funny/ embarrasing labour stories

[mummyflanagan]

i think its funny my hubby still has a bald patch on his armpit ha x

 

[Kerri B]

Loving this thread ladies! I've just been catching up on this thread, some of your stories are so funny!

 

[beckiieboo]

i have been in tears reading these.. if any one could ee me now sitting in my front room laughing hysterically to myself they wil think I'm mad! lol


ohhh i love this thread! love BandB you girls sure now how to make people smile n laugh

xx

 

[MrsK]

these are all great! Makes me wonder what i'll be like in labor. My midwife is actually a close friend, so I'm afraid of completely embarrassing myself and then having to face her again in "real life"!

I haven't given birth yet, so I don't have any stories of my own... but I was at my best friend's birth a few months ago. She got an epidural, and was a bit loopy at times. Once she made her mom check her legs and asked "Do they feel funny to you? They feel very funny to me."

 

[TVG]

Thank you so much everyone for sharing your stories, fabulous!!!! I'm at work on nightshift and had to cover my mouth as I was laughing so hard!!!!

 

[lrxjessica]

I tend to crack jokes when I'm in pain or nervous so I'm sure a lot came out but I don't remember much. But I do remember cracking up the doctor and nurses during my c section. I remember going into the operation room and seeing that operating table that looks like a cross laying down..arms out, legs straight. I said "I came here to have a baby, not be crucified". Laughter and weird looks with that one. Then after they took my son out and were closing me up..the anesthesiologist gave me something that made me feel really loopy and relaxed..and I told him 'You are cool, I like you. Just keep giving me what you just gave me and we'll be okay".

Oh and I kept saying "what stinks, something stinks" to my husband and the nurse next to my head. Then I remembered I had the oxygen mask on and I was like "Oh, oxygen stinks..".

 

[SIEGAL]

I wasnt in labor but I thought it was funny so I would share....I was having some minor surgery and all loopy from some sort of drugs and I was in law school at the time and they asked me what kind of law I was studying as they were preparing for my surgery and I smiled at them and said "medical malpractice (not true)" and giggled. They DID NOT find it funny - They all just stared at me (Dr.'s in the US have it hard with lawsuits).

 

[Kasia]

OMG I'm at work and should not be reading these! I started laughing so hard I was farting uncontrollably and peed myself

 

[SIEGAL]

OMG I'm at work and should not be reading these! I started laughing so hard I was farting uncontrollably and peed myself

ahh...the joys of pregnancy!!

 

[bmuir11207]

I'm loving reading these I needed a good laugh!

I didn't have labour as I had an emergency section at 27 weeks so I don't really have much of a story - but I do remember asking DH constantly if he was sure that my legs were not in the air when I was lying on the operating table, because I really really felt like they were! Then when they rolled me off the operating table back onto the bed, I got the giggles, for some reason - I have no idea why, and it was highly inappropriate really considering how premature Sophie was and what a traumatic time I'd just been through with her!

xx

i can relate to this because i had a c-section this had me laughing so hard my 4 year old asked what i was laughing about LOL

 

[Skippy54]

brilliant!! Havent laughed so hard in ages! keep them coming ladies xx

 

[mummydeb]

well my labour was only 2hrs from start to finish as i was induced and 45mins of that was pushing so as you can imagine my contractions was very close together i told the mw they was to close together but due to not making any noise she didnt belive me this time i will scream lol then transition stage hit me i ran out into the hall and shouted i cant do this anymore much to all the staffs amusement must of thought i couldnt cope seen as it had only been half hour and then i told them i had to poo i really had to poo and was very much telling the whole world she said maybe you do but no it meant i was about to push lol while pushing i asked if i could scream (reason for this is when my sister gave birth they told her of for screaming so i was frightened to) i was very quiet through out or so i thought yet apparently they had never heard so many swear words come out of someones mouth before :/ i dont remember making a sound lol and although i did not have any drugs at all afterwards all i remember was being told i couldnt eat for several hours due to compliactions and i went on and on and on about the fact i was missing the turkey roast and it was the only decent dinner that they ever served i even begged a surgeon to please let me have the only decent dinner they served and even gave him my best pet lip

 

[prayingforkid]

I love these, cant wait to go into labor!

 

[Mrsturner]

I have been CRYING with laughter! I've just informed DH that G+A can make you say crazy things and now he cant wait! x

 

[lilly100]

thank you everyone for sharing your stories, they are great. I've just sat and read through the whole lot of them. Love it!

 

[tmt]

i'm not sure if this is very funny but....
my husband ordered in jimmy johns for dinner and sat on the couch eating VERY loudly while i was waiting for my epidural.
i glared at him and told him i hoped he choked and died on that sandwich.
the nurse then asked him to finish eating outside for my sake

This made me laugh pretty hard - this is something my OH would do and guaranteed I will have the EXACT same reaction as you did!!

 

[xBabyGoose]

aha these are brilliant!

 

[FeistyMom]

These stories are fabulous! Just what I needed to take my mind off work the past few days

To add a few of my own, although not as funny as some of the others!

With DD#1, I had gone in with what I thought was labor, but was sent home. 3 days later, when I actually WAS in labor, I was in denial because I didn't want to embarrass myself again. My hubby asked if he should stay home or go into the office (it was my due date, but his last day working that particular job). I told him to go ahead and go into work... Well, my mom and dad both showed up at my house a few hours later (oddly enough uncoordinated despite being married and living together...). I had been working on my laptop, and tracking contractions. Mom asked how they were, and I said oh you know - about 5 minutes apart, but no big deal. Well, she made lunch and I was thoroughly nauseated even by the thought, so they ate in one room while I was in another. Apparently this is when transition labor hit. My hubby called to check in on me, and I could not talk during contractions, just make noises like 'mmm hmm, uh huh' so he had NO idea I was in labor. I told him to stay at work! My dad finally came in and informed me we were going to the hospital because he was timing my contractions too, and they were 90 seconds apart! Mom drove me, and I am afraid to say I cussed her out almost the entire time! The words that came out of my mouth... And then proceeded to apologize in between contractions. At one point, she was unsure where the parking garage was - and I said VERY loudly 'HOW THE F**K DO YOU NOT KNOW WHERE IT IS!!!!! JESUS F'ING CHRI*T!!' followed by, 'omg, i'm so sorry mom. It is up on the right, just keep in this lane and then F*CK THIS HURTS'. We got to the hospital, I waved off a wheelchair (dumb idea), and then the nurses were going to put me in triage. Luckily, triage was full, so I went straight back to a labor room to wait. I went to the bathroom, and sure enough - waters break. It was a TON of water - had to be all of it, or so I thought... My mom grabbed a nurse, and they frantically assembled a team to admit me, put in an IV, notify my doctor, set up the delivery equipment... Meanwhile my father had phoned my hubby and hubby was speeding his way to the hospital. The next 10 minutes I alternated between demanding my epidural (nurse was very polite saying 'we'll get right on that', even though it was much too late), and informing them that if the baby crowned they had to put it back until my husband was there. Mixed with much profanity. My hubby arrived moments before the doc, and I was sooo happy to see him. I had planned on only having my hubby and the doc there when I delivered... the room was full of approximately 15 people - including my mom & dad! I didn't even realize they were there, and was told a few days later. Well, doctor rushes in, nurses hold up scrubs for him to basically run into like in a cartoon, and I got to push. I told them I didn't want to push because I was afraid I was going to tear... Doc kept saying that it wasn't going to happen (he lied - I tore), when LO crowned, I demanded that they either pull her out or push her back in, but she couldn't stay there. Doc politely told me it was my job to push her out She was delivered in a tidal wave of amniotic fluid - the doc was totally and completely drenched, through the scrubs and all. The nurses thought it was hilarious. He said 'its a girl' and hubby and I both said 'are you sure?' lol. We had been team yellow Doc apparently got cleaned up before delivering the placenta and stitching me up - I was totally unmedicated but completely out of it anyway with all the adrenaline and rush of things. I wasn't yet officially admitted to the hospital at the time of birth, and apparently everything went down in about 25 minutes. Afterward, my mom came over to me, and I remember the very first thing I said to her was... 'did you have a chance to get my clothes out of the bathroom???'. I was totally obsessed with making sure we didn't leave my clothes there, even though they were basically ratty old sweats!

I'll post my 2nd one later

 

[charlotte-xo]

I pooped myself is that funny enough how embarrasing. I was also asking to see pictures of my dog.
Also when the surgeon came to give me an episiotomy in order to get the ventouse and forcepes up he was really telling me off because i kept pulling my bum back because it reaaaally hurt and the midwife told me after that i actually told him to piss of otherwise i will take the knife and lob it at you lol. i always forget that part but ash likes to remind me that the surgeon wasnt impressed

 

[whirlwind]

... And then proceeded to apologize in between contractions. At one point, she was unsure where the parking garage was - and I said VERY loudly 'HOW THE F**K DO YOU NOT KNOW WHERE IT IS!!!!! JESUS F'ING CHRI*T!!' followed by, 'omg, i'm so sorry mom. It is up on the right, just keep in this lane and then F*CK THIS HURTS'.

That's hilarious!