funny/ embarrasing labour stories

[Paperhearts]

^^ LOL omg. I probably would have been a little freaked out and laughing at the same time. Wow!

I was so embarrassed! Haha. I felt like I was being a big old drama queen or something. LOL

 

[Attalu]

These stories are the best, I'm trying so hard not to laugh because my ds is sleeping next to me
I was far too delirious on gas & air to remember most of the idiotic things I said. One thing I remember is that every time my mw walked in the room I'd have trouble remembering who she was, any time she came back to me I'd demand she introduce herself and then make her listen to me apologise for forgetting her and then I'd ramble on about how much I loved her.

The one other thing that happened was during the pushing stage. Baby's head was crowning, it was so painful I thought his entire head was out, so I asked 'is his head out?' I was told 'no' by my mw to which I responded 'just push him back in, I'll stay pregnant forever!' Mw said something like 'it doesn't work like that' so I yelled at her to 'make it work like that!'

 

[Ivory Doll]

I remembered last night that I was very angry at my midwife because she turned off the tv when Jeremy Kyle was on and I didn't get to find out whether the guy was the father or not!! At about 6cm dilated I'm not sure why I cared!!

 

[Mahas]

I had been telling dh to accompanyme in the labor room if it was a normal delivery but he blankly refused, every time I uttered the word... Due to low liquor and breech presentation I had to have an emergency c-sec with my daughter... Once at the hospital, my dh went bonkers and insisted that he be there in the op theatre with me... It took us around 15 mins to forcefully hold him back and also threaten him with immediate discharge of the patient (poor ol' me) to agree that he would stay right outside the theatre during the operation!!!

I was very stressed but my dr and the ops theatre staff had a good laugh about it and one of them even said that I was really lucky to have such a caring husband

 

[new_to_ttc]

ladies!!

With my first I had a retained placenta, so labored naturally with G&A and pethidine, but was then given a spinal block and taken to surgery to have the placenta removed! And when I came too (was out of it on the pethidine lol) I had 2 male surgeons standing either side of me one rubbing my belly, the other with his hand in places I don't want to think about sorting the placenta - and they were chatting away about their golfing weekend!!! In my dilarious state I asked them if I would have to go golfing with them or if they would finish me off first! the room erupted with laughter, and as I thought it was a serious question I just couldn't work out the joke lol

With my 2nd I was adamant I was not getting on the bed. I was 14days over due and on my 3rd induction attempt and contractions had been consistant for a few hours by now. I had G&A but no way would I get on the bed and I was leaning on the bed table each contractions, but I had no idea it was facing the wrong way and as it was on wheels I was actually moving further and further down the corridor just pushing this table lol.. eventually the MW convinced me to sit down while she turned the table round and putting it against the bed so the wheels couldn't roll lol..... soon after I I didn't know I had legs and they made me get on the bed but they did giggle at me lol

 

[want2bemommy]

Omg I just read through all 65 pages in one sitting- laughing so hard I'm getting cramps...

 

[rollachick]

Its taken me over a week but ive finally read all the pages, and what a laugh they were. Got 5months till we see if i have anything to add now to get back to reading the rest of the topics ive missed out on

 

[despttc]

Just a month more for me! Lets see if I'll have anything to add to this thread

 

[Perplexed]

I don't think mine are as funny as the ones I've read on here but here we go:

- When I got gas and air, suddenly the labor room felt really wide and spacious, and sunny! And the view was really amazing. I made sure DH knew that I thought the view was amazing.
- I suddenly started yelling "our poor moms went through this!" and I still remember DH's expression when I said that... it was half shock half "she's high isn't she"
- DH wanted a huff from my gas and air because he wanted to know why I was so into it, I gave it to him between contractions then quickly yanked it away from him because "I NEED IT"
- DH was annoyed with the night midwife bc she was making fun of him all the time, the one who came in the morning was nice, cheerful and energetic. He appreciated her attitude and said something about how energetic she is, and in between breathing in the gas and air I told her that I, too, enjoyed her energy and that it was helping me through everything. I'm pretty sure she didn't think I was serious but I actually was but I don't actually remember her response.
- At some point mom and DH were discussing the contraction "strength" on the monitor in between them, and I just told them to stop because I didn't want to know. As if not knowing the "number" would make it hurt any less!
- After pethidine I would sleep and wake up to someone else holding my GA (either DH or mom). Mom was saying, "are you sure it's okay to keep using it in between contractions?" to which I immediately said, "yes of course it is!" (and at that exact moment, of course it would be LOL)
- For some reason, the cafeteria lady has to come and get my meal order. DH had just had his breakfast delivered and she came to me to take my order for the day. I was already in active labor at this point with gas and air. I just remember saying "I don't want anything," (funny is that later in the day I asked the midwife if there were any juices available LOL but it was because I felt really hot at some point). I was worried that I was mean to the cafeteria lady because I remember thinking, "what...she's been here for a few minutes already, SURELY she's heard me screaming in pain and could assume I probably wasn't in any condition to eat or pick out food for lunch and dinner". But my mom assured me that I was still nice to everyone.

I loved being in labor I want more babies. This is probably the gas and air talking, though.

 

[iBeach]

Soooooooooo funny!

I had such a great laugh over your stories....!!!

Love them all.

 

[proudparent88]

So for my first labor I went in the hospital at 6 am I wasn't supposed to have the baby for two more days as the doctor was going to induce me. But the night of the 11th I lost my mucus plug and was having contractions all night long. When I got there they did the normal weighing me and things and the one nurse said to me "You don't look like you are in that much pain." I yelled at her telling her to go get knocked up and go through this and to find me and I would tell her that! just a few min later she told me my contractions were three min apart which I already knew because I had been timing them all nigh. Later my dr was in surgery of another woman and the baby was crowning the nurse says "Don't push" "What the hell do you want me to do suck him back up there?!" was my reply just as he started to come out dr runs in as he is getting the weird gown on first just in time to catch baby!

 

[proudparent88]

I was quite pleased that despite a few random noises through labour I kept quite calm..........It was when they started to stitch me up that I lost the plot.....

I think I went to town on the old gas & air (my bestest friend!) I came out with such phrases as...
<looking straight at the midwife with my most serious face> "Y'know, in the weirdest way possible; this is just like being at the dentist" She just nodded and smiled politely
"Are you using knitting wool to do these stitches?"
When she told me to be still so she could check the stitches I went "Like when the hairdresser checks the sides are even?" She just responded with "This is one haircut you wouldn't want to be lop-sided so stay still"
And finally she announced that the last thing she had to do was check none of the stitches had gone too deep by putting her finger up my bum (TMI- Sorry!) anyway she did it as she did I pointed and shouted at my OH "And don't you dare get any ideas" and laughed very loud, then rememberred my mum was sat next to me.....I also kept telling them that was the worst bit of giving birth and that I felt violated....whilst laughing away to myself............yea I love gas and air!!!!!

When I had my first I got a lot of stiches the guy I was dating at the time was watching the dr stitch me up and loudly yelled "He is using a fishing hook!" I was mortified. My mom was there and the nurses and doctor just kind of looked at me I couldn't do anything but cover my face with my hands!

 

[proudparent88]

you ladies know that first moment you hold your baby, the first thought you ever had when the baby is there on your chest.

Mine went.
"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Oh thank god she has 10 fingers"

i never once thought during my pregnancy anything to do with fingers or toes, its never crossed my mind, nor did it cross my mind during labour. But i'll never forget it was the first thing i did, before looking at her face or anything. Once i did it i thought to myself "well that was a weird thing to think of the moment you first saw your baby"

I've never admitted this to anyone, no magical rush of love just a need to count her digits.

Labour made me so delirious.

Haha that was the first thing I asked. I had a c-section so they showed him over top of the curtain and took him away. I said "does he have all his fingers and toes"

Haha looking back on it now it's pretty silly.

With my first as he was coming out the first words out of my mouth were "Does he have hair" my mom and everyone else thought it was just completely hilarious.

My second I felt really guilty after thinking what I did the first time I saw him. In a way I think I was still angry over him causing me so much fear throughout my pregnancy and I thought to myself "he isn't very cute...." I totally hate myself for that now cause he was a beautiful baby and is still a beautiful little boy... Sounds horrible for a mom to say about her own child I know that makes me a horrible person....

 

[Kanichen34]

So my little girl was born 5 days overdue in an unplanned home birth.

It started the night before when I told hubby I was getting cramps - he timed them and worked out they were contractions - to which my comment was 'if these are contractions I'm not sure what all the fuss is about'. Hubby's response was 'yeah well you have such a high pain threshold you'll probably not realise you're in labour and have this baby on the bathroom floor!' So he totally jinxed it!!

We went to bed, 8am we went to hospital and was sent home as I was only 2cm. Spent the day napping, bouncing on my ball, going for a walk etc.

Gets to 730pm and contractions are a bit more painful so on goes the tens machine. Hubby had to pop over his parents to check their car battery (they didn't know I was in labour). As I hear him drive away my waters break on the loo and I threw up everywhere.

He gets home 45 min later and I am on the bathroom floor on all 4s in just my bra shouting at him that I'm sorry about the mess. He hates sick and was stood there going oh god how am I going to clear this up? So mid contraction I'm giving the man cleaning instructions!!

Phoned L&D who said to call an ambulance. Once the paramedics arrived they asked us to call a midwife (you really would have thought L&D would have done that automatically!)

Midwife arrives and as she's walking up the stairs goes 'oh now there's a sight!' As all she can see is my rear up in the air. Male paramedic then informs her there has been some 'rectal winking' - que hole in the ground please! She checks, discovers I am 10cm and announces she wants me off the floor and on my bed. Paramedic says oh no you'll drop blood on the carpet - which I told her was the least of my worries!!!

Male paramedic lifts me to the bed. DD is born after 25 mins of pushing. We're all cooing over her, paramedics saying its made their night, placenta is delivered etc and midwife suddenly goes 'did anyone notice what time she was born?!' Can't believe out of 6 adults (3 paramedics, 1 mw and me and hubby) not one looked at the time! So her time of birth is an estimate! Second midwife arrives, to which I greet her with 'well you've missed the party!'

Next humorous bit is stitching me up - midwife #1 has to strap on a head torch and crouch between my legs (that's a sight that will stay with me forever!) and then calls mw #2 over and is asking 'can you look at this, I think this bit goes to there....' So not what you need to hear!! Note that the paramedics have gone by this point and taken the g&a with them!! So all I had was a local and it didn't provide full coverage!

At this point hubby walks in rubbing his shoulder. So I'm there, legs a kimbo having my second degree tear stitched and he asks if we have any painkillers as he was leant awkwardly on the bed with me during delivery. I believe my words were a very sarcastic 'oh poor baby' while the midwife is wetting herself at the end of the bed!

Then of course hubby starts ringing round. Now bear in mind he'd left their house 90 mins earlier with no mention of me being in labour MIL and FIL were a bit shocked to hear their granddaughter had arrived!! Lol.

Our guests the next day were asked to bring fresh sheets for our bed and were sent home with bags of towels to wash for us! Lol.

 

[proudparent88]

Oh wow I can't imagine having that happen! I think I would totally panic loved your reaction to your OH though about pain medicine! That is priceless! Congrats on your little one!

 

[Misscalais]

These stories are great.
I havent given birth yet - but I'm dreading it and here's why -
I say really inappopriate things when Im in uncomforatble situations, I've had to have 2 internals so far

The first one was a trainee doctor (he must have been still in uni) and when he put his fingers up me I said "Christ normally I atleast get a drink out of this" - I have NO idea why I said that but my OH looked horrified

The 2nd was an internal ultrasound and when the sonographer said its just a condom and some lube I said "I havent had this much fun since I was 16" - Again - NO idea why I said it.

My OH is cringing at what I'll be like already haha x

Bahahahahahaha!!!! Soo funny!!!

 

[mara16jade]

Lmao!!!

 

[despttc]

I was on gas and air. While pushing I got tired and said "It would be nice if I could continue the rest tomorrow"

 

[hayz_baby]

Haha.. When I was getting stitched up I had a nurse hoverin over the doctor going "mm wow.. Excellent.. Very good" complimenting his bloody stitch work.. I was a bit like I know what F off!!
By that point I had royally had enough of being manhandled and I REALLY did not like that doctor.. Only because his hands were HUGE!! My step mum still makes a joke about it to this day!

 

[AC1987]

Just roughly 2 months before I can be adding more to this thread