funny/ embarrasing labour stories

[mara16jade]

^^ LOL
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s__rX_WL100

 

[MissFox]

 

[MissPolley]

There were a couple of funny parts, there is a finger moniter used to measure heart beat and the midwife asked me to "give me the finger"... so i stuck my middle finger up at her and laughed my head off. Also when they notified me they were going to stitch me up I asked her "like a virgin?" but eneded up singing it, made the lady laugh and so did i cause i got the gas and air back after pushing without it. oh and almost forgot, when i delivered the placenta i ended up splattering the poor registra (lady that delivered Damian and cut/stitched/delivered placenta) she looked shocked but amused

it cause i remember some one asking for one more stitch to make her like a virgin again hahaha!

 

[Plex]

Id already been in the assessment ward an hour earlier but the contractions got so bad that I went back in. The MW was saying how there wouldnt be much change and implied that i was making a fuss over nothing saying that she supposed she would run me a bath to help with the pain. As I was clearly in agony she examined me (without telling me first) mid contraction, just as my waters went all over her + there was baby poo in it. I was 8cm at the time & I remember thinking that'll teach u!
After this I kept repeating 'Im bloody starving' over and over

 

[yoshy]

I may think of something more soon, but right now all I can think of is how my labour started.
I'd just written a comment on a fb group I'm a member of about how I was fairly certain he wasn't coming in the next few days and that I was no longer expecting him before June 17th (this was June 12 in the morning). Next thing i know, I feel a pop and a trickle and realised my waters had broken!!!!!

 

[Emma&Freya]

I wonder when and were my waters will go!

 

[Betheney]

Id already been in the assessment ward an hour earlier but the contractions got so bad that I went back in. The MW was saying how there wouldnt be much change and implied that i was making a fuss over nothing saying that she supposed she would run me a bath to help with the pain. As I was clearly in agony she examined me (without telling me first) mid contraction, just as my waters went all over her + there was baby poo in it. I was 8cm at the time & I remember thinking that'll teach u!
After this I kept repeating 'Im bloody starving' over and over

Both my labours had one internal examination that were done at 10cm and 9cm. Because the midwives have always insisted i wasn't in established labour. My daughter was born 20mins after the examination and my son was born about 9mins later with 1 min of pushing. lol.

 

[Jaimie2Eyes]

Yoshy - that's great about posting on FB about not going into labor anytime soon and then feeling your waters break. I was in the middle of a nice long chat with a good friend about her medically induced labor and birth experience when I felt my first contractions. This poor gal was nearly 2 weeks past her due date and the medically induced labor took 2 1/2 days to get rolling. So she was in the hospital for a total of 3 1/2 before she had the baby! Apparently that was enough to scare the crap out of my body and get things going for me. I was a week over due myself and didn't want to go through what my friend went through!

 

[Mrs.Mcguin]

Here's a story to keep you smiling!
Gas and Air had a perculiar effect on me. A case of 'Talking with no control'. I was very aware of what i was saying, but i couldn't stop myself from saying it!! It was the following...

"We have to put the flavour in the bubble gum"

"All the celebrities have fruit for faces"

Midwife-"You need to push
Me-"I cant"
Midwife-"Why not?"
Me-"I cant stop thinking about johnny depp"
Partner-"Oh thanks, that makes me feel really good about myself"
(And i wasn't thinking about johnny depp, so i really dont know why i said that!)

Also, after having Auron, being so tired with the long intence labour i passed out (i remember having him put on me and staring at him, next thing i knew it was 4hours later...) Anywho, the midwife came in and started talking to me, to be told by my partner that i was actually asleep as my eye's were partially open

Oh my gosh...it's almost 2am and I'm lying in bed next to OH while he sleeps and reading this made me wake him because i was laughing uncontrollably!!! "I can't push because I can't stop thinking about Johnny Depp"

 

[NerdyMama]

Well I found this funny hopefully some of yall will too:
My husband and I decided to stay up ridicolous late to try to cherish life without baby for the last time and literally were up til about 7 in the morning with friends. Got home, dtd, and then an hour and a half later I woke up needing to pee. I barely got my arms under me before my water broke ALL OVER THE BED! I didn't know what to do, so I started nudging my OH saying "Babe, my water just broke! I need a towel now!" And he slightly looks at me and starts cuddling me going "Its Ok." I knew he was barely awake... I told him again, "Babe, towel seriously this is going everywhere, we are going to have a baby soon!!!" And he just pulled me in closer trying to cuddle me lol He has bad parasomnia and this was one of those moments where he thought he was doing the right thing and instead making it harder to get cleaned up! I finally got up, grabbed a towel, and went outside to think (I was a little terrified) and then he comes out to see me, "Whats up?" "MY WATER BROKE! AND YOU TRIED TO CUDDLE ME" "Oh!" lol

 

[yoshy]

Well I found this funny hopefully some of yall will too:
My husband and I decided to stay up ridicolous late to try to cherish life without baby for the last time and literally were up til about 7 in the morning with friends. Got home, dtd, and then an hour and a half later I woke up needing to pee. I barely got my arms under me before my water broke ALL OVER THE BED! I didn't know what to do, so I started nudging my OH saying "Babe, my water just broke! I need a towel now!" And he slightly looks at me and starts cuddling me going "Its Ok." I knew he was barely awake... I told him again, "Babe, towel seriously this is going everywhere, we are going to have a baby soon!!!" And he just pulled me in closer trying to cuddle me lol He has bad parasomnia and this was one of those moments where he thought he was doing the right thing and instead making it harder to get cleaned up! I finally got up, grabbed a towel, and went outside to think (I was a little terrified) and then he comes out to see me, "Whats up?" "MY WATER BROKE! AND YOU TRIED TO CUDDLE ME" "Oh!" lol

That's pretty funny

After my waters broke (just realised I forgot to add this to my story below), the first thing I did was go sit on the toilet and start laughing my head off at the absurdity of what had just happened (the whole fb post and then water going).
It took me about 5 minutes to calm down enough to call my doula.

 

[susied]

"Put her back in" is my fav!! Subscribing! Keep it coming ladies!

 

[Carly.C]

As I was about to start pushing, the midwife commented on the radio on in the background and said we'll see what song is playing when baby u born. Anyway...... In between contractions and pushing Macie out (no pain relief so I felt everything) I noticed the song playing was 90's classic "Hadaway, what is love...... Baby don't hurt me!!!!" The gas and air gave the the confidence to ask if the radio DJ was takin the friggin piss playing that song, much to DH delight, he thought it was hilarious!

 

[AC1987]

Ok I cannot remember if I posted here after having my LO..

But these moments seems funny to me! There were a few..

First when we get to the hospital I was in complete denial I was in labour because it didn't hurt. So anyways this one nurse says to me in a chipper foreign accent "Now change into the gown and lay back because we need to check your cervix" I know my DH made some comments about it but cannot remember it
Right before it was time to push her out, I kept fighting my body for like an hour, til I finally said, I give up I need an epidural or something. The midwife knew I wanted to try it naturally so she's like "The babies head is right here I don't think it'll work, are you sure you don't wanna just push it out?" to which I whined at her "Nooooo I need SOMETHING ANYTHING just give me anesthetic numb me up plleeeaassee" And then while they were calling them, I had my back turned to the door, apparently the whole team came in to put it in me, and I couldn't see or wasn't aware of them or the midwife so I say to my DH "Omg they're not even coming they're all just being SO slow and the midwife just took off somewhere!!" to which hes like "Uhhh they're here" I was in pain at this point and so exhausted, my butt was hanging out, the anesthetic guy comes over and puts the gown or sheet over me so I'd be covered, then I had to sit up, as they were inserting the needle I yelled "omg!! You hit a nerve!! NOw I'm gonna be paralyzed!!"
After it kicked in it was like the most amazing feeling ever having no pain after a lot.. I'm pretty sure I was going on about how amazing I was feeling LOL
Then after I was ready to push I for some reason said that where the lights that come down from the ceiling is where the bodies are kept the midwife thought it was HILARIOUS and was telling the nurse who in turn also thought it was funny, and I really didn't find it that funny at the time as I thought I had said it in my head

 

[Harley Quinn]

LOL. "That's where they keep the bodies." Priceless!

Well, DS2 is now 16 days old, so I guess it's time to share about his birth.

First, it was only a 3 hour labour, so it was short but really intense, especially compared to the 24 hour labour I had with DS1. With my first labour, laughing gas alone was enough to get me through, so I thought it would do the trick this time too. NOPE. The nurse asked me if I wanted something (they had fentynal ready for me) and I said "Yes, please." Well, she wanted to check my cervix first, and when she did she said I was about 8-9cm with a bit of cervix still on top. She wanted to get the doctor to check me, and in the meantime I kept saying "HELP ME!!!", which my DH found hilarious because there were two nurses and the doctor there to help me. :doh:

Just before the doctor checked me, I yelled "Can I push?!?! I just pooped myself for Christ's sake!!!" Ha! It's true, I had just felt that I had pooped which is weird because I never actually felt "the urge" to push before that moment. Anyway, the doctor checked me and said yes it's time to push, which was a huge relief. It took just four contractions to push him out!

After, they gave me the laughing gas while the doctor was stitching me because the freezing didn't quite do the trick and I could feel the stitches going in. I guess I was really sucking back the gas because the nurse said, "You really like this stuff, don't you?" I said, "Yeah, maybe a little too much. In fact, I think we'll have another just for this!" Ha!

 

[Lovemybump1]

Reading these stories, mine is pretty normal!! Laboured pretty quickly so didn't have any pain relief until I was fully dilated and pushing. Half way through pushing him out my stomach started growling so I told everyone that I wanted food. One of the midwives kept trying to get me to hold my legs as well which I didn't want to do because I knew I'd get cramp in my leg muscle. As his head was coming out, I got cramp in my leg!! I think I made more noise with that than with giving birth (I was surprisingly quiet through it all, just moaning quietly through the contractions). Whilst pushing I was telling my dh to "massage my leg, massage my leg".

 

[sheldonsmommy]

This is a great thread, so I thought i'd contribute.

After an induction got things going, my waters were broken and I got an epidural. My obgyn was asking if I felt pressure because I was 9 or so cm dilated. She was like, "where exactly is the pressure?" to which I replied "it feels like there's a fucking BEACH BALL UP MY ASS!"

When my son wouldn't come out despite 3 hours of pushing and forceps, I had to get a c-section. During the surgery I lost a bit of blood and was getting quite shaky. The anaesthesiologist thought I was panicking so started giving me laughing gas to calm me down. The baby was born and everyone was happy and the obgyn showed him to me all wrapped up, huge bruise on his face from the forceps. "A whopping 9lbs 1oz!" she says, and all I could muster was "What a fucking asshole."

If she wasn't wearing a mask i'm sure i'd have seen her jaw drop lol

 

[Baby_Dreams]

I love this thread, I've read every page! I hope to add my own in a few days time!

 

[lunarsea]

Well, I was induced with my first, so the onset of labor was pretty damned quick and was incredibly intense, and I had no idea what to expect.
We arrived at the hospital at around 1 a.m. (yes, they scheduled me to be induced at 1 a.m. I still have no idea why my old OB made this choice) and I hadn't slept, so I was already loopy to begin with.
When I started to go into labor after a bit on the pitocin drip, I thought I just had to crap really badly, so I sat on the toilet for about 20 minutes yelling about being constipated, then freaking out when I had my bloody show and bringing the tissue out of the bathroom where nearly my entire family saw the bloody mess.
Once contractions really kicked in, I was given a popsicle to ease my mind, I guess, and that popsicle got everywhere. I would be happily eating the popsicle and as soon as a contraction hit, I would start swinging it around everywhere, dripping red popsicle all over my OH.
I was offered an epidural early on as the anesthesiologist was needed for an emergency c-section and I wouldn't have been able to get an epidural for at least 2 hours if I didn't have one then, which I was not happy about. Every time I had a contraction I would scream "GIVE IT TO ME PLEASE" and each time the contraction subsided, I would start crying, saying, "No, please I can wait, I can do it, I promise!"
Eventually I agreed to the epidural, but no one told me about the button to press to release more of the meds, so it started to wear off and I started screaming (and apparently having some extreme mood swings while screaming) about needing to "take a really huge shit, is that embarrassing? I really need to shit right now! I'm sorry I just said shit. Am I giving birth to a bowl movement?"

I'm told at some point I started swinging at my MIL telling her to "Get the hell away from me" but I don't remember doing this at all. I do remember, however, screaming at the top of my lungs while pushing and one of the nurses having to cover my mouth and I'm pretty sure I may have tried to bite her.

I also am told I screamed, "Get him out of me, mom" at my doctor, or something similar to that, even though she wasn't in the room at the time, and I remember passing out for a moment once I saw his head come out of me.

After I was done giving birth I was unknowingly given percoset (I have no idea how to spell it, I thought they were giving me Motrin, so I asked for two) and a photographer came in to offer newborn pictures.
Apparently I tried to answer her and ended up falling asleep in the middle of answering her and just moaned incoherently at her until my OH woke me up.
After that, I kept thinking I was awake and continued to mumble nonsense at my OH for a long period of time before the nurse came in and I asked her why I was so nauseous and then proceeded to throw up onto the floor where I could have sworn a trash can was and mumbled "What the fu_ck?!" before they decided not to give me any more meds stronger than Motrin.

Not incredibly hilarious, but that's what I've got to share. In less than two months, I'll have more to share, I hope

 

[WhitheartsQ]

Loving reading these! Thanks for sharing!
Wonder if I will have my own funny story later on!
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