funny/ embarrasing labour stories

[Malouka]

i had a natural birth in the birthing centre attached to my local maternity unit, it was all very calm and serene in the early stages, i floated around the pool, progressing slowly but nicely, when suddenly all hell broke loose. Id just been checked about 25 mins before and was 4/5 cm, so we were expecting things to be a while yet... Suddenly i REALLY needed to push, midwife was telling me that it was way too early to be baby, and that perhaps i needed to use the toilet... i was sure it wasnt that, but agreed to try anyway, so got out of the pool and onto the loo. while there, transition hit, and i suddenly got SOOO hot, the student midwife ran off to fetch some ice cubes for DH to rub on my forehead etc, but when she arrived with them i grabbed a handful and shoved them into my mouth, suddenly, a HUGE contraction hit me, and i needed the G&A but had a mouthful of ice, so i spat the ice all over the floor :-o
there i was, sat on the toilet, naked, dripping wet, mooing like a cow, and spitting on the floor.. oh the shame!
turns out i went from 4/5cm to 10cm in less than a hour, and my daughter was born very soon after this!

there was also a little moment when i was pushing when i really wanted to inflict some pain on my DH, so i grabbed 'his' arm and dug my nails in as hard as a could, only to feel the arm whipped away, i opened my eyes to find that id actually injured the student midwife, and left 4 huge cuts in her arm from my nails!!

lol also just remembered that at one point the midwife made me get out of the pool to check progress, and i really didnt want to... later on, in the midst of the transition drama i said 'IM SOOOOOOOOOO SORRRY I CALLED U A BITTTTTTTTTTCCCCHHHHH' and she said 'noo u didnt, its ok' and i told her that i did, she was just out of the room at the time lol

hahhahahahaahhahaahahhahahahaahhahahahaahhaahahhahahahaha

 

[gretavon]

When I went into labor with my son I was super excited but was sure I wasnt really in labor so when i went to the hospital to get checked and they started hooking me up and admitting me I realized that was it and I freaked out and started saying that I had changed my mind I was going home and started gathering my stuff while my mom sat there laughing. The nurse came back in after hearing me freak out and convinced me he was coming out no matter where I was and that "we have drugs!" So fast forward I had my epidural and told my deer in headlights husband that " it felt like a cloud had been shoved up my ass" everyone asked what i said and he said" she feels like shes floating on a cloud" and i loudly corrected him "no up my butt the cloud is up my butt and its WONDERFUL"

 

[gretavon]

Also, when it was time to push I insisted I had to fart. I begged to anyone who walked near me to clear the room so i could fart. Of course they wouldnt and the doctor got ready and clapped his hands and got into a. Position like the football guys do when they catch the ball. I looked and him and sighed "alright but I swear im just going to fart really loud dont say i didnt warn you"

 

[Betheney]

Someone told me there is a gas you can get, it's just that they use this big medical term for it and that she got it. This was just today so.. ?

It's called nitrous oxide here.... we used to suck it out of balloons as silly teenagers. It's happy/laughing gas. I was at the hospital a couple of days ago and I looked at the taps above the bed head. "Oxygen" "nitros oxide" and a few others I don't remember.

 

[Emma&Freya]

Also, when it was time to push I insisted I had to fart. I begged to anyone who walked near me to clear the room so i could fart. Of course they wouldnt and the doctor got ready and clapped his hands and got into a. Position like the football guys do when they catch the ball. I looked and him and sighed "alright but I swear im just going to fart really loud dont say i didnt warn you"

I have just howled laughing haha


When I had my gas & air I didnt wanan give it up but I felt it didnt do anything for me, but looking back it did

I am so jealous of all you ladies going in to have a baby! I want the drugs again

 

[isabelsmummy]

This thread is amazing! Its making me want to do it all over again.

Nothing funny really happned in my labours - although I didnt want to go o hospital with my 2nd. Im a MASSIVE WWE fan and Raw is shwon like at like 2am over here and I woke up at 1am in full blown labour and I woke my husband up all excited "Get up! Im in labour - AND RAW IS ABOUT TO START " he looked at me like I was crazy. So we went downstairs and I sat on my birthing ball watching Raw as my mam and dad came in eyeing me worried about how painful my contractions were becoming and asking me ,"dont you think you should go to the hospital?" I refused explaining how good the storyline was at the minute and its only a 3 hour long show I easily have enough time to watch it all.

In the end my dad had to fight the remote off me and turn the tv off, while DH pushed me out the door as I shouted to my parents to keep watching it and tell me what happens. I was 7cm when I reached the hospital - ooops!

 

[WholeHeart]

I'm only at about seven weeks, but I just read this entire thread....

 

[Lindsey123]

Also, when it was time to push I insisted I had to fart. I begged to anyone who walked near me to clear the room so i could fart. Of course they wouldnt and the doctor got ready and clapped his hands and got into a. Position like the football guys do when they catch the ball. I looked and him and sighed "alright but I swear im just going to fart really loud dont say i didnt warn you"

I'm sorry but I HAVE to ask. DID you fart?

 

[Reidfidleir]

^That's what I wanna know!

 

[amjon]

Someone told me there is a gas you can get, it's just that they use this big medical term for it and that she got it. This was just today so.. ?

It's called nitrous oxide here.... we used to suck it out of balloons as silly teenagers. It's happy/laughing gas. I was at the hospital a couple of days ago and I looked at the taps above the bed head. "Oxygen" "nitros oxide" and a few others I don't remember.

Is that what G&A is? I can't use that at all. It always makes me black out and then they freak out and wake me up (before giving me the darn shot!).

 

[MikaylasMummy]

Omg I'm sure this is an old thread that is popped up but I'm sitting her at my daughters swimming lesson trying my hardest to stop from doing the most ridiculously over the top laugh while looking at my phone!!i have never heard so many ridiculous stories,I think I could write a book about this,everyone agree to donate their stories?lol

 

[Mogurl10]

So I refused to push with my first son because I thought I had to poop and the nurses kept telling me I couldnt get up because I needed to push and I absolutely refused to push and I even told the nurse that if they would let me up then I want them to give me a cup and I would "s&%^" in it. All the nurse just looked at me like I was crazy...and so as another contaction hit I yelled "wtf are you guys staring at, you guys are acting like this is the first baby u have ever delivered" one bitchy nurse said "well you have to do your part too" so when grabbed my leg and pulled them up I was having a contraction so I kicked out at her and knocked her over....all I could do was laugh....and she did too after a while....

 

[gretavon]

Also, when it was time to push I insisted I had to fart. I begged to anyone who walked near me to clear the room so i could fart. Of course they wouldnt and the doctor got ready and clapped his hands and got into a. Position like the football guys do when they catch the ball. I looked and him and sighed "alright but I swear im just going to fart really loud dont say i didnt warn you"

I'm sorry but I HAVE to ask. DID you fart?

Nope. Turns out they were right it was the pressure from the baby...but it did feel like a HUGE fart. I wouldve just died if i had ripped a big one right in the drs face!

 

[racheal021106]

when i was in labour with my daughter i was sitting on the birthing ball totally out of it on gas and air and everytime i thought someone spoke it sounded like they was singing. i was rocking on the ball to them 'singing'

then after my daughter was born i said to my oh and midwife, "how come you was all singing earlier". the look on their faces like

 

[amandapanda1]

Too many funny things happened during my labour...

Whilst contracting in the pool, I decided I was too cold so tried to wrap myself up in the water and got confused as to 'why this blanket wasnt working'...
I kissed my boyfriends hand too so I was not taking as much gas and air, then a contraction came so I bit his hand instead.

When the head was coming out, they told me 'Ooh we can see the head'... OH looked down and looked disgusted. I looked down after and it definitely was not a desired sight.

My mun went to text my family that I had started pushing...but another contraction came so I started yelling at her and telling her to get her arse over here...poor midwife thought it was to her!

When my son was out, I tried pulling the cord out of me :s

I asked to touch the placenta...

 

[Jess812]

a part of my labour, i was sent home for a while as was only 4m (if i remember right) well hubby was starving so decided to stop off at McDonalds, through the drive thru an as he pulls up to the ounter to pay i have one hell of a contraction, gripping my seat, an door, trying not to shout.! she didnt know what to say or where to look!!! lmao!!

 

[SurferMommy]

These are too fun. I'll be sure to come back and post mine when baba arrives. But until then, i'll just tell you my sisters delivery story.

She stayed with us for the last few weeks of pregnancy so we could take her to the hospital and all that.. So anyways, she got up in the night to get a drink, and her waters broke when she was downstairs. She screamed and my hubby jumped up and ran downstairs, forgetting he had no clothes on. And when I got down the 2 of them were in pisses laughing in the kitchen and the dog was licking up the puddle!

Then when my sister was pushing she was squeezing my DH's hand. And she dug her nails into his hand so he pulled his hand away. And she shouted at him 'Tommy you're such a bloody pussy, man up and grow some balls'. The look on his face was priceless! He looked so afraid of her!

And when the baby arrived my hubby was asked 'Daddy do you want to cut the cord' and he said 'No no no, I....' and my sister butted in 'Will someone just cut the frickin cord already, jeesh you're soooooo slow'.

Afterwards when I was holding the baby:
Sister: You want one now Grace, Don't you? You have to have one!
My Husband: If she's anything like you in labour.. no babies!
Me: You're worse than mom, we're only just married, we'll have a baby when we're ready
Sister: *Crying* Whaaaaaaat!
My Husband: Grace, why is she crying!?"
Me: It's the drugs
My Husband: What! Drugs! You're not supposed to take drugs when you're pregnant, wouldn't it harm the baby!?!?!?!

My niece is now 3!

I've just read the entire thread! Haha! Sounds like something that'd happen in our family!! The dog, lol, and Tommy's 'cluelessness'! Must come back and post some funny moments from our boys births when I get the time!

 

[Damita]

love these stories

 

[robinator]

When the doc told me to start my first push, I pushed so hard a stream of goo shot out of my crotch and hit DH in the face

 

[Betheney]

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL @ Robinator!!!!!!!!!!!!!