funny/ embarrasing labour stories

[Bevziibubble]

Aww I so miss labour too!
I loved the gas and air and shouted out that I 'was fkn p****d!' The midwife looked a bit shocked.
I was also warning them that I had wind and once I started pushing I would be farting lots!
I bet midwives have such a laugh!

 

[emmalouise09]

when i was having Lilly they gave me the gas and air everytime i had some tried to talk repeating i'm gonna puke i'm gonna puke no one believed me and i ended up puking all the gown they told me to change into.
dont understand why i had such a bad reaction to gas and air cuz i didnt react badly to it when i was using it the first time round....

 

[Betheney]

when i was having Lilly they gave me the gas and air everytime i had some tried to talk repeating i'm gonna puke i'm gonna puke no one believed me and i ended up puking all the gown they told me to change into.
dont understand why i had such a bad reaction to gas and air cuz i didnt react badly to it when i was using it the first time round....

might not of been a gas and air thing. I puked when I was still at home and again in the hospital although I was on G&A by that point. But it may not of been caused by it. I was so off my face on G&A that I didn't even know I was going to puke, I had absolutely no idea! I was lying on my side in bed with the mouth piece in and just started vomiting into the mouth piece and hose and all over my face, hair and body.

 

[jasminejo24]

i asked to look at my stitches in a mirror afdter they were done... my partner said i looked tidyer down there grrrrrr

 

[Dawnlouise30]

I did a wee on the theatre table just as they were about to put the epidural in prior to forceps delivery (big baby at 10lbs 7 ounces) I did warn them i needed a wee,they told me i didn't then all i heard was a trickle and i was weeing. I also swear i weed on the bed because it was 'easier' than moving away from the gas and air to go to the toilet.
Gas and air was great,i was out my face lol..... Apprantly i turned to DH in a calm voice and said ' i have panicked,i forgot how to breathe,i can't breathe. Help me'.... It was at this stage i was begging anyone that came in the room to help me.

Dawn

 

[doggylover]

I am still a while away from labour and don't know whether to be terrified or looking forward to what stupid stuff I say! My favourite story is the woman who asked if her child was ginger!!!! that is so something I would do!!!!!!

 

[gretavon]

I had my second son 8 days ago and despite two epidurals it was incredibly painful. At one point i was in so much pain all i could do was scream and cry and tell my mom to "get him out just get him out" they went and got some special labor lady who said he was pressed up against my pubic bone and to help open my pelvis they were going to put an oblong shaped birthing ball called a "peanut" inbetween my knees while i laid on my side. I was in too much pain and screaming to loud to hear all this all i heard was the nurses talking about "getting the peanut out" and "someone get the peanut" and i was muttering to myself why the hell are they calling my baby peanut over and over again. After i pushed him out i looked at my dr right in the eyes and begged her to give me drugs just give me all the drugs you've got she did but the nurse administering it was sooooo slow! Im still in stirrups getting sewed up and shes calmly standing there drugs in hand " hi im nurse so and so, im just going to give you some demorol, it might be cold going in and you might start to feel dizzy" blah blah blah i just interrupted her and said "yeah yeah thats great i dont care what youve got just get it in there for crying out loud!!!"

 

[babydust1990]

I am still a while away from labour and don't know whether to be terrified or looking forward to what stupid stuff I say! My favourite story is the woman who asked if her child was ginger!!!! that is so something I would do!!!!!!

That would be me Gas and air is great stuff!

 

[KelWin]

I could probably write a novel with all the funny things that have happened during our kids births... if I could actually remember half of the stuff I said... so here's almost word for word what happened

Twins:
-Dr: "We might have to do an emergency c-section"... Me: "I'll push 'em out thank you very much"
- (A few hours later) My OH's brother Chris: "God they're so small, especially this little fella" Me: "Naw Christian, they're ginormous".

Indie (30 minute unplanned home birth, we called an ambulance but it didn't arrive in time, so it was just me, my OH Nat and his brother Benjamin in the house):
-Benjamin: "I got towels" Nat "Not my good quiksilver one... awww" Me: "Yipideedoodah! It's a towel! I'm sure when you're son is older he'll by you a new one!!!"
- Operator: "Can you see the head?" Nat: "Urmmm.... yesss..." (face goes white) Operator: "Can you hear me, can you hear me??" Benjamin: (Mumbles wussy under his breath) "Get out of my way, and put the phone on speaker" Nat: "Yes mom" Operator: "So get a towel and be prepared to catch the baby" Nat: "Just breathe hunny" Me: "No I think i'll just hold my breath and pretend i'm scuba diving" Benjamin: "Hang on a minute he's coming.... Haaa!!! Haha!! I just delivered a real live baby!!!" Me: "No I think it's actually a joey Benjamin". Nat: "Hey, I helped too" Me: "Yes you keep telling yourself that Casper the friendly ghost" Benjamin: "Well actually he did contribute... like nearly 9 months ago..."

I'm a sarcastic person, even during and right after giving birth to a watermelon.. or two!

oh my that's funny as f**k!!!!!

 

[KelWin]

Okay, so I've never gotten past the 1st Tri, but my sister has a funny story about her first son. Our mum was in delivery with her, and baby 'marked his territory' at just 4 minutes old. "Went off like a firehose" was how MW described it.

 

[shelbelle33]

i'm not sure if this is very funny but....
my husband ordered in jimmy johns for dinner and sat on the couch eating VERY loudly while i was waiting for my epidural.
i glared at him and told him i hoped he choked and died on that sandwich.
the nurse then asked him to finish eating outside for my sake

I would kill my husband!!!!! We love Jimmy Johns and living in California there are not close ones. If he did that I would def kick him out of the room and make him go get me one for after the baby was born, lol.

 

[Aelanu]

When my baby sister was born, my Mom REFUSED to let my Dad hold her until he went out and got her a Whopper from Burger King- she had been craving one for months but couldn't have it because she had gestational diabetes.

Needless to say, my Dad left after she was born to get her a Whopper. To this day he doesn't know my sister and I held her before him

 

[charlie_lael]

My MIL was there during my (really looooong) labor and I remember turning to her and telling her to go get something to eat cus she hadn't eaten since dinner the previous night. And she said something like, "I don't want to make you feel hungry/bad." and I was like, "Look woman, I could really care less about food right now. I'm more concerned about having to push this baby out of my vagina!" My doula thought this was hilarious and proceeded to post it on Facebook.

 

[kanga_n_kiwi]

OK I have a few, some you might have had to have been there but they bring a smirk to my face every time i remember them.
First was with my third child Daniel I was on gas and air and high as a damn kite i was at cm and in a hell of a lot of pain I went from cm to 10 in matter of seconds and midwife told me i could push. I flat refused and she asked why and i told her in my drugged out mind haze that had already done this twice before so didn't want to. She told me i had to I swore like a sailor and push twice poor kid came shooting out and was that badly bruised his ear were black and blue and they asked if daddy was of colored back ground. When hubby did come to pick us up midwives gave him death glares and told him that they didn't want to see me back in ere again next year......lmao ( my children's ages at 11,10,9.7,3 )

Fourth baby labor was a quick one and since i was in the L&D by myself I was again stoned on gas and air and begged for an epi. Poor bloke who tried to explain what he was doing could not get a lick of sense out of me and i was crying asking for my husband who was at home with the other three kids... Midwives were trying to console me and told me he was at home looking after the other kids I screamed out "when is someone going to look after me for once" Midwives at that stage were ready to kill my husband and willing to geld him when they saw him. They sat me up so could get the epi and as i went up i grunted. Midwife asked if i was pushing I screamed NOOOOOOOO and crossed my legs telling them they had time to give me the epi... They didn't Poor baby was born a few minutes after..
Fifth Baby I was induced and it was a busy day at L&D midwives going back and forth between us all.... I was happy in the land of gaga gas and they had a student doctor who wanted to watch the birth. I asked if it was her first and she said yes. I then said sorry if i was going to be her first as i was a swearer and screamer. That poor woman stayed with me the whole time and i did try and behave but I remember they checked me and then ducked next door to check on another woman in labor an they told me i had a five minutes to go. I slipped up and scream like F**K and pushed with everything i had. just as the midwife was leaving she rushed back to catch my daughter as she was sliding off the bed end...Just in case you are wondering i hate pain and after so many kids i KNOW how to push and do it very very well......lmao

 

[rottpaw]

These are awesome ladies! Thanks for sharing and giving this mama a laugh!

I think the funniest part of my first labor (funny for everyone else, anyway) is that when dr was stitching me up, i told her not to make anything smaller! I've always been small down there anyway and did NOT want any well-meaning dr stitching things up tighter than they had been! I was completely serious but am sure she thought it was the drugs!

 

[lapanm07]

-stalking-

 

[Nixtey]

Every time i had a bit too much gas and air i looked at my mom and OH and kept saying "the world is spinnnnnnnnning! i think i should stop drinking now!"
G&A just made me feel so drunk!

 

[lolita1990]

I. Love. These

 

[BUGaBOO]

When my aunt gave birth to my little cousin after being on pethidine - the midwife handed him to her and her first words were, as she took him,'did you know Marks and Spencer's are doing sushi on special for 99p?'

 

[amotherslove]

i had a dream about poodles when i passed out between contractions and i was trying to explain it to everyone..

i also very vividly hallucinated that i was giving birth in my bedroom and was legitimately worried that my screaming and hitting the bed would knock my paintings off the wall.. but what i said was "i'm so loud the pictures are gonna fall off the wall" everyone looked very very confused.

and when i was pushing i kept biting my friends thumb.. i felt bad for her so i moved to bite my mother instead and then i remembered she has arthritis pain in her thumb so i very slowly removed my teeth and went back to my friends thumb. lol.

those are my only funny stories.

unless you find it funny that i "refused to push" without an epi and so he was shoving the needle in my back as she was crowning..i didnt find it funny.. but it might be lol.