funny/ embarrasing labour stories

[AimeeM]

Me: I'm shitting myself,
MW: No your not,
Me: Yes I am I can feel it,
MW: OK,
Me: I'm not bothered, I'm just saying

She looked at me like I was a weirdo.

 

[CelticStar]

I was apparently a bit of an animal with the gas and air when I had DD....My best friend who was there tried to get it off me so she could have some and I - ahem - growled at her....She said that it was like trying to get it off a rabid dog

After a little while with gas and air, I was feeling a bit funny, and promptly announced to my Mum and best friend that I felt like a smurf.....I have no idea what a smurf feels like now but yep, I felt like a smurf!
Straight after that, my Mum turned around to me and asked why people put smurfs on the backs of their cars
I told her that I wanted whatever drugs she was taking because obviously they were better than the ones they were giving me
Since then I've actually seen for myself a car with a toy smurf hanging from the back bumper, I apologised to my Mum for thinking she was off her rocker

I don't know if anyone knows it but there's a game for smart and android phones called Smurfs village (see a theme yet?) me and my best friend play this (think Farmville but with blue people!) well, I was in the middle of a particularly intense contraction - I was induced with syntocin and was on the maximum dose, just to give you an idea of how intense it was! - and my phone bleeped, my best friend then shoves it in my face and declares that I have Golden Potatoes to harvest
I looked at her in disbelief and then very quickly got back to the business of having a painful contraction

Oh, I was also announcing to everyone who walked in my room that I need a poo, then complaining when they wouldn't let me go for one...I was strapped up to the CTG machine and had a lead attached to babies head measuring the heart rate....Oh and I'd had an epidural so I couldn't even move my legs.....But that didn't stop me being annoyed

 

[Betheney]

My waters broke first at 6am i rang the hospital and they said to go in and get checked over.

So in i went hooked up to the machine and after about an hour the midwives come to tell me that if labour doesn't progess on it's own i'll be induced in 72 hours but then one said "you're already registering contractions though so no doubt we'll see you back later today"

WELLLLLLL the prospect of giving birth to my little being that i couldn't wait to see for the past 9 months was a little bit exciting for me.

I exclaimed rather excitedly "REALLY?!?!?!?!?!?! you think i'll be back TONIGHT?!?!?!?!?!?!? oh my god i'm so excited!!!! i'm going to have a baby today! can you believe it? my baby! i get to meet my baby today!! i'm so excited. I can't wait until tonight!" :-D the MW were just in shock they were like "eeeeer we don't usually see women this excited, it's rather refreshing" and i was just like "WHAT?! WHY NOT!!! what's wrong with them? don't they know they're about to become mothers!!!! Why would you not want to meet your own baby"

pain and labour that's why........ oh the ignorance of a woman who's never been in labour.

 

[Betheney]

you ladies know that first moment you hold your baby, the first thought you ever had when the baby is there on your chest.

Mine went.
"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Oh thank god she has 10 fingers"

i never once thought during my pregnancy anything to do with fingers or toes, its never crossed my mind, nor did it cross my mind during labour. But i'll never forget it was the first thing i did, before looking at her face or anything. Once i did it i thought to myself "well that was a weird thing to think of the moment you first saw your baby"

I've never admitted this to anyone, no magical rush of love just a need to count her digits.

Labour made me so delirious.

 

[Natsku]

The midwife told me to count her fingers and toes. I think my first thought though was "thank fuck thats over!"

 

[ZoMo]

Haha great stories.

I get the strange first thought. i had a caesarian after a failed induction so no labour at all. The very first thing I said when I first saw my little lady wasnt anything to do with a rush of love, instead it was 'urgh she's got your nose' to my OH!! Then I moved on to the counting fingers. And for some reason that continued for about a week - like she would have suddenly grown or lost a few without me noticing!

 

[ZoMo]

So pleased to have come across this thread! I have been having a pretty rough afternoon with baby who wouldnt stop crying, now she is quiet and just staring at me like I am mental as it is me crying like a loony with laughter, laughing so hard my throat hurts! This is good stuff!!

 

[BrokenfoREVer]

I think my first though was "why isn't he crying?" no rush of love, but then I was just looking at this slimy purple thing on the bed. Second thought was "oh god, he is a boy right!?"

Then I held him & it all changed ^_^

 

[Abz1982]

I just amused my self doing deep voice jokes on the g&a.

Only funny thing was MW giving me morphine........then 10 mins later I ask for water so she gets a jug and a cup and I drink the WHOLE jug......and as she sees this she tells me to slow down or I will be sick.....I reassure her I wont, and as I put the glas down I was like "oh shit" she grabbed a bowl and as she leaned forward to habe it to me, I vommed all over her.

I asked the OBGYN consultant if he was going to get this thing out of me........before I had the c-sec.

I also when the midwife was like "aww her name suits her she looks like an Emma" I was like.........no she looks like Winston Churchill shagged a rasin and had a baby ............I was still on the drugs.

 

[cmarie33]

Well I hope you're all happy ladies.... I've made it to 27 weeks and this thread has made me pee myself for the first time!!! I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe! Thank god oh is at work!

 

[Lully2011]

Ladies this stories are brilliant!!

My story isnt really as hilarious but sure I'll give it a go
When the midwife checked me I was 2-3cm, 30mins passed I thought I made progress so asked to be checked again. This time the doctor checked and he said "no your still the same". I said "did you take into consideration your hands are bigger than hers"

 

[cassarita]

you ladies know that first moment you hold your baby, the first thought you ever had when the baby is there on your chest.

Mine went.
"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Oh thank god she has 10 fingers"

i never once thought during my pregnancy anything to do with fingers or toes, its never crossed my mind, nor did it cross my mind during labour. But i'll never forget it was the first thing i did, before looking at her face or anything. Once i did it i thought to myself "well that was a weird thing to think of the moment you first saw your baby"

I've never admitted this to anyone, no magical rush of love just a need to count her digits.

Labour made me so delirious.

Haha that was the first thing I asked. I had a c-section so they showed him over top of the curtain and took him away. I said "does he have all his fingers and toes"

Haha looking back on it now it's pretty silly.

 

[Mum 2 Quigley]

having never been pregnaznt, i can'trelate, but my mum said when she had all 4 of us kids that was the first thing she checked...it never crossed my mind, but i suppose, subconsciously, i's an easy way to check that everything is 'normal'??

 

[Betheney]

It's odd how the idea never crosses your mind until the moment baby is born.

I also didn't even really hold the baby when she was placed on my chest, after counting her fingers i was kind of like "ok.... so i have a baby now" and i'd look at her and say "hello little baby" and then put my hands back on my chest, i was too afraid to touch her, it was this odd feeling of "ok the baby is here so now what do i do". Even after they dried her off and we had a cuddle they asked did i want to put her first outfit on and i said to the MW "No that's okay, you do it" haha and i kept asking if it was okay i did things "can i take her out of her cot?" "can i pick her up?"

 

[darkstar]

I had a really horrible OBGYN when I lived in Australia, I hated him.

Anyway I'd been induced and he examined me and I was only a couple of centimetres dilated at about 8am in the morning. The doc said he was going to his practise over the other side of Sydney and would be back about 6 or 7pm to check on me as the baby would probably come late evening. I said no way this baby will be here sooner than that, I bet he's here by lunchtime. He said to me rudely that he had been delivering babies for years and there was no way it would go that quickly.

Anyway he left me and my ex husband went off to have breakfast. I started crying because I just knew the baby would come and I'm sitting there upset (I realised after I was probably in transition) and I'm on my own and I suddenly realise I needed to push. I'm hitting the buzzer and a midwife comes in and I told her I needed to push and she laughed and told me my doc had just examined me. I looked at her and screamed "the baby is coming now you better take a look I'm not joking!" she still didn't believe me and sent a student in to examine me. She was supervising and the student is saying "um I thnk she's fully dilated". The midwife examined and said holy shit call her doctor. They called the doctor and he wouldn't believe me, he had only just got out of his car and turned around and drove back after swearing at the midwives on the phone saying there is no way she's having that baby yet. My epidural had been cranked up real high so I wouldn't keep pushing because i had to wait for my doctor and I had been yelling "i need to push!" and they were telling me I wasn't allowed because my doctor wasn't here. I was saying well you better crank that epi higher or you'll be in trouble!!!!!! So they cranked it up higher so I could ignore the push urges and the doctor eventually turned up half an hour later. I said to him as soon as he walked in "I TOLD YOU THIS BABY WOULD COME SOONER!" he was furious my epi was up too high and while I was pushing I still couldn't feel much and he's checking his watch and telling me he has other patients to see and I need to push harder. I was furious and told him I'd kick him lol.
Anyway my baby was born by lunchtime and that was after waiting for the doctor had delayed things by at least half an hour. It's why this time I will be listening to my instincts and not to the staff. Something inside me just knew that my baby wasn't going to wait.

 

[mrsswaffer]

Wow, I don't know how staff can be so controlling in a situation like that! In the UK, the lady gets what the lady wants (provided it's possible) - if she wants to push, she'll push, and there's no way a doctor needs to be present (unless she's high risk, I guess). Just two midwives, usually.

I found out I'm pregnant with #1 on Tuesday, so reading these have made me laugh... and feel very very nervous!

 

[Lizzie K]

I had a really horrible OBGYN when I lived in Australia, I hated him.

Anyway I'd been induced and he examined me and I was only a couple of centimetres dilated at about 8am in the morning. The doc said he was going to his practise over the other side of Sydney and would be back about 6 or 7pm to check on me as the baby would probably come late evening. I said no way this baby will be here sooner than that, I bet he's here by lunchtime. He said to me rudely that he had been delivering babies for years and there was no way it would go that quickly.

Anyway he left me and my ex husband went off to have breakfast. I started crying because I just knew the baby would come and I'm sitting there upset (I realised after I was probably in transition) and I'm on my own and I suddenly realise I needed to push. I'm hitting the buzzer and a midwife comes in and I told her I needed to push and she laughed and told me my doc had just examined me. I looked at her and screamed "the baby is coming now you better take a look I'm not joking!" she still didn't believe me and sent a student in to examine me. She was supervising and the student is saying "um I thnk she's fully dilated". The midwife examined and said holy shit call her doctor. They called the doctor and he wouldn't believe me, he had only just got out of his car and turned around and drove back after swearing at the midwives on the phone saying there is no way she's having that baby yet. My epidural had been cranked up real high so I wouldn't keep pushing because i had to wait for my doctor and I had been yelling "i need to push!" and they were telling me I wasn't allowed because my doctor wasn't here. I was saying well you better crank that epi higher or you'll be in trouble!!!!!! So they cranked it up higher so I could ignore the push urges and the doctor eventually turned up half an hour later. I said to him as soon as he walked in "I TOLD YOU THIS BABY WOULD COME SOONER!" he was furious my epi was up too high and while I was pushing I still couldn't feel much and he's checking his watch and telling me he has other patients to see and I need to push harder. I was furious and told him I'd kick him lol.
Anyway my baby was born by lunchtime and that was after waiting for the doctor had delayed things by at least half an hour. It's why this time I will be listening to my instincts and not to the staff. Something inside me just knew that my baby wasn't going to wait.

The same thing happened to my sister with all to hers. She was induced and was checked was about two centimeters. Soon after, she had a massive urge to poop. Checked again and she was fully dilated and ready to push. When she had the second, they remembered the and knew what it meant when she had that urge again.

 

[Hopipolla]

My waters broke at around 4am. I got to hospital at 5.30 and was told to wait in a room. I wasn't happy as contractions has started and I was in quite a bit of pain. I needed pain relief. By 6 I went to find a midwife and told her I was in agony. She took my to a room with gas and air and started to examine me. While she was down there I felt an urge to push and accidentally farted in her face! Whoops! Turns out I was already 8cm and stated pushing properly half an hour later.

 

[Emma&Freya]

Wow, I don't know how staff can be so controlling in a situation like that! In the UK, the lady gets what the lady wants (provided it's possible) - if she wants to push, she'll push, and there's no way a doctor needs to be present (unless she's high risk, I guess). Just two midwives, usually.

I found out I'm pregnant with #1 on Tuesday, so reading these have made me laugh... and feel very very nervous!

Congrats!!1 Dont be nervous xxx

 

[LeeLouClare]

I haven't got anything really funny but when I was in labour I needed to dance in order to ease the pain - so when the midwife walked in she saw me and my husband doing the tango while I was high on diamorpine.