funny/ embarrasing labour stories

[rockabillymom]

Here's a story to keep you smiling!
Gas and Air had a perculiar effect on me. A case of 'Talking with no control'. I was very aware of what i was saying, but i couldn't stop myself from saying it!! It was the following...

"We have to put the flavour in the bubble gum"

"All the celebrities have fruit for faces"

Midwife-"You need to push
Me-"I cant"
Midwife-"Why not?"
Me-"I cant stop thinking about johnny depp"
Partner-"Oh thanks, that makes me feel really good about myself"
(And i wasn't thinking about johnny depp, so i really dont know why i said that!)

Also, after having Auron, being so tired with the long intence labour i passed out (i remember having him put on me and staring at him, next thing i knew it was 4hours later...) Anywho, the midwife came in and started talking to me, to be told by my partner that i was actually asleep as my eye's were partially open

Omg I laughed so hard at this water came out my nose!

 

[Emma&Freya]

When I was on the gas and air I was pretending to be Darth Vader haha, my OH and midwife were laughing

 

[laura3103]

with my first i shouted at the midwife cause i said i need to go toilet and she told me it was just pressure when i knew i needed to poop so i told her dont tell me when i need the toilet or not i'm going ( i was connected to the machine.x)

with my little boy i was on the hormone drip and resting between contractions and i woke myself up by doing a loud fart lol. also when the doctor came in to give me a canular he really hurt me so i asked him how many times he had done it and when he said over 400 times i said done get adding noughts you mean 4 cause you are shit little did i know is when i was rushed down to have my EMCS he would be the one helping to deliever my baby ( CRINGE )

 

[littlelady23]

watching OBEM has inspired me to write my funny stories.


i was given diamorphine which just sent me crazy (i loved it!) when we were taken down to the labour ward, we put my ipod in and listened to some music. I was lying in the bed, with my arms in the air, swaying them to the music, with my eyes closed (at 6cm dialated!) OH said that i said 'god I feel like im in the dilly!' the dilly is a nightclub i used to go to when I was like 17 lol!

I also told OH that when my waters broke, it was a lot more water than i expected, that i was swimming in it and then proceeded to swim through the air.

I got given G&A, which was rubbish, just made my voice really deep, apparantly like charlie dimmock. i kept on saying I felt like charlie dimmock. yes charlie dimmock the female gardener with no bra. god knows where my brain thought that one up.

a few hours later when the diamorphine was wearing off and things were a lot less fun, i was waiting on the anaethitist to give me remyfentonal (a painkiller i would advise anyone to avoid, it was SHITE! and ran out just before pushing) and i kept on calling the anaethitist 'the man' as in 'where is the man with my drugs, can you get the man to hurry up'. my mw went on a break so another mw stepped in to cover her, a lovely small african women. OH said i just looked up at her as she walked into the room and asked 'are you the man?' she simply replied, no dear, lol!

i wasnt allowed anything to drink other than water but was absolutely dying for something fizzy for a bit of energy. i kept on waiting till the mws back was turned and 'sneakily' saying to my mum and OH "go on, give me a bit of that coke, she wont see!"

and a funny one from my mum - the mw kept asking how sore things were on a scale on 1-10 and i kept saying 10 (purely because I had forgotten any other numbers), at one point she asked and I said 10 and my mum said 'no shes not, shes a 4!' how the hell would she know lol!

finally, when i was pushing OH kept saying "put your chin on your chest" and after one long push i told him that if he told me to put my chin on my chest one more time i'd be putting my head in his face.

it all seems funny now but at the time it wasn't!

 

[tinkerbelle93]

During a quite painful contraction at home I grabbed hold of my OH's balls painfully and yelled 'Feel the pain!'

Poor man! xx

 

[BrokenfoREVer]

During a quite painful contraction at home I grabbed hold of my OH's balls painfully and yelled 'Feel the pain!'

Poor man! xx

LMAO! Oh my god, your poor OH. that is hella funny though

 

[cassarita]

Omg these are all amazing!

 

[katerdid]

During a quite painful contraction at home I grabbed hold of my OH's balls painfully and yelled 'Feel the pain!'

Poor man! xx

LMAO! Oh my god, your poor OH. that is hella funny though

 

[MiissMuffet]

I had a section so i didnt end up with many funny stories. Although i did get g & a when they put in the spinal as i was paniking and crying (very scared). I just remember laughing and the guy had to keep turning it up and down because my laughing made me move too much for them to do the spinal.

Not something i did myself- but when they broke my waters they flooded the table and evryone did a mad jump backwards (i had lots of fluid), and i got soaked up to my neck so they had to change me in theatre

I was feeling abit out of it and i remember trying to be funny when her head was out they said "she has lots of dark hair" and I said "is she dan's"? lol oops- wasn't funny. And i remember saying something about "has anyone ever said this feels nice? like an internal massage" what an egg lol.

 

[stardust599]

I can only remember a few. I was very rude and upset in labour but it's a bit funny to look back on now. I'm normally a very quiet, polite person and it's very very rare to ever hear me swear!

The MWs kept adjusting the monitors round my stomach during a contraction and having to hold me still for it. I was in extreme pain and annoyed and eventually got so fed up that I would shout + swear "Don't you fucking touch me" at them and swat their hands away everytime they came near me. In between contractions I would cry and apologise for being so horrible and rude.

When pushing my Mum kept telling me I wasn't pushing hard/long enough. My answer "Well you fucking do it then if you're so good at it". I don't think she was very amused.

 

[MissJennayee]

My nurse had came in to change the pad laying underneath of me because my water had just broke and I was so numb from the waste down I couldn't tell when I was going to fart.. sure enough she leaned over and I let out the loudest one ever right near her head
Never been so embarrassed in my life!

 

[MummyHayz1990]

i had a natural birth in the birthing centre attached to my local maternity unit, it was all very calm and serene in the early stages, i floated around the pool, progressing slowly but nicely, when suddenly all hell broke loose. Id just been checked about 25 mins before and was 4/5 cm, so we were expecting things to be a while yet... Suddenly i REALLY needed to push, midwife was telling me that it was way too early to be baby, and that perhaps i needed to use the toilet... i was sure it wasnt that, but agreed to try anyway, so got out of the pool and onto the loo. while there, transition hit, and i suddenly got SOOO hot, the student midwife ran off to fetch some ice cubes for DH to rub on my forehead etc, but when she arrived with them i grabbed a handful and shoved them into my mouth, suddenly, a HUGE contraction hit me, and i needed the G&A but had a mouthful of ice, so i spat the ice all over the floor :-o
there i was, sat on the toilet, naked, dripping wet, mooing like a cow, and spitting on the floor.. oh the shame!
turns out i went from 4/5cm to 10cm in less than a hour, and my daughter was born very soon after this!

there was also a little moment when i was pushing when i really wanted to inflict some pain on my DH, so i grabbed 'his' arm and dug my nails in as hard as a could, only to feel the arm whipped away, i opened my eyes to find that id actually injured the student midwife, and left 4 huge cuts in her arm from my nails!!

lol also just remembered that at one point the midwife made me get out of the pool to check progress, and i really didnt want to... later on, in the midst of the transition drama i said 'IM SOOOOOOOOOO SORRRY I CALLED U A BITTTTTTTTTTCCCCHHHHH' and she said 'noo u didnt, its ok' and i told her that i did, she was just out of the room at the time lol

Ohh you poor lady! Haha, aaah well, I'm sure they are all used to, just hope the student midwfie healed up nicely

 

[SIEGAL]

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there was also a little moment when i was pushing when i really wanted to inflict some pain on my DH, so i grabbed 'his' arm and dug my nails in as hard as a could, only to feel the arm whipped away, i opened my eyes to find that id actually injured the student midwife, and left 4 huge cuts in her arm from my nails!!

haha! I did the same thing. the nurse was having me hug her so I could be in the position for the epidural but I was getting the epidural at 10cm so I was in serious pain and I would squeeze her arm during the contractions and I remember he at least 4 or 5 times discreetly trying to peel my fingernails off her arm without me noticing. poor nurse she was so nice. I knew I was doing it to but couldn't stop myself

 

[DukesAngel]

I was so over it that during a contraction in the transition phase I yelled "Get this ******* out of me!" ..... crickets in the room then....

 

[jasminejo24]

my mom said after she had me and was trying to get me to go to sleep in the hospital she compleetly went blank and forgot every lulabye and nursery rhyme she had ever herd so she sang the wombles theme
i first fell asleep to "underground overground wombling free the wombles of wimbledon common are we" lol i still feel kinda relaxed wen i hear it now

 

[LostAndAlone]

lol these are so funny!!! Glad we can all laugh about it now but it was hell at the time lol!!
Going back to when i had my first over 7 years ago, i went into labour about 4am i kept going back and forth to the toilet cos i was getting really wet even tho it wasnt my waters (didnt know this at the time) then the pains started so i woke my oh who told me to get back into bed! I hit him and told him to get up now!!! We didnt have a car so had to phone for an ambulance cos it was too late to phone anyone for a lift so he was on the phone whilst i was on the floor leaning over the couch when he turned to me and says "baby, let me see you minge to see if i can see the head" !!!!!!! The operater had asked if the head was coming out or anything lol so he thought she ment he had to look and see lmao, i gave him a mouthful for saying that over the phone lol and that the head wasnt coming out, i was sooo embarrassed lol!!! i still slag him to this day for saying it and told all our friends after wards too lol. I also called the midwife a fat cow when she cut me with a pair of scissors for an episiotimy (spelling) i had an epidural and never felt a thing but i did feel that lol, i apologized afterwards but she was really fat lol, i felt bad though cos she was lovely. I can also remember after having both my girls i proudly told all my friends that i hadnt done a poo lol, it was a big deal for me as id been so worried about it lol!!!

 

[LilMrs224]

I dont have any stories {yet} of my own, however, i have some very funny ones to tell you.

I dont know how many times growing i got to hear the one about my mom in labor with me and it still cracks me up every time. My mom get pregnant with me while she was in high school and my grandparents where needless to say not happy about it. Well when she was in labor and having horrible contractions my grandfather (her father) came in to check on her and a big contraction hit and my mom started yelling "Oh God why me? What did I do?" and once the contraction ended she turned to my grandfather and said "oh yeah I remember now" lol

the next is a friend of mine. I was the godmother of her baby so my friend wanted me in the room while she was in labor. I don't know what they had given her for the pain but it was through her IV and she was just getting very loopy. So here we are just all sitting around her parents, her boyfriends parents and even some grandparents. while in walks the very pretty female nurse to check on her and read her papers and my friend says very loudly "Hey you are damn cute! Can I kiss you?" she then proceeded to grab the poor girls arm and try to pull her into the bed with her. I thought my friend's mom was was gonna pass out from embarrassment lol Once my friend got to the pushing stage she kept yelling at her doctor to "cut the damn thing out" because she was tired of pushing and in alot of pain. there where alot of funny moments that day but once it was all said and done and she didnt remember saying most of the things she did

 

[MaybBaby]

my lovely gas and air experience - A few of my choice words were 'I can't feel my teeth' 'my eyes have gone where are they?! I can't uncross them' *starts to cry* 'I want a meat feast pizza,then my son,in that order please' and after I'm out of it and in too much pain to listen a very thick accented doc is telling OH his thoughts,he barely leaves the room and I scream 'YOU DIDN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND A WORD HE SAAAAAAIIIIDDDDD!!' Lol! Oh and his personal fave which was shouted OBEM style me- 'My fanny lips hurttttttttt!' OH- 'wha? Where?' me -' IN MY FANNY HOOOOOOLLLLLEEEEEE!!! - oh the shame

 

[Lizzie K]

When it came time to push my oldest out, I kept telling them, "I have to poop. Let me up so I can go to the bathroom!" They actually physically restrained me from trying to get up. That was probably a good thing, since I had an epidural and would have probably fallen down if I tried to stand.

When my sister had her water break with her second, she called my mom. My mom walked into her house to find my sister on her hands and knees cleaning the kitchen floor where here water had broke. She kept saying, "Don't want Buck (her DH) to come home and see this. He'll freak out."

With my first, I only had the thin panty liners in the house when my water broke and I kept telling my husband I had to change it before we left for the hospital. He finally practically pushed me out the door, telling me it would be ok for the short drive. Then I threw up in the bathroom of the hospital and started cleaning it up. My husband came to check on me right as I was finishing up and he reminded me they have people to clean it.

I also called the midwife a b**** while I was pushing with my first. She insisted I wasn't pushing hard enough and stuck a couple of fingers in my rear. I told her "Get your hands out of my a**, b****!"

 

[Roxie]

ive just read the whole thread lol