funny/ embarrasing labour stories

[Mrs Ellie]

Wow and i've only gone back 2 pages so far! Going to read more in the morning! Sorry this is really long!
Well with Nate the midwife was such a grump old bitch! I hated her! And when Nate was born and she was putting him on the scales he peed all over her, I mean he absolutely drowned her in pee! I started giggling and said "she's a right bitch, she deserved that" and my husband said "yeah, she is a proper grouch-bag, it's like she's running around with a stick up her ass all of the time". My husband works at the same hospital. And whenever they see each other she gives him dirty looks, even now 6 years later.
With Jonah and Eli it ended up being a c-section. And I was rambling on and on about being cut open and how I could die from loss of blood. My husband then proceeded to tell me all these c-section statistics. I then told him "Shut up or else i'll grab that knife and go all sweeney todd barber dude on you". He calmy replied "Scalpel, not knife".
And with Nicky I had the worst contraction and after letting out a huge scream I yelled"Screw you Katie and Kelly!" and my husband just stared at me, he had confusion written all over his face. I proceeded to tell him all about how Kelly Preston and Katie Holmes claim they had silent births and then said "That's some bullshit I think anyway!" then he asked who these people were. So I threw and iPhone at him and shouted "I'm sick of talking to you, google it"! I shouted so loud a nurse came in to check if everything was alright and it turned out she knew my husband and they started chatting. Then I said "Oh my god you're having an affair". Of course he wasn't, but he was just very friendly with this girl, and it just slipped right out of my mouth!

 

[Scaryspider2]

I kept repeating "I sound like a man, I sound like a man!" because of the gas and air!
Also after loosing complete faith in the midwives (another story but I ended up not believing a word they said), I said "if you are lying to me, I'll spit in your tin of roses!" The midwife goes 'I haven't got any roses' to which I replied "The ones I'll buy you obviously!" ....so I was sort of nice! Lol!

 

[Wisp]

Ahhh these proper made me chuckle. I've been having a really off day getting scared over labour and this has put me right at ease! X

 

[SurferMommy]

Ahhh these proper made me chuckle. I've been having a really off day getting scared over labour and this has put me right at ease! X

Don't worry, it will be fine. All worth it in the end xx

 

[SurferMommy]

I could probably write a novel with all the funny things that have happened during our kids births... if I could actually remember half of the stuff I said... so here's almost word for word what happened

Twins:
-Dr: "We might have to do an emergency c-section"... Me: "I'll push 'em out thank you very much"
- (A few hours later) My OH's brother Chris: "God they're so small, especially this little fella" Me: "Naw Christian, they're ginormous".

Indie (30 minute unplanned home birth, we called an ambulance but it didn't arrive in time, so it was just me, my OH Nat and his brother Benjamin in the house):
-Benjamin: "I got towels" Nat "Not my good quiksilver one... awww" Me: "Yipideedoodah! It's a towel! I'm sure when you're son is older he'll by you a new one!!!"
- Operator: "Can you see the head?" Nat: "Urmmm.... yesss..." (face goes white) Operator: "Can you hear me, can you hear me??" Benjamin: (Mumbles wussy under his breath) "Get out of my way, and put the phone on speaker" Nat: "Yes mom" Operator: "So get a towel and be prepared to catch the baby" Nat: "Just breathe hunny" Me: "No I think i'll just hold my breath and pretend i'm scuba diving" Benjamin: "Hang on a minute he's coming.... Haaa!!! Haha!! I just delivered a real live baby!!!" Me: "No I think it's actually a joey Benjamin". Nat: "Hey, I helped too" Me: "Yes you keep telling yourself that Casper the friendly ghost" Benjamin: "Well actually he did contribute... like nearly 9 months ago..."

I'm a sarcastic person, even during and right after giving birth to a watermelon.. or two!

Wow Indie's delivery was so quick, 30 minutes! I wish I had a 30 minute labour! Haha your husband whining over his towel! And the Scuba diving sarcastic remark! Was it not a bit awkward having your bil deliver your baby? Well I suppose you wouldn't really care at the time, and now your son and Benjamin will have such an amazing bond, Benjamin was really hero of the hour! And you can mock Casper the ghost! Some guys act so tough.. but they're so damn not!

Hmm a little bit I guess. But if he hadn't have been there Nat would have definitely fainted and I would be there on the sitting room floor all by myself.

 

[Betheney]

I decided yesterday that it would be weirder for me having my brothers watch me give birth than my brother in-law. Haha. I dont know why but I'd be so freaked out if my brothers saw my bits. But my BIL? Well it's just not as weird.....

for me anyway

 

[cassarita]

I kept repeating "I sound like a man, I sound like a man!" because of the gas and air!
Also after loosing complete faith in the midwives (another story but I ended up not believing a word they said), I said "if you are lying to me, I'll spit in your tin of roses!" The midwife goes 'I haven't got any roses' to which I replied "The ones I'll buy you obviously!" ....so I was sort of nice! Lol!

OHHHHH MY FRICK I JUST DIED INSIDE! hahahahahahaha. I had to go with my friend one time for a procedure and they gave her gas and air and she kept trying to talk to me after she sucked in the gas and she sounded HILARIOUS!!! I ended pushing the mask back on her face so she would stop because I was trying not to burst out laughing.. OHH GOD hilarious.

 

[BlossomJ]

Is gas and air different in the UK? I didn't sound funny... Unless it was just that no one told me!

 

[Mrs W 11]

Is gas and air different in the UK? I didn't sound funny... Unless it was just that no one told me!

No I don't think I did either?!

 

[luci and bump]

I thought I did. In my head my voice was really deep and slurred, like when the batteries are running low on a cassette tape, but according to my OH, I sounded completely normal!!

 

[Scaryspider2]

I've just given birth again and the lady who's roses I threatened to spit into said 'do you remember me, I delivered your first?!' She didn't remember the incident but thought it was funny when I told her! Lol! I didn't do anything this time as my established labour (2nd stage) was 3 minutes long! 0

 

[Sarahcake]

LMAO no way!!
What a coincidence that you got the same midwife, thats crazy!

 

[Scaryspider2]

LMAO no way!!
What a coincidence that you got the same midwife, thats crazy!

Well the second was delivered by someone else but the midwife from the first took over at the end! Still, a bit of a coincidence!!

 

[fl00b]

i got so high on the g+a, i started shouting my MIL was a cow... thank god she wasn't there!

 

[griffinh]

Yay i can add mine!!!

During labour, I kept apologising to everyone for making any noise. Kept asking why Sophie didn't want to come out

I was pushing for over an hour and every time I pushed, my legs would seize up, which would make me stop pushing. My oh said to me 'come on one more long one, harder ... harder than that, now even harder' so i yelled: 'if its so easy you fucking do it!'

My voice also sounded deep and slurry on g&a !!!

 

[Vegan mum]

Well mine is more embarrassing than funny!
My contractions were coming strong and I really needed a wee but didn't feel like I could leave the gas and air as the toilet was next to the room I was in. The midwive then gave me one of those disposable bed pans and said to do it in there so I squatted so high on gas and air in the middle if the room and half way through she said are you not gonna sit on the bed to do it?! Well why didn't you say so?! I am just glad I didn't trip and drop the pan ewwwww really more tmi! She was lovely though and laughed it off x

 

[wamommy]

I was having a bit of a bad day, and reading through this thread has cheered me right up!

I don't have a funny birth story (yet!) but we'll see in a few months!

 

[Aelanu]

Just read all 46 pages and ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!!! It took me like two days but SO worth it- and can't wait to add my story in about 10 weeks! Oh joy

I feel so much less afraid of birth now- yeah its gonna hurt, but hopefully something funny will come out of it!

 

[ferens06]

Couple of things I said in labour

'I'm going to be walking like John Wayne for weeks'
'It's too F**KING HOT!' about the pool, cue great escape out of it soaking wet, midwife rolls me the birthing ball and I slide straight off it onto the floor with a thud!
'My poooor bum!'
'Have I pooed? I can't believe I've not pooed yet!'
*opens eyes and sees poo floating past * 'ohh lovelyyy'
'I wish I was a man!'

I didn't even have pain relief so I can't blame it on that the funniest thing was probably OH asking the MW if Niamh had webbed toes though ahahahah!xx

 

[Emma&Freya]

Ooooo I miss labour