funny/ embarrasing labour stories

[sezrah]

I had a very quick labour and nearly didn't make it to the hospital in time! As I was walking into the labour ward the baby started crowning and I was having very intense contractions...the midwife on reception asked me where it hurt and I shouted "IN MY ASS, IT HURTS IN MY ASS!!!!!" as loud as I possibly could whilst looking around in desperation in the corridor for somewhere to give birth as they kept fannying around asking me a ton of questions when it was pretty clear I was about to give birth. Then I managed to get some gas and air, and aparently started singing 'How Soon Is Now' by The Smiths in the middle of a massive contraction...as you do LOL

 

[Lexigore]

Not my labor story (I'm overdue at the moment!) but funny nonetheless.

My Grandmother allegedly wore a fur coat, smoked, ate candy bars with white gloves on and read a magazine whilst she was giving birth. She kept trying to bend down to see what was going on down there and the doctor had to stop her (you can break the baby's neck that way!) and she called him a "horses ass" (in Hungarian) lol. She was a great woman. Very Zsa Zsa Gabor!

My Mother's water broke in the hospital and nuns came running in with rubber boots on, giggling because when they disrobed her she was wearing the only thing that fit her under her dress - a suede purple and gold garter belt with stars on the buckles! She played cards with my Dad through her 36 hour labour, and my Dad says she won all the time even though he was cheating. Heh. When the pain got bad she screamed "never go to Niagra Falls!' repeatedly (I was conceived there on a Honeymoon) and swung at my Dad like she meant it.

When I was born my Dad took one look at me, covered in...stuff, pinched, red and screaming and thought "oh my God, I don't want to show this to the Grandparents!" He really fretted about it, agonized over having such an ugly baby. After they cleaned me off and I settled down though I looked angelic and his fears evaporated.

I'm hoping for a birth like my Grandmother's but my husband is bringing a mouth guard just in case.

 

[MrsStutler]

I didn't have anything too funny happen. I was so exhausted when I was pushing that I would fall asleep and snore in between contractions, then wake up and push when a contraction came!

 

[hawalkden]

I was having a contraction and OH went to the loo within the birthing room. I was calling his name and he was saying everything is okay. I'm here, don't worry. I had the contraction and when he came back out I just looked at hime and said 'You left me to have a wee'. Then I turned away from him for a few moments till the next contraction and I needed his hand !

 

[Taz]

I was hooked up to every drip possible and the doc doing my epidural had just come in the room to start. Gas and air is the awesomest thing ever!!! I had about 4 midwives in the room my fiance, my MIL and this epidural guy.
Anywhoo (I don't remember this at all but fiance mw's and MIL took great delight in telling me afterwards) when the epidural man was about to start I gulped down G&A and started laughing so he told me to keep still I was sweating really bad because I was scared and it was super hot. I caught a glimpse of his arm took some more G&A and declared loudly to the room "Oh my word on a stick that guy looks like a f*****g yeti! I had a hamster once that looked like a yeti" the room apparently erupted with giggles and then the epidural guy said to me in a minute Toni you will start to feel shooting pains down one of your legs this is totally normal. I remember feeling shooting vibration things down my right leg took more G&A then told him he was very good at his job and how did he know I would get them told him it reminded me of lights off a sci fi film then apparently tried to hum the tune of Star Wars which ended up coming out as Jurassic Park

 

[darkstar]

I had tears running down my face reading these.

My ex husband fainted. It wasn't even bad at that point, no blood or anything. He fell completely backwards and whacked his head on the floor. The medical staff went running to aid him and ER doctors came to check for concussion. They got him a beanbag to lie on and were fussing over him and I was left alone when another contraction hit and I screamed "HELLO WOMAN HAVING A BABY HERE!"

I remember the Doctor asking me if I wanted a mirror while I was pushing so I could see the baby come out and I yelled "God no I don't want to see THAT!"

 

[Victoriaaa]

My final stage was so fast ( got the urge to push in bed so rushed to the hosp) Rio came out in 7 minutes and i couldnt stop my body pushing even when she told me too so i had a little 2nd degree tear. When she told me this and mentioned stitches i actually said. "Can you just leave it, i'll be fine, honestly". She refused thank heavens.. what the hell was i thinking can you imagine?

 

[Emma&Freya]

I really wish my labour was more funnier!

 

[larudy13]

hey my babys a few months, but wanted to share while in labor i was screaming at OH SHUT THE FUCK UP even though he wasnt talking, then i was yelling at my mom to massage my feet the i cried when the epidural man came yelling "THANK GOD" AND by the way up until my epidural i kept getting up for the bathrrom to pee every 5 minutes the whole time until i had baby fr somereason i had to pee but i couldnt so i kept yelling "i gotta peeeeeee!!"

 

[Creative]

I do love it when my subscribed threads shows an update on here. it always makes me smile.

 

[Lizzie K]

hey my babys a few months, but wanted to share while in labor i was screaming at OH SHUT THE FUCK UP even though he wasnt talking, then i was yelling at my mom to massage my feet the i cried when the epidural man came yelling "THANK GOD" AND by the way up until my epidural i kept getting up for the bathrrom to pee every 5 minutes the whole time until i had baby fr somereason i had to pee but i couldnt so i kept yelling "i gotta peeeeeee!!"

When my oldest was descending, I felt like I had to take a major poop. I announced to the whole room as loud as I could, "I need to poop! Help me up so I can go to the bathroom!" They kept telling me no, it was the baby and I couldn't get up then. I kept insisting, pretty loud. I tried to get up myself but couldn't get my legs out of the stirrups due to the epidural. So I started crying because I didn't want to poop on the bed.

 

[Mum 2 Quigley]

This is the best thread I have found on here...By Far!! I haven't been pregnant yet, and can't wait to be! these stories make me so excited!! soo funny! Thanks Ladies!! xx

 

[TFSGirl]

I'm currently on modified duties as I am normally a full time firefighter, but right now being pregnant I am working at our training facility answering phones, and today all the chiefs are here for a meeting and I am sittin gin my fish bowl laughing with tears streaming down my face and trying not to let them see!!! lol every time someone in a whit shirt walks by I have to try to control my giggles, best thread ever!

 

[Mum 2 Quigley]

I turned to OH while reading the rest of this thread in bed last night and I said "Baby, will you care if i poo during labour?" he looked at me, very seriously, and said "Of course not honey, it's bound to happen!" haha makes me feel a little better! haha

keep em coming ladies!!

 

[Insectile]

I had a really easy time pushing. I felt so hyped up on adrenaline and kept making the stupidest comments to the midwife and the nurses. A few pushes in, I made everybody stop so I could take my socks off. I said something like "I didnt get this pedicure just to be wearing these ugly slippers during the best part." Then I had them all look at my toes.

A few pushes after that, I started to feel the head begin to come out. During a break while waiting for a contraction, I asked the midwife "Will I feel his ears coming out? Like the actual texture of the ears rubbing over my vagina?" I wasnt nervous about it, just curious. She stared at me like she misheard and said that in 25 years of delivering babies, she'd never heard that question.

I also kept giggling while she stitched my tear afterwards and told her that Julian felt like a slimy little octopus when his body came out and that they ought to check him for tentacles. All I had drug-wise was my epidural and some pitocin! I was acting so silly.

 

[Peggy80]

Brilliant, love this thread

 

[Katielouisa]

Eee I hthought I posted on here but I didn't! well after labouring for 3 days with no pain relief I finally got gas and air at 4cm! It was amazing!Ivy was back to back so I can't even explain the pain I was in! She came out face upwards...and the gas and air helped loads

When I first got it I was like ' this shit is amazing' but slurring my voice then I procedded to push a matress of a bed because I wanted to lie there on the bed without the matress it was in the way!...

then I started drooling and staring a chair and nodding and acting really cocky!!!

When I finally came to delievery the midwife was doing an internal and I remember thinking don't say it don't say it kate..but before I knew it I was going 'I KNOW YOUR FUCKING FINGERING ME, DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW' I then procedded to tell the mw that I was in a video game and oh I'm a sea horse because I felt like one...

I then also remember seeing an asian doctor walk in at one point and so despratly hard trying to not say ' sallam alikum' LOL oh dear...

 

[x_WelshGirl_x]

Reading these made me laugh. Wish mine was funnier.
I got to the hospital and i was 5-6cm dilated, after an hour and a half of being there i had to go to the toilet, made my mum come with me, was about to go out the door i said to my mum "oh mum i need to push, oh no or do i just need to poop" well i tried pooping anyway, my mum thought I was gonna have Alex down the toilet lol, she kept unlocking the door, i was like "MUM, lock the door, they can get in from the outside if need be"
Well back in the room, i was leaning over the bed and I said "oh i need a wee, i cant move im gonna wee here, so the midwife and my mum got my pants off as quick as they could, but i think it was some of my waters not pee.
Well I needed to push, so she told me to push and see what happens, so i did, my waters were there ready to go apparently, she said when they go the urge to push will go, well they went, she went back to doing the notes, then i turned my head and said "ahhh im pushing", i said this a few times as she kept doing her notes lol. I mean its my first, and on OBEM, they check your 10cm then tell you to push, but nope, none of that, haha, apparently OH and my mum were in stiches laughing at me and all they say is "imm pushing"
I didnt even have gas and air, couldnt use it, kept making farting noises lol, hope the next one will be a bit more funnier, unless its quicker.

 

[Katielouisa]

Aha just thought of some more funny things that happened...

when I reached 4cm they told me I could finally have my epidural...when I got taken to deleivery I was 8 1/2 cm so I loudly declared ' THAT'S FUCKING AMAZING, FUCK THE EPIDURAL' I then went on to coming on to the midwife telling her that I liked her...

When I was in labour I was making them noises you can't stop making and I went 'I SOUNDS LIKE ONE OF THEM WOMEN OF OBEM IF I COULD HEAR MYSELF NOW I'D PUNCH MYSELF IN THE FACE'

I also thought my Midwife was my brothers girlfriend ( who's a nurse at the same hospital)

I've decided my next labour if I decide to have another no gas or air shall be used!!x

 

[MommaAlexis]

Omg lol!!