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funny/ embarrasing labour stories
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paula88
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Mine was only 3 weeks ago,
I'd been induced by 3 pessery tablets by this point and the contractions were getting very strong but the midwife didn't believe me and on the monitor the numbers didn't go up high either. So here she comes with 2 paracetamol I wasn't impressed and shouted to my oh ( on a ward with 3 other women) that she should of just gave me fucking calpol
.
Then my waters suddenly went on the bed and so I told OH to get her, she comes back and says ill ring delivery to see if there is a bed available. While she left I suddenly started to get the need to push so I did while making stupid whale noises as I was in agony. Another midwife who was working downstairs in delivery walked passed and heard me so came rushing round the curtain in the ward as I'm pushing. Her response was oh dear we need to go and then arguing with the one who had gone to see if there was a bed. Looking back it was so funny. Then all I remember I was pushing down and there telling me to stop. Both the midwives grabbed the big heavy bed and were pushing it out the ward but hit the door frame instead with some force, I shouted that u wanted to me to stop pushing but your gonna force the baby out by bashing my bed instead Lol. Anyway they get the bed into the lift ( this was 6pm in the hospital and visiting hours so people were everywhere seeing me pushing my daughter out )
The lift had a glass mirror in it and I could see everything when my legs were bent up under the sheet I shouted again its her fucking head omg it's her head. Once out of the lift boy could these midwives run with a bed. My baby girl was born 1 minute later in a delivery room
Once I had gone back up to the ward with baby Emily, the other women on the ward was telling me how it was like a carry on film listening to me and then the bed hitting the wall.
I'd been induced by 3 pessery tablets by this point and the contractions were getting very strong but the midwife didn't believe me and on the monitor the numbers didn't go up high either. So here she comes with 2 paracetamol I wasn't impressed and shouted to my oh ( on a ward with 3 other women) that she should of just gave me fucking calpol
. Then my waters suddenly went on the bed and so I told OH to get her, she comes back and says ill ring delivery to see if there is a bed available. While she left I suddenly started to get the need to push so I did while making stupid whale noises as I was in agony. Another midwife who was working downstairs in delivery walked passed and heard me so came rushing round the curtain in the ward as I'm pushing. Her response was oh dear we need to go and then arguing with the one who had gone to see if there was a bed. Looking back it was so funny. Then all I remember I was pushing down and there telling me to stop. Both the midwives grabbed the big heavy bed and were pushing it out the ward but hit the door frame instead with some force, I shouted that u wanted to me to stop pushing but your gonna force the baby out by bashing my bed instead Lol. Anyway they get the bed into the lift ( this was 6pm in the hospital and visiting hours so people were everywhere seeing me pushing my daughter out )
The lift had a glass mirror in it and I could see everything when my legs were bent up under the sheet I shouted again its her fucking head omg it's her head. Once out of the lift boy could these midwives run with a bed. My baby girl was born 1 minute later in a delivery room
Once I had gone back up to the ward with baby Emily, the other women on the ward was telling me how it was like a carry on film listening to me and then the bed hitting the wall.
I spent all day yesterday and last night reading every page of this Thread. Hilarious. I'll add one of my own.
I was laboring in triage with my 3rd child, had just been checked and was only at a 3. I had to use the restroom so I got up and waddled down the hall. Did my business and that is when my water broke. Right into the toilet. At first I had no idea what was going on, I just thought I couldn't stop peeing. It finally dawned on me what was going on after sitting there for the longest time gushing fluids.
I told the nurses in the hall that my water broke and they didn't believe me. They told me they'd send someone to check on me in a few minutes so I waddled back to the triage room and waited. Someone finally came in and I told her that my water broke. She looked at me like I was a complete moron and said my midwife only checked me a few minutes ago and that my water couldn't have gone already. I looked at her and said "are you serious!? What do you think I'm doing right now, gushing pee out of my body to make it look like my water broke?!"
She said it was impossible and 2 other nurses came in. They talked to each other about how there is no way my water broke already and that I was mistaken, in front of me... I started to get fed up with being called a liar and spoken to like I was stupid. So... during a huge contraction I angrily ripped the covers off of my body like a she-hulk, spread my legs, and yelled "then what the hell is this you dimwits!?". They looked over to see my waters gushing out of me like a dang waterfall all over the bed. They jumped as if they really were not expecting to see that. Then, one of them said "well, we still need to get a sample to confirm".
We had moved out of state for a year so I had never been to this hospital and had only met the midwives that worked there a few times before going into labor. After she said they needed a sample to confirm, I looked at my husband and said "oh that is it, we are going home, I want our stuff packed and us moved back NOW! I want my old hospital back! I refuse to deliver my baby with people who probably couldn't tell if I was pooping or crowning!"
One of the nurses laughed hysterically and said "I'm going to work on getting you a room. As soon as we do, would you like any pain meds for the pain?"
I decided she could stay after that, but the others had to leave. They left and the nurse who promised pain meds took my sample. My midwife came in a little later, maybe 10 ish minutes, and said that my waters did indeed break and that the sample confirmed it. I looked at her and said "noooo, you don't say!"
I was a grump, obviously. I had never had my water break so early and as soon as it did my labor became seriously intense.
Fast forward to finally getting a room. I asked the pain medicine nurse if I could have some yet, and she smiled with it already in her hand. I started to feel what ever it was just about immediately. My husband burst into laughter, as did the nurse, when my eyes glazed over and I started singing "BOOOORRRN FREEEEEE, FREEE AS THE WIIIIND BLOOWS!"
Fast forward again, contractions are worse, meds wore off (yet still a little loopy), epidural still pending, I was a mess. For some gosh awful reason, no one could figure out how to keep the door shut to my room. People just walked in and out of it without ever thinking to shut it. At one point, a random man walked by and saw me yelling and moaning in pain, quickly turned his head away, and that is when I realized my gown was open. I flipped. I yelled out to the nurses and midwives in the hall "DO YOU PEOPLE THINK WE ARE ON A FARM!!! CAN'T ANYONE FIGURE OUT HOW TO SHUT A FRACKING DOOR! I DON'T WANT RANDOM PEOPLE WALKING BY TO SEE MY ANGRY VAGINA!"
I was laboring in triage with my 3rd child, had just been checked and was only at a 3. I had to use the restroom so I got up and waddled down the hall. Did my business and that is when my water broke. Right into the toilet. At first I had no idea what was going on, I just thought I couldn't stop peeing. It finally dawned on me what was going on after sitting there for the longest time gushing fluids.
I told the nurses in the hall that my water broke and they didn't believe me. They told me they'd send someone to check on me in a few minutes so I waddled back to the triage room and waited. Someone finally came in and I told her that my water broke. She looked at me like I was a complete moron and said my midwife only checked me a few minutes ago and that my water couldn't have gone already. I looked at her and said "are you serious!? What do you think I'm doing right now, gushing pee out of my body to make it look like my water broke?!"
She said it was impossible and 2 other nurses came in. They talked to each other about how there is no way my water broke already and that I was mistaken, in front of me... I started to get fed up with being called a liar and spoken to like I was stupid. So... during a huge contraction I angrily ripped the covers off of my body like a she-hulk, spread my legs, and yelled "then what the hell is this you dimwits!?". They looked over to see my waters gushing out of me like a dang waterfall all over the bed. They jumped as if they really were not expecting to see that. Then, one of them said "well, we still need to get a sample to confirm".
We had moved out of state for a year so I had never been to this hospital and had only met the midwives that worked there a few times before going into labor. After she said they needed a sample to confirm, I looked at my husband and said "oh that is it, we are going home, I want our stuff packed and us moved back NOW! I want my old hospital back! I refuse to deliver my baby with people who probably couldn't tell if I was pooping or crowning!"
One of the nurses laughed hysterically and said "I'm going to work on getting you a room. As soon as we do, would you like any pain meds for the pain?"
I decided she could stay after that, but the others had to leave. They left and the nurse who promised pain meds took my sample. My midwife came in a little later, maybe 10 ish minutes, and said that my waters did indeed break and that the sample confirmed it. I looked at her and said "noooo, you don't say!"
I was a grump, obviously. I had never had my water break so early and as soon as it did my labor became seriously intense.
Fast forward to finally getting a room. I asked the pain medicine nurse if I could have some yet, and she smiled with it already in her hand. I started to feel what ever it was just about immediately. My husband burst into laughter, as did the nurse, when my eyes glazed over and I started singing "BOOOORRRN FREEEEEE, FREEE AS THE WIIIIND BLOOWS!"
Fast forward again, contractions are worse, meds wore off (yet still a little loopy), epidural still pending, I was a mess. For some gosh awful reason, no one could figure out how to keep the door shut to my room. People just walked in and out of it without ever thinking to shut it. At one point, a random man walked by and saw me yelling and moaning in pain, quickly turned his head away, and that is when I realized my gown was open. I flipped. I yelled out to the nurses and midwives in the hall "DO YOU PEOPLE THINK WE ARE ON A FARM!!! CAN'T ANYONE FIGURE OUT HOW TO SHUT A FRACKING DOOR! I DON'T WANT RANDOM PEOPLE WALKING BY TO SEE MY ANGRY VAGINA!"
In my last labor someone tried to hand me paracetamol and I went to town on them. I was 8cm dilated. My doula said she couldn't keep a straight face. I sounded like the nan that catherine tate did. "F*cking paracetamol"! Told her to go away with it.
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all the stories are hilarious! 
ladyluck8181
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In my last labour (#4) I was admitted to the postnatal ward because my waters had broken but I wasn't in active later, I was also preterm (36weeks). Around 12.30am contractions started hard and fast so the midwife decided to stick me on the monitor as she didn't want to examine me in fear of infection, 20 minutes later she comes back in to tell me my very painful contractions were not regular and I was not in established labour. By now I was crying at her telling her I was in labour and I needed to go to the delivery suite and I needed my husband 
She told me she would go speak to the doctor to see if she could get me some pethidine to make me sleep as it was now nearly 1am.
Whilst she did this I decided to go to the toilet which was about 100 metres up the corridor from my room, big mistake. Once I sat down I realised that the pressure I was feeling wasn't just a need to go pee, and my god I couldn't get back up so I thought I'd press the emergency call button. I found out at this point you can't actually reach if you are sat down on the bog
I eventually managed to pull myself up using the disabled hand rail, started walking very slowly back to my room, then I felt it so slow the babies head so clever cow here instead of rushing back to my room, nooooooo I walked back to the toilet and sat back down 
5 minutes of speculating that something was happening and I finally got up inbetween contractions and made it back to my room. I got on my knees on the bed and I was holding onto the headboard, I pressed the nurse call button and told them that I thought baby was coming. I got tutted at and told a dr was on the way to discuss something to make me sleep, 5 minutes later I realised I was pushing so with all common sense having left the building, instead of pushing the call button next to me, I started screaming for help (god bless all those new mummies that had just got their newborns to sleep) about 7 people ran in the room! The midwife came back and said she would like to examine me then they would take me to the delivery ward, at this point I rang DH off my mobile to tell him to get to the hospital now, we lived opposite the hospital so a 5 minute walk to get to me.
Needless to say she took my pj's bottoms off and said I would not be going delivery suite because she could see the head
I started pushing again and at that point all I could think to do was to grab the babies head trying to hold it in saying 'that she has to stay in there because he's going to miss it'. Surprisingly, it didn't work and 2 pushes later she was born at 1.15am exactly weighin 5lb12oz!
Hubby walked into the postnatal ward to be told congratulations by another nurse and he actually thought she had got him confused with somebody else as I had sounded so calm on the phone, until he walked in and I was there cuddling our new daughter.#
Looking back now it was hilarious, and I wish the whole thing had been captured on camera lol, in my notes my established labour was documented as 22 minutes
She told me she would go speak to the doctor to see if she could get me some pethidine to make me sleep as it was now nearly 1am.Whilst she did this I decided to go to the toilet which was about 100 metres up the corridor from my room, big mistake. Once I sat down I realised that the pressure I was feeling wasn't just a need to go pee, and my god I couldn't get back up so I thought I'd press the emergency call button. I found out at this point you can't actually reach if you are sat down on the bog
I eventually managed to pull myself up using the disabled hand rail, started walking very slowly back to my room, then I felt it so slow the babies head so clever cow here instead of rushing back to my room, nooooooo I walked back to the toilet and sat back down 5 minutes of speculating that something was happening and I finally got up inbetween contractions and made it back to my room. I got on my knees on the bed and I was holding onto the headboard, I pressed the nurse call button and told them that I thought baby was coming. I got tutted at and told a dr was on the way to discuss something to make me sleep, 5 minutes later I realised I was pushing so with all common sense having left the building, instead of pushing the call button next to me, I started screaming for help (god bless all those new mummies that had just got their newborns to sleep) about 7 people ran in the room! The midwife came back and said she would like to examine me then they would take me to the delivery ward, at this point I rang DH off my mobile to tell him to get to the hospital now, we lived opposite the hospital so a 5 minute walk to get to me.
Needless to say she took my pj's bottoms off and said I would not be going delivery suite because she could see the head
I started pushing again and at that point all I could think to do was to grab the babies head trying to hold it in saying 'that she has to stay in there because he's going to miss it'. Surprisingly, it didn't work and 2 pushes later she was born at 1.15am exactly weighin 5lb12oz! Hubby walked into the postnatal ward to be told congratulations by another nurse and he actually thought she had got him confused with somebody else as I had sounded so calm on the phone, until he walked in and I was there cuddling our new daughter.#
Looking back now it was hilarious, and I wish the whole thing had been captured on camera lol, in my notes my established labour was documented as 22 minutes
when I was being induced first time at one point I was laying on my side, every time the midwife went to check me I fated. I had no control over it . Never happened in two labors after that but the contractions made me fart in my first.
hayz_baby
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I had really bad constipation with lo and during the later days found it really uncomfortable pooing. When the midwife checked me she said to try and go as she could feel me blocked up. I was convinced I was going to poo myself. Anyway fast forward to pushing (which was over 2 hours btw) as the head was crowning (I had to have a local down there as I had an episiotomy and ventouse delivery) it felt like I was pooing, it really annoyed me but for some reason I couldn't get the poo out so I asked the midwife to get rid of it for me. I was told there was no poo just baby. So yer I asked the midwife to get rid of half pushed out poo... Tht wasn't even there....
tinkerbelle93
2 little boys :)
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Mine was only 3 weeks ago,
I'd been induced by 3 pessery tablets by this point and the contractions were getting very strong but the midwife didn't believe me and on the monitor the numbers didn't go up high either. So here she comes with 2 paracetamol I wasn't impressed and shouted to my oh ( on a ward with 3 other women) that she should of just gave me fucking calpol
Then my waters suddenly went on the bed and so I told OH to get her, she comes back and says ill ring delivery to see if there is a bed available. While she left I suddenly started to get the need to push so I did while making stupid whale noises as I was in agony. Another midwife who was working downstairs in delivery walked passed and heard me so came rushing round the curtain in the ward as I'm pushing. Her response was oh dear we need to go and then arguing with the one who had gone to see if there was a bed. Looking back it was so funny. Then all I remember I was pushing down and there telling me to stop. Both the midwives grabbed the big heavy bed and were pushing it out the ward but hit the door frame instead with some force, I shouted that u wanted to me to stop pushing but your gonna force the baby out by bashing my bed instead Lol. Anyway they get the bed into the lift ( this was 6pm in the hospital and visiting hours so people were everywhere seeing me pushing my daughter out )
The lift had a glass mirror in it and I could see everything when my legs were bent up under the sheet I shouted again its her fucking head omg it's her head. Once out of the lift boy could these midwives run with a bed. My baby girl was born 1 minute later in a delivery room
Once I had gone back up to the ward with baby Emily, the other women on the ward was telling me how it was like a carry on film listening to me and then the bed hitting the wall.
Hahaa oh that's hilarious! And that showed the midwife who didn't believe you were properly in labour lol! xx
lov3hat3
Mummy to lil J, Preggo #2
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After squeezing my sisters and best friends hands until they bled they needed a bit of a break so they switched with the midwives but I was soo drugged up I didn't know they switched a I got a really bad contraction and ending up biting the midwifes hand
when I was being wheeled of to the pool room that I didn't want I was hanging of the bed shoutin my nut of and smacked my head on the door frame as the wheeled me in. I also remember singing the teletubby theme tune after they gave me my first shot of pethadine
when I was being wheeled of to the pool room that I didn't want I was hanging of the bed shoutin my nut of and smacked my head on the door frame as the wheeled me in. I also remember singing the teletubby theme tune after they gave me my first shot of pethadine
siobhankerry
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i had been in labour a good 8 hours before i agreed to have any pain relief somi took gas n air just to take th edge off & OMFG lol i was high as a freakin kite, i just remember eyeing up the nurse everytime she came to my right side too check on little ones heartbeat & just like watching her like a hawk all over the room haha, as high as i was i stil managed t hear certain things in conversation & i just rememeber hearing the MW telling my fiance and my mum that i was making her uncomfy and a little frightend haha , i guess what i thought was just innocent intreiged watching , was actually a frightening, death , gonna rip your lungs out kinda stare ..OOOOOPSIEEEE xo
bamm
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I had a male midwife - and in typical male fashion he decided to take a newspaper and go off to the restroom, but basically as soon as he'd left my epi wore off and was in ridiculous pain from dd being posterior, and there was all of a sudden about 2-3 obs/epi guys in the room, then when my MW came back in the look of absolute panic on his face was priceless! 
We still laugh about how scared he looked, bet he hasn't spent as long on the can while on the job since!
We still laugh about how scared he looked, bet he hasn't spent as long on the can while on the job since!
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I had been pushing for about half an hour as he just wasn't coming under the pubic bone? I think when I asked the midwife if she could just put her hand up there and pull him out! She just said sorry but I can't do that for you.
& before that I had been very quiet during my whole labour, hadn't made a sound just breathed on the gas & air or bit it and my OH goes you can make a sound you know? -_- I gave him that look and he backed off haha I just didn't wanna make a sound had no desire too lol the only time I did was when he crowned and it stung like anything & I wiggled to get through it haha the midwife found it hilarious!
when I asked the midwife if she could just put her hand up there and pull him out! She just said sorry but I can't do that for you. & before that I had been very quiet during my whole labour, hadn't made a sound just breathed on the gas & air or bit it and my OH goes you can make a sound you know? -_- I gave him that look and he backed off haha I just didn't wanna make a sound had no desire too lol the only time I did was when he crowned and it stung like anything & I wiggled to get through it haha the midwife found it hilarious!
lunarsea
Mother & Expecting No. 2!
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Oh, I meant to add this earlier, this was not actually during the delivery of my son, but the delivery of the placenta.
After they had taken my son to be cleaned up on a nearby table and the doctor was tugging a bit on the placenta to encourage its delivery, it finally was out and the first thing my doctor did was hold it up to me and say, "This is the placenta, some women fry it and eat it!"
He then placed it into the pan to be taken away so casually as if he hadn't just told me something really unusual for just having been in shock seeing my son's head poking out of my vagina and nearly passing out lol.
Then again, this was the same doctor who told me about some porn where the guy's penis could be seen via abdominal ultrasound.
That was just weird
I have a different doctor this time, which I'm sorta glad about, but I do miss the amusement of the weird things that doctor used to say
After they had taken my son to be cleaned up on a nearby table and the doctor was tugging a bit on the placenta to encourage its delivery, it finally was out and the first thing my doctor did was hold it up to me and say, "This is the placenta, some women fry it and eat it!"
He then placed it into the pan to be taken away so casually as if he hadn't just told me something really unusual for just having been in shock seeing my son's head poking out of my vagina and nearly passing out lol.
Then again, this was the same doctor who told me about some porn where the guy's penis could be seen via abdominal ultrasound.
That was just weird
I have a different doctor this time, which I'm sorta glad about, but I do miss the amusement of the weird things that doctor used to say
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i love these stories they always make me laugh
lunarsea
Mother & Expecting No. 2!
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He sounds wicked - I really like people who drop out random things like that, it just makes me smile
Looking back on it, I find the timing hilarious, but at the time I was just in completely shock as it was so it was like, now of all times?!
tinkerbelle93
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This thread is kind of making me lose faith in midwives though.. there's too many stories of 'They tutted, eye-rolled and refused to believe I was even in labour... 7 minutes later the head was half-out'!! I hear so many of these kinds of stories, surely they should know!
Kitana2010
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So when I was pregnant, one of the things my hubby and I wondered most about would be lo's hair color. I have very light blonde hair, and my husband has very dark brown hair. And since dark hair is more "dominant" I assumed our son would have the same.
So while I was pushing, one of the nurses goes "Oh my gosh! Look at that blonde hair!" I stopped mid push and gaped at her and very calmy asked "Really? Blonde? Like a light blonde, or a darker blonde?" The doctor looked up at me dumbfounded and went "I dont know dear, he went back in. Push again and you can see for yourself!" LOL. The nurses teased me the rest of my stay about that.
Another little tidbit my mother and hubby thought were funny, was during the pushing phase - the nurse kept saying "bare down like you have to poo. You'll feel like you have to poo" and she kept repeating herself. It was getting a little irritating so finally I looked her dead in the eye and said "NO. it does NOT feel like I have to poo. I know EXACTLY where that pressure is coming from, and its NOT my butt!"
My Embarrising story..
On my 2nd night at the hospital, OH and I took a nap in the early afternoon while lo spent some time in the nursery. During this time, my OB's stand-in (a VERY attractive older gentleman) popped in to check on me. I have no idea how long he was standing there, or if he had tried to wake me - but somehow, I woke up and saw him standing at the foot of the bed with a confused look on his face. He quickly shook it off, smiled at me and asked how I was doing. It wasn't until he was on his way out that I realized the ENTIRE side of my face and pillow (and even down my neck a bit) was coated in DROOL! ughhhh!!! LOL
edited for one more -
I was induced (which was stalling due to being dehydrated) so after about 8hrs of extremely painful early labor (where contractions were coming 1-3mins apart) I opted for the epidural. After that kicked in, I felt great. Hubby and I were watching TV, having laughs with the staff, and napping. However, about 5hrs into the epidural (and WELL into full blown active labor) I started to hear this odd beeping sound. I ignored it for a while, I didn't want to disturb my hubby who was napping - I assumed lo's monitor lost his heartbeat again and a nurse would be in soon to fix it. But that didn't happen.. it started to really bother me, so I started looking all over the room and realized the beeping.. was coming from the epidural machine behind me..
I went into full blown panic mode. I had no idea how much time I had left. I screamed my DH's name. He shot up off the couch and all I could get out was "EPIDURALS OUT! GET HELP!"
He RAN out of the room, and a few moments later a nurse came RUNNING in (looking just as panic'd as I) with a fresh bag. Never in the 10 years I've been with my husband have I seen him move that fast. LOL
So while I was pushing, one of the nurses goes "Oh my gosh! Look at that blonde hair!" I stopped mid push and gaped at her and very calmy asked "Really? Blonde? Like a light blonde, or a darker blonde?" The doctor looked up at me dumbfounded and went "I dont know dear, he went back in. Push again and you can see for yourself!" LOL. The nurses teased me the rest of my stay about that.
Another little tidbit my mother and hubby thought were funny, was during the pushing phase - the nurse kept saying "bare down like you have to poo. You'll feel like you have to poo" and she kept repeating herself. It was getting a little irritating so finally I looked her dead in the eye and said "NO. it does NOT feel like I have to poo. I know EXACTLY where that pressure is coming from, and its NOT my butt!"
My Embarrising story..
On my 2nd night at the hospital, OH and I took a nap in the early afternoon while lo spent some time in the nursery. During this time, my OB's stand-in (a VERY attractive older gentleman) popped in to check on me. I have no idea how long he was standing there, or if he had tried to wake me - but somehow, I woke up and saw him standing at the foot of the bed with a confused look on his face. He quickly shook it off, smiled at me and asked how I was doing. It wasn't until he was on his way out that I realized the ENTIRE side of my face and pillow (and even down my neck a bit) was coated in DROOL! ughhhh!!! LOL
edited for one more -
I was induced (which was stalling due to being dehydrated) so after about 8hrs of extremely painful early labor (where contractions were coming 1-3mins apart) I opted for the epidural. After that kicked in, I felt great. Hubby and I were watching TV, having laughs with the staff, and napping. However, about 5hrs into the epidural (and WELL into full blown active labor) I started to hear this odd beeping sound. I ignored it for a while, I didn't want to disturb my hubby who was napping - I assumed lo's monitor lost his heartbeat again and a nurse would be in soon to fix it. But that didn't happen.. it started to really bother me, so I started looking all over the room and realized the beeping.. was coming from the epidural machine behind me..
I went into full blown panic mode. I had no idea how much time I had left. I screamed my DH's name. He shot up off the couch and all I could get out was "EPIDURALS OUT! GET HELP!"
He RAN out of the room, and a few moments later a nurse came RUNNING in (looking just as panic'd as I) with a fresh bag. Never in the 10 years I've been with my husband have I seen him move that fast. LOL
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