funny/ embarrasing labour stories

[Scuba]

I love this thread!! Brilliant!!

I've got a wicked G&A video clip from my labour that I'll post if I can work out how lol!

Nothing really funny from my labour, most amusing parts (in hindsight!) were trying to bite the midwife mid contraction when I was reaching transition, that was when she suggested pain relief for me lol!
Other thing was once daughters head had been delivered and was outside my body, everyone was saying 'her heads out, she's got loads of hair' etc and I was hysterically crying going 'what's wrong with her? Why isn't she crying?' I had NO idea the entire baby has to be born before they cry - felt like a right donkey then lol xx

 

[LisK]

I also called the midwife a b**** while I was pushing with my first. She insisted I wasn't pushing hard enough and stuck a couple of fingers in my rear. I told her "Get your hands out of my a**, b****!"

That seems like a completely justified reaction. I think I would have said the same think - YIKES!

 

[MummyKK]

Once i got the epidural i kept doing really long drawn out farts that i had no control over! If that wasnt bad enough when thedoctorwas giving me an internal i farted right in his face!!! Eek!!!

 

[Cee108]

When the midwife was checking me for tears after LO was born, I said to her 'Stop playing with my clit - it hurts'


I have no idea why I used the word 'playing' I blame the G&A!!!

But the best part is... DH looked all offended and said 'But I'm not even touching you'

 

[Gracie W]

These are too fun. I'll be sure to come back and post mine when baba arrives. But until then, i'll just tell you my sisters delivery story.

She stayed with us for the last few weeks of pregnancy so we could take her to the hospital and all that.. So anyways, she got up in the night to get a drink, and her waters broke when she was downstairs. She screamed and my hubby jumped up and ran downstairs, forgetting he had no clothes on. And when I got down the 2 of them were in pisses laughing in the kitchen and the dog was licking up the puddle!

Then when my sister was pushing she was squeezing my DH's hand. And she dug her nails into his hand so he pulled his hand away. And she shouted at him 'Tommy you're such a bloody pussy, man up and grow some balls'. The look on his face was priceless! He looked so afraid of her!

And when the baby arrived my hubby was asked 'Daddy do you want to cut the cord' and he said 'No no no, I....' and my sister butted in 'Will someone just cut the frickin cord already, jeesh you're soooooo slow'.

Afterwards I when I was holding the baby:
Sister: You want one now Grace, Don't you? You have to have one!
My Husband: If she's anything like you in labour.. no babies!
Me: You're worse than mom, we're only just married, we'll have a baby when we're ready
Sister: *Crying* Whaaaaaaat!
My Husband: Grace, why is she crying!?"
Me: It's the drugs
My Husband: What! Drugs! You're not supposed to take drugs when you're pregnant, wouldn't it harm the baby!?!?!?!

My niece is now 3!

 

[Lief]

These are too fun. I'll be sure to come back and post mine when baba arrives. But until then, i'll just tell you my sisters delivery story.

She stayed with us for the last few weeks of pregnancy so we could take her to the hospital and all that.. So anyways, she got up in the night to get a drink, and her waters broke when she was downstairs. She screamed and my hubby jumped up and ran downstairs, forgetting he had no clothes on. And when I got down the 2 of them were in pisses laughing in the kitchen and the dog was licking up the puddle!

Then when my sister was pushing she was squeezing my DH's hand. And she dug her nails into his hand so he pulled his hand away. And she shouted at him 'Tommy you're such a bloody pussy, man up and grow some balls'. The look on his face was priceless! He looked so afraid of her!

And when the baby arrived my hubby was asked 'Daddy do you want to cut the cord' and he said 'No no no, I....' and my sister butted in 'Will someone just cut the frickin cord already, jeesh you're soooooo slow'.

Afterwards I when I was holding the baby:
Sister: You want one now Grace, Don't you? You have to have one!
My Husband: If she's anything like you in labour.. no babies!
Me: You're worse than mom, we're only just married, we'll have a baby when we're ready
Sister: *Crying* Whaaaaaaat!
My Husband: Grace, why is she crying!?"
Me: It's the drugs
My Husband: What! Drugs! You're not supposed to take drugs when you're pregnant, wouldn't it harm the baby!?!?!?!

My niece is now 3!

@ your OH, it's so cute when men are so clueless about these things.

 

[hope&faith09]

I love these stories.

I was having a normal labour and headed to the hospital and eventualy got examined I was contracting for over a minute long each time with very little break in between each one ... she examined and said well I think you are about two centermeters so youcant be in this much pain and I will move you to the ward and basically told me to stop making a fuss.

She said she was going on a tea break and she would sort me out when she had finished. Well I told my OH i needed the loo so waddled off down the corridor to the tiny cubicle. Well after sitting there for a minute or two my other half came wandering down - he was talking to a midwife just outside the door saying he had lost his wife ... at which pointed i shouted ... they had to unlock the door with a coin to me shouting very loudly cant you leave me alone I just need a big poo. The midwife managed to get me up and actually it was my daughter making her way into the world. My midwife walked back in and I was holding my daughter and she was so shocked she almost passed out she missed the whole thing whilst on her tea break and the consultant that delievered my daughter wasnt impressed!

My OH will never let me live it down that I was shouting about needing a poo keeps teasing me about going to the loo during this labour!

 

[katrinalorien]

This thread is excellent!!

 

[misshopefull]

Great thread! I'm getting nervous about my planned c-section but this has cheered me up! Thanks for sharing

 

[jillypoop]

Slightly disappointed with my labour, it was quick and went well but was hoping I'd have some really hilarious stories to tell you all!
The only funny things that really happened were just after I'd got to hospital and I needed to have a "clear-out". I'm a nervous pooer and had never pooed in the house while OH was home so I went to the loo in the hospital and the smell was horrendous so I couldnt disguise it. Just kept on apologising to OH who just found it quite funny.

Just before I started pushing I wanted to get up and walk round but as I stood up off the bed I got a contraction and ended up biting OH's shoulder really hard and he had a bruise for about a week haha.
When I'd been pushing for a while on all fours on the bed the midwife told me I had to get on my back and after them having to convince me for about 15 mins I eventually turned over. OH went to my bottom end to help me move my legs cos they'd gone numb with me putting all my weight on my knees. Just as he picked my leg up I did the most tremendously loud and stinky fart in his face....
He will NEVER let me live that one down!!

Oh and that night, I stood up to hobble off to the bathroom for a pee and when I stood up I pissed all over the floor. Mortified isn't the word.... :S

Hope next time will be funnier

 

[Blizzard]

Jillypoop I think you did just fine on the funny front there. Your husband rather took the brunt haha. Glad it went well. xxx

 

[mamaduke]

For me, the most embarrassing part was at 9cm and pushing....

Waters finally broke at 9cm, and it felt like a massive water balloon giving way.
Continued pushing only to feel what seemed like a mini water balloon gushing. Turned out that was baby going over my bladder, which emptied itself on the table.

 

[pinkandfluffy]

Loved these stories!!!

With DS1 I was induced due to PROM and I'd been in hospital ages before they found room for me so I was tired lol.

At the end I'm pushing and the midwife goes 'wow that's a lot of hair'.

Cue me apologising and saying I was too big myself but hubby had tried to neaten me up before we came in.

Hubby pointed out obviously she meant the babies hair......as the midwife rolled on the floor laughing *blush*

 

[nikkchikk]

I had a dose of Stadol a few hours before I had my epidural and boy, does Stadol make me loopy! I kept telling my husband and sister, who where in the room with me, that I had forgotten to breath, and could they please perform CPR on me.

 

[beckyjoy4405]

Love this thread! Thank you all!

 

[pinkribbon]

Once i got the epidural i kept doing really long drawn out farts that i had no control over! If that wasnt bad enough when thedoctorwas giving me an internal i farted right in his face!!! Eek!!!

this one gave me a snigger

 

[BrokenfoREVer]

Just remembered another one (5months on )

I was pushing for the second time & in between contractions I was just closing my eyes & laying very still. & I remember hearing the midwife ask my mom if I had fallen asleep lol. I remember thinking that I should open my eyes so they knew I was okay.

Another one, I dunno what the hell was going on, but sometimes I would get a contaction with no urge to push (again, during the second pushing stage) & so I would just keep lying there & breath through it & I was convinced that someone would see a contract building on the moniter & shout at me for wasting it lol.

I was sooooooooo tired.

I also remember before going into labour telling myself I wasn't gonna be the woman screaming I can't do it. So I tricked myself & told everyone I didn't want to push anymore (for some reason, my mind though it was better to say that than say I can't do it)

I thought I was properly whineing to my mum that I was tired & I didn't want to push anymore. But apparently I was really calm & just kept saying it with no emotion.

Towards the end that was all I could think, that I didn't want to push anymore & I was too tired. But that was fighting against having come so far in my labour & not wanting some dr to waltz in & steal my glory lol.

 

[justplainTIFF]

I was in labor for over 14 hours but the last two were the fun ones. At 7-8 cm my doc broke my waters for me and I said I'd want something for he pain as I knew things would really intensify at that point. So they gave me a shot in my iv and I got loopy and couldn't open my eyes without them crossing. So at some point I started saying somethig about a wolf and a polar bear. I dunno what I said exactly. Then I told my hubby that I felt like an elephant. Again, not sure where that came from. He told the nurses at te station somethig about what I said and I could hear laughter. I asked "did you tell them I'm an elephant!?" he said no then disappeared again... More laughter.
Then a nurse comes to check me and and I start talking gibberish about how "everything should be organized into squares." in my slightly drugged up mind with painful contractions, it made perfect sense. As each contraction would hit (eyes still closed) I would imagine it building up and a row of squares would fill in and the darker each square was the stronger my contraction was.
Afterwards everything was pretty good but hubby,who is really into fishing, said when they pulled Barrett out and laid him on my chest, it reminders him of a bass jumping up out through a grass mat.

 

[Cat_pj]

I have a couple of tales....

The first was when my waters went at home, OH came back from work and my mum called (she lives 45 mins away) to say she was coming. At that moment I felt massively light headed and a bit sick (I think it was the adrenalin) and she asked me whether I wanted a MacDonald's for my 'final meal'. I was like
"No, I feel too sick, so sick!!" and I put the phone down.
I put my head between my legs and I felt the sickness passing. Literally a min later my mum's phone beeped with a text; "2 big mac meals with diet coke please" LOL she couldn't believe it! I really enjoyed it by the way- my contractions were only mild then.

Then when I was pushing Chubs was posterior and I was on my back (dunno why, I just did as I was told, innit?) and I had been trying for like an hour. Then the midwife wanted me to put my legs right up to my chest, and I'd been trying to cover my 'dignity' the whole time, adamant that OH didn't see any of the 'action'.

Then the midwife asked; "is it ok if your partner holds your leg up?" and I was like "OK WHATEVER GET HER OUT!!" and he said
"Don't worry, I will have sex with you again"
And I was like "GOOD!!!!!!!"

LOL!!! My mum and the midwife didn't know where to look!!

He kept his word

 

[justplainTIFF]

I just remembered another funny thing happening. Barrett got the hiccups as he was coming out. I could feel it all and as he came further down, the more irritated I got but my hubby, the nurse and doctor were laughing. They could see my stomach jump with each one and his little head would jerk. I remember wanting To yell that it wasn't funny and to just shut up but I was concentrating on my contractions and pushing.
And when the Doc was trying to help me birth the placenta, I was thinking this feels so weird. But once it was out I exclaimed "omigod that feels so good." it was just a relief to have my whole body back to myse. Lol.