funny/ embarrasing labour stories

[AmyR]

Haha! With me my water broke and sent me into INSANE contractions right at shift change for the nurses, I was bent over the head of the hospital bed sucking in laughing gas and my WHOLE butt was out and in the air so my new nurse met me that way for the first time and I remember saying in between 2 horrible contractions "Im sorry you had to see me this way" HAHAHAHA!

 

[mandwrx]

During my 2nd labour, the birthing rooms were full and I was labouring on the sofa in the waiting room, feeling very uncomfortable. My mother arrived and had brought my 3 year old half-brother with her. It was 3am and he was understandably grizzly demanding and cranky. I was completely outraged - who brings their child to a birth? and wanted to kick him. Honestly, every time he cried and whinged I imagined kicking him and tried to stretch out my legs as far as I could toward him during every contraction. Fortunately my labour only lasted 3 hours and I never kicked any children

 

[lesleyann]

Nothing funny to add, dont no if im happy about that or not but I still love reading these stories!!

The only thing I could add is I had a homebirth, so the midwife asked Oh to hold the light so she could check to see if i needed stiches, after he told me there are certain things a partner should never do even though he watched her be born and was fine with that bit

 

[lins86]

Oh my god I love this thread! I don't have any funny stories yet (maybe in June when my LO is due!) but am subscribing to this thread immediately!!!!! Keep 'em coming! xx

 

[SmallTownUSA]

OK, it's taken me all day to read through these, but well worth it! All of your stories have been very inspiring. It's amazing how it's human nature to find hilarity in the most serious of situtations.

It's been 10 years since my first/last baby, but I think I can vaguely remember...

I was about 1 hour into my pushing (I think I ended up having to push for 2 hours...very tiring) when I hear a nurse say "Uh oh!" I panic a bit thinking that something has gone horribly wrong only to see a nurse rushing towards my MOM (who had been holding my right leg for me). She grabs my mom by the shoulders and walks her over to the couch to sit down...apparently she had been about to pass out because she was trying to breath through my contractions FOR ME!!! LOL, I'm thinking c'mon Mom, you don't need to be the center of attention ALL the time!!!

Keep the stories coming!

 

[Sandy1222]

i'm not sure if this is very funny but....
my husband ordered in jimmy johns for dinner and sat on the couch eating VERY loudly while i was waiting for my epidural.
i glared at him and told him i hoped he choked and died on that sandwich.
the nurse then asked him to finish eating outside for my sake

LMAO!!!! i think i would have said the same thing!!

 

[redstiletto]

A few hours after my LO was born I was given percocet for the afterpains. Well, DH invited our ENTIRE family and friends and even their friends came to visit. Hubby is an RN at the hospital I gave birth to so they were very relaxed with us and did not give us any limitations. I swear there was like 30 people in my room at once. While everyone was playing "pass the baby," I got really really nauseous and vomited over everything. Gross. I was mortified. Then I realized I had forgotten to close the bathroom door and I think a few people saw the bloody mess I left in there. It was a murder scene lol. I was mortified!

 

[crazylilth1ng]

Tee hee, these are very funny!
Mine is more of a post baby story, I had a third degree tear and had really bad uncontrollable wind for a while, about 3 days after birth the midwife came round to check my stitches.
I has to lie on my side and she lifted my bum cheek, yep you guessed it, I trumpt right in her face! Was mortified...

Awww Hun, I feel your pain.

when I had Sofia, I was examined and pronounced 7cm. One contraction later my babys heart rate dipped so they rolled me onto my left side. With the next contraction I felt her drop into the birth canal and was pushing uncontrollably. The midwife thought that I was pushing too soon due to only being at 7 literally minutes ag so she lifted my right leg to take a look, bent down and I let rip/farted (accidentally of course) right in her face!

I was mortified, but I don't think she cared as I was right and the head WAS coming!

 

[cahgirl87]

I remember reading this thread last week and thought I would add my my story since I just gave birth yesterday

When I got to the Birth Cottage the only place I really wanted to be was in the bathroom. I would lay down on the bed but every time I would have a contraction I would get up and go to the bathroom. At one point I was sitting on the toliet and started yelling pretty loudly... I felt like I needed to poo and then the feeling just kind of went to the front. So the student midwife came in and when she saw me she asked me if I was pushing. I was but looked right at her and said 'no, I'm not pushing'... It was quite obvious that was a lie and when the other midwife came in and asked if I was pushing I again said 'no'. She gave me a weird look and then I said 'ok, maybe I am pushing a little bit'. I have no idea why I didn't just say yes in the first place.

Another moment was when I was in transition and was thrashing around like a crazy person... I was holding on to my OH's arm/hand and grabbed it close to me and started biting him... The midwife told me 'no biting!' Lol

When my LO was crowning my mom exclaimed 'oh my gosh... he has so much hair!' I looked up at her from my contraction and told her to 'Shut up!' Oops, sorry mom! haha... when I was pushing I just wanted complete silence.

 

[mummydeb]

well had my baby boy 2wks ago and only embarrasing story i have was i pooped several times, i was well aware i did it aswell took an hour to push him out and every time i tried i just kept saying ' omg i just pooed again' i only had gas and air but i swear it made me strange for an hour after, as mil and sil came in half hour after i had him and i told them i kept pooing so ashamed lol asked bf if he seen and he so kindly told me no but he smelt it

 

[MiissMuffet]

During my 2nd labour, the birthing rooms were full and I was labouring on the sofa in the waiting room, feeling very uncomfortable. My mother arrived and had brought my 3 year old half-brother with her. It was 3am and he was understandably grizzly demanding and cranky. I was completely outraged - who brings their child to a birth? and wanted to kick him. Honestly, every time he cried and whinged I imagined kicking him and tried to stretch out my legs as far as I could toward him during every contraction. Fortunately my labour only lasted 3 hours and I never kicked any children

lol thats funny

 

[pumpkin613]

Thank you for the stories ladies. It definitely is making me feel better about birth. I hope to have a funny story of my own within the week.

 

[NaturalMomma]

With ds2 we had a homebirth and when I was pushing I was standing in my living room and my DH was behind me helping to support my perineum. Before ds2's head came out I pooped right in DH's face, his face was literally an inch away and it landed basically in his lap. The MW just scooped it up with a towel. After I birthed ds2 and my placenta came out we went to the bedroom. That was the first time I saw DH's pants and I said "wow, I sure did make a mess on you". His pants had a lot of fluid on them, which I can only assume is amniotic fluid and pee, I know I peed a few times. There was no blood on him though as I hardly bled. He still has his pants and we call them the Birth'n Jeans.

 

[Lownthwaite]

These are brilliant! I've not got time to post mine now but will come back when I do!

 

[whirlwind]

I had just given birth w/ no drugs/epidural and was pushing out the placenta. i noticed that OH had a very shocked look on his face as doctor was pulling on the cord, the placenta slid out as i pushed and I cried out a bit as it hurt. Later on he told me that he thought doctor was pulling out my intestines and guts and he nearly passed out. I laughed so hard, then started crying because laughing made my very sore hoo-ha throb in pain

 

[pipsbabybean]

I had just given birth w/ no drugs/epidural and was pushing out the placenta. i noticed that OH had a very shocked look on his face as doctor was pulling on the cord, the placenta slid out as i pushed and I cried out a bit as it hurt. Later on he told me that he thought doctor was pulling out my intestines and guts and he nearly passed out. I laughed so hard, then started crying because laughing made my very sore hoo-ha throb in pain

these men.. haha bless him gotta laugh aint ya x

 

[AimeeM]

I had just given birth w/ no drugs/epidural and was pushing out the placenta. i noticed that OH had a very shocked look on his face as doctor was pulling on the cord, the placenta slid out as i pushed and I cried out a bit as it hurt. Later on he told me that he thought doctor was pulling out my intestines and guts and he nearly passed out. I laughed so hard, then started crying because laughing made my very sore hoo-ha throb in pain

Now that is just too funny! I can see the resemblance to someone who doesnt know what a placenta looks like though

 

[momofone08]

When I had my csection with my DD, I had a moment. I saw the HUGE needle they used for the spinal, and burst into histeric tears and told the doc that she could just stay in. He replied with " I had a prostate exam yesterday, thats pain what are u complaining about ?"

 

[BrokenfoREVer]

Not really embarrasing for me but still

When the dr was putting in the canula thingy for my drip, she made a bit of a oops & my poor mum, who is terrified of needles looked at my hand to see blood spurting out of my hand & down my arm.

The dr then asks my mom to hold something to stop the blood while she changed something. (I was a tad out of it & not paying much attention ) My mom fair nearly passed out bless her, she did it though Brave lady, needed a sit down afterwards though.

Oh also... my mum was my early warning system for my contractions, everytime she sat down one started I think my labour was harder for her than me

 

[MiissMuffet]

Oh your poor mum lol!

i had a loong labour and in between pushes mum sat on the chair and had a nap, her eyes would start drooping and her head would nop foward then they would say right lets try again, she would snap back up and come stand by me, and then i would stop pushing and she would sit back down and it happened all over again

She also thought she would be nice and open a packet of jellybeans and they exploded all over the floor