leaving the house to go to the hospital Ty had the camcorder out filming instead of helping me up into our cherokee. So I screamed at him" Ty, help me into the car or else i'll shove that camera where the sun don't shine!!!!!".............. Can't wait to show that video to Sierra. I'm pretty sure Ty filmed Sierras birth too, not sure what exactlyy he caught on camera. But i'm guessing he has some pretty funny stuff!
I'm pretty sure my hubby loves his cameras more than me!

 

[Creative]

finally got to the end of this amazing thread. This is the stuff books are made of!
Thanks for all your funny stories.

Here are mine:

baby one: I was a nurse at the same hospital I had my baby in. Having gone through labour and torn quite badly, on g&A and I was told that a doctor would have to stitch me up, so I am draped and stirruped and awaiting a doctor. The door opened and in walked the doctor of my dreams (he was so good looking and we all thought he was adonis) I said "I'm so glad it's you G, I've always thought you were amazing" then reality dawned on me about where he was going and what he was there to do and I started screeching "get out you can't see that bit" Needles to say, he ended up stitching me up and told me it was ok, he'd "still respect me in the morning"

Baby two: I was pissed off at having to be in hospital with a MW who wanted me flat on my back and doing exactly what she said i should, rather than what nature told me to do. I told her I was ready to push, she told me I wasn't and that I musn't, so I didn't, but when she eventually turned to me and said ok you can push now, I very sarcastically made a puffing sound and said "there you go, another of your orders followed" I kept going pffft and my Oh was getting really embarrassed and kept telling me to push properly and it was only when they threatened to get forceps that I pushed him out in two pushes!

Baby three: Homebirth. I called the MW quite late and they came hurtling in one after another at one in the morning. The second one said "just hang on for one minute, I didn't have time to pop on my underskirt and out of her pocket she pulled said garment and proceed to put it on as my baby's head was emerging.

 

[HubscheFrau]

When my mother was giving birth to me and on the way to the hospital, it was New Years Eve, so of course there were no stores open between home and the hospital. My dad got really bad diarrhea on the way there and stopped at a gas station (which was closed) while my mom sat labouring in the car. He stood there for 20 minutes banging on the door, begging the workers inside to let him in and wound up paying them to open the doors so he could use their bathroom!

 

[tannembaum]

Wow! I would have been shouting at him to do it in a bush! Lol

 

[mum2millsxx]

These were all brilliant Iv sat here and laughed my way through them all xxx