funny/ embarrasing labour stories

[KittyKatt]

These are awesome! When I had #3 the Dr was going to check my cervix, but when I moved my legs my water broke and nailed him in the side of the head. That was almost 8 years ago and I still laugh about it. He was so shocked.

 

[Betheney]

These are awesome! When I had #3 the Dr was going to check my cervix, but when I moved my legs my water broke and nailed him in the side of the head. That was almost 8 years ago and I still laugh about it. He was so shocked.

Aaaaaaaaah hahhahahahahahaha

Must of squirted out with quite a force

 

[shanny]

When I had my 4th they thought nothing was happening so sent husband home .....we live hour's drive away so my husband went to my mums .....10 mins away......then things moved really quickly.......they said they had phoned my husband at home.....and i was like he's not there.......get me my phone now!!!!!.....anyway he got there 10 mins before birth thankfully .....anyway by the time he was there i was thinking I've had enough of this so i decided to shut my legs and hope it would all go away...........the midwife was shouting open your legs!! open your legs!!! So I did and my waters then burst all over her and Hazel popped out soon after.........husband said it was really funny but I don't remember it in quite the same way.......

 

[chulie]

Omg!!! Thank you ladies. These were awesome!!

I can add mine..it starts when we were in our prenatal class..the midwife told us a story of a couple that were in her class and she tells them to bring a picture of something to the hospital to focus on..and she said "like your cat or something" so then in the delivery room the husband pulls out this random cat picture and the wife was like "WTF?!?" ..apparently the husband just hear bring "a cat picture" to focus on..so fast forward to my labour and I'm working through a particularly bad contraction and my husband pulls out this random cat photo.....as a joke..it definitely did the trick..I couldn't stop laughing!!

Also, when I was labouring at home...poor DH..I apparently was such a bitch..he was trying to do all those things the midwife had suggested..but I wanted nothing to do with him....so he kept saying "oh is that a good one" after every contraction...and I snapped and was like " stop f'ing calling them good ones!!!!!! I want to hurt you"...He also decided to have a "snack" while I was in labour and then came over to "help" me...again he got so close and I could smell meat on his breath and I snapped again.."your breath is disgusting..go brush your teeth"..hahaha I felt so bad..I said if I had heard how I treated him from anyone else I would have thought " what a b&@$ of a wife" hahahaha hahahaha.

 

[cherrylee]

Really great stories ladies, thanks for sharing I had a great few laughs!

 

[Twinkie210]

I had a planned c-section with DS#2 so no funny stories but with DS #1 there were so many! My family had gathered in the waiting room while I was pushing. I have a younger brother who was in high school at the time and a cousin (female) who is the same age. They were actually joking around farting on each other! In front of other people!

My son ended up getting stuck so needless to say I pushed for a long time (close to 2 hrs!) DH was standing by my head "helping" each time I pushed he would put his hand on the back of my head and "push" too. I finally turned to him and told him if he touched my head one more time he was leaving, LOL. After DS was finally born (thanks to forceps!) they laid him on my chest and my first words were, he looks like my brother! DH was not too happy that that was my first comment about my son haha. But he did! He had this reddish tint to his hair and he had really thin looking side burns!

Oh I also had stadol before my epidural and I kept forgetting who had visited me and kept telling people that the walls were moving. That stuff made me act very strange LOL

 

[Hispirits]

When I went into labour I was really controlled until it came to the emergency section, then I was quite hysterical, the anaesthetist had really bad breath and was right in my face explaining things to me and in my drugged up hysterical state I thought I whispered to my DH "get her away from me, she f***ing stinks" but I actually shouted it at the top of my lungs over and over again apparently, oops!!!

Love it!
Love this thread so much! I read up to page 45 last night!

 

[darkstar]

I was kneeling on the raised bed end during late first stage and OH was helping me off the bef to go and pee so I am perched in his arms as he lifts me to my feet. My waters break and as they are gushing out all I could think about was that his shoes would get ruined so I start waving my arms at him saying BACK UP! REVERSE! I kept watching his feet and telling him don't get your shoes wet it will squelch! He was laughing and said don't worry about my shoes

Oh and when I knew I was ready to push I hid it from the midwife even though I had told her when I was in transition (told her I felt like I wanted to die so I think I am in transition)
When the pressure in my butt to push started the midwife kept asking me if I was feeling anything different etc and I kept saying "no I don't know what you mean". Third baby so I was procrastinating because I had no time for pain relief other than gas and I knew it was going to be hard work.

 

[Mazzy17]

The Drs and midwives didnt believe i was in labour so when i finally got into the labour room, i was given gas and air and diamorphine. The midwife asked if i needed a poo. So with my drugs flowing i yelled "I need a great big shiiiiiiiiiit" Hubby and MIL think its hilarious now

 

[nicki01]

This is brilliant!

 

[lele316]

These are great. I don't have a funny labor story but...
A day after my C-section with my DD ex hubby was in the bathroom helping me out and asked me something that made me laugh loudly. As I'm laughing I hear my mother say through the door "isn't it too soon to start on the next one?". When we came out of the bathroom I tell her "wait til you hear this...he's helping me and asks me why am I bleeding if the baby didnt come out of there. His face was totally serious and he has no fing clue lol." My mother just starts laughing and then looks at him as he says"OK well maybe I should of thought that one out a lil more before opening my mouth" My daughter is 4 we are no longer together and she still gets a kick out of telling this story lol

 

[Lady_Venom]

As I pushed my daughter's head through, I let out a loud scream/growl and then my neighbors started banging on the wall. I was so embarrassed but laughed thinking they probably think we are having a good time dtd or something. I later found out they thought OH was trying to murder me so they were going to call the cops. My midwife later went over to explain a home birth was happening and they denied they even banged on the wall lol. Next time I will inform the neighbors....im still so worried about an awkward confrontation in the hallway.

 

[Feff]

This thread is too funny lol! It's making me less scared of labour too considering my family think I'm not 'normal' at the best of times so bring on the gas and air

 

[Butterfly89]

I tried as long as possible without medication, so I ended up pretty loony from the pain alone. I ended up having an epidural at 7cm because my LO was stuck with his head tilted up at my hips and the doctor couldn't turn him, and then again did the same thing at my pubic bone, silly thing. They gave me something through the epidural tubing that made me say crazy things. I could hear myself talking but just completely not control it. Some things I remember... (the nurses were laughing most of the time in between contractions/pushes lol)...

"Just so you know, I'm not opposed to a lot of stitches. I'd like one of those designer celebrity vaginas." Then after a really bad contraction a moment later. "Ok, just tell the doctor to sew it shut please. We are done having children."

Then when they said they could see the head, I asked "Is it very fuzzy???"

At the very end I was embarrassingly loud as the epi had worn off. I was telling them "No no no I can't do it!!!" Then my mom arrived at the hospital early, thinking I'd had the baby and popped her head in the door and said "Can I come in?" having no idea I was literally on the last few pushes and I rudely shouted "NO GET OUT!!!" And then proceeded to tell them I couldn't do it and they had to inform me he was already out and put him right on my chest because I said "No I don't believe you!" I remember feeling really suspicious at the end and being so sure everyone was lying to me.

It was really like nothing else, lol.

 

[YikesBaby]

Hey ladies!!! I can finally add to this thread! I have a few good moments.

To set the stage - I had a completely drug-free home water birth...

Baby was stuck, so my MW suggested I try to poop to make room... I tried and tried for hours it seemed and when it finally happened I proudly announced it to everyone.

I could not stop BELCHING... over and over... and apologizing every time. DH and MW started counting them, they thought it was so funny.

Due to complications and the risk of a possible hospital transfer in the middle of a blizzard, my MW had her back-up call an ambulance, just in case... and while I was pushing with all my might she was on the phone with the world's stupidest 911 operator. The convo went something like this:

911: "911, what's your emergency?"

MW: "I am a licensed midwife attending a planned home birth, and we require EMS assistance due to fetal heart-rate deceleration."

(meanwhile I am pushing and groaning about 3 feet from her)

911: "Is the patient there with you now?"

(Really???)

MW: "Yes, we're in the middle of a birth and are seeking assistance due to fetal heart-rate deceleration."

911: "So, there's something wrong with the patient's heart-rate?"

MW: "No, it's the FETAL heart-rate"

911: "Oh, the fetal heart rate is accelerating?!"

MW: "No, DE-celerating... going down, dropping"

911: "The mom's heart-rate is dropping??"

MW: "No, FETAL... as in baby!!"

Me (mid-push): "These guys are idiots!!!!"

MW: "Ok. I am hanging up now...is there anything else you need?"


Also, after the baby came out I agreed to let our parents come in. They had been really panicked... but in my endorphin haze I forgot about the placenta and stitches I would need... so my FIL came in just in time to see me spread-eagled delivering the placenta. I think the poor guy was going to faint!!!

Finally, while they were stitching me up, I said, "You know what would be good right now?? Donuts!!"

 

[Harley Quinn]

Love this thread. I've only read up to page 14, but I intend to come back and read them all before baby #2 comes!

So, here's my story... I totally pooped like three times during my two and a half hours of pushing, but I didn't really think it was that bad and the doctor was good about cleaning it up. Anyway, about an hour after Ozzy was born, DH and I were discussing whether or not he had already had is first, dark, sticky poo. I thought he for sure had done it on the way out, and pointed to my leg for evidence. "See, there's poo on my leg. I think he pooped on the way out." My DH just gave me a sympathetic look and informed me, "Oh, sweetie, that's yours."

I can laugh about it now, but at the time I was soooo embarrassed! Looking forward to more funny stories with baby #2's birth.

 

[Zoe_x]

Mine may be a had to be there moment but my midwife in hospital looked identical to maria from coronation street (UK mums will know what I'm talking about!!) And I had first met her a few weeks before I gave birth at my antenatal classes at the hospital! I said to my OH then that I hoped we didn't get her when in labour as I knew I would end up telling her when high on pain relief/delirious with the pain and sure enough she was looking after me when I went in to have my DS!! I did tell her when I had been given pethidine haha!

Also, when it came to the time to start pushing I was knelt up on the bed and my waters still hasn't broken so I started pushing and I must have had a really full bladder because I kept doing massive wees all over the bed! This happened six times and each and every time I kept asking `was that my waters` and the midwife just said errrr no and I kept saying `oh no have I wee'd myself again I'm so sorry this is so embarrassing!!` as they had to change the sheets every time!

 

[mrsswaffer]

My little boy was born 14th Feb after only a 4 hour labour. We managed to get to the hospital in time, and got on the gas and air. My body started pushing before I even had my PJ bottoms down! Anyway, I was so focused on what I/my body was doing, there was no time for funny or embarrassing things to say or do!

 

[Birdling]

I'd had a spinal block because I needed forceps and so couldn't feel anything from the waist down.

After my son was born and they were busy wrapping him up etc, i was looking about and saw some large blue things in the air.

I asked my husband what they were and with a very straight face he said,

"They're your legs"

 

[Jaimie2Eyes]

That is hilarious bridling! Must have been time to put your legs down if they were turning blue!