funny/ embarrasing labour stories

[Batman909]

After having my first I had a 2nd degree tear mmy epidural was still working so the doctor had me in stirrups sewing me up. And I just couldn't stop FARTING! I had no control whatsoever I couldn't even feel them coming on. So she's down there doing the stitching and I'm literally farting in her face every few minutes loudly to. So embarrassing. I keep apologising everyone just laughed.

 

[Mom2Hope]

I have been reading on this thread for days...I think they should totally make a book out of some of these stories...thank you for sharing...not long before I will have LO here and be able to share my own story...hopefully funny and not embarrassing lol

 

[Leliana]

It's been 9 months since I had my baby but here are some amusing/embarrassing things I remember saying and doing:

*I was so pleased to be on the Gas and Air at first that I sent my Mum a text message whilst she was at work to say 'I love gas and air, I am drunkity drunk'.

*When they put the hospital wrist band on me - I told DH that they do this so that 'if I die, they can identify the body!'

*The midwife told me to only use the gas and air when I was having a contraction so I responded by throwing the whole unit on the bed and crying like a child. She then looked really awkward and asked me if I was tired!!

*After having a morphine injection I remember watching the ticker on the gas and air canister go down and having a vivid daydream that I was in a science fiction film and my oxygen was running out!

*My midwife thought my waters had broken. They hadn't - I had just pissed all over the bed after pushing too hard. I mentioned this in a not-so-subtle way to my hubby.

*I also screamed 'I need to do a POO, I'm so SORRY' during the pushing stage!

*The absolute best thing that happened was when the midwife leaned over me whilst I was moaning about the pain and whispered, in a really posh accent, 'Oh it's like s**tting a football isn't it!' I laughed so hard at that, it totally helped!!!

 

[MoldyVoldy]

apparently i kept asking "is the baby ok?" literally every 5 minutes lol poor nurse how repetitive and annoying of me.

pushing stage - very first push the nurse was down there watching and i FARTED in her face! omg. i apologized but she just laughed. lmao.

when the epi doctor came in i kept saying "where WERE you?! you took FOREVER!" followed by "omg thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you..." wow i am an annoying woman...and apparently very repetitive.

i think i said many, many curse words very VERY loudly.

OH man, once i was given a bit of pain relief through my IV, i HATED IT. i felt drunk and even more out of it than before...and worst of all i still felt all the pain :/ so i kept saying "i fucking hate this i feel drunk. omg i HATE THIS! why the fuck did you give me this?!" etc.

hmmmm that's all i can think of off the top of my head this early in the morning!

 

[despttc]

Enjoying this thread! Keep them coming, ladies

 

[Emma&Freya]

I went into hospital when I was nearly 6cm dilated. I walked in and begged for some drugs. when she was checking me she gave me gas and air as I was so scared to be examined. As I was high I told my OH to get the fuck out the room cos me and the mideife were having an affair and I was going to give her a good seeing too

When she was out the room, I asked Sean for a quickie and was gropping him

I rang my Mum and told her I was 6cm, then asked to speak to my Dad who I then told that 'the lady stuck fingers up my fanny and I enjoyed it'

When I was going into delivery room I told the midwife noone was listening to me and noone did cos out popped my baby 16 minutes OH YES

 

[MoldyVoldy]

^^ I am ROLLING!!!!! So funny!

 

[kbwebb]

hahaahaha! ^^^
thats cheered me up so much its made me have a right laugh to myself!
and i thought the midwife coming on to my OH was funny!

 

[Natsku]

I went into hospital when I was nearly 6cm dilated. I walked in and begged for some drugs. when she was checking me she gave me gas and air as I was so scared to be examined. As I was high I told my OH to get the fuck out the room cos me and the mideife were having an affair and I was going to give her a good seeing too

When she was out the room, I asked Sean for a quickie and was gropping him

I rang my Mum and told her I was 6cm, then asked to speak to my Dad who I then told that 'the lady stuck fingers up my fanny and I enjoyed it'

When I was going into delivery room I told the midwife noone was listening to me and noone did cos out popped my baby 16 minutes OH YES

 

[despttc]

 

[susied]

Following!!! These are cracking me up

 

[susied]

During a quite painful contraction at home I grabbed hold of my OH's balls painfully and yelled 'Feel the pain!'

Poor man! xx

this is hilarious

 

[susied]

During a quite painful contraction at home I grabbed hold of my OH's balls painfully and yelled 'Feel the pain!'

Poor man! xx

I just about died reading this!! I showed it to my DH and he said "I'll be wearing super tight undies when you go in labour."

Showed that post to my hubs and he said, "I'm going to wear a cup!!"

 

[Amy89]

I started reading this thread when I just found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks....now I'm in the third tri, and the prospect of labour is becoming all too real! Thanks for the funny stories, gives me hope that labour isn't the horror show its made out to be!

 

[rosepetals36]

These stories are great!!!

So with my first i was off my head on gas and air, time to be checked by mw, so she is doing an internal, my head wobblin all over place "its true what me mam said, you wouldn't care if brad pitt walked in!" got a confused look from her lol, she told me i was 6cm, i started cryin "im gonna be here all night" (id only laboured for 3 hours so i was making good progress) literally 2 mins layer the pains came quick and fast, told fob i was going to kill him in the morning lol, baby started getting distressed as in a matter of 5 mind i went from 6 to fully dialated with the urge to push....mw was runnin to get a doc and i shouted "no i need to push" and i thought i cant be im only 6cm, so then i thought i needed a poop, trying to jump off bed with mw pinning me down i was shoutin "u font understand its goin to cone out on the bed!!" mw replied "yes that's where its supposed to dear!" FOB had gone out room to update family on progress so i was screamin "im not doin it without that ba***rd here!!" student mw had to run and get him. When the head came out the student midwife took my hand and told me to feel my babies head. To which i snatched my arm back, and cried in a very high pitched voice "no!!! Just get the fu***r out!! Lol

Second labour was quite calm and pains were like amazing period pains, the only thing i did do was when i was 8 cms which i def wasn't expectin (i had worked out i would only be 5 at most) i told midwife to stop fu***n jokin lol xx

 

[Feff]

When I was pushing Elodie turned back to back so I had to go to theatre for an epidural and forceps. On the way there the drip in my hand caught on something and ripped out, it was like a horror show with the blood squirting everywhere! then when they were trying to put a new one in I told them to stop because I had a contraction (and needed to push so soaked the theatre floor ), when it passed I looked up and the doctor said 'um, could I have my finger back please?' I was squeezing the hell into his finger and didn't even notice! bless him.

 

[WhitheartsQ]

Talked to my dad the other day and got a few stories from him to share about my moms labors.

With me (their 1st) the water broke early Saturday morning. My mom told my dad, but he insisted it was too early (37 weeks) and that it was nothing to worry about. He then spent the day out and about playing racquetball and such. Finally, the next morning my mom convinced my dad it was the real thing and they needed to go to the hospital. I came out with a cone head from sitting in the canal for so long. During the labor my mom made my dad empty all of the bed pans so the nurses wouldn't see her poop.

With number 5 my mom spent the day in the tub. That night my dad went in to see how she was doing. She suggested they time some contractions. They were coming in steadily at 2 minutes. My dad freaked and said it was time to go to the hospital. My mom said she didn't feel like she needed to yet. When they finally made it to the hospital my mom was in major pain, but is an awfully polite person, so she was trying to hide it. She told the nurse she was in labor. The nurse said she doubted it, but would get someone to check on her when they got the chance. She then asked if she had had any babies before. My mom informed her this was her 5th, then the nurse kicked it into gear and got the dr there within minutes.

With the last (number 6) they got lost on the way to the hospital and ended up going the wrong way on the free way. They made it safely though.

 

[Claire300]

Ok so I had a water birth with my first. Having said the entire pregnancy that I wanted to give birth with something on ie not naked, given the opportunity of a water birth I dived in butt naked. The midwife asked if I was sure to which I replied "I don't want to get my bra wet". Like it mattered!

Now girls, for those that don't know, occasionally when pushing a bit of poo may pop out. In water, it floats. Yes, floats. My midwife said "it's ok, we have a sieve. Oh, hang on, (shouts) oi Sheila, where's the sieve?". Don't know how much time actually passed but 3 contractions later they managed to fish it out. During this time I'm screaming at my husband "DON'T YOU DARE LOOK". Good times ha ha!!!

 

[Amy89]

Ok so I had a water birth with my first. Having said the entire pregnancy that I wanted to give birth with something on ie not naked, given the opportunity of a water birth I dived in butt naked. The midwife asked if I was sure to which I replied "I don't want to get my bra wet". Like it mattered!

Now girls, for those that don't know, occasionally when pushing a bit of poo may pop out. In water, it floats. Yes, floats. My midwife said "it's ok, we have a sieve. Oh, hang on, (shouts) oi Sheila, where's the sieve?". Don't know how much time actually passed but 3 contractions later they managed to fish it out. During this time I'm screaming at my husband "DON'T YOU DARE LOOK". Good times ha ha!!!

I was just saying to my mum that I'll happily go in the pool to labour, but not to give birth purely for this reason!! My biggest fear of labour is pooing!

 

[violet_joy]

i was 9cm and completely gone with the gas and air... i was screaming for an epi (even tho i didnt really want one) anyway the anesthitist came in and started to prep me for an epi after he had sed u do kno ul deliver b4 i get this in to which i responded maybe i will if u spend any more time chatting about it..to which he responded im going to hav to go thru this lovely tattoo on ur back tho is tht ok to which i sed 'listen son, u can go thru the back of my head i dont give a shit' at which point his bleeper went an he ran out to an emerg!

i was also telling the midwife i thot i knew her brother called ronnie as she was the spit of him...shes sayin she doesnt hav a brother an to this day i have no clue who ronnie even is! lol xx